I Don't Hate You

Chapter 3: A Distracted Adulterous Sociopath

The next morning Mark had convinced her to stop moping around. It wasn't so hard to do, since he was Mark and all. But now she really needed to go to work.

"Thank you, truly Mark, for all of the sex. I really, I feel so much better now, I do. Well, now I have to go, and so do you. So do you want me to call you a cab to the airport?" Addison said, getting dressed. Mark was eying her all the time and without answering her question he grabbed her and pinned her down to the bed.

"You don't have to feel embarrassed Addie," he said, pushing her coat aside to expose her skin. She could feel him harden already. "I think it's hot."

"Well, I'm sure you do," she said. He lifted her up, pressing her against his very naked body, while he, with almost a professional touch, unzipped her pencil skirt. While she only had her feet, shoulders and head touching the bed, he swiftly pulled the garment down to her knees and then laid her down again. When he started touching her thighs she realized that he had gotten off her pantyhose and her panties in the same move. She hadn't even noticed.

"Mark, I really need to go to work..." she said breathlessly.

"Work can wait," he said, completely ignoring her lame struggle. He let his hand wander down her body, her breasts, the curve of her waist, sliding down beneath her thighs.

She gasped as he suddenly, roughly, thrust two fingers inside her. "See? Lucky you were already wet, otherwise that would have hurt," he said and kissed her on her neck, at the same time finding her G-spot with his fingers.

"Mark," she breathed, forgetting why she was fighting him.

"Unbutton your blouse," he said to her against her chest, and then leaned back to watch her undress.

His eyes sparkled when she did as she was told, doing it slowly because she knew it would make him crazy, keeping eye contact all the time. He got impatient and started helping her by tugging off her clothes with one hand. Once completely naked he dived in to feast on her breasts. He felt her clenching around his fingers, not wanting her to cum yet he removed them making her groan.

"Don't stop, don't do this to me, please," she said, hating herself for begging the man.

He smiled at her crookedly. "Tell me Addie. What are you thinking about?"

"No, please, don't make me...," she moaned and reached down to grab his cock, knowing that if she took control of the situation she would certainly make it too much for him to resist. He probably knew exactly what she was thinking so he grabbed both her hands and pressed them down beside her head.

She pouted, but then pressed her whole body against his. He would not make her do it.

"Addison, there's no need to feel ashamed," he said, his voice husky. "You and me and Meredith, your two favorite dirty mistresses..."

"Mark, stop talking about Meredith." Addison panted with frustration.

"But you like it! And I like it too. Imagine that, Meredith, with her slim and tight body, all naked in front of you, kissing you, moving her hands all over your body and finding all the places that you love" he said and moved his cock just at her entrance.

"Mark, please... Please, Mark...," she moaned, her world in a hazy fog. She tried to move her hips to make him slip all the way inside, but he just moved away with a teasing smirk.

"Mark, I'm... I'm begging you." she said, hating herself again for saying that.

"Since you asked so nicely," he said, smirked, letting go of her arms to support himself better and thrust himself brutally all the way to the bottom. Addison cried out, she instinctively wrapped her legs around him, making him go as deep as possible.

"Imagine while I'm doing this...Meredith is here too...Kissing you...Kissing your breasts...Taking your whole breast in her mouth and sucking...," Mark said, clearly not giving up on the Meredith-part, even with his ragged breath that made the words come out in thrusts, not unlike the thrusting he was occupied with on another level. "Using her finger to caress you while I'm..." he said, and used his own finger as if to show her more closely what he meant.

"Yes..." Addison moaned, her pleasure increasing rapidly, getting her closer and closer to orgasm.

"You finger her...She is really wet and warm...All for you...Gorgeous woman..."

He continued talking, but she didn't hear any more because of the orgasm ripping her world apart, making her into a rigid bow up against Mark. Tightening around him, her toes curling, she could hear him interrupt himself and how his breath suddenly staggered and he pressed himself as deep as possible and emptied himself there, increasing her orgasm.

Eventually she was sent back to earth. Opening her eyes, first thing she saw was the ceiling and Mark's shoulder. He was laying on top of her, breathing heavily, still inside her too.

"Oh, gosh... Addie... You're so damn hot," he said, burying his face into her hair.

"Thank you... Again..." she breathed out, feeling completely satisfied.

~GA~

"We should probably talk about this," Mark said as he lay side by side with Addison minutes later, both of them staring at the ceiling.

"About what?" Addison yawned.

"About Meredith of course."

"Oh, Mark, no more, I have to go to work," she said and motioned to get out of bed.

"No, I didn't mean it that way...Just the talking part. Does she know how you feel?"

"I don't feel, okay?" she sighed.

"Addie, you're a bad liar."

"I'm not supposed to feel." She sat up and wrapped her arms around her legs. "I have never said I even felt. It's you who's putting all these thoughts inside my head. It's not fair. It's your fault."

"Get over yourself," he smirked. "We both know it's not about me at all."

She ignored him.

"Is she with Derek?" he said, only just realizing the possibility.

"I don't know" she mumbled.

"You don't know?"

"No, Mark, I don't. You never wondered who Derek cheated on me with?"

"Oh, yeah, right..." he sighed.

"I found a pair of black panties in the pocket of his suit. I haven't seen them together since, they've probably been a happy couple, having lots of sex that doesn't seem so dirty to them anymore," she rambled, feeling tears threatening to come out. "I mean, they probably have a relationship, and," she began crying, "and who knows how long they've been together without me knowing."

Mark took her in his arms and rocked her silently while she cried.

~GA~

In the end Addison managed to persuade Mark to head back to New York, he was another complication she just didn't need. Weeks passed by and all she could do was throw herself into work and avoid Meredith and Derek at all costs. She'd heard along the gossip line that they were 'dating'. Avoidance was something Addison became very good at. It wasn't until a month after Mark had left that she even acknowledged them talking quietly together as she headed towards Bailey.

"Dr Bailey, can I get...Oh, my god...," Addison interrupted herself, looking up to see Mark shaking hands with a board member and then the Chief.

She heard some another "Oh my god" from Derek, and then something about "McSteamy" from the interns. She didn't really care what they called him. This was making things even worse. It was already rough on her as it was with Derek and Meredith around her every day. Why did he have to be in Seattle too?

Later, she saw him talking to Derek and the Chief. She needed to talk to him and ask him what the hell he was doing there. He could've at least called her first.

Luckily, the Chief started walking up the stairs and Derek followed him like a dog, begging him for attention. He seemed furious about Mark's presence, which she couldn't blame him for.

With Derek occupied with barking at the Chief she went to talk to Mark.

"I thought you were going back to New York," she said accusingly to him.

"Thought it was time for a change." He smirked.

"You can't do this, you can't be here."

"Sure I can. Look, Addison, you don't have to worry. I won't tell anyone on you."

Addison sighed.

"Why do you think I'm here?" he said. "I'm here for work, I sold my practice and my apartment and I'm moving here."

Addison's eyes widened.

"I'm not going to tell on you," he repeated. "Your dirty fantasies are our little secret. And I'm up for sex and dirty talk whenever you want," he said moving a bit closer.

Addison crossed her arms. Then they heard Yang exclaim "Holy crap, are you pregnant?" when Meredith threw up into the trash can for the second time.

Addison sighed. Mark looked between her and Meredith. Derek walked down the stairs, probably going to his girlfriend as a knight in shining armor.

"An adulterous lovechild?" Addison said to him when he walked past her, letting her anger sipper through. She was disgusted by the mere thought of him touching Meredith, and knocking her up? That was just way out of the line.

"Goes along with an adulterous sociopath," he answered quickly without bothering to look at neither her nor Mark.

She decided that was the right time to leave.

~GA~

It wasn't an easy day at work, and she wasn't exactly in her game. Everything was moving too quickly around her, in ways that were way out of control. Splitting up with Derek, all the sex with Mark and then the fact that he actually was staying and not to forget the baby. Conceived god knows when. Meredith probably lied when she told her she wasn't sleeping with him.

"Since when did you "get out"?" Miranda said, without looking up from her computer, after Addison had been screamed at by a patient.

"Clearly I'm not myself today," Addison mumbled, resting her back against the wall.

"Never figured Mark Sloan to be your type," Miranda said meaningfully, still not looking at her. Addison on the other hand, gave her a puzzled look.

"He's not," she said, realizing it sounded like a bad lie, even though it was kind of the truth. Mark had been a good pain killer and a release. He got even better when he figured out her feelings for Meredith, and now it wasn't really about him, more about the fantasies he was able to hold up to her.

Miranda made a face, clearly not believing her.

"He's not," Addison repeated. "What is he doing here? He's not supposed to be here, I can't have him here. I can't!" Addison exclaimed, realizing that she was rambling and that Miranda was shaking her head at her, but she couldn't stop herself from continuing. "He's supposed to be in New York, I can't function with him... here... I'm a professional here, people respect me here, but when he's here I'm just, I'm…"

"You're just the woman that gets the hots for man candy and cheats on her husband."

"That is rude. And unkind," Addison made a pause, suddenly agreeing with Miranda. "And completely true... Oh my god, what am I gonna do?"

"For starters you can keep your knees closed in his presence."

"Miranda," Addison whispered in an offended way, furrowing her eyebrows.

"You asked. And also, you can remember that no man, not Derek, not Mark, defines who you are," she said and looked at her for the first time during this whole conversation before walking away.

Addison sighed.

~GA~

Later, walking past none other than Meredith Grey's hospital room, she heard her name being called. By no other than Meredith Grey of course. She silently swore to herself.

"You bellowed, Dr. Grey," Addison said while stepping into the room.

"Hi," Meredith said feebly. It was adorable. She was adorable. Even though she lied in a hospital bed with tubes stuck in her arm.

Addison hated having to talk to her.

"You certainly are, aren't you," she said more to herself than to Meredith and motioned with a finger for the nurse to give her her charts. Then the nurse left the room.

She let out a breath, looking at the charts, which told her that Meredith just needed her appendix to be removed. Feeling relieved she said "But you're not pregnant."

"No."

Addison looked at the woman on the bed, and then back to the charts, not wanting to show her her emotions.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked.

Addison smacked the charts shut and pasted on a smile, clasping her hands together. "I'm fine!" she said. "How are you?" she asked and motioned toward her, then clasping her hands once again, trying to keep her mask on.

"I'm trying to choose between two men."

"Oh-kay," Addison said, not wanting to hear that. "Well, good luck with that," she said, took the chart and started walking out of the room.

"How did you know Derek was the one?" Meredith asked when she reached the door.

Addison turned around, wondering why this woman asked anything from her.

"Excuse me?"

"I know you hate me and all. You don't owe me anything. Nothing... No thing," she said with her drugged and slow voice. Addison looked around her shoulder and decided to talk to her. She put down the chart at the end of her bed again.

Addison pursed her lips together, looking at her. Thinking about her two guys. The rumor about her was that she was a whore. Yep. She might be the most heterosexual girl in the hospital, if that's what defines heterosexuality, she continued thinking, realizing that she might be a bit illogical.

"What was I saying?" Meredith asked her.

"Derek," Addison helped her reluctantly and gave her a fake smile.

"Right," Meredith said, clearly not catching up on her attitude. "I want him to be the one," Meredith said slowly. Addison's eyes widened, feeling her fantasies about her slipping away. She was Derek's. She loved Derek. It hurt to think the words, but it seemed to be the truth.

"But I'd know if he was the one right? You knew, right?"

Addison looked at her with sad eyes, her hard facade disappearing. She didn't want her to think about Derek. But here she was, lying in the bed, looking so adorable, with her hair flared around her, she just had to tell her the truth, even though the result might be that she becomes even more Derek's. She sighed in defeat and walked over to her to stand by the side of her bed.

"You don't," Addison said. "I didn't know, I just... Derek's the kind of guy... I just knew he wouldn't hurt me. Not on purpose anyway, not the way I hurt him."

"He hurt me, when he chose you. But I kind of understand why he did. You're pretty," Meredith said seriously, and Addison's eyebrows shot to the roof. "I mean, you are so classy and sexy and hot and classy... But me... I'm just me. How could I compete with that?" Meredith asked sincerely.

"Well I should've let him go. I should have stepped aside, been a better person I should have... A lot of things," she confided and looked at Meredith with repressed longing on her last words.

"Me too. A lot of things," Meredith answered, not catching up on her gaze because of the drugs.

"I don't hate you," Addison said, sounding surprised with herself. She lifted her hand to gently stroke Meredith on her cheek. "I'm sorry for hurting you, Meredith," she said slowly, while moving her thumb like a feather back and forth on the smooth skin.

"I'm sorry too," Meredith smiled broadly at her. "How come we've never talked like this before?"

Addison leaned a slightly bit closer, as if to tell her a secret and said "The only reason we're talking like this right now is because I know you won't remember a single word of this once the drugs wear off."

Meredith continued smiling and Addison leaned in and kissed her lips. Meredith responded and they kissed each other light and gentle, until Addison pulled back, taking a ragged breath. She drew her hand through her hair, and turned quickly away from Meredith as if to gather herself.

She then looked at Meredith again.

"Like I said, you won't remember this," she said, squeezed Meredith's hand and walked out of her room.

Outside she almost ran into Derek.

"Oh, hi Derek," Addison said, hoping that he couldn't see through her soul.

"Were you just talking to Meredith?"

"Yeah," Addison said calmly, reminding herself that he can't possibly know, and Meredith had probably already forgotten about it. She looked him directly in his eyes, holding back a smile.

"What?" Derek said, puzzled.

Her thoughts turned melancholic when she realized that he will be the one touching her. He was the one to hurt her, and now she'll probably choose him.

"Don't... Don't hurt her... again," she said.

The next moment Karev showed up.

"Are you planning to kill a woman? Nice work, doc," he said, referring to the woman who had told her to get out earlier that day.

They directly went into surgery, which went well. Cut, suture, out.

After the surgery, she was filling out some papers, while walking, and heard Mark saying her name. She looked up at him reluctantly, and then went back to her papers.

"Addison, can we talk?"

"I don't want you here Mark," she mumbled and then looked up at him. "But I'm getting that I'm not entirely clear. You have been great, but I don't need you here anymore. It's not about the dirty talk either, but you know that. So if you insist on staying just know that we're coworkers, and nothing more," she said and looked him firmly in the eyes. He looked down, clearly hurt.

She knew he had feelings for her. But she also knew that he knew that she didn't feel the same way.

And she was still a bit pissed at him for showing up at the hospital without telling her first.