Angel Dust

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Enjoy!

As if Courtney didn't have enough on her mind lately, several local and national write-ups, as well as an endorsement on Oprah's Favorite Things show, had put Ronzio Dello Zucchero on the top of every trend-seekers list for coffee and pastries. Not that Courtney minded the influx in business - the money was great, and the bonuses she was able to extend to her employees were something she had been hoping for since opening the shop nine months ago.

But the traffic through the shop was causing the already-frantic Courtney to nearly lose her mind. In an attempt to calm her nerves, Dave had asked Trish to stop by the shop and talk to his wife. If there was anyone who seemed to bring a smile to Courtney's beautiful face in the midst of her crazy life, it was Trish.

Pushing through the door of the shop, Trish braced herself against the noise and headed for the counter. "Need some help?" she asked.

Courtney's face was flushed, but her eyes widened when she saw her friend. Motioning to one of the young men behind the counter, she nodded at the customer in front of her and then put her hands on Trish's thin shoulders. "Where have you been? I have been dying to talk to you."

Trish giggled slightly as Courtney pushed into the back room and ran a hand through her hair. "Where's the fire there, Smokey?" she asked as Courtney paced nervously.

"Nitro broke up with me," Courtney stated.

"You were dating Nitro?" Trish feigned ignorance, as she hadn't really talked to Courtney since the whole "Nitro" situation had begun to develop. Not in a "girl talk" kind of way.

"No," Courtney shook her head.

Trish was confused. "But he broke up with you?"

"Yes."

"But you weren't dating him?"

"Not really."

Taking a moment to wrap her head around the conversation, Trish shook her head and blinked. "Are you still with Randy?"

Courtney rolled her eyes. "Of course I am, Trish." As Trish nodded in relief, mostly because she knew Dave wouldn't kill her all over again if Courtney and Randy weren't still together, Courtney added, "Kind of."

"Huh?"

With a sigh, Courtney ran her hands through her hair again and sat on a packing crate. "Nitro and I kind of started seeing each other while Randy was overseas. It wasn't anything serious at first, just hanging out, but then we started connected. Like, deeply. And I know there's no future there, but there's this connection, ya know?

"And then there's Randy. And he's my boyfriend. And he's great. Sure, we don't have the same emotional connection, but he's so good to me. He's great. We have fun together. There is nothing wrong with Randy. I'm sure that, if I was willing to open up to him, we could establish that connection and everything would be beautiful and perfect and amazing and -"

She was cut off by Trish's fingers on her lips. "Whoah there, Chatty Cathy." With a slight chuckle, Trish nodded and pulled her hand back. "Take a deep breath. Chill for a second." Courtney inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. "Okay. So what's the real problem here?"

Courtney watched her friend lean against a baker's rack. "I don't know who I want to be with," she said honestly.

Narrowing her eyes, Trish considered the young woman. "Are you sure?" In her experience, everyone who said they didn't know always had some inclination.

With an unappreciative glare, Courtney crossed her arms. "Stop playing head games with me, Stratus," she warned. "I don't know, or I would tell you."

Shaking her head, Trish thought about the situation. "Court, listen to your heart. It will tell you what you want."

It was the kind of line that always drove her point home, always got her subject to think and smile and go about their merry way. Sure, it was cliche. But it was also exactly what they needed - someone to tell them that the answer had been in front of their face the whole time.

Except Courtney wasn't like everyone she had ever helped. And that's why Trish liked her. So when her shoulders sagged and she looked up with sad eyes, Trish couldn't help but feel her non-beating heart skip.

"You don't get it," Courtney explained. "Even if I wanted to listen to my heart, whatever the fuck that means, I wouldn't know what it was telling me. It's been so long since I heard it, since I listened, I wouldn't even recognize the voice," she whispered.

She spoke metaphorically, but Trish could see the pain and the confusion behind Courtney's eyes. It was the pain of a young woman who really didn't know what she wanted, who hadn't been allowed to figure that out for herself. "Court," she whispered, kneeling in front of her friend. "I don't think the real problem is choosing which guy you want to be with."

"No, that's the real problem, Trish. Do I want sexy, beautiful Nitro with his understanding, listening ear and his gentle, artistic way of doing every damn thing? Or do I want sexy-as-fuck Randy with his over-the-top romantic gestures and his spontaneity?"

Trish just shook her head and moved closer to Courtney. "Let me tell you what I think the real problem is," she said softly. Courtney nodded. "I think the real problem is not that you want to choose either of them. I think the reason you're freaking out is that life keeps going, moving forward, dragging you with it. You're ready to move on, and you feel guilty for leaving Dave behind."

Tears spilled over her cheeks as she shook her head and tried to contain the emotion. Either she was losing her touch, or Nitro and Trish were better than she had anticipated. With them, she found herself breaking down a lot more often. The walls were starting to crumble with her new friends, and if she was honest, Courtney knew exactly why that was.

They didn't care about her parents. They didn't care about her husband, or her boyfriend. Status didn't impress them. Paparrazzi and fame were more of an annoyance than a draw. They didn't care about political platforms and foreign policy. Trish and Nitro cared about Courtney, the scared little kid from Vermont who just wanted to make some friends and have some fun.

"Courtney, what do you really want?" Her voice was smooth and reassuring, like that of a mother addressing her young child.

With a sigh, Courtney grasped Trish's hand. "He used to wake up before me all the time. Sometimes he wouldn't go to bed until hours after I did, but he always managed to wake up first. And when I would open my eyes, he would be leaning on his elbow, staring at me with this mischevious, little adolescent grin and this twinkle in his eye that just melted me.

"I remember that it was there. But I can't, for the life of me, remember what it looks like. I remember that his voice was this low, rumbling, sex and whiskey kind of sound that seemed to come from somewhere deep in his chest. But I try and I try, and I can't hear it anymore.

"His touch used to send shivers up my spine, Trish. Even if he was just putting his hand on my back for a photo op. And I laid awake for hours last night, and I just can't feel it anymore." She sobbed and shook her head. "I feel like I'm betraying him. I don't want to forget."

Trish felt her insides crumbling as she held Courtney and rocked her slightly. She knew that she was holding the cards. Anything she said would sway Courtney's emotional state in any direction Trish wanted it to go. It was a power that she often felt was more of a curse than a blessing. But none so much as this moment.

"Sweetheart," Trish whispered, pulling back and pushing Courtney's hair behind her ears. "You spent a year in Italy after Dave died, right?" Courtney nodded. "Did you actually resolve anything? Or just spend your time grieving him and missing him?" When Courtney sniffled and shook her head, Trish went on. "You have shit to work out that has nothing to do with Nitro or Randy. Maybe you should take a little time away from them to do that."

Courtney's lip quivered as she considered Trish's words. It had been nearly two years since Dave's death. Didn't taking some time for herself just mean she was dwelling on something that she thought she was already getting over? Wouldn't it set her back to continue focusing on Dave? She didn't want to forget, but at some point, wasn't she supposed to? At least, in part.

Sensing her inner turmoil, Trish stood and sighed. "I'm not saying a long time," she responded. "I mean, maybe a week, or just a weekend. Just some time to focus on what's really going on - some time to confront the real issues you're facing, without heaping on a big helping other distractions. Maybe at the villa? Or somewhere else you feel safe and comfortable?"

It was as if a lightbulb went on in Courtney's head. "Trish, you're a genius!" But before the smaller blonde could congratulate herself on a job well-done, Courtney stood and shed her apron. "Can you look after the shop for me for a couple of days?"

"Sure, Sweetie. Of course."

With a hug, Courtney grabbed her purse. "Thanks. I'll call you as soon as I get back from Vermont."

Trish sank to the crate that had previously been Courtney's seat and shook her head. Though she was sure it was for the best, she knew she had just stepped in it with both feet. What she had just done could be considered an abomination to all of the rules she was operating under. She could lose her position as an angel.

Even knowing that things were about to get a lot more complicated, Trish couldn't help but smile. This is what she had wanted from the beginning. Sure, there would be an explosion - mostly in the form of Dave's temper tantrums - but once the dust settled, she was sure that everyone would be able to live happily ever after.