Sorry I keep ending it and making you all upset :p
And sorry for taking longer to write this – your reviews are all so lovely there was a lot of pressure in writing this chapter.
He couldn't help but just stare at her, she needed comfort, she needed his arms around her but it wasn't right, he shouldn't overstep the boundaries like this, no matter how sad she was. Her eyes almost begged him to hold her but she wasn't in the right frame of mind and he could hardly take advantage of her in such a way. A lump formed in his throat, if he continued to look into her eyes no doubt he would cry and that would be completely inappropriate. The voices in his head shouted different things, everything was contradicted, he was usually very sure of what he was doing but when it came to her he was lost and unsure what was right.
She was his housekeeper, his colleague, his confidant, at best his close friend – but he was completely in love with her.
New tears had formed in her eyes just watching him sit there, he hadn't moved and was yet to make an effort to comfort her, which was making her worse, even for her he wouldn't change, everything had to be done properly with him and clearly she meant nothing if he couldn't bend his rules to help her.
She looked back down at her knees as she began to cry again. He saw this and the penny dropped in his mind; she'd stopped crying when she knew he was there but when he made no effort to comfort her she became upset again- she needed it and no more would the rules would stop him from giving her what she needed.
He shuffled forward slightly, sliding his left arm around her waist and his right over her shoulders – her tiny frame fitted perfectly in his arms. As soon as his hand had made contact with her waist he knew it was wrong, if someone came in now it would be considered compromising, but she needed it, she needed protection from all the pain that had overcome her – now he would be Charles, the friend she needed, they were anyone in the world but the butler and housekeeper now.
She moved her knees to rest on his, her arm possessively round his waist and her head buried in his chest; her crying was softer and her breathing had improved – 'all just by holding her' he thought.
He took another little risk by leaning his forehead on her soft hair, the finest silks in the world were no match to the feeling of it against his head. As she moved he was engulfed in the lavender scent he knew so well, though never had he been this close to inhale so much. He wanted nothing more than to just nuzzle her hair, stroke her face, maybe even kiss her, just to let her know that everything was alright and he'd be here for her. But it was too far, overstepping the boundaries in a way that couldn't be reversed, that was exceeding friendship and taking things too far.
She hadn't yet spoken, he wouldn't force her to, he'd just wait till she'd stop crying and if she wanted to talk he would listen. He allowed her to cry into his jacket, for her to cling to him as if he'd disappear, whenever she tightened her grip he would do so too – he wouldn't leave, he'd be here for her.
He closed his eyes, treasuring the feeling of her here, he knew it'd never happen again – in a way he was glad, he'd never want to see her like this again, but he would give anything for an excuse to hold her.
His eyes opened again when he felt her head move from his, he panicked wondering if she wanted him to let go but she simply moved it to rest in the crook of his neck and sighed. He hadn't even noticed she'd stopped crying but neither of them seemed to be in any hurry to move from their current position. His head lulled to one side to rest on hers, took a deep breath and shifted towards her, he'd never expected how "right" it felt to have her in his arms, almost as if she'd been made to be there. It was still wrong though, even with her being upset, the voice in the back of his mind shouted at him to let go of her, he could still comfort her whilst sitting opposite her in the armchairs next to them, but he couldn't help it, he wanted to hold her, he wanted to help her in the best way he could, not just sit across the room from her – she needed this, therefore propriety was entirely out of the window.
He was unsure whether he should speak, he had plenty of work to do as did she but he didn't want to leave her here, alone, she would likely dwell on it and get back into the state she'd been in before. Not to mention she was likely to feel embarrased, always careful with her emotions and never letting the staff see her mask slip, they'd partially witnessed that from breakfast but he'd seen the full effect and he knew she would be angry at herself for acting like this no matter how hard he convinced her she shouldn't. So many things would be going through her mind, the last thing she needed was to get upset at the spectacle she'd made of herself - because she hadn't made one. He was often scared by how unemotional she would be, then again she'd never had something that catastrophic affect her till now. She was always good at listening to other people, helping them when they were sad but she never showed any intense emotion, almost as if she was embarrased about it, or thought she wasn't allowed to be emotional in order to retain authority amongst the staff. She was stubborn too and not often convinced that her opinion might be wrong, even by him, so as soon as she got it into her head that she'd made a spectacle of herself, she'd become distant with him and stricter with the staff. It was her way of covering embarrassment, he knew it well enough by now, but all the emotion she stored up was now pouring out and he was going to ease her burden as much as he possibly could.
Getting over the boundary in order to hold her had sparked something in him, a glimmer of hope that said she might want the contact as much as he did – upset or not. 'No' surely it would be too ludicrous to even think she might return any of his feelings, she wanted the contact for comfort not pleasure, it would be dangerous should he convince himself she returned his feelings, it could result in the end of their friendship and right now they certainly didn't need that.
Her heavy breathing was the only thing her could hear, the noise of the kitchen staff outside drowned out – all he could comprehend was the woman he'd always been parted from, was now in his arms and clearly content to be there. He dared to take another risk and brought his hand up from her arm to rest on her shoulder while his thumb stroked her cheek. He could feel where the tears had fallen and wiped away their tracks, he felt her smile against his hand and he moved his head downward so his forehead rested against hers, accidently sighing in happiness. Worried he might have given away his feelings he returned his hand to her shoulder but she took it and held it over her heart so he could feel the rise and fall of her chest.
"Charles?" He jumped, he'd been lost in the feeling of her breathing and he hadn't expected her to speak. She spoke somewhat shakily but the gentleness of her voice was enough to distract him so his throat went dry and no words came out of his mouth.
"Yes?" He managed.
She leant forward to kiss the hand she held and whispered, "Thank You."
Do you want me to continue? Thank you for all your reviews so far, please keep them coming XD