Author's Note: I'd like to clarify that the previous chapter was just an outtake, pimping myself for the Fandom Gives Back. A great cause. Write for it. Bid on your favourite authors. Do both. I plan to! Okay, Big fucking reveal in this chapter. Again, Sonja was created by wordslinger and jkane180 betas me long time. I'd hump that bitches leg if she would let me. Actually, I'm pretty sure she would.

"What the fuck are you talking about, asshole?" I yelled at Jacob. Seriously? Toronto?? "So is Flanagan the real Bella after all?" Only the pathologically narcissistic refer to themselves in the third person, so I guess I could add a new mental dysfunction to my dance card, and my card was pretty fucking full already.

Chewing on my fingers, I turned to Edward. Before I could even utter a syllable, his arms were around me.

"I don't understand?"

"I know, baby. I'll get Carlisle to help you recover more memories before you have to face Charlie. After Jacob and I left, I'm pretty sure he called your mother. His thoughts revealed that he plans to have you discharged and transferred into alternative care by the end of the week."

"Fuck," I said because, well, fuck! In fact, "Shit and fuck and stuff! What kind of horror show is waiting for me back home?"

Edward ignored my rant. "But it gives us three more days to work on finding your mind."

"All the time in the fucking world." My face was hot from crying like a bitch. I buried it into Edward's cool chest, wiping my nose across his shirt. He seemed fond of my fluids, so I figured a little snot would make his fucking day. "That's for you," I clarified, pointing to the wet spot.

"Thank you," he said smoothly, wiping the remnants of my tears with his fingers. "I love you, Bella. I'm going to take care of you."

Jacob let out a sarcastic snort from the hallway. I peeked through the door and watched him unwind that ridiculous paper towel (Bounty) from its spindle and wrap it around Sonja's leg. Emmett was examining an unopened package, wearing his perpetual furrow of confusion.

"May I help you?" I asked the peanut gallery. Sonja smiled wildly, waving her index finger, meanwhile, Jacob did nothing to conceal the loathing in his expression. I supposed it didn't matter. I was pretty sure his volatile thoughts were directed towards Edward, which meant his inner musings were already on display. "Sure, sure. He'll be there forever. I've heard that song before." Jacob stood, using his height advantage over Edward to try to be menacing.

"Stop it." This so wasn't the time for histrionics of this sort.

"Try singing a different tune, Leech. How does the chorus go again?" He paused for dramatic effect. "Yeah, I'm leaving you again."

Oh my god! "You're such a douchebag," I muttered.

"At least I left her for her own protection... because I love her. You left her for the criminally insane." Edward motioned towards Sonja.

"Stop!" I had no time to deal with a pissing contest and these two beasts were practically foaming at the mouth for one. The two of them stared each other down, puffing up their chests like gorillas.

"There will be time for golden showers after I figure this shit out," I snapped, placing a hand on Jake's chest to hold him back. He covered my hand with his, his expression softening.

"Leave her alone, Dog."

"Nah. I don't leave Bella. That's what you do." Jake squeezed my hand, provoking the monster within Edward.

"Jake, don't..."

"I'll kill you. I should kill you for taking advantage of her." Edward's eyes blackened as he hissed at Jake, venom spilling out of the corners of his mouth.

Alright, it really was time to put a stop to this shit.

"Stop it!" I yelled and flashed my tits at the guys to get their attention. "Okay, raise your hand if you've fucked me."

The vampire and werewolf both looked at me with matching expressions of incredulity.

"Yeah, am I talking to myself?" Quite possibly... I channelled my best Samuel L. Jackson and repeated, "Raise your motherfucking hand if you've motherfucking fucked me!"

"We didn't..." Jake stammered.

"Bella, I made love to you," Edward said tenderly.

"Hands," I repeated. Both men reluctantly raised their hands.

"Well. There you go, then. Both of you took advantage of me. Everyone's equally at fault. Now can we calm the fuck down so that I can have a proper nervous breakdown over here?"

Edward bowed his face into my hair. "What can I do?"

I raised my eyebrow, and he smirked. "Are you wearing pretty panties for me?"

"No, Bella. Not at all."

Are you going commando?

"Yes."

Swoon!

"Edward," I commanded, trying to control the tremble in my voice due to the sudden and violent onslaught of lust. "Go find Carlisle. I wanna work through some more shit."

"Alright." He cast a suspicious glance at Jake, who now decided to lace his fingers through mine, while his mad as a monkey-fucker imprint unsheathed a new roll of paper towels and ensconced herself in them.

"It's fine, Edward. Get Carlisle." Serenity now! I tried to keep calm, but I was pretty sure that Edward could read my mind.

He nodded and disappeared through the door.

"I could neuter you," I hissed, bringing my knee to Jacob's groin. The bastard caught my leg before I could do any damage.

"Bella," he said. "Calm down."

I tried to yank my hands back, but he held on tighter. "Let go," I muttered meekly. This was too much. There was something my mind was screaming at me, but there was too much background noise for me to hear or understand. "I don't want you to touch me."

"Shhh, honey. It'll be okay." He smiled the smile that used to be mine, and I wanted to be livid. I wanted to scream and say unspeakable things; to tell him how I really felt about his duplicity.

A pain throbbed in my chest. Despite everything, my love for Edward, and the inescapable knowledge that Jacob was never supposed to have been my happily ever after, I felt betrayed by the loss of at least the possibility of him. Betrayed that he broke every vow he ever made to me. Just like Edward had. "I hate you," I looked into his dark eyes as I said this. "I hate you because you're terribly out of character now. I hate you because I trusted you above anyone else. I hate you because you made me believe that you loved me, when all along, you knew you would leave me as soon as a better offer came along in the form of your imprint. I hate you, Jacob Black. In the end, you would have left me too. So fuck you. And don't fucking touch me ever again."

"No, honey. I love you." He tried to embrace me. Despite myself, a deep longing stirred, not between my legs but within my gut. I loved him. I was in love with him. I hated him so fucking much.

"I hate you so fucking much."

He nodded sadly. "I failed you, didn't I?"

"Totally."

"Bells... I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt--"

"Stop it, okay? It's fine. Really. We were never supposed to be together. It just grinds my gears when you act like you still have some sort of claim over me. Your love is forfeit."

Things had gotten a little too heavy for my liking, and I wasn't sure why I felt the need to unburden my feelings. I was such a fucking girl!

"I dunno; maybe my period is about to start," I said, mostly to myself.

"It's not," Emmett said suddenly, breaking the tension. Good thing. Actually, ew. The asshole's senses were so keen he could probably smell my egg drop. That irked me.

"Can someone explain the paper towels to me?" Emmett kind of gaped at Sonja.

"They make her happy." Jacob abandoned me to sidle up with his imprint and I watched the exchange with a morbid curiosity.

"I can't explain my totally inappropriate love for the paper towels," she sighed, petting a fresh roll.

Jacob gave her an encouraging smile which only faltered slightly when her tongue dipped into the roll.

"But, don't worry," she qualified, pulling a lighter from her pocket. "I won't let them take the place of my one and only precious. If I think for a second those seductive, whoring paper towels are trying to turn me against you, I'll burn them. I know they flirt with all the other customers in the store. In fact, I can picture it perfectly and it's a real eye opener, I'll tell you."

"I love you, Sonja."

Yep. I feel betrayed.

-({})-

"I'm not leaving," Edward said firmly.

Carlisle let out an exasperated sigh, however, acquiesced. "Are you ready, Bella?" He put his cool hand on my temple in that fatherly gesture he seemed to have perfected over the last three hundred or so years. I nodded, resting my head limply against Edward's chest.

Hold on. Hold on to yourself. 'Cause this is gonna hurt like Hell.

A strange and haunting melody was seemingly transplanted into my head.

"Who are you right now?"

"I don't know," I whispered.

"I can hear your thoughts," Edward explained, humming the melody in my head.

So I imagined myself naked, just to be a shit.

"Close your eyes, Bella," Carlisle commanded in that strange monotone I could not disobey.

"Alright."

The flush of heat on my skin transformed into ice as violent tremors racked my body. I could not get warm.

"What's wrong?" Edward's voice sounded far away, like he was speaking to me from the other end of a tunnel. "She's convulsing."

"C-C-Cold," I chattered. "There's ice covering everything."

I felt a blanket wrap around me and I sloshed through the snow, towards a giant brick structure.

"Where the fuck have you been?" a woman demanded, her voice soft and harsh all at once. I squinted through the wind, trying to bring her into focus.

"Who are you?"

"Bella? What the fuck? Half the security staff is looking for you."

I saw blond hair peeking out from a black cap. "Who are you?" I repeated.

"Well shit and fuck and stuff, bitch. Did you have an aneurysm out here?" She pulled a red package of cigarettes out of her jacket and angled her head away from the wind, trying to ignite the flint. "You didn't answer me. What the fuck, Bella? What are you doing out in the cold."

"Chasing pink elephants."

Author's Note: Soooo... What are your thoughts? Clear as mud? Making any sense or am I still tilting at windmills. C'mon bitches. Show me the love. Make my phone vibrate.

Okay, I'm about to disrobe and lay across Katinki's piano. We're taking requests.