Sorry this has taken me so long to update, I have been working every night after college for the past two weeks! I promise I will update sooner next time. Please review it definitely gives me an incentive to keep going :)
I lay on Peeta's chest until the soft light of morning dances across out bare chests. I did not sleep at all during the night so no demons have followed me from the land of sleep, yet still I am afraid to move. For once it is not shadowy monsters that keep me frozen in place, it is uncertainty.
There are still moments when Peeta hates me, fears me even, when his eyes cloud over and his body starts to shake.
I don't know how to reconcile that violent and broken Peeta with the man in whose arms I rest.
My mind is rife with uncertainty and I am so jittery that I am unable to lie still for much longer. I roll slightly to the left so that I now lay flat beside Peeta's warm torso. Just like his bread oven he always radiates heat and light, the feeling of his warm core beside me quietens my nerves somewhat. He shifts slightly to reposition himself but does not wake.
I can't tear my eyes away from him, he looks so peaceful; his blond curls are ruffled and have fallen to cover his closed eyes and his cheeks are slightly ruddy with the warmth of sleep.
Even this blissful moment of watching my new lover sleep, is tainted by the horror, the violence, the fear, all laying momentarily dormant in the darkness of his mind.
Do not get me wrong. I do not fear him; I am just afraid that we are both too broken to help fix one another, that I will do him more damage than good, that I have always done him more damage than good.
Too long has passed since either of us has been violated by violent dreams and I know that it will not be long before one of us falls victim to the horrors of our own minds. I cannot shake this from my thoughts and my body and mind stay tense until Peeta is delivered to me from the uncertainty of sleep.
He wakes with a smile that melts my heart and chases all my negative thoughts away.
"Good morning" he mumbles as he pulls my close to him and plants a small kiss on my head. "I thought last night was a dream" he adds with a small laugh of disbelief.
"Mhmm" I murmur in agreement, unable, as always, to vocalise my feelings.
"I never in my wildest dreams ever thought something like that would actually happen between us, I mean I fantasised about it sure, but..." I cut Peeta off with a firm kiss on the lips. I have to stop the gushing onslaught of love and admiration flowing from Peeta's mouth. I feel so undeserving that the well-meant sentiments make my skin crawl.
I look Peeta square in the eye as I pull my lips away from the sweetness and warmth of his. "I do not deserve you Peeta Mellark" I say, my mouth hovering millimetres away from his.
He looks at me with a mix of confusion and sadness and holds my hips firm stopping me from moving away from him. He opens his mouth and is about to say something suddenly the doorknob begins to rattle. I manage to roll of Peeta and shuffle under the covers just as Greasy Sae opens the door with a racking cough.
Sae's cough quickly turns to a booming laugh and I can hear her struggle to catch her breath as she closes the door and hobbles back down the stairs. As soon as I hear the door close I pop my head up from beneath the blanket. Peeta's face is as red as a summer beet and I cannot help but laugh as I realise in my bid for cover I had pulled all the covers from him.
He stays still stunned for a few moments, his hands covering his manhood, his face still burning a fiery red. "Oh I'm sorry Peeta" I say and his face slowly turns to mine. I cannot help but laugh at the slightly traumatised puppy look plastered on his face.
"Greasy Sae…saw me naked" he says and I can't breathe I am laughing so much "well I'm sure she liked what she saw" I splutter through my tears of laughter. Peeta stays looking extremely serious which adds to the hilarity "she winked at me Katniss…she winked at me".
Peeta suddenly snaps out of his surprised stupor and turns his body to face mine "do you think this is funny" he says with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Yes" I squeal as I cover myself once more with the covers in protection from the onslaught of tickles that I know await me.