When we arrived at Cartman's house, he quickly walked me over to his couch.
"Sit here and don't touch anything, I need to go to the store and get the hair dye, we already have a spray on tan kit here." He said.

I almost asked him why he had a spray on tan kit at his house but then I remembered who his mother was. As soon as Cartman walked out the door, I stood up and walked over to his DVD collection and started going through it despite his commandment not to touch anything.

"The Fox and the Hound." I muttered with a slight laugh at the first DVD that I picked up. After I looked through half of Cartman's DVDs I began to grow bored so I walked back and sat on the couch, not even a minute after, Cartman walked through the door with a plastic bag hooked around his meaty arm.

"Ah, it's good to see you haven't moved." Cartman said with a slightly wicked smile. Maybe it was a bad idea to come here, Cartman was crazy, maybe he was planning on murdering me or something. Oh snap out of it, you're beginning to sound like that nerd Tweek. I scolded myself.

"So, are you ready to get started?" Cartman asked pulling out a box of stuff to bleach my hair with.

"Ready as I'll ever be." I muttered. I shivered when Cartman squirted some of the stuff in my hair and it ended up running down my neck. It was cold, and it smelled, I couldn't wait for it to be over.

"Can I wash it out now?" I asked as soon as he had finished coating my hair in the cold, smelly liquid.

"No, you have to wait about thirty minutes." Cartman replied. I groaned; I really didn't want to keep this stuff in my hair for thirty minutes. As the time passed by, I began to grow more uncomfortable as the stuff started to become warm, but a comforting warm though, a burning warm. The odd part was it was also still cold. During the agonising wait, Cartman was calling from a pre-paid phone to tell the teachers and everyone about my switch with my cousin. I was really impressed on how well he could impersonate my mother's voice.
"Show time." Cartman said a few minutes after he had hung up the phone. I quickly raced into the restroom and started rinsing the horrid stuff out of my hair.

"Now, time for the hair cut." Cartman said bursting into the room while I was towel drying my hair.
"I'm not dressed yet!" I shrieked out, turning my naked self around to glare at Cartman.

"It's not like you don't have anything I haven't seen before." He smirked.

"What are you looking at?" I demanded, I could have sworn he was looking at my penis.

"Nothing, I just expected you to be bigger." He shrugged.

"That's because I'm not hard." I muttered. Even if I was fully hard, my seven incher would look tiny compared to my tall frame.

"Well, get dressed, we need to do this as quickly as possible." Cartman said leaving the bathroom so I could get dressed. When I left the restroom, Cartman sat me down in a chair and started chopping my hair. When he was done, I looked in the mirror and saw yellow/orange hair that was cut into choppy layers.

"I look like my little sister attacked my hair." I muttered.

"No dude, I googled surfer bums, that's how all the short haired guys were wearing their hair." He said.

"Now, time for that spray on tan." He said before I could reply. The tanning process felt weird, it was wet and cold.

"All done." Cartman said about ten minutes later. I looked into the mirror and saw a tan, blond haired, grey eyed boy staring back at me.

"Perfect." Cartman said standing back to admire his work. Then he started pulling something else out of the bag he had brought the hair stuff in with.

"Put these inside your shoes, they'll make you about two inches taller."

"Wait! I'm already six foot ten! I don't need to be taller!" I gasped out in shock; I didn't want to feel even more awkward than I already did about my height.

"It would be weird if you and your cousin were the same height and we both know we can't make you shorter." Cartman said firmly.

"Fine." I sighed putting the things in my shoes. After I stood up, Cartman started laughing.
"What's so funny?" I demanded.

"I was just thinking about how many of these Kahl would need to reach five feet." Cartman laughed harder with tears streaming down his round face. I rolled my eyes and told him to shut up.

"I'll be over tomorrow with your new wardrobe." Cartman said ushering me out the door after a slight awkward silence. I nodded and walked out the door to go to my house.

The next day, I arrived at school wearing blue shorts with a white design on the legs and a white polo shirt.

"Hey, you must be Craig's cousin." Clyde greeted me with a smile.
"Hey dude, yea, I'm Greg." I said, trying as hard as I could to sound like a surfer guy.

"What's with him?" I asked pointing to Kyle, who had just arrived and was feeling his way down the hall with his cane.

"He's blind, thanks to an accident caused by your cousin." Clyde said. It was probably my imagination, but I could swear he sounded pissed. When Kyle neared us, I quickly reached over and wrapped him in a tight hug.

"What the hell is going on?" He shouted out angrily. I didn't know what possessed me to do it, maybe it was his angry red face, or maybe it was the feelings I had been hiding for so long but I started kissing him passionately.

"What the hell is going on?" Kyle repeated after I had broken off the kiss, only this time he sounded more hurt than angry. I felt a strange wave of guilt and sadness wash over me when I saw that his eyes were filled with tears. He wasn't wearing his sunglasses so I could see the damage that I had done to him, he had scars on his face around his eyes, his eyes themselves were a dull shade of greyish green, not the bright vibrant green they once were.

"Put him down." Clyde said angrily and with a force I never knew he had, he pulled me into the washroom and slammed me against one of the stalls.

"What's the big idea?" I demanded angrily.

"You shouldn't have done that to Kyle." He said lowly.

"Why not?" I asked.

"First off, Kyle is very fragile, second off, he is still super timid after what happened off, third off Kyle only recognises the touch of very few people, if he doesn't recognise your touch he will flip out, fourth off, he is mine." Clyde answered with fury burning in his eyes.

"What do you mean yours?" I asked.

"He's my boyfriend." Clyde said flatly. I couldn't believe it; my best friend since I could remember was dating the object of my affection, and it took everything in my power not to break down right there.

"Craig never told me about that." I finally managed to mutter out.

"Craig didn't know, he hated those guys so I knew he wouldn't approve, and then after he accidentally blinded him, I knew that he would have even more reason for me to not be with him. I told Kyle to pretend like we weren't together at school, so that Craig wouldn't get upset." Clyde answered with a shrug.

"How long have you been with him?" I asked, struggling to keep my voice even. I was upset that Clyde was with Kyle, but not for the reason he thought.

"We started dating the summer after grade seven, so this summer on July twenty-eighth it will be three years." Clyde said dreamily.

"I guess now that Craig's not here you can come out to the school." I said trying to sound cheerful, but inside I was dying.

"Yea!" Clyde exclaimed happily. As he started to walk out the door, he stopped and turned around,

"If I ever see you do that to Kyle again, Craig is going to be short of a cousin."

With that, he was gone and I started crying, harder than I ever cried before. Tears poured out of my shaking body, it was like I haven't ever cried in my life and all my life worries started pouring out at once. I can honestly say that I can't ever remember crying before this, I wasn't a crier.

"What's wrong with you?" Cartman asked with slight shock, he was the last person I wanted to see me like this. Instead of making fun of me for being a cry baby though, he took me in his arms and started to rock me slowly.

"Tell me what's wrong." He said after I had calmed down a little.

"Clyde is with Kyle." I choked out. Cartman's eyes widened at this and he chuckled slightly.

"Hope isn't lost Greg, couples break up, and you still have a chance." Cartman said with an evil gleam in his eyes. I then instantly knew what he meant; I had to break Clyde and Kyle up. I smiled wickedly at the plan forming in my head and I didn't feel guilty at all.

When I walked out of the washroom, I could see Stan angrily shoving books into his locker.

"Go see why Stan has sand in his vagina." Cartman said from behind me.

"Why? I hate Stan." I said flatly.

"No, Craig hates Stan, you're Greg, and if you befriend Stan then no one will suspect you." Cartman said with a wicked grin.

"Fine, I suppose I could go talk to him." I sighed as I started to walk towards Stan.

"Hey dude, what's wrong?" I asked when I reached him. Stan whipped around and gave me a cold glare,

"What the hell do you want?" He asked angrily.

"What's your problem?" I retorted; he had no reason to act like a dick towards me.

"You're related to Craig."

"I hate Craig! Who cares if I'm related to him, I mean would you like someone to judge you because of someone who you were related to?" I demanded. I was so angry, how could Stan be so insensitive?

"No, I'm sorry, I'm Stan." Stan said holding out his hand. I reluctantly shook it, it was dry and rough.

"What's wrong?" I repeated.

"The teachers noticed that Kyle was having trouble getting around so Clyde asked if he could be like his guide or whatever and he switched all his classes to Kyle's." Stan replied bitterly.

"That's a problem because?"

"I am Kyle's super best friend, I want to be the one to help him, and I know Clyde has been his boyfriend for like ever, but I always like playing the hero for Kyle." Stan muttered slamming his locker door shut.

"Sorry about that, but I have to go to Science." I said and before Stan could reply I started to run off. I sighed slightly when I reached the room and saw Clyde sitting there, gazing at Kyle with love filling his eyes, he looked absolutely smitten. I rolled my eyes and pulled out a piece of paper to write Clyde a note to get my plan on the right track, first I would apologise to get him in my good graces and then I would begin my magic.

Dear Clyde,

I am sorry for kissing your boyfriend that is how we surfers from Florida greet all the disabled people, I hope we can still be friends.

Sincerely,

Greg.

I wadded up the paper and threw it towards his desk; I smiled when it landed perfectly on there.

"Please stop throwing stuff." Mr Melvin said timidly. Clyde looked around before picking up the wadded piece of paper and reading it, I looked over at Kyle, who was reading a Braille book, while Clyde was writing his response.

"What are you reading?" I asked Kyle.

"Outerbridge Reach." He replied with a light smile. I was about to ask him what it was about when a crumpled piece of paper landed by the leg of my desk, I picked it up, anxious to see what Clyde had written.

Greg,

I suppose I could forgive you, just don't ever do it again, okay?

From,

Clyde.

I rolled my eyes slightly; I wasn't used to Clyde being such a tough guy, I mean he always seemed like a bit of a wimp to me. I didn't see what Kyle saw in him, I mean he was chubby, whiny, and ditzy. I was surprised that I hadn't noticed all of these flaws until now. I sighed and decided to write another letter to Clyde, to figure out exactly how he felt about Kyle.

Clyde,

How do you honestly feel about Kyle?

Sincerely,

Greg.

I threw the piece of paper at him and it ended up hitting him on the head.
"You're wasting paper." Kyle muttered.

"How did you know what I was doing?" I asked in shock.

"I can hear you ripping it out of your notebook and crumpling it up and throwing it." He replied with a shrug.

"I'm bored, it's not like Mr Melvin is going to teach us anything." I said, as if that would excuse my wasting paper. Kyle just replied by laughing and turned back to his book, a few minutes later I received my reply from Clyde.

Greg,

I love Kyle more than words can even begin to express, he is beautiful, intelligent, talented, and magnificent, and I mean words can't even begin to describe how amazing he is. He's the reason the sun rises every day, well, the reason my sun rises anyway. He is the light at the end of the deep dark tunnel that my life once was. I felt so unloved and unwanted before Kyle came along, I mean Bebe only dated me because she wanted shoes, sure we dated afterwards but it was all an act so Craig wouldn't know about me and Kyle. It was Kyle's idea to stay hidden, he didn't want to give Craig more of a reason to try and kill him. I wouldn't ever want anything to happen to Kyle, he is so precious and amazing and nothing short of wonderful, I love him so much. I could list all the reasons why I love him but that would take forever, plus there's not enough paper for that to fit on. Just know that I love him more than words could say.

Your Friend,

Clyde.

I was glad that the bell rang right then, I didn't want to write Clyde back when I could barely contain myself. I nearly broke down into tears when I saw Clyde wrap his arms protectively and lovingly around Kyle. I wanted more than anything to be the one in his place, I wanted to be the one to protect and love Kyle. I sighed and finally turned around to walk out the door to my next class. Half of me was glad I wouldn't be with Kyle in that class, I didn't want to see him with Clyde. A plan then formed in my head that would break them up much faster. I quickly raced into the washroom to text Clyde.

Florida sucks, it's so hot here. – Craig.

I clicked send and anxiously awaited for Clyde's reply, I was ready to get this show on the road.

I'm sorry dude, I met your cousin, and he's kind of cool. – Clyde.

I snickered at Clyde's reply; he thought I was kind of cool.

So, is there anything you want to tell me? - Craig.

Like what? – Clyde

About you and Kyle. – Craig.

How did you figure it out? – Clyde.

Someone texted me and sent me a picture of you two kissing, if you want to stay my friend then you better dump him! – Craig.

I smiled because I knew that Clyde would dump Kyle if it meant that our friendship depended on it.

No, I'm not going to dump Kyle; I love him more than anything. – Clyde.

What! I thought to myself, I totally did not expect that, Clyde had more balls and will power than people give him credit for.

I thought you were my friend. – Craig.

Friends don't give friends ultimatums. – Clyde.

The tardy bell then rang but I didn't care, breaking Kyle and Clyde up was more important.

I want to die every time I see him, seeing him with you makes it even worse, dump him or I'll kill myself. – Craig.

I knew it was a cheap shot to play the suicide card, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Don't do this Craig, please. – Clyde.

Dump him then, if you really cared about me you would dump him. – Craig.

But I love him so much, he's my light, I don't know what I would do without him. – Clyde.

Fine, do what you want, but remember, when I die it's going to be on your head! – Craig.

Fuck, stop acting so melodramatic, I spent my whole life being afraid of you when you're nothing but a weak willed sack of shit who is trying to threaten my relationship because you're insecure. - Clyde.

I gasped out at what he had just texted me, I could not believe that Clyde had actually sent that to me. I then decided to turn things a bit towards Kyle.

Fine, I won't kill myself, but if you don't dump Kyle, I will get someone to kill him. – Craig.

What the fuck? Why the hell would you do that? You're lucky I'm not in Florida right now or I would be beating your ass! – Clyde.

I told you, he makes me sick, I don't want him around us and I don't want him dating any of us. - Craig.

Then don't hang around us, oh and by the way, if you ever threaten to hurt Kyle again, I will show this conversation to the police and don't think I won't. I am letting you slide this time because you were once my friend but not anymore. I love Kyle and NOTHING is ever going to break us up. – Clyde.

I screamed internally when I read it before throwing my phone against the wall. I was glad it didn't break; it was a Nokia so I didn't exactly expect it to. I sighed and put my phone back in my pocket, I knew that I had to think of another way to break Clyde and Kyle up if I ever wanted Kyle to be mine.