AN: I am on a roll this weekend. For those who follow my Too Much Trouble story, no I have not forgotten that this one is also long overdue for an update and completion. I hope to get to that one later in the month.
Muggle Machinery and Wizards Should Never Mix
The room James and Sirius were sharing looked as though a cyclone had swept through it.
Peter and Remus stood in the doorway looking at their two friends as items of clothing flew around the room.
"What about your blue shirt?" Sirius asked as he pointed to the item which was hanging off the end of the bed.
"It's got tomato sauce on it."
It was the next morning and James and Sirius were trying to find clean clothes to wear so they could truly begin their mission to get dates for the barbecue they had decided to host later in the week.
Unfortunately, thanks partly to their efforts at cleaning the house, and part due to general sloppiness and laziness, they had apparently run out of clean clothes.
Sirius turned to glare at Remus and Peter. "Just one little spell to clean an outfit?" he begged. "How are we supposed to succeed in getting dates if we look like we can't even clean our clothes?"
Remus snorted. "You could always try something new," he suggested. "Like—oh I don't know—cleaning your clothes perhaps."
"But I need my wand to clean them." Sirius stamped his foot in a display of childishness that Remus privately thought was not going to help his argument.
"Muggles don't need wands to clean their clothes," Peter reminded him. "And they don't all walk round with dirty clothes on."
"Washing machines!" James suddenly shouted. "They use washing machines, don't they?"
"Hallelujah," Remus declared. "It looks like you actually learned something during the last four years of Muggle Studies after all."
"We learned plenty in Muggles Studies," James replied with an affronted sniff. "But since we don't have a washing machine it's only fair you let us use magic to clean our clothes."
Peter grinned wickedly. "There's a washing machine set up in the cellar," he said.
"What do you have a washing machine for?" Sirius asked. "You use magic to clean your clothes, I've seen you."
"Not everyone in my family can do that," Peter reminded him. "Besides, the washing machine isn't so bad really."
Sirius nodded firmly. "Okay, lead the way."
"You expect me to tell you what the washing machine looks like?" Peter asked with a giggle.
Remus chuckled beside him. "We probably should tell them where it is. Otherwise they might put their clothes in the oven or something."
"I know what the oven looks like," James told him as he started gathering up items of clothing by the armful.
Remus and Peter led the way down to the cellar, James and Sirius leaving a trail of socks and other items of clothing in their wake.
Remus helpfully pointed out to the boys which of the machines was the washing machine while Peter showed them the cupboard containing the washing powder.
James and Sirius nodded knowingly.
"I think we can take it from here," James said as he and Sirius shoved all their clothes into the washing machine.
"I think you might have to split that into more than one load," Remus suggested when it was clear that they intended to get as much stuff inside the machine as was humanly possible.
"You should separate your colours from your whites as well," Peter added.
"What for?" Sirius asked. "You're just trying to make us waste more time so we don't get the other things on the list done."
Peter raised his hands in surrender. "Suit yourself. But don't say we didn't warn you."
Remus shook his head at his friends' stubbornness and walked back up the stairs, Peter following at his heels.
"This way," Peter whispered when they reached the top of the stairs."
"Huh?"
Peter put his fingers to his lips and pointed to a small vent near the base of the wall. "You can hear everything in the cellar through this," he whispered.
Remus grinned and the two of them crouched down to listen to their two friends as they began their first attempt at using a muggle washing machine.
"Maybe we should do the colours separately," James said.
"I've only got one green shirt. If we do every colour on its own, it'll take all week."
"But what if something goes wrong?"
"What can possibly go wrong?"
"I don't know."
"If muggles can do it, it can't be that difficult."
James was quiet for a moment or two. "Okay, we won't separate the colours up. But even if we don't do that, we can't fit everything into the machine at once."
"Let's do the little stuff first," Sirius suggested. "That way if something does go wrong it won't matter as much."
"If something goes wrong," Remus whispered to Peter. "What's the betting they end up turning all their whites pink or something?"
"I think it's a definite something is going to go wrong," Peter replied. "I just hope they don't break the washing machine itself. My mum will kill me if they wreck it."
"We can always repair it with magic."
"I don't know," Peter said worriedly. "Dad says that muggle machines like cookers and washing machines aren't that easy to fix with magic. Too many small parts and things that can go wrong that you can't even see."
"Better keep a close eye on Padfoot and Prongs then, hadn't we?" Remus said.
In the cellar, James and Sirius were still arguing about what to put into the washing machine first. Remus and Peter sat quietly at the top of the stairs watching their friends, who had not noticed their return to observe.
"I can't close the lid," James said as he climbed onto the top of the machine, apparently intending to sit on the lid until he forced it close.
"You can't close it yet," Sirius said as he grabbed the box of washing powder. "We need to put the magic powder in first."
James hopped back down and Sirius opened the lid up again. "What's this doing in here?" he asked as he pulled out a large brown teddy bear.
"I thought Ted was a bit mucky and could do with a clean too."
"I thought you'd left him at home?"
"I never go anywhere without Ted."
Peter looked at Remus quizzically. "Ted?" he mouthed.
Remus was trying not to laugh. He had seen Ted a time or two at Hogwarts, but James kept his teddy bear very well hidden. He wasn't surprised that Peter had never noticed the toy buried in James's trunk. He had only caught a glimpse of it himself on the rare occasions James wasn't quite quick enough to hide it.
"You can't put a toy in the washing machine," Sirius was saying. "It's for washing clothes."
"But Ted needs cleaning!"
"Then you can clean him with your wand at the end of the week."
James looked sulky but took Ted off of Sirius and put him to one side. "How am I going to sneak him back upstairs again?"
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Can we get back to what is important here?" He gave James a stern look. "Is there anything else stupid in here I should know about?" he asked.
"Ted isn't stupid!"
"Anything else that isn't clothes then?"
"No."
Sirius took him at his word and poured what appeared to be half the box of washing powder into the machine.
Remus shook his head. Sirius obviously hadn't read the instructions, or if he had, he'd chosen to ignore them. They were going to flood the place with bubbles if they weren't careful.
Peter looked torn between going down to intervene and letting the course of events play out. Either way it was going to be interesting to see what happened when the washing machine got going.
Remus heard the telling sound of something being wrong with the washing machine several minutes before Sirius and James spotted something out of the ordinary. In their defence, the purebloods had no idea what a washing machine should sound like and had practically jumped out of their skin when they had first switched it on.
The machine was shaking in its spot against the wall so violently that it was moving out into the middle of the floor.
James was the first to realise the machine had moved away from the wall, when it bumped into the back of him. He squealed like a ten year old girl and spun round.
"It's got a mind of its own!" he yelled.
"My mum's gonna kill me," Peter moaned as James backed away from the washing machine.
Sirius decided to try another tactic, that of grabbing anything that was to hand and throwing it at the washing machine. The first missile was the half empty box of washing powder. The contents flew from the box as it sailed across the room, liberally covering James in the fine white powder.
James started to sneeze as the powder got up his nose. "Sirius, make it stop."
Sirius grabbed things from the cellar shelves at random and flung them at the washing machine.
Remus pulled out his wand ready to step in and take control of the rapidly escalating situation. Peter stood at his side, his own wand at the ready.
"Don't let them throw any of my dad's wine bottles," Peter whispered. "He's been collecting them for years and it's more than my life is worth to even breathe on them."
Thankfully Sirius was nowhere near the wine cabinet. He quickly realised that throwing things at the machine was having no affect whatsoever on the progression of the washing machine towards them.
"Let's push it back towards the wall," Sirius decided. He pulled a reluctant James towards the washing machine and they tried to ease it back into position.
Unfortunately the machine was heavier than they realised and the overuse of the washing powder was now causing the machine to spit out bubbles from the lid, which they had not fastened down properly. The slippery surface was not ideal for the two wizards to get a grip on as they tried to take back control of the situation.
"Maybe we should help them," Peter suggested quietly. He was clearly worried that the idiots would do something to cause irreparable damage to his mum's washing machine. Remus suspected he was probably right about that.
Before they could step down into the cellar the machine started coughing up bubbles at an alarming rate. They ran down the side of the machine and covered both Sirius and James.
James, who had been unfortunately open-mouthed at precisely the wrong time, found himself with a mouthful of soapy bubbles and he began to cough and splutter as he swallowed the vile suds.
"You aren't supposed to eat them," Sirius pointed out.
Remus suspected James's reply was something on the lines of 'I know that' but he could barely make out a word above the clanging and hissing of the washing machine.
"Need a hand, boys?" Remus said as he re-joined James and Sirius in the cellar. He could tell Sirius was dying to tell him no, and that they had it all in hand, but when it was so very obvious they had nothing under control at all, there was little he could do except nod mutely.
Remus pulled out his wand and pointed it at the washing machine. A quick spell caused the machine to halt and after one last splurge of bubbles it stopped completely.
"Having fun?" James asked as he scooped up a handful of soapsuds and threw them directly at Remus's face.
Remus spat out the suds and with a wave of his wand he sent his own sudsy missile towards James. James ducked and the suds hit Peter in the chest.
After that things turned into an all out war of soap suds with everyone throwing the bubbles at everyone else as they slid and slipped around the cellar.
Eventually they were too exhausted to do anything else other than lay there laughing.
"Just so you know," Remus said. "This does not count as doing the washing the muggle way."
"I suck at being a muggle," Sirius admitted. "They can't possibly be smarter than me, but I can't even do something stupidly simple like this."
"You could have tried reading the instructions on the box properly," Peter pointed out. "Honestly, what possessed you to put so much washing powder in the machine?"
"We were washing a lot of clothes."
"Yeah, too many for one load," Remus muttered. "On the plus side, I think you got so much stuff in there you might have avoided the problem of the colours running."
"The colours run as well as the machine?" James asked with horror.
Remus smacked him upside the head. "No, stupid. The colours blend together like paints. If you have a white shirt in the wash with a pair of red socks the whites turn pink."
"Why?"
"Just one of those things that muggles are trying to fix," Remus explained.
"Can you help us?" Sirius asked meekly. "Maybe show us how to do some of them and we can do the rest?"
"Are you admitting you need help?" Peter asked with surprise. "The great Sirius Black needs help from us halfbloods?"
"There's no need to crow," Sirius muttered. "Me and James didn't grow up round muggle stuff."
Remus sat up and gave Sirius a light punch to the arm. "It's not about what you grew up with. It's about taking notice of stuff. You both do Muggle Studies. You should know this stuff by now. This is every day stuff for muggles and I'm pretty sure you were learning about this type of thing in fourth year."
"That was ages ago," James complained. "It's different at NEWT level."
Remus snorted. "That's what worries me. If you can't even do the OWL stuff without screwing it up, there's no way you'll pass your NEWTs."
James and Sirius muttered something about not having to do practical stuff in Muggle Studies and they all set about putting the cellar to rights again.
Then Remus and Peter gave the others a lesson in how to do the washing with constant reminders that they were only going to show them this once, and the second load of washing would be done on their own.
Once they were done they sat down on the stairs and waited for the washing machine to finish the load.
"I can't believe we're only on the third day of this nightmare," Sirius complained. "I don't think I'm going to make it until the end of the week at this rate."
"Fourth day," James corrected. "I'm counting the day we made the bet as the first day."
Remus laughed at James's eagerness to get this week over with. Sirius looked at him pleadingly. "Okay, this is day four," he agreed.
"Thank goodness," Sirius breathed.
Remus smiled. He didn't admit that he was just as eager for the week to be over as James and Sirius were. They might use their magic far too much, but there was only so much damage control he and Peter could do. The longer they made the purebloods forego the use of magic the more chance there was of them doing something so stupid it would be impossible for Remus and Peter to repair the damage.
"So, what do you want to tackle next?" Peter asked.
Remus summoned the list from the kitchen and passed it to James and Sirius.
"Something easy," Sirius told James. "Pick something easy."
"None of these tasks are easy," James pointed out.
Sirius shot a look over his shoulder at Remus. "That's because Moony is an evil mastermind when it comes to bets."
Remus grinned widely. "Yep."