A/N: Many thank yous to everyone still following my tale.
I was browsing youtube looking for some sort of piano composition that would suit the story - something that Snow might play - something that sounded... right... I guess. Anyway, take out the spaces, and here it is. http : / / www. youtube. com /watch?v=hYJUFFyRrf0 A very talented pianist created this moving piece, but I only used a portion of it - with permission of course! - I've left credit and links for their youtube channel and the full video if anyone wants to check it out! It's good stuff. Sorry about the quality of the repost, it's not as good as the original. That being said, I have the address in the body of the story as a prompt for the appropriate time to be heard.
Sorry about my long A/N! Please enjoy this chapter.
Their reunion had been surreal.
Lightning was in complete shock.
Snow had not wanted to leave her side after managing to haul her off the soiled floor and into a leather chair. She sat, never taking her eyes off him with a furrowed brow, as he pulled his own chair around to face her. He could barely sit still. His mind had kicked into overdrive and was moving too fast for words. Assuring her that he'd be back, he dashed out of the conference room to the main area and retrieved a bottle of cold water. Once she was more comfortable and refreshed, he hoped to get more than half a dozen words out of her.
Stopping on a dime in front of the small cooler at the beverage table in the main common area, the receptionist looked at him rather oddly, asking if everything was all right. Spinning around to answer her question, and with great exuberance, he advised her that everything was 'perfect', soliciting yet another odd look as he ran back down the marbled hallway.
Cracking open the bottle while he entered the room, he sat it on the conference table in front of her, taking his seat. Not taking her eyes off him, she sipped from the bottle.
He took her free hand in his and raised the back of it to his lips. She only watched him, fascinated.
"What..." Lightning croaked, quickly clearing her throat. "What the hell happened to you?"
Over the years he had posed that very question to himself. Every time he thought about it, his memories were sketchy and the events utilizing those memories were fuzzy. He knew only a few things and had come to a few different conclusions, but nothing that he could truly comprehend.
Beginning down the path he'd gone down in his own mind, he gave Lightning as best an explanation as he could.
He had her rapt attention as his full lips formed words given life by his warm and comforting voice. She had almost forgotten what he sounded like and every syllable was music to her starved ears. She never wanted him to stop.
"So I think I had a different focus. Well not different... I think I had a little something extra in mine. I think I was supposed to protect you... well... protect the group." He smiled and brandished his forearm in a familiar gesture. "Y'know! Be the hero!"
Lightning only blinked at him. "A different focus? What are you talking about?"
"Yeah, it's crazy. I know. I don't understand it either. Anyway, I don't know if I was really dead or not, but everyone thought I was and they dumped me in the morgue at the hospital in Bodhum. That's where I woke up." he looked down at his hands. "I had the strangest dream that someone had sent me back..."
"Well, if your focus had been to protect us... you did a pretty good job of it." She wanted to take his hands, but made no move to do so. She wasn't ready for that again so soon. "You were always ready to give it all up for one of us... and you did. For Hope. I didn't get a chance to thank you for that." I didn't get a chance to thank you for a lot of things.
Snow nodded, still looking down at his hands. He had never regretted the decision that had lead to his impermanent death or had caused him to lose almost everything in his life he held dear. He hated being at odds with the teenager, but the venom he spat at their every interaction after Snow's untimely confession would have a saint pissed off. And now, with Lightning, that was just below the belt. "You know that Hope knew I was alive."
She sighed heavily, knowing the truth. "I figured that once I saw you for myself. I just can't figure out why he wouldn't have told me."
He looked up at her, surprised. According to Hope, she didn't want to have anything to do with Snow and that he should give up on her. "Really? Aren't you two ... y'know... together?"
"What? Hope and I? Together?" she laughed coldly. "No."
Turning her head away to look out the tinted window, she fell silent.
But we could have been.
After relocating to a more comfortable venue, they'd spent all afternoon sitting and talking; him more than she, and mostly about mundane things. Getting to know you topics; the new government, what NORA had been up to and their expansion of territory, what she was doing, but not why. As the day drew to a close and piles of empty sugar packets were strewn across the tabletop on Snow's side, and she'd lost count of how many cups of coffee they'd sipped in each other's presence. It had been early in the morning when they discovered each other, but distant stars glinted in the sky as she only now glanced outside the window from the small cafe. Often Lightning found herself staring at the blond in a calm sort of wonder as it sunk in that he was actually sitting right across from her, constantly fighting a fluttering heart.
She didn't know how to approach the subject, but she wanted to know about Serah. Despite her lack of attempts to contact her little sister, she did care about what was happening with her. Somewhat ashamed to be thinking that way she couldn't stop herself from wondering if Snow thought she was the worst kind of coward.
It had been a long time since she'd seen her sister. In fact, she'd insured Amodar's silence when she changed her name before he reinstated her and sent her off on assignment. The beginning of her life in the wilds of Gran Pulse had been hard. Dealing with the pain of sobriety and the pain of reality had been almost more then she thought she could handle. Sometimes she though about ending her life; maybe going back to the place where she and Snow first confronted their impossible feelings for one another and take her life there. She'd imagined so many scenarios of how she might die by her own hand, or maybe she'd take on some overpowering beast who would best her and end her pathetic existence for her. She didn't feel that she could protect Serah anymore and maybe Serah would be better off without her back stabbing sister. At that point voluntary confinement might not have been the best course of action, but she had survived. Shortly there after she had met Zack and things had taken a turn for the better.
"So what about Serah?"
"Oh yeah. She's in university in New Eden. Been there for a while now." He paused as the waitress came to warm up their coffees. "Thanks." he smiled politely at the waitress.
Opening two packets of sugar, he dumped them and swished his stir stick around. "She's doing really great as far as I know. I talked to her a couple months ago. We... had different ideas about where we wanted to be in life. She told me that she wanted to make something of herself and that she didn't want to keep having to worry about my stupid ass..." He laughed slightly. "Well, she didn't say that exactly."
Lightning smirked, but she hated to hear him speak about himself that way. "Monster hunting is a dangerous profession."
"Yeah. I guess." he looked back down at his cup. "I don't suppose you heard about Lebreau."
"I haven't heard anything since that article in the newspaper about Hope."
He looked up. "You mean you saw that?"
"Someone brought me a Bodhum newspaper, and Hope just happened to be on the front page."
"Oh." So she had seen the newspaper article. The same article he insisted Hope be the singular star of. What a colossal mistake he had made. The kid was the hero, but now he kicked himself. Hindsight is twenty twenty... he mused bitterly. Snow sighed. "Lebreau died, about a month ago."
"How?" Lightning frowned, taking a sip of the strong brew. She knew him and the lone NORA female practically grew up together. They had to have been close.
"Accident." he didn't really want to get into details about it. He focused his blurring eyes on his hands resting on the table. "I was there when she..."
Lightning watched as he looked away from her down to the table, his voice softening, the loss still new. She knew how he felt. It was hard to lose someone you loved. She reached across the table and covered his hands with hers comfortingly. They didn't speak for a long while, but Lightning didn't take her hands away. The compassionate touch warmed them both.
When Snow broke the silence, his voice was hoarse. "Why didn't you call, Lightning? I mean, once Serah left I took over the old number. I didn't want you to call and not have someone at the other end, but never once was it you."
She didn't know if she wanted to recount things to him, even now. Though, she supposed she owed him an explanation at the very least. Neither of them met each other's gaze, and instead they both stared intently at their pile of hands in the middle of the table. Borrowing some strength through the physical contact with him, she began.
"I didn't know how to handle your death. And I didn't know how to grieve for you and be a sister at the same time. It killed me to know what I'd done to Serah."
"We. What we did to Serah. It wasn't all just on you, Lightning." Snow shuffled a hand to cover hers now.
"When you were gone it was..." she noted. "And back then I didn't do anything to stop it from happening."
"Neither did I." I didn't want to stop. I wanted you so bad that I could taste it. I still do. Snow added mentally, finding himself wishing she could read minds.
"Back then I thought that if I ran away I could just leave everything behind, so that's what I did. I ran. Like a coward; all because I couldn't admit what happened."
"What did happen?" He blurted out, instantly wishing he could stuff the words back into his mouth.
Her heart quickened at his query, words spinning in her head.
I fell in love with my sister's fiancee and I was too scared and stubborn to admit it. Lightning slid her hands out from under his, taking them back, feeling too exposed.
Dammit. Snow was sure he blew it.
Silence settled over them, the sound of dishes banging in the kitchen suddenly deafening.
"Did you guys ever ... get married?" She didn't know if she wanted to know the answer, but there was the question. Lightning hadn't seen the tell-tale symbol on his finger, but that didn't really mean much of anything.
"No. Things... happened pretty fast. After I came back, it was never the same between us." Snow considered the idea of telling Lightning about Serah's relations with Maqui, but decided it wouldn't serve any purpose other than to tarnish both the youngsters reputations. Besides, he was no one to judge. He never blamed the younger Farron for anything that happened. Crazy situations made people do crazy things. This he knew.
"I see." Came the simple reply. She saw that Snow didn't seem broken up about it, but he did have a few years without her under his belt.
Reading the young woman sitting across from him was still a challenge and even though a lot of talking had happened today they hadn't gotten to the most tender parts of their feelings. He wanted to tell her everything he'd thought about her, all the dreams he had, all the feelings that filled his heart during their absence from each other.
"Lightning?"
"Hmm?"
"I... uh..."
I'm in love with you, Lightning Farron. I can't remember my life before you were in it and I don't want to ever be without you again. He swallowed tightly, preparing himself to say those words.
"...I... really like your hair."
Inwardly he grimaced. Fool! You have her sitting a foot away from you and all you can manage to say is that you like her hair?
She blinked, confused at his out of place statement, but she fingered a piece of hair thoughtfully.
More silence.
Just like the old days.
They looked at each other and she felt her cheeks heat up, that flutter coming back to haunt her.
"I'm happy you're here." he whispered earnestly, smiling.
The look on his face was heart breakingly sweet, so reminiscent of days past that she couldn't help but smile back at him. He was always so honest. What you saw was what you got with him, and she realized she liked that about him too.
I missed you so much that everyday I thought death would have been better than a life without you. She wished she could say that, but it would sound so unnatural coming from her.
They sat silently for a few moments, just looking at each other, until Lightning cleared her throat spied the clock on the wall behind the counter. It was scandalously late.
"We should probably get some rest. We didn't do much mission briefing today." said Lightning, standing and smoothing out her clothing. Snow stood with her, panic rising in the back of his throat. He wanted to grab her hand and make her stay with him.
"Can I walk you to your hotel?" he asked her, picking his coat up from the leather cafe seat.
"Uh, sure. It's just down the street though."
"Oh. The Plaza? They put me up there too." he smiled, tossing some gil on the table, motioning her ahead of him.
"Oh. Gil. Right. Sorry..." There was no need for currency back where she lived, noticing awkwardly she had just made him pay for their evening.
He laughed easily. "It's my pleasure."
The streets were relatively quiet as they walked towards the hotel. A couple of times she felt the back of his hand brush against hers, sending spark after spark hurtling through her. The heady feeling of his heat beside her overstimulated her senses and the feeling to run was just as strong as the feeling to throw herself into his arms. She decided on neither.
Upon reaching the lobby, she turned around to face him, pulling her room's keycard from her pocket.
"Uh, you're heading up?"
"I'll see you tomorrow, General. Oh-nine-hundred again?" she said stiffly, offering her hand to him.
He took it and pulled her into a tight, warm hug.
"I might be wearing a monkey suit now, but I'm still the same old blockhead." She closed her eyes against him, feeling better than good, and thrillingly keyed up. She lingered in his arms, Snow didn't seem to want to let her go.
Breaking the contact, she started to turn away from him, but he laced their fingers together, stubbornly; familiarly.
"Wait."
When he didn't let her go she didn't turn around, she just stopped moving; her back towards him. Snow told himself that of course he'd see her in the morning, but he didn't want to let her go yet. He was sure that she'd tell him to go to hell, but he had to try.
"Snow?"
"I wanna show you something..." Without argument, he lead her to the dark little lounge and sat her down at the fancy wooden bar almost precisely where she sat last night. The memory of his voice seemed distant now that she had the real thing so close. "Wait here for me. I'll be right back, ok?" He started to walk away from her, and she glanced around the posh parlour. It looked the same as it did before, but there were no other patrons. "Don't go anywhere." he warned, turning around to make sure she was still sitting where he left her.
"I'm won't." she assured him with a roll of her eyes as he disappeared behind a set of heavy double doors.
The pretty brunette bartender greeted her with a smile of recognition. "Can I get you anything?"
"No, thank you. I'm fine."
She nodded, going back to her busy work. It looked like they were closing up for the night. The establishment was small and intimate, only having a dozen or so tables, and it was completely empty except for her and the woman cleaning up. She stared absently at the black grand piano in the middle of the main area while warm, undefined thoughts spread anxiously over her.
The soft ring of a telephone filled the silent space around her. Lightning listened as the woman answered it, spoke briefly and quietly, then hung up the receiver.
Lightning awkwardly picked up a coaster from the top of the bar and feigned interest in it as the woman went to the massive floor to ceiling picture windows, drawing thick, dark velvet curtains closed across them. Nodding to the singular patron, she bid Lightning a good evening and left through the same doors as Snow had. Now the only person in the empty lounge, she drummed her fingertips on the solid wood underneath her hand.
Taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, he finally reentered the abandoned parlour. He was only slightly surprised that Lightning was still sitting where he'd left her. He'd scarcely known what to do when she'd presented herself to him this morning in the conference room and now here he was, completely alone with the woman he'd fantasized about for almost half a decade. Clinging to those scare few memories they shared, hoping that one day he could have the privilege of creating more with her. But it was really starting to sink in now that he was here with her, she with him, and they together.
Snow didn't want to think about what he would be doing now if he hadn't accepted Yuj's offer to come to Leámonde in his stead. He'd have to treat him to a shopping spree, one hundred chocobos or something equally fantastic.
He slipped around behind the bar, reaching in the cooler to grab a beer. He needed help to gather his wits around her.
"Beer?" he asked, looking over to her, popping off the lid on his.
"No, thanks."
"Cocktail? Not that I know how to make any." he grinned goofily, feeling awkward as hell.
She shook her head, looking at him cockeyed, then looked at the beer in his hand.
"Oh, it's ok. I was actually back there talking to the manager. We go way back." Snow motioned with his thumb to the door. "I asked him if I could borrow his bar for a bit."
"I see." she said simply, trying to keep her voice even while the slight warmth from before began to grow exponentially. She was still trying to beat back the fluttering in her chest. "Hey... Were you down here last night around ten thirty?"
"Yeah, I came down with a couple people from my brigade, but I forgot something back in my room. I got tied up there, so I never did come back down. Why do you ask?"
"I heard you."
"What? Last night?"
"I was down here getting something to eat because..."
"...The kitchen was closed." he provided.
"Yeah. I heard your voice, and saw the door close behind you." she said, meeting his eyes. He didn't need to know that she ran out of the room after him like a lovesick teenager. He slid his thick fingers underneath her hand sitting cupped against the bar.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For not finding you sooner."
Lightning chuckled slightly. "I didn't make it easy for anyone to find me."
Coming out from around the bar, his pulse steadily quickening in his ear, he pulled her into his arms once again to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. "Believe me when I say that I wish this had happened years ago..."
She nodded silently, surprised when tears stung her eyes.
Without lingering, he released her and shuffled towards the piano. Placing a coaster underneath the damp amber bottle as he set it down on the piano, he took a seat on the bench patting the empty space beside him.
When she didn't move, he tilted his head in suggestion. "C'mere."
Carefully she removed herself from the stool and sat beside him, her posture rigid. She was close enough for him to be able to smell the natural perfume of her skin and hair. It made him feel bold; just bold enough to place his battle-hardened fingers on the cool ivory keys. Staring at the keys, he inhaled deeply and began the piece that he practised over and over again hoping against hope that one day he would be able to play it for her.
( http : / / www. youtube. com /watch?v=hYJUFFyRrf0 )
That day had come.
From the moment the first pure notes filled the room, Lightning was captivated. She had no idea that he even played an instrument, let alone one that was all but forgotten in their modern world. Watching his thick-skinned fingers move across the keys to weave the beautiful, albeit sad, melody was the last thing she thought she'd be doing.
Lots of surprises today.
The sounds he drew from the piano almost reflected the once sorrowful sounds of her heart. So much darkness and emptiness had found its way inside her, threatening to destroy everything that was left. She had almost done herself in thanks to it. Somehow she'd been saved in the darkness of that last night in the alleys of Nautilus. Even if she had to give up something in exchange to see the end of the longest night of her life, the light was only a pinpoint, but it had been there; waiting for her, never giving up. Something she never thought she'd use again had been sacrificed, but in the wake of the realization that even though she would most likely never see him again, she didn't care. She never wanted another man's touch, so why would she need to feel that ever again? She had thought it had been a fair trade.
The pin points of light had granted her new life. Like a phoenix reborn from the ashes, she had to go on.
Her heart swelled with the natural crescendo of the music, the lonely inaugural notes were now joined with lyrical partners as Snow's hands worked the keys, his hair obscuring his eyes as he concentrated.
Even if she had been fated to be physically without him for eternity, he would always be with her.
Lightning touched the knotted fabric on her arm. He made sure that she would never be without a part of him. Could she really have been able to deny the life that he granted her by sacrificing his own? It was for this reason alone that she chose to live. She had no idea their paths would ever cross again. The fact that death had always been a permanent ailment up until recently, she had no reason to think they'd ever be granted another chance. But once again life was out to surprise her. They had only spent the afternoon together, but already she felt the sadness being overcome, replaced by his overwhelming presence. It was like being forced under the freezing water, unable to breathe and eventually feeling nothing but numbness. Then, once all hope had been extinguished, the warm sun was once again on her face and all those choking memories were nothing but a bad dream.
Quieting her mind, she closed her eyes to listen to how every lovely note swirled around her.
Every part of this composition had been wrought from his guts. He had lost count how many times he'd played these sections over and over from his memory. There was no need to record it on paper, this song was how he felt in it's simplest form. When he couldn't speak aloud those words of confession meant for her anymore to thin air, he sat down on the black bench in the lonely Farron house to pour them out all over the keys. For all the things he said and all the things he did he found his only release; his only solace, in the caressing of something beautiful, even if it was all wood and wire and cold ivory when he so desperately wanted it to be her smooth, warm, petal scented skin. He would play this song for no one else; only for the one he loved with all his heart and soul.
Snow's hands fell still. From the peripheral, he saw Lightning take up his bottle and take a deep swig. Swallowing tightly, he was sure she hated it; it even drove her to drink! With the composition over, his posture slumped slightly, feeling painfully foolish.
Way to go, doofus.
Replacing it on the coaster carefully, she took a moment to collect her thoughts but eventually broke the stale silence of the room.
"I drank all your drink..." she admitted quietly. "Sorry. Maybe I should get one of my own."
She had no idea why she was controlling herself. He was warm and inviting sitting beside her, their thighs touching; knees rubbing together as he slowly pumped the pedals of the piano. What good would it do to deny herself what she had wanted for years? He wasn't married, least of all to Serah. Why was she hesitating?
He stood from the bench and instantly she regretted asking him to get up. An unwelcome breath of coolness tickled her bare skin. She sat and shivered once, forcing her spine straight. Soundlessly he came back, placing a new opened bottle on the coaster closest to her, retaking his seat, sipping on his own.
"That was... incredible." she said finally finding a voice.
"Incredibly bad." he added quietly, pulling at the label on the bottle. He knew it had been a bad idea when it came to him, but he needed an excuse to keep her with him for a little bit longer, partially because he thought she may disappear again and partially because he felt so complete with her sitting beside him. If he had to stay up all night to chase the dawn away he would; just as long as he didn't have to witness the end of this night. The strangling loneliness of the last four years was hard to forget even if they were together now, though with her help he was sure that it would feel like nothing but a nightmare.
She was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol and she boldly touched his knee, correcting him. "Incredibly beautiful."
His knee tingled. "Happy belated birthday."
...Belated birthday?
"Wait. That was for me?"
He nodded again, uncharacteristically quiet, tilting the bottle once again against his lips. "I wrote it."
She was speechless. Not only did he just shock the hell out of her by actually playing the piano very competently, but he had actually composed that piece himself with her in mind. No wonder it sounded so sad, considering all had that happened. Maybe he had been just as sad as she.
"Play it for me again?"
He glanced over at her. Her beautiful face was calm, her blue eyes softer than he'd ever seen them before. The lovely dark hair cascading around her face and down her shoulders was possibly the most breathtaking thing he'd ever seen. The years had been good to her and he found himself even more taken with her than he had been back then in the rain when he supported the weight of her body with his very own. Tracing a single fingertip across her slightly tinged cheek, he nodded.
"Of course." Snow would gladly play until his fingers bled if it pleased her. He would do anything for her, and that would never change.
With her request for an encore completed, he noticed that she had slumped against him. He poked her gently, glancing over at her almost empty bottle.
What a lightweight.
With a goofy grin on his face, Snow threw Lightning's arm around his shoulders to help her up from the piano bench. It would have been useful if Lightning had some control of her body, but as it was, she was literally asleep on her feet. Though, on the bright side, he was quite pleased with himself that he could lull her to sleep so easily. "Up we go..."
During their conversation today, she had mentioned that she was a bit sleep deprived, but he wasn't thinking when he offered her a drink. That obviously contributed to her current state.
The height difference was quite troublesome and so he made sure her arm was securely around his neck, his around her back and scooped up her legs. Her head lolled backwards.
She must really be out.
Shifting his weight, he managed to roll her head around so it rested on his shoulder. His hotel room was in the same wing of the hotel, just twelve floors up.
With his demigoddess draped over his arms, he allowed himself an indulgent moment where he saw himself holding her like this, lifting her across the threshold of their home together. The grin on his face widened and he chuckled quietly at himself, looking into her sleeping face.
Easy, lover boy. You have to tell her you love her first.
And he would.
There had been no question whether or not he was going to make good on his promise to profess his love for her, and he'd tried but it could wait another day. He had waited so long and dreamt countless times of touching her again and loving her in many ways, but he couldn't help smile at her now. After all, things had to be perfect; the culmination of four years of longing and loneliness. For his range of innocent, romantic daydreams to not-so-innocent fantasies – and everything in between – that featured the woman in his arms, he planned to not only be part of her life, but he planned to be the best part. Even though she had been physically absent for a long time, she had never been far from his heart.
Heading out the back door of the dim establishment, he wondered if it might be best to drop her off in her own room. He didn't want to move too fast or give her any reason to think that he hadn't been a perfect gentleman if she awoke in his suite. Much as it pained him, he reminded himself that even though he barely knew Lightning Farron before they had been so unceremoniously torn apart, he might even know her less now. He wanted to believe that she was the same girl he pined for; bought birthday gifts for; composed for, but he couldn't be sure that he hadn't over-inflated her memory. Even if he had exaggerated it so much to the point where she'd never be how he remembered her, he never thought for a moment that he couldn't love her for everything that she was now.
Once in the alleyway of the hotel, he put her back on her feet, leaning her on the brick wall. Stopping to look at her under the slivers of moonlight, the sight of her almost took his breath away. That striking hair of hers curled against the gentle angles of her face. She possessed such a confident beauty and the shadows that played on her skin loaned her an edgy mystery... even if she was murmuring cutely.
GAH!
He just wanted to squeeze her until she popped. Lightning wasn't even awake and he couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Their day of catching up had been almost like a dream and he ended up pinching himself a couple times to make sure it was real. For once he didn't have to wonder about how she felt; from the first moment he saw her on her knees, avoiding his gaze, he knew that she had been rocked to her core by the discovery that he was alive. Every bit of her body betrayed her when he finally got her to admit to herself that he was actually alive. After all, he knew what the last four years had been like for him – absolutely terrible, some days almost unbearable – but for her it must have been a whole other ballgame.
Eventually she had returned to the cool facade she was known for, but at the beginning of the day he had a rare chance to see her with her guard down. It only made him want to see her guard down more until it was non-existant.
Snow brushed aside some hair strewn messily across her neck, his fingers brushing against her skin, the small gesture encouraging his pulse to quicken.
He had at least known that Lightning was out there doing her thing, living her life as best she could. Life had put her through enough and he was convinced that she just had to be alright. Of course he had nothing to go on, but he swore that sometimes he could just feel that she was. Living out the remainder of his life with that knowledge would allow him to go on; sad and brokenhearted, but he'd survive... and maybe one day they'd meet again. He only hoped. On the other hand, if he were in her shoes and he was the one that thought she was dead... he couldn't even begin to imagine how he would have dealt with it.
Something like that had to fundamentally change a person.
"I hope you didn't give up on me, Light." he whispered, leaning in towards her, brushing her cheek with the back of his hand. "I never gave up on you. Not once."
She murmured incoherently again, this time jerking slightly in her sleep.
Snow had let himself get carried away... again. That seemed to happen a lot today. If he was being honest, he had wanted to be as close to her as humanly possible... maybe even closer than that. He was pleasantly reminded why he was hopelessly in love with this woman. But now it was time to get his lady somewhere safe and comfortable so she could sleep soundly and wake quickly to come back to him.
Kneeling in front of her, he held her against the wall with a steady hand on her waist. Sliding his fingers into the little pack wound around her leg he tried to locate her hotel access card. While he was digging around, he felt her twitch again, and the leg lashed out, almost kicking him square in the jaw. Losing his balance, he recovered, throwing his hand out behind him. Lightning was whimpering now, and he got to his feet, putting his hands on either side of her. "Light..." His tone was soft but urgent.
"No..." she hissed, her eyes still closed; mouth set in a deep frown.
"Light." he put a hand on her shoulder and shook her. She must have been dreaming, but from the sounds coming from her and the violent shakes, it had to have been more of a nightmare. "Wake up..."
"NO!" she screamed, her eyes flying open. "Get off me!" Her palms met Snow's chest and she heaved him backwards. Stumbling, his head spinning with confusion, he turned his palms out to her in a nonthreatening gesture. Upon closer examination of her face, her eyes were glazed over; almost looking straight through him. It didn't look like she even knew what she was doing.
A woman passed by the end of the alley, looking at them curiously. Snow smiled at the woman as disarmingly as he could given the current situation, hoping she'd pass by quietly. He heard the hasty clicking of her heels along the pavement as she scurried out of sight.
Turning his attention back to Lightning, he slowly closed upon her again as she flailed, fighting off something imaginary. He held her tightly against him as she wailed on his back, her cries muffled by the soft material of his haphazardly tucked in dress shirt.
"Light, it's ok. Wake up. Wake up." he repeated until she stopped flailing suddenly, her grip on him slackening. He pulled back to examine her.
"What happened?" she asked, shaking her head a little. A single tear dropped off her lashes onto her cheek and she wiped it away quickly. He could see she was trying to regain her composure, but whatever had happened rattled her.
"I don't know. I was looking for your keycard to put you to bed. I think the liquor laid you out... Where's your keycard...?" he rambled. Snow saw the tear and it shocked him. He'd never get used to a girl crying, especially Lightning, but now he felt it important to pretend as if he hadn't see it. Maybe she'd tell him about it later... although he wouldn't count on it.
Communication still seemed to be their Achilles heel. Their conversations today had been mostly filler; polite chatter aimed to skillfully cover up and detract from the more raw topics. In other words, they hadn't discussed anything with more than skin deep relevance to their relationship; or lack there of. He wanted to change that. No, he had to change that.
She shuddered slightly, reaching into her hidden breast pocket to retrieve the item. Shoving it in his hand, she turned her face away into the shadows just before another tear fell. "Get me out of here."
They made it safely to her floor, Lightning insisting on walking without assistance but Snow was burning to touch her again. It was almost painful to be near but not so near to touch. Her room was on the other side of the hotel, but he preferred that she be in her own surroundings after what happened out in the alley. She'd been fine until he started rummaging around in that pack...
Watching the hallway in front of her, Lightning considered the recently passed event of her strange nightmare. That's exactly what it had been. Firstly, she remembered being sleepy as she listened to Snow's soporific piano playing, recalling amazement as to how his fingers could create the most relaxing, beautiful sounds she'd ever heard. After that, there had been stirrings in her mind as she saw herself being pulled into a darkened alley. She fought against intrusive hands that made her skin crawl as they left trails of filth in their wake. A heavy presence on her chest, pinning her unwillingly; fingers breaching cloth and fleshy barriers.
Opening her eyes to the darkened alley scared her, but it was Snow's calm aura and soft voice that soothed her.
Even so, she hadn't thought about that event in years. Why think about it now? Was it selfish for her to want him to take it away; to help heal her long lost hurt? She wondered if he would if she could ever even begin to explain things.
Ugh. It felt like someone was playing blitzball in her stomach.
A shaky breath escaped her lips.
"Lightning?"
His voice. She was weak in the knees already from being dozy and from the alcohol in her system, but it was his voice that did the strangest things to her.
They arrived at her room. She stopped at the door and turned around to face him. "This is me."
"Oh." He examined the door behind, then at her. "Will you be ok for the night? If there's anything you wanna get off your chest..."
This was her chance. She monopolized his company all day and now he issued an opened ended invitation.
Her mouth opened to seize it, but she hardly believed what actually came out. "No. I'm fine."
Snow heard what she said, but somehow he wasn't feeling it. His heart fell. So, she still didn't want to talk to him after all; but again, he desperately didn't want to let her go. He nodded, pushing his suspicions about her actual intentions aside.
They stood looking at each other.
Snow had a distinguished air about him despite his claim that he was the same old lunkhead. Maybe it was the suit, or maybe it was the lack of black head accessory.
She wanted to invite him inside.
He didn't want to let her out of his sight.
"Uh. I need the room key back."
"Oh! Right. Yeah. Sorry." said Snow lightly, pulling the plastic card from his pants pocket. Surrendering the card to her, he easily caught her hand in his, taking a step towards her. She tensed, her fingers tightening on the edge of the card.
Say something, you idiot. He scolded himself. Don't let her get away.
"Uh, how's your finger...?" That was the second time tonight he blatantly attempted to extend the duration of her company. He hoped that she hadn't noticed.
Trying to control her breathing as her head filled with nothing other than the rough texture of his skin, she couldn't spare any attention to remember what he was talking about. "Ummmmm..." She felt him trace from the injured tip down and across her palm, the keycard falling silently to the carpeted floor. He had always had more than his fair share of self-confidence, but now it seemed to come more naturally than before. Whatever it was, it made his presence more intoxicating than it had been the first time they met exposed under the moonlight on Pulse. Lightning was about to tread on dangerous territory yet again. Even though she had done nothing but wish against a simple reality, now that her wish had been granted she found herself pulling away when all she wanted was to give in to it all.
Between her stomach lurching with anticipation, unhelpful brain and burning skin she was in dire risk of transforming into a boneless mess.
"Your finger." The irony of the situation was not lost upon him; he had waited so long to even be within arms reach of her, but he found himself lacking the guts to do anything now that his prayers had been answered. Thanks to the deflating words from Hope that kept knocking around in his head like a spiked ball, he felt incredibly unsure of himself. What if she actually harboured feelings for his young friend and lied to cover them up?
In spite of that, he took another step towards her, scarcely being able to help himself.
Did he really care about that after all Hope had done?
Now he found he had little control over what he was doing; like there was something bigger than him at work.
"Oh, that." she muttered. The feeling of his mouth around her wound had been thrilling as it immersed her into a world of physical stimulation. She had thought it was a dream until he brought her around to see his reality. Things were starting to feel like a dream again but not depressingly empty as before. Would being with him make her feel like this all the time?
I could get used to that.
"It's fine."
Working his way up her arm with his strong hand, he murmured her name, closing the remaining distance between them.
Twirling deftly out of his grip, she swept the abandoned card off the floor and past the reader to unlock the door. "Well! Good-night!" she said with an awkwardly innocent smile. Pushing the barrier between them closed behind her, leaving poor Snow out in the hallway, she turned to rest against it, sighing.
As the door was slammed in his face, he stood looking at it, only blinking confusedly.
What the...?
Raising a hand to knock on her door, he thought better of it. This all had to be a lot for her to take in, and the last thing he wanted was to become a point of anxiety for her. Maybe he'd read her wrong all along. Maybe she didn't have any interest in him anymore... but what about the conference room? The hand on the knee? The touches... the longing glances...? Maybe she didn't know what she wanted. Maybe she really was with Hope now as the boy had said... Frustration welled up within him.
But he knew what he wanted. He wouldn't leave her now.
Sliding down the wall next to her door, Snow hung his head between his knees, arms stretched out in front of him. He didn't feel like going back to his room to be by himself... at least this way he could be near her but still alone. And if she were to pull her disappearing act, she'd have to get past him first.
He was alive. The man she gave up physically, but remained forever in her heart, was in her life again. She barely knew what to think, or what to do next.
She moved away from the door, and went to her bag to pull out her night clothes. Trying not to think of anything at all, she dressed in her black satin pants and matching camisole, standing in front of the mirror to examine herself. Taking her hairbrush in hand, she ran the bristles through her tresses over and over again, trying desperately to clear her mind. Wavy black hair fell over her shoulder, and she twisted a few strands around her finger absently. Still riled up, she put the brush down on the counter, removing the two brown bands off her arm and set them by the sink. She closed her eyes and remembered Snow's touch on her skin, tracing his finger over her palm. She'd locked up their memories, especially once she thought he had left her alone in this world. Her sanity had depended on never again thinking about the man who held her heart. But it was all different now. She left the bathroom and paced around the room, Interceptor raising his head off the bed to look quizzically at her. He'd probably been in that same position all day and even though she'd only been in her room for ten minutes she was already going stir crazy. Maybe some fresh air would help...
Thinking about Snow, she wondered how could she wallow in the old memories when she wanted so much to make new ones with him? Free of guilt, free of fear, free of deadlines. They had all the time in the world now.
Snatching her keycard for her suite off the desk, she slid it in her pocket and hurriedly threw the hotel room door open, almost tripping over something hunched over, partially blocking the entryway. She stopped dead in her tracks as he raised his head to look at her.
Her mouth dropped open in slight surprise.
"Hi." They both said at the same time, laughing nervously.
He hadn't been to his room yet, she guessed. He was still dressed in that charcoal grey suit and loose blue tie that set off his eyes, of course, in typical Snow style, the jacket was undone and the shirt haphazardly tucked in. Of course he hadn't gone back to his room, she hadn't been inside her room very long before she wanted to see him again and came rushing out with intent. But now she couldn't help but stare at him mutely.
Had he planned on sitting out there all night?
"Uh, were you going somewhere...?" he looked her up and down once, appreciating her change in apparel, getting to his feet.
"Do you want to come with me to take my dog for a walk?" she blurted out entirely too fast, unable to hear anything over the renewed pitter-patter of her heart.
"Dog? Oh, I... um... yeah. I mean... Yes!"
Down in the small deserted courtyard, she let a sleepy Interceptor off his lead to go sniff in whatever bushes he felt deserved his attention. The usually protective dog had sniffed Snow a few times during their initial meeting, but had not bothered with him the whole way downstairs.
The evening air was pleasant. Much more so than what she was used to; drier and a quite a few degrees cooler. They found a wooden bench to sit on side by side as the curly haired canine pranced through the well groomed grass.
"I didn't peg you'd for a dog person." Snow smiled, watching the animal in question.
"I'm not. I got him as a ... gift." She had come to love the pooch Zack had given her, but she still didn't like dogs in general.
"Well he sure is an interesting fella." Snow laughed. Interceptor was happily rolling around in the dewy grass. He watched Lightning smile at her four-legged friend.
Considering what to say next, Lightning breathed in the light evening air, shivering slightly against it's shadowy coolness.
She thought for a long moment, but he spoke before she did, at the same time removing his coat to lay over her shoulders.
He spoke quietly to her, not knowing how this was going to turn out. "There was a guy in Nautilus... when I went to look for you. He said that he..." Snow paused to find the right words. He had wanted to ask her about him since the incident happened so long ago, but now he didn't want to directly quote the busted up man. "That he slept with you."
Lightning growled lowly, clenching her fist. She couldn't help but wonder if he had believed that bald faced lie. It was impossible that he could have thought that she went with that trash willingly, but stranger things had happened. "Lowest of the low are the men who try and take what they want by force. He should consider himself lucky that I left him with a tongue to make such a claim."
Snow turned towards her, concerned. She remained stoic. "Lightning...?" Repeating back in his head what she had just said, he soon realized what she had meant. He recollected his own encounter with the man and the guy's battered face. He should have known that it was Lightning who had taught him a lesson, but at what cost to herself? What horror had she endured at his hand? Snow was sure that he didn't want to know the details; they would only serve to inflame him more, and he was pissed enough already. But more than that, he was heartbroken for Lightning. "If I would have known what that guy did to you... he'd be pushing up daisies right now." He gritted his teeth. "I knew something wasn't right." He couldn't imagine much worse than having someone force themselves on you and even though she was a soldier, it had been obvious to him from the first time he held her that she was a woman first.
Interceptor meandered back to them, nudging Lightning's hand. Clipping the lead onto his collar, she stood, pulling Snow's masculine scented coat tighter around her frame. He guessed the time for talking was at an end for now. Snow added his arm protectively over her shoulders as they made their way inside.
Freeing Interceptor of both his collar and leash, she waved Snow into the room in front of her, closing the door behind them. The mutt reclaimed his usual side of the bed, yawning and closing his eyes, totally relaxed and apathetic to the hulking male caller his master had in her private quarters.
Standing somewhat uncomfortably in the middle of the room he looked around noting the small differences between their temporary living areas; a lamp in a different place, the clock on the other side of the nightstand... From the corner of his eye he watched Lightning move slowly to the table by the picture window, setting the leash down without a sound, letting her hand linger there for a moment. He saw her posture stiffen slightly as she breathed in and turned to face him, his own body reacting to the slight movement; breath coming to him shallowly. His coat draped over her shoulders was more than charming. Way too big for her small frame, it swallowed her up, but he could see the gentle curves of her body passed the unbuttoned front.
The privacy of her room was both thrilling and alarming, and after finding her second wind out in the cool evening, Lightning couldn't stand the distance between them anymore. Summoning as much courage as she could, she voluntarily breached her comfort zone by crossing the distance of the room to stand in front of him, grazing the front of his body with hers. Never leaving his gaze as the world withdrew around them, she could see only him; longing and vulnerable, the shadows of disappearing heartache behind his bright blue eyes.
Caressing his stubbly cheek, he covered her delicate hand with his, leaning into the touch, letting his eyes slip shut. The flesh of his cheek warmed under her palm; his slightly parted lips forming a kiss when she traced their lines with her thumb. Looking over his face, she was unable to stop from committing every handsome feature to memory, secretly glad his eyes were closed as she took her time. The messy blond locks she would have died to run her hands through a week ago, his darker brows, short thick lashes lining his eyes, the smooth planes of his unblemished skin, slight crinkles at the corners of his mouth. She adored every little detail from every prickly patch of five o'clock shadow to the pronounced lump in his throat.
Incredibly nervous and not wanting to seem over-eager when it came to her own advances, her mind whirled at the prospects of being alone with him, now only satin, cotton and air between them. Only in her dreams had she done things with him that would make her blush in reality, and it was almost too much knowing that no longer would life pale in comparison to her midnight reveries.
Her destination were those plush lips under her thumb as she leaned towards him.
Acquiescing to the gentle draw of her body, he dipped his head as she sought his gently parted mouth.
Touching her lips to his softly, experimentally, her other hand came to rest on his stout shoulder.
It had been much too long since he felt the softness of her skin and the taste of her lips against his. With his eyes closed he could hear the pick up of her breathing and the feel of her fingertips pressing into his flesh. Pushing his coat off her shoulders and onto the floor, he circled her waist with his strong arms, pressing against her lips with weighty need. Once again he reminded himself what she said about that creep in Nautilus and how horrible that must have been for her. Additionally he did not have any details about what the man had done to her to deserve such a brutal beating, but he was sure that he'd deserved it. He realized that after being confided in, he needed to be considerate of her and made a promise to control himself and move at her pace no matter what. Saving himself for her had not been a problem and he figured since he'd waited this long he could more than spare the time for her to get on the same page.
Breaking the kiss, Lightning relaxed against him, standing on her tiptoes. With both arms now wound around his neck and her hands barely dipped past the line of his golden hair, she nuzzled the warm skin of his neck. Embarrassed by the shame that threatened to keep the words locked up in her throat, she could only whisper passed his ear.
"Help me forget."