A/N: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing! :D I've got 3 announcements to make! 1. I was totally exhausted when I posted the first chapter last night, so I forgot to mention that iam-kelly, but I think mostly indubitably-epic helped with betaing this fic. Read their fics if you haven't, they're awesome writers. 2. I'm a totally busy person, cause I'm studying in France, so the updating won't be this often in the future. I'll probably update on weekends and maybe Wednesdays. 3. The scenes from GA that I have left unchanged will disappear eventually, as my own story naturally develop. It's just in the first chapters! I wanted to write the original scenes, but from a Mer/Add point of view. Hope I succeeded... Just mentioned this because I realized that this particular chapter includes lots of stuff from Grey's, awesome stuff though... But yeah. I'm stopping the rambling now. Enjoy!

I Don't Hate You

Chapter 2: Oh the Boys

A couple of days later they were all gathered in the veterinarian's office, discussing their dog's disease. She noticed Derek was acting very strangely toward Meredith.

"That's it. That's your diagnosis," Derek stated after the vet had told them what he had.

"Yes, he said bone cancer, so that would be his diagnosis," Meredith answered for the vet with a meaningful tone of voice, obviously knowing something Addison didn't. What had happened between the two?

"I heard him, I was double checking," Derek said, glaring at Meredith. The two of them stared at each other for a short while.

Addison looked from one to another, feeling confused. What had changed? They were so happy a moment ago. Everyone had been friends, but something had definitely happened.

"I still need to do a bone scan, to see how far it's spread," Finn said, interrupting the silent battle and to Addison's relief, Derek leaned back in the couch. "Osteosarcoma's are aggressive, but we can try to treat it with chemo or remove the tumor entirely. If it's spread too far we may have to amputate the limb."

"At that point should we even bother...," Derek said, sounding too grumpy to actually form a question of his sentence. Not having talked to her husband since the night before his behavior surprised her.

"Oh right, let's just let him die!" Meredith said sarcastically.

"I don't want him to suffer, Meredith."

"Right."

In the elevator on their way to work, Addison felt the need to say something. Something was clearly going on between the two. A fight.

Her thoughts jumped to exaggerated conclusions about them having sex and then fighting because Meredith had in fact slept with Mark too and Derek found out. That didn't seem likely, since Mark wasn't even here, but her mind continued sending her pictures like the time when she got a virus on her computer which sent out porn pictures with no end.

"So...," Addison began, interrupting her own mind in need of answers. "What's... I mean, is there something going on?"

"No," they both answered at the same time.

"Did you guys have a fight or something?" Addison said, not at all convinced with their answer.

"No," they answered again.

Addison looked at Meredith, trying to read the woman's face.

"So... We're all still... friends?"

"Yes," they said, sounding a bit annoyed with her asking.

Later, she tried to have a normal conversation with Derek, but he didn't even seem to listen to her. He was still angry. So she asked him what was going on between him and Meredith but he just answered "there's nothing to tell" and that was it.

She couldn't help it, but she felt threatened by Meredith. She couldn't think of another reason to their strange behavior, even though she felt ashamed when she wasn't able to trust them.

Her thoughts twirled in her head, she couldn't concentrate on her work, and she kept seeing their naked bodies doing things she didn't want them to be doing. She was imagining why and when they could have been doing it and why they'd be fighting about it later. Maybe one of them wanted to have a relationship but the other didn't. How long had they been sleeping together?

Thinking like this would eventually drive her crazy. It made her crazily sure of the affair her husband was having and she had to know the truth. If she didn't ask, and they were sleeping with each other, she'd be fooling herself and living a lie. It wouldn't be pretty when the ugly truth came out, but it would definitely not be worth to continue to live like this.

She had to ask. But she couldn't make herself ask Derek, to doubt him in front of him. So she decided to ask Meredith, since they were friends. A friendship that had grown a bit stiff lately.

Luckily the other woman was alone in a small room, occupied with some paperwork.

"Hey," she greeted.

"Hey," Meredith almost sighed.

"Have you seen Dr. Karev?"

"Uh... Hours ago."

Addison nodded. Realized that she didn't know anything else to say to circle her true question. Meredith smiled and then turned back to the paperwork. Awkward moment.

Meredith peeked up at her, still smiling, but an awkward smile. It said "what do you want Addison?"

"Sorry, I.. I mean, I'm not sorry!" Addison rambled. "I just, I'm having a little trouble because I need to ask you something," she continued, not rambling, and then began the rambling again, "and I don't usually have trouble! But what I need to ask – I'm not even sure I want the answer to – but I have to ask! So, I'm just gonna ask you, and then you answer, and then... I'll go from there, okay?

"Okay," Meredith said, raising her eyebrows.

"Are you sleeping with my husband?" she said so it almost sounded like one word.

"Not since before I knew he was married."

"Okay," Addison smiled and allowed herself to breath again. She turned around to go away, but then figured the problem was not solved at all, so she turned to Meredith again. "Except, just... It felt like in the vet's office this morning and then again in the elevator... It felt a little like you two were having... a lover's quarrel?"

"No. We're not. I've moved on," Meredith said and Addison nodded. "I'm dating Finn."

The words hit her smack in the face.

"You're dating the vet?" she said. She was confused by her emotions. She was seeing black. Mixed emotions. Derek was jealous, it was far too clear, and her own emotions. She was hurt, and somehow not only by Derek. "Okay," she said, and turned to leave.

"Addison," Meredith said.

"No, no thanks I'm good – thanks I'm great," Addison said before she left her, pasting on a smile even though she knew it didn't fool anyone.

Derek asked her for a consult an hour or two later. Her emotions were still rioting and she could still not focus on working, which seemed to be the theme lately.

He had asked for her help because there was a couple who wanted to keep their brain-dead daughter as a human incubator for her unborn baby. The man started shouting at her, and she didn't keep her face and raised her voice back at them. Derek apologized and excused themselves, pulling her away from the room.

"What are you doing? They just lost their daughter," Derek said, while they were walking with quick, agitated footsteps down the corridor.

"I know, that was my point, Derek. They need to face that, she's not coming back," Addison said, thinking about Meredith, trying to make two points in one.

"A little sensitivity would've been nice here, okay?" Derek said, stopping her. Addison looked at him, a disbelieving smile on her face. Who was he to talk about sensitivity? "They love their daughter. They don't wanna let go, alright?" he said.

"What! What they're doing is not about love, Derek! It's, it's... Well, it's like you," she said, giving up the charade and gestured toward him.

"Excuse me?" he said coldly.

"Like how you pretend to love me but really you're just using me to fill some need you have to be a good guy." It was so true. Everybody knew he loved Meredith. Not her. Not Addison. The one he should love. The one she should love, but at least she was trying. He wasn't trying at all.

"Now is not the time to talk about this," he said calmly, but putting anger behind his words. "We'll talk about this later," he said and started walking away. So annoying, why did he always patronize her like that?

"You walk away, Derek? That's all I get?"

"Just calm down, please!" Oh right, pretend to be the civil one! Caveman!

"What? You're not gonna yell at me? Call me names? Or I don't know, ignore me in an elevator!"

"What do you want from me Addison?" he asked, his voice calm, she just wished he would scream at her like she did at him.

"I want you to care! I sleep with your best friend and you walk away. He comes out here from New York and rubs it in your face and still you get a good night's sleep! What do I have to do? Oh, I know," she said sarcastically. "Maybe what I should do is go on a date with the vet, because that seems to be something that sends you into a blind rage – oh but wait, that won't work either – because I'm not Meredith Grey!"

Derek slightly looked to his side. Down to the room under them. She followed his gaze and saw a whole crowd staring – including Meredith. Derek walked away and left her standing there. Humiliated.

~GA~

She asked Derek if she had been jealous without reason, and he didn't answer. He just said "Addison" and then he asked her if she wanted to go to prom with him. The prom the interns had arranged for a special patient.

It had felt like a peace offering, so she didn't bother pondering about his avoiding the subject. She didn't want to feel jealous or being the angry and bitter part of the relationship. So she just smiled at him, accepting the peace offering.

They put Doc down. And later came prom.

Meredith was stunning in a black dress, showing off her smooth pale skin in a beautiful way. She tried not to look at her. She was everywhere all the time. In her head and in Derek's head. She wasn't sure Meredith haunted her mind because of Derek and the messy triangle of "friendship" they had been trying to keep up. The triangle would still be there. Always clouding her thoughts, distracting her. Making her want to leave both Derek and Meredith and never to see them again. Yet she didn't want to leave them alone to frolic like lovers.

The thought of the two of them together was enough to make her sick. She thought of Meredith's skin, being touched by Derek's hands. She couldn't stand it.

She turned Derek around so she didn't have to see the other woman. She didn't want to see her. But she forgot about him looking at her too...

He excused himself to go check on a patient and after the party she found a pair of black panties in the pocket of Derek's suit.

Grieving the loss of her life, her marriage... Everything she had had in the past, almost, 20 years. Everything she had built! And that she now would be on her own... This resulted at first in a day of heavy drinking and muffins, if she remembered it correctly. Later, when she started feeling that she needed something else to comfort herself than alcohol she called Mark.

"Yep," he answered.

"Mark, I'm drunk," she said.

"A drunken Addison... Hm, what happened?" Mark asked with an amused voice. She thought she could hear him take a sip of a beer.

"My marriage is over. Derek cheated."

"Oh no, I'm sorry babe."

"Don't call me babe. You and I won't happen, you know that."

"Come home. Now you have no reason to stay in Seattle. Come home to New York. Please?"

"No."

"Okay, I'm coming to you."

"What?"

"You need sex. I'm Mark Sloan. Think of it as a... transcontinental booty-call. Hey, I don't mind."

Addison couldn't help but smile.

"And then I could try to convince you to come back home," he added.

"Ha, ha."

She didn't keep track on how much time passed. But then he suddenly was there.

She was sitting in the hotel bar, drinking her sins away. And then he suddenly stood there, looking even more muscular since the last time she had seen him. He smiled at her.

"Enough drinking, Addie," he said and reached out a hand for her to take. She took it.

It felt nice to be taken care of.

In the hotel room he gave her a glass of water to drink and turned on the shower.

"Shower with me?"

This was exactly what she needed. He quickly stripped naked and then started taking her clothes off. She didn't bother to actually help him, and he didn't seem to mind.

He seemed to understand that she was far too drunk to be having sex with so he just showered with her and then took her to bed. Where she slept for some hours. The hot sex came later.

And it was hot. Like always with Mark.

~GA~

Mark was shaving while Addison took a shower. She was still in the shower when he had finished his art work and just stayed there, watching her.

She felt his eyes on her back as he stared and she was just about to ask him why he didn't join her when he said "Addison. You're kind of glowing."

She turned around and said sharply "I'm not pregnant!"

He laughed.

"Okay! But that wasn't what I meant. I know you, so I can tell..."

"Tell what?"

"You're in love," he said as he threw off the towel on the floor and stepped into the shower.

"I'm not," she protested.

"You are. But it's not with me. Trust me, I would know."

He took the soap soaked sponge from her hands and began rubbing her back.

"Why would you still be in love with Derek? Heck, you weren't even in love with him when you decided to move back here."

She turned around to face him. "And how would you know?" she asked grumpily.

"I know," he said and smiled crookedly.

"Stop being such a know-it-all!" she said and smacked him on his chest.

He answered with pushing her against the wall and pressing himself against her back.

"Addison," he said. "I'm stronger than you. Now tell me, who are you in love with? It can't be Derek, right?" he said close to her neck.

"No one! You're crazy. I'm a free woman who can do whatever she wants with whoever she wants. And obviously, I can't be in love with someone, because I am here doing these things with you," she said and pushed her butt closer to him.

"Woah!" Mark exclaimed and brought some distance between them.

She turned around and stared at him.

"Why do you care?"

"Because it's weird! Who can you be in love with?"

He laughed. "I bet it's a chick, you should be done with trying to have relationships with men."

Addison didn't noticed that she did some kind of revealing gesture but his eyes widened.

"Oh my god!" he exclaimed. "You're in love with a girl? You're going all lesbo?" he said, and his facial expression changed from being shocked to dreamy.

"Shut up," she said and smacked him again. "Not true," she continued, but didn't know what else to say.

"Come on, you can't even deny it properly. So, who is it?"

Addison looked down to her feet.

Mark laughed for himself. "I bet it's Derek's slutty intern, she's probably got the whole hospital drooling over her."

Addison looked up and met his gaze with wide eyes.

His eyes went even wider.

"You...!" he choked. He couldn't get anymore words to come out and she just wanted to get some space between herself and him.

She turned off the water.

"Addie," he said.

She pulled the water out of her hair.

"Addie."

She opened the door to the shower cabinet.

"Addie."

She took a towel and wrapped it around her body.

"Addison."

"Mark," she answered in a snub.

He followed her into the hotel room. She went straight to the fridge and took a bottle of white wine and filled up a glass. Mark was still trying to form the words in his mouth.

After she had taken about three sips of wine he finally managed to say "You have the hots for Meredith? No, let me correct that – you have feelings for her?"

"I have not," she mumbled.

"Call room service," he said, kissed her on her cheek, "I'll be right back," and went back into the bathroom.

Mark was still in the bathroom when someone knocked on the door. She opened and realized it was Derek. She let him in and he told her that their marriage was over, that it was incredibly sad. She was dreading the worst, especially when he said he was sorry for what he did with Meredith. And then she heard the bathroom door open and out stepped Mark himself. The numb feeling she was having grew and grew and she felt just like sinking through the floor to die.

"Oh, this is awkward," Mark said, the king of coming up with good things to say, only having a towel barely wrapped around his hips.

Derek took the champagne glass she held loosely in her hand and gulped down all of its content, then he said he felt much better and left.

It was totally over. And Derek was right, it really was incredibly sad.