A/N: I'm feeling like I'm jumping the shark here. Really nervous for what you're going to think. Couldn't wait anymore to post the chapter, so that's why it's up so early! Anyway, I shouldn't be feeling like jumping the shark, because this has been the idea since the dawn of time of this story... I'm putting a stop to my rambling now. Enjoy ^^

I Don't Hate You

Chapter 17: Natural Mutations

"My attendings! On my surgical floor! Fighting!" the Chief said incredulously. "What is going on?"

They all looked down on their laps.

"Sloan. Did you start this?"

"What? No!"

"He really didn't, Chief," Addison tried to help, feeling too ashamed to dare calling him by his first name.

"Addison!" the Chief said, removing his glasses as if it would make him detect the truth more clearly. "Don't you even tell me you have something to do with this," he growled.

"Uhm, it's uh... Mark has nothing to do with this," she mumbled, glancing at Mark who was sitting between her and Derek, pressing an ice bag to his face. He had a cracked lip and a black eye.

"Then why would he be having a fist fight with my head of neuro?" the Chief raised his voice. He was now standing up and leaning with his hands on his desk.

No one wanted to answer his question. Derek was brooding with a broken nose no one had even mentioned setting straight. His lab coat was splattered with blood and he had blood smeared over the lower part of his face. He was pressing some paper underneath his aching nose to collect the still streaming blood.

Mark removed the ice bag and told the Chief with a dead tone of voice "Ask Derek."

The Chief glared at him for a moment then said "Fine. Shepherd, what was all this about?"

"Why do we even have to sit here? My nose is broken. I need to get it fixed," Derek complained.

"It can wait," the Chief said, his voice becoming more threatening and dark. "The important thing is your millions of dollars worth of hands. Are they fine?"

Derek flexed his fingers and shrugged.

"Yeah," said Mark.

"Good. Put back the ice bag on them," the Chief ordered. "Now, explain."

"I was angry," Derek began, "because Mark knew all along that Meredith had been cheating on me with my ex-wife."

The Chief looked confused.

"I'm sorry?"

"Addison and Meredith Grey are fucking and have been for a while."

This wasn't the way Addison had pictured the Chief finding out about them. She didn't like the way he was looking at her. He stared at her in an exploratory manner, one of his eyebrows lifted, but his eyes weren't curious, nor friendly, as they usually were.

She knew Meredith was very dear to him, almost like his own child.

This was brutal toward him. And it put Addison in a very dodgy situation since he was his boss and didn't seem to care for her as much as before.

It seemed like she just lost her chances for getting a promotion...

"Is this right?" he asked her.

She looked down at her hands, which she held tightly together in her lap.

"Yes," she mumbled.

The Chief sat down, letting out a long sigh. He looked much older than before.

Mark shoved her slightly in her side and cleared his throat. "But it much more than that, Chief," he said to help her.

Derek shook his head, muttering something that sounded like "I can't do this."

"You stay in your place," the Chief glared at him, then he looked at Addison.

"Addison," he said to get her attention and she looked up at him with big, threatened eyes.

"What the hell have you been doing with Meredith?" he asked, thrusting his fists onto his desk.

She jumped a bit and felt like a scared street dog.

"She's not a villain, Richard," Mark said.

Derek shook his head again and the Chief told him to keep quiet.

"I love her, Richard," Addison said, her voice trembling.

"What? What is this? You and Derek were an amazing couple. You were together for so long. Then Derek seemed to find something in Meredith as I found in her mother. But I stayed with Adele. Adele never got together with Ellis."

"We are not reliving your life and relationships, Richard," Addison frowned.

"I know that! But Meredith-"

"Didn't you call Addison here just because you found out about me and Addison?" Derek unexpectedly said with a bitter tone of voice.

"No," the Chief said. "Maybe. But I really did need her on a case, and look where that got me. Now I have the top neonatal surgeon this country can offer me. And, Derek, as an attending, going out with an intern is not okay; it's against hospital regulations."

Mark rolled his eyes. "But you would have preferred Meredith going out with Derek than Addison," he said sarcastically.

Addison lifted her eyebrows at him, surprised by how protective he was acting toward her against the Chief. It was strange, judging how competitive he was, during the run for Chief, how snidely he was approaching their boss.

"Get out of my office," he ordered him with such an authority Mark didn't even try to speak against it. With a last supportive glance at Addison he silently got to his feet, then giving her shoulder a squeeze before leaving the room.

"So," Richard said when they were only three in his office.

Addison glanced at the empty seat between her and Derek. Suddenly it felt like they were too close to each other.

"I want you to be perfectly honest with me," the Chief said quietly, which was even more intimidating than when he contrastingly raised his voice.

Both Derek and Addison looked at him, waiting.

"Did you do this to trump Derek, out of bitterness over your lost marriage?" he asked Addison.

"No! I love her! I really do."

"Derek?" Richard turned to him, as if his opinion was more important than hers.

"Why do you even ask him? He has nothing to do with this!" Addison protested.

"Don't speak to me that way," he told her as if to put her into her place, which seemed to be the case. They both glared at each other.

"Honestly Richard," Derek said, making them both turn to him instead, breaking their staring battle. "I'm not sure that is the case," he said, somewhat reluctantly.

Addison looked at him with surprise. Was he taking her side?

"I don't like this. I don't like this at all. What is going on with you surgeons? I'm not sure any of you are worthy being Chief," he said.

Addison and Derek held their breaths, waiting for their boss to take the word again.

He turned to Addison. "I'll speak with you later. You both are dismissed."

They got up, Derek took the lead and Addison lingered by the door.

"Am I fired?" she asked Richard, her long time friend and respected boss.

Richard took a moment to answer. Now he looked even more old and tired.

"No, I'm not gonna do that," he said and avoided her gaze. "You're way to valuable," he said barely audibly she wasn't sure she heard right.

She then left without another word.

~GA~

It was pretty late when she came home to Meredith that night. She hadn't seen her long enough to talk to her during the day and when she came home she wasn't downstairs, so she went upstairs where she heard voices from the bathroom. She recognized Cristina's voice. And that Meredith was crying.

She tip-toed, and listened, considering whether to interrupt them or not.

"What am I going to do?" Meredith said.

"You have to tell her."

"But she'll leave me."

"You can't know that."

Addison's heart sank. Was everything going wrong today?

"Oh my god... This isn't happening," Addison could barely hear Meredith say through the bathroom door. Her voice muffled as if she was hiding her face in her hands.

"Are you going to keep it?" Cristina asked gently.

The simple phrasing hid such a complexity, such a life-altering impact it didn't feel fair it could be so easily comprehended.

Still she didn't get it. She understood, but the information didn't want to penetrate her brain.

Meredith was...

It was surreal.

Addison didn't want to hear Meredith answer Cristina's question, it didn't feel right to hear that like that, so she knocked on the door.

"Oh, shit," Meredith said.

"It's just me," Addison said softly.

Cristina opened the door, then backed away. Meredith was sitting on the bathroom floor, her tear drenched eyes fixed on the thing in Cristina's hands. Addison's gaze followed and so did Cristina who gave her the stick with her head bent down.

Addison took it and stared at the little cross. Having made her world stop spinning she put down the stick on the sink where there was a whole bunch of similar sticks with crosses, smileys, hearts and other signs to indicate a positive result. She silently got down to her knees and took Meredith in her arms. Cristina sneaked out of the bathroom and left them alone.

Meredith started crying against her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," she said.

Addison burrowed her face in Meredith's neck, inhaling the scent of her hair and skin. She had a feeling she wouldn't be doing this from now on.

"It's okay," she lied stiffly.

"No it's not," Meredith sniffled, pulling away from Addison's embrace. "I'm so stupid. It's all my fault."

"No it isn't," she lied again.

Was this why Derek was so angry? Had they been sleeping together even after their breakup?

Meredith didn't say anything and neither did Addison. They sat close. The only movement was from Meredith hands who stroke away her tears that just kept on falling.

"When did you...?" Addison asked quietly. She didn't want to ask her directly if she'd cheated.

Meredith looked at her sharply. "Before us," she quickly said. "I would never..."

She nodded, not completely convinced, but didn't have the energy to fight in that moment. They were quiet. Meredith's crying slowed its pace.

"I'll get you some water," Addison said and stood up. It felt good to walk down the stairs, go into the kitchen, take a glass from the cupboard, take ice from the freezer, put it in the glass, fill the glass with water and walking back up to the upstairs bathroom.

She felt clearer and more grounded after putting some physical distance between them.

Meredith mumbled a thanks and drank some. Addison sat down on the toilet, clasping her hands together, while Meredith stayed on the floor, on the same spot she'd found her.

"How come you figured you were...?" Addison asked, letting her voice die out when it came to pronounce the P-word. She said it so many times during work, but right now that word was too loaded pronouncing or even thinking.

"When you mentioned your PMS this morning I remembered I haven't had PMS in a long time...," she answered in a dead tone of voice, staring right in front of her, without seeing anything.

"You want to keep it?" Addison asked.

"I don't know."

"How are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know... I have no idea... Can't I... I just- I just don't want to think about that part yet."

Addison nodded. She didn't understand.

They were silent for a moment.

Addison's thoughts were twirling around in her head. She had to find the courage to pronounce her questions she needed to ask. Meredith probably needed time, but Addison didn't feel like having consideration toward her. She needed, selfishly, to know.

"Did you... uhm... betray me?"

"No," Meredith frowned at her. "I told you. I wouldn't do that. It was complicated in the end with Derek of course, but I never slept with anyone else when we've been together. How can you even doubt me?"

"I'm sorry," Addison mumbled.

"Liar," Meredith whispered.

Addison got down to the floor in front of her. Putting her hands on her knees and sought her gaze.

"I'm a cheater, that's why I'd doubt you. Not because I doubt your love, but because I know how easy it is to betray the ones you care for. And just because I am a cheater... When I'm faithful for you... It would hurt so much more if you'd betray me."

Meredith bit her lip.

"I know," she whispered.

Addison relaxed and leaned back, sitting with her legs crossed instead of standing on her knees and leaning over Merediths'.

"There's another thing," Addison mumbled.

"Hm?"

"Let's say you're going to keep the baby... What kind of part would you want me to have in your life?"

"You mean if I'd dump you?" Meredith smirked.

"Why are you laughing?" Addison hissed.

"Because you're stupid."

"What? Why?"

"Do you really think I would want to leave you?" Meredith smiled.

Addison looked at her sadly, her lips suddenly trembling.

Meredith was quickly there and pulled her into a hug. Addison started to cry. She cried over the shock of these news, the uncertainty she was feeling over Meredith and her job and what had happened between her and Derek earlier that day and how she'd messed up the relationship between her and Richard.

"I love you, Addie. If I'd have a child I'd have it with you. I know you want children and I think you'd be a great mom," Meredith reassured her in a whisper near her ear.

"I love you too," she manage to get out. "Are you sure you don't want to break up with me?"

"Yes."

"Will it stay that way?"

"Yes," Meredith repeated and put her hands between Addison's cheeks and pushed them together. "You're being silly," she smiled. "Why can't you just let me freak out about this instead of making me calm you down. You are supposed to be the strong one. I have like... an alien or something inside of me. I'm only considering to keep it because of you. I'm not a motherly person, but you are. So can you just please let me freak out?"

Addison looked at her with big eyes. "Okay."

Meredith let go of her face.

"I don't know what to do."

Addison tried to snap out of her own freaking out and problems to be able to support her girlfriend the way she should. She took her hands in hers and tried to sound reasonable.

"You don't have to decide about anything right away. We'll take it one step at a time. I'll make an exam on you the first thing in the morning. We don't need to feel like this is real until after that."

"Okay. Thank you," Meredith said and Addison kissed her.

"Let's put on junky clothes, eat ice cream and watch a girly movie."

"But I have pre-rounds in the morning."

"Who cares?"