Time to wake up

Must every day be like this? Always fighting, always at each other's throats? Would it ever end? I know I don't make it any easier. I never admit I'm wrong, it's just the way I am. He should know that.

Sitting beside my friends I search the room for him. That's what I do. I search. I feel lost in this school. If I could find what I was really looking for, I'd take it and run. I'd be gone like a bullet. I wish these people would just let me go. I'm not what they want me to be. I'm tired of searching, tired of looking.

I want to leave. To finally get away from it all.

I'm a little rough around the edges

It takes me a while

To admit that I'm wrong

Some people say I'm lost

I'm searching for something

If you find it let me know

Or let me go

But if I leave where would I go? Would I just wander? It actually didn't sound bad, I'd be free and I wouldn't have to see him every day, wouldn't constantly be searching. If he can't give me what I'm looking for I don't want anything to do with him.

I can't pretend I'm content with just being friends. I'm leaving. Tonight. I love the idea and I'm hoping I'll have the guts to go through with it, and maybe I will. It hurts too much.

I've been dreaming if I stay around he'll notice me. But it's time to wake up. He won't notice me.

I don't know which way to go

I don't always know what the future holds

Not staying here I gotta go

I'm leaving

So tell me goodbye

Take my time

Cause I gotta find if it's right

Cause I'm dreaming my life away

And it's time to wake up.

I wish I wasn't so timid as I step into the girls dormitories tonight. What will I tell my friends? Should I break it to them gently? I laugh at the thought. I've never been gentle. They know that. They learned that quickly. I smile at the thought of my first train ride.

I step into an empty compartment and finally sit down, enjoying the quiet. But all too soon I get lonely, and I wish Al were here, or Teddy, or someone, anyone really.

I curl up on the seat and just as I'm about to fall asleep the door slides open. I open my eyes and see two girls; one with dark hair and eyes, but pale skin. I recognize her as Neville's daughter, Alice. I've never talked to her despite all the times we've met. The other girl I don't recognize. She has skin that's been tanned by hours in the sun, fine blond hair and dreamy blue eyes.

Alice smiles, "mind if we sit here?" I shake my head and finally sit up.

"This is Elizabeth Thomas. Lizzy, this is Lily." I smile and try to be kind even though I'm scared to death of talking. Eventually I overcome my shyness and when Dom comes in and starts a bet I break my silence and guess one more than Lizzy. They all stare when I speak, but soon were all joking and laughing together.

Later we see James and ask him how many times he's gotten detention. I was right. They all stare in disbelief as I collect my money.

I step inside, sit down with the same three girls, in the same uniform, and they give me the same look of shock as I tell them I'm leaving and why.

Dom won't talk to me and Lizzy's crying but Alice understands and she looks at me with open mind and open heart as they help me pack up my stuff.

As I step into the dark corridor I don't let myself regret leaving them. I gave them a chance to tell me to stay, they didn't have the heart to stop me and my heart was too torn to stop myself.

I'm a little shy

But wait till you know me

Just take me for a ride

It won't take you long

Look in my eyes

Is there something you see

If you want me let me know or let me go

I almost make it without running into him, but he catches me at the gate. I wish I could throw myself into his arms like they do in all the muggle movies, but he still has a girlfriend and I'm still just Lily so instead I smile and simply say, "I'm sorry, I wish I'd told you." He looks at me like I'm crazy but it doesn't matter anymore.

I don't know which way to go

I don't always know what the future holds

Not staying here I gotta go

I'm leaving

So tell me goodbye

Take my time

Cause I gotta find if it's right

Cause I'm dreaming my life away

And it's time to wake up.

"Don't leave" he says and even though I have to go I can't watch him hurt.

"Don't worry, you'll see me around" I know he takes this to mean I'll be back soon and I don't correct him. If I do he'll never let me go.

I have all my money in my pocket and my bags are already on the other side of the gate so he doesn't know how permanent this is. I'll buy a ticket at the train station and as I climb the gate I wonder where I'll go. It doesn't matter, all that matters is getting away. Going as far away as possible.

I don't belong here

So long

I'm not at home here

If I'm wrong

I'll take the first train

That's on its way

Back to where I'm from

But you'll never

I gotta take a chance

You gotta let me go

So let me go

Let me go

I look back from the outside and watch him walk the first few steps.

Then, just inside his hearing range I whisper, "Goodbye Scorpius.

I don't know which way to go

I don't always know what the future holds

Not staying here I gotta go

I'm leaving

So tell me goodbye

Take my time

Cause I gotta find if it's right

Cause I'm dreaming my life away

And it's time to wake up

My heart aches as I get in the train, headed to Romania.

And as I sit there on my way to Uncle Charlie, I never stop crying. When I venture on to the streets of his small town I wish to see his face, I wish I'd told Scorpius the truth.

I wish he knew how much I love him.

Because really, the heartache will most likely never end.