Want U Bad
Chapter Nine: Somebody's Watching Me
Dean couldn't help himself. They had went from kissing and it ended up as sex on the bar. He knew this wouldn't last, so he couldn't pass up a chance like this. He knew it would end.
She was dead.
He was dead.
This was just for memories. He wanted to remember her.
To remember this.
It was going to hurt a little more when he was dragged from this.
Shortly after, they sat in her car.
The backseat.
He wanted to hold her, once in his life, just hold a girl.
To hold Jo.
He couldn't tell you what was playing softly on the radio. He couldn't tell you what kind of car Jo drove. He couldn't tell you the name of the bar that Jo worked out of. His normal observant self was shutdown.
None of this was probably real anyway, so what did he care?
He didn't. To hell with the consequences.
"Why didn't we do this sooner?" Jo's voice had taken a laughing tone.
Dean sighed, "I was an idiot. I didn't realize so much. So much, that I wished I had."
You still don't realize.
It slithered across his mind, he knew that it was the woman.
He must have tensed up.
"What's wrong?" Jo had her head cocked slightly to the side, and an eyebrow raised.
"Nothing." Dean shook his head, trying to dislodge the voice from his mind, and return to the moment.
He tried to smile, but couldn't even fake it.
She would be gone soon.
He would be alone, and he just couldn't smile with those thoughts in his head.
OOOO
Castiel was so dizzy and sick at his stomach, that he was laying down on the couch and Anna was in the kitchen making him soup.
He had never been sick.
One of the benefits of being what he is.
What he couldn't be at the moment.
Anna had smiled, "Oh sweetie."
Then she laid him on the couch, with a warm blanket.
The soft kiss she pressed to his forehead, had caused the dizziness to worsen.
Everytime Anna touched him, it hurt. She must have done this.
She knew how to make it hurt. To twist what you want against you.
Castiel prayed for Dean.
God only knew what she was putting Dean through.
OOOO
It had been two days. Dean was still with Jo. He didn't know when it was. He didn't want to ask Jo. He didn't want to know.
He just waited.
Expecting to be taken from her every minute. But, he stayed.
He was crashing in her tiny, crappy apartment. She only worked at night, so they spent the day sightseeing, before going to the bar. Dean played pool, and made a killing. Every now and then, he would glance at the bar.
Reassuring himself.
She was so beautiful, behind the bar, where he taken her the first time. Laughing at the people who were sitting at the bar, probably hitting on her. She would look at him, too. And the moment their eyes connected...
Why did he ever let her go without kissing her?
Well, at least he didn't fuck it up this time.
OOOO
Castiel closed his eyes. He felt so weak.
When he opened them again, the tree was gone. The living room empty of all Christmas decorations.
"Dad?" A bored voice came from above him.
It looked like Anna, only younger, probably about sixteen and he noticed the girl had his eyes.
"Can I take the car tonight?" It must be his 'daughter', "You said I could go to the concert tonight."
"What?" Castiel couldn't process this quickly enough.
Time had jumped.
He felt weaker.
"Can I take the car?" She said every word like it had seven syllables.
"Ask your mother." He replied, he couldn't deal with this right now. He stood up, holding his head at the fuzzyness that filled his head.
He stumbled into the bathroom.
He was older.
Jimmy Novack's body had aged, taking Castiel with it.
He grasped the marble sink, as he felt the world spin. His eyes closed on their own accord.
It wasn't until he heard the banging on the door, that he reopened them.
"DADDY! I GOTS TO GO!" The girl's voice resembled the same tone as when he had first heard it.
He opened the door.
The same girl, only six.
OOOO
It was his tenth night at the bar. He knew that it wouldn't stay this way, eventually he would be dragged back into the present.
He had told Jo.
Not everything, just that he might be gone without an explanation, and he had asked her not to hate him for it. That he didn't understand what was happening to him, who was doing it.
He didn't tell her she was dead.
"Hey." She whispered into his ear. He put down the pool cue.
No one played him anymore.
"Donna said she'd finish my shift and we could leave early." She grinned at him.
Dean smiled, "Hell yeah! Lets do that."
He almost forgot that this wasn't real.
He watched her walk away.
Heard the beer in his hand shatter against the floor.
But the dizzyness...
He didn't even realize.
OOOO
"Daddy?"
Her name was Lilith.
Lily, for short.
Human Anna had no idea of the truth, no knowledge behind the name she had given 'their' child.
He cringed when he heard Anna say the child's full name.
Lilith Novack.
Apparently, he kept Jimmy's last name.
Anna said nothing about him not wanting to have sex.
Only smiled and made him more soup.
"Yes?" He tried not to be short with the child.
"Are you dying?" A tears filled the little girl's eyes.
"No." he replied.
She smiled and ran off.
Anna reentered, "Here is your tomato soup."
She had it on a tray, with crackers and a glass of water.
He liked eating.
OOOO
I miss Dean.
Dean groaned, he must be in Sam's mind again.
I have tried everything. Ruby says nothing will get him back...I don't believe it.
"So, you're trying to raise me now?" Dean asked, "What happened to keeping me dead so that your relationship with Ruby could continue?"
Dean looked around.
They were at his grave.
Sam was sitting in front of the white cross.
Oh...Dean. Why? Why'd you make that stupid deal?
"Stupid deal? It saved your life." Dean replied, rolling his eyes, mentally.
How am I supposed to live without my brother?
"How was I supposed to?" Dean asked.
What had happened to Sam?
The other time must have...
Dean couldn't explain it.
You'd be proud. I've lost my powers completely, ever since Yellow Eyes they have been fading, Ruby said I could get them back, but she won't tell me how. I am not going to risk it. I know you wouldn't want me to. I don't even remember my dreams, remember how bad they were? Now they are stupid, usually about something on TV. I don't remember any of it anymore...not really. I wish you could see it.
His powers.
He must not have started on the blood then.
Without the powers, Sam must have lost the knowledge.
He was Sam, again.
OOOO
Chapter 9.5: Jo Without Dean
It was Jo's crappy apartment. Dean had been brought back. It was dark and cold.
He found the light switch above the small table beside the door. Mail was scattered around the floor. And one lone envelope sat on the table.
To Mom.
It was marked simply.
Dean picked it up.
It held a single sheet of paper with Jo's handwriting covering it.
Sorry.
It began.
I just couldn't take it anymore. I love you, and I am so sorry for doing this to you. I just can't live anymore.
"No." Dean wanted to drop the letter, but he couldn't stop reading.
Dean has been dead for a year. A year, and I can't move on. I can't stop thinking, What If? Thinking about why he didn't tell me he sold his soul? Tell me he was going to hell. Mom, I think I loved him...that has to explain it, right?
I couldn't live without him holding me. We had a week. A year and a half ago, and I can't let it go.
So, the ten days was real to her.
I'm sorry.
xoxo Jo.
He carefully put the letter back in the envelope, trying to ignore his shaking hands. He placed it back on the table, and walked into the apartment.
How had she done it?
He pushed the thought away. He couldn't be thinking about this.
He walked to her bedroom.
He gasped.
She was laying on the bed.
Sleeping pills...
AN: I feel for Dean. I just keep fucking up his life haha.
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