All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. All original characters and storylines belong to me. Me! ME!

I'm sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. I've just returned from Comic Con 2010 and will be posting a con report on my blog, as well as links to pictures, sometime this week.

Check out my blog for updates: gkkstitch-gkkmouse(dot)blogspot(dot)com

Chapter 20: In the pain, there is healing. In your name, I find meaning.

Edward stayed attuned to Carlisle's thoughts as he followed Felix to Aro's chambers. When he was sure that Carlisle would be safe, he turned and found Bella watching him. He knew her eyes had been following him the entire time. Their eyes locked and the library around them dimmed and faded away. There were no Volturi. There was no Italy. There was only their love for each other, leaving them floating alone together in the vast universe.

His feet moved him forward, responding to an invisible power that constantly pulled him to her. No matter how far apart they were, the gravity of the other kept them tethered. On the rare occasion they needed to be apart, the pull became even more insistent, demanding their bodies to reconnect, whether it was a few feet or miles. The two of them made up the whole and allowing any space between them violated the natural order. No matter how mundane or safe the task that separated them was, simply being apart left an uncomfortable void: shopping with Alice, inspecting property with Carlisle, setting up their next home while the other stayed behind to pack. Here, in Volterra, with so much doubt and uncertainty hanging in the air, even a few inches between them had the painful feeling of being a universe apart.

Edward crossed the room and sat next to her. All he wanted in this moment was to shed their clothes and hold her, pressing every possible inch of her skin to his, but he settled for wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her close as he kissed her forehead, leaving his lips parted against her skin to breathe and taste her.

"I love you," he whispered against her skin, feeling the now familiar thrill of electricity race across his lips where they touched.

"I can't believe we both pounced on Aro like that," she said, shaking her head slightly.

Edward frowned. "It was stupid of me. I couldn't let you put yourself in danger like that."

Bella leaned back and looked into his eyes. A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "And I couldn't let you. Don't you see? We both had the same reaction. We knew we had to stay together. It's the only way for us." Her smile grew more at the thought. "It makes me happy to know that staying together is as strong as our instincts."

"You weren't afraid?" he asked.

"I was afraid for Esme and Carlisle," she admitted. "I was afraid your stubborn gallant side would come out in a misguided attempt to keep me safe."

"My concern for your safety is never misguided, Bella," Edward insisted.

She raised an eyebrow at him, her expression wry and incredulous. "Never?"

He couldn't hold back his smile at the irony. In addition to loving her, he would also spend eternity paying for leaving her nine months after she came into his life. "All right. I'll give you that one."

She kissed the corner of his mouth. "My point is... we're always stronger as a whole than as individual pieces. I know you feel it, too."

She rested her hand on his thigh, curling her fingers behind his knee and pressing her shield out to him. As he felt her let him into her thoughts, he took a deep relaxing breath to let go of the stress that had him coiled so tight. Bella looked up at him and watched his eyes change from deep concern to tenderness. She brushed her lips softly against his. As he heard her thoughts, he felt more at peace and completely consumed by her presence. As her mind opened and reached out to his, the essence of her curled through his mind and chest and limbs, just as her arms curled around him now.

When Edward had first glimpsed the pieces of Rolle's mind, he could see the way Rolle clutched at the memory of Gillian, trying to create a place in his mind with the woman he loved holding him forever in her arms.

Edward sometimes feared his mind had done the same thing.

Even after ten exquisite years as Bella's husband, there would be moments when he would wonder if she was real or if he was still hiding in a nondescript attic of a Brazilian ghetto. Was he still holding the phone to his ear, the battery long dead and Rosalie's signal lost in the atmosphere? Was he sitting there, covered in dust and cobwebs with Rose's words trapped in an awful repeating loop: "She's dead, Edward." His mind had broken then, too, just like Rolle's. The despair that this blissful life with her was a figment of his imagination would lick at him like flames and tear at his skin.

Seeing her sometimes wasn't enough to convince him it wasn't all in his mind. Her smile and her face had long ago been burned into his eyes even before he left her. It had both haunted and comforted him during those months away from her. When he thought she was dead, it was all he had of her. No, just seeing her wasn't enough to convince him of the truth of her.

Touching her would douse the flames of doubt, but nothing—not even making love to her—could extinguish them as entirely as her beautiful, complex mind when she allowed him into her deepest shield. He was assured of her existence because there was no possibility he could ever imagine the creative and ridiculously selfless way her mind worked. It was utterly unique and completely, maddeningly, unpredictable.

Will Carlisle be all right? she asked. Edward replied with a silent nod.

But you're still worried, she nodded once with a subtle shrug.

Bella decided to ask the harder question. Can we trust Aro? Edward's answer was wry half smile that did not feel like a 'yes.'

Doubt crept into her eyes. Should we be worried?

Edward raised his hand to trace her cheek and jaw. When he glanced at Rolle who sat forlorn and dejected beside Esme, Bella followed his gaze. Without saying a word, she knew what Edward was implying. Aro would be foolish to antagonize Rolle. She did not know if it was possible to have enough cunning to get around Rolle's mimic gift without being discovered. But how much did any of that really protect Edward and herself, and even Alice, from Aro's plots and schemes.

"I don't know," Edward spoke at last, "but I trust Carlisle."

When Edward looked up again, he found Rolle standing next to Bella. The immediate jolt of panic to protect her did not surface. Instead, an image came to mind—one of Rolle throwing himself in front of Bella to protect her when Alec attacked.

"Can I talk to you?" Rolle muttered, staring at the floor.

Bella glanced at Edward. She expected to see his hard stare and intractable expression. After what happened today, she thought there would be no way her husband would ever let Rolle within arm's reach of her. However, Edward was staring at his friend with a deep mixture of sadness and sympathy. Bella knew instantly that Edward was hearing Rolle's mind, and that meant that Rolle's mental state was at least moderately stable.

Is he... okay? she asked Edward.

Edward squeezed her hand and looked at her. Their exchange was quick and silent: a conversation of nuances in body language and expressions that only lovers attain.

Reassured by Edward, Bella's answer was welcoming and fearless, "Of course."

Edward brought her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. He stood to give up his seat to Rolle and paused. "Did you need privacy?" he asked.

Rolle shook his head, managing a faint smile of thanks.

Edward walked across the library to Esme and sat next to her, knowing she was anxious about Carlisle and smiling when she hugged his arm in both of hers.

Bella continued to look at Rolle, but he stood where he was, either unwilling or unable to take the seat beside her. He looked lost and troubled. She took his hand and pulled him down to sit with her. He complied easily but still remained silent and wouldn't meet her eyes.

After a moment of silence, Bella rocked to the side and nudged his shoulder with her own. "Hi," she said.

The flicker of a smile showed that he knew what she was trying to do. "Hi."

"How have you been?" Bella asked, hoping silly pleasantries would help put him at ease.

This time the faint smile lingered longer. "Oh, you know; same old, same old. Depressed, lonely, a psychotic rampage here and there. Nothing new."

Bella nodded, keeping her nerves in check. "Same shit, different day?"

"Pretty much," he muttered and with a labored sigh, he shook his head. "I only made things worse for you both."

She debated how honest to be with him, but lying about their predicament now was pointless. "Maybe a little, but after hearing Caius' rants I really don't want to think about what could have happened if he had been left unchecked. We understand why you did all of this, Rolle, but you undervalue what you mean to us." Rolle glanced at her. "We couldn't be happy knowing you were sacrificing so much for us, you goofball."

He seemed unable to let go of the mess he'd made, and Bella huffed through her nose. "Look, I finally got Edward out of his brooding, so don't you go and take his place."

Sitting within easy hearing distance, even for a human, Edward shot her a scowl even as he smiled.

"Hey!" Edward tried to keep from smiling back at her.

"I broke my promise." Rolle put his elbows on his knees, and leaned over until his forehead was in his hands. "I don't... I feel..."

"You had no way of knowing any of this," Bella said. "You spent the last two months with us, and even we didn't know how bad it was for you. We only started to suspect what you could-"

Rolle started shaking his head. "Bella," he interrupted, "That's not... I cheated on Jill."

"What?" She had to have heard him wrong, but he could not repeat the shameful confession.

Bella was utterly stunned. She didn't know what to say to him. It was the last thing in the world she ever expected him to say. He was so much like Edward in so many ways; she couldn't even imagine such a thing happening.

"Did she know?" she asked, trying to cover her own internal conflict.

Rolle shrugged. "I guess. She sees everything now, right?"

His words didn't make sense. Bella was still reeling with this, struggling to fit it into what she thought she knew about Rolle. "Did you guys ever talk about it?"

"I tried," he whispered, "but it would help if there was some way I could know for sure that she heard me."

Bella turned to look at him, completely confused now, but wondering suddenly if they were talking about different things. She stared at his slumped shoulders and thought of a question that could provide her answer. "When did it happen?"

"Last week," he said with an unfamiliar crack in his voice.

The world seemed to rock back onto it axis and Bella felt an uncomfortable tightness in her chest relax. She had never realized before how much she equated Rolle and Edward until that moment. She felt like a fool for even feeling anxious about it, but couldn't deny the relief she felt knowing it hadn't happened the way she thought. There was nothing imagined about the pain Rolle was in now, though, believing he had betrayed his true love.

The gravity of her realization stuck her. The three of them shared a sense of truly destined and eternal love, something beyond even that of vampires and their mates. Rolle and Gillian had found each other as humans. Bella herself was still human when she found Edward. It was clichéd to think of themselves as soul mates, but what else could it be called? Something linked them together so completely that the power of it evaded definition.

Edward, however, focused on a more practical aspect of Rolle's admission and couldn't stop himself from interrupting.

"You-you what?" he asked, stunned.

"I had sex with someone else."

"A human?" Edward asked again, pressing for confirmation.

Rolle nodded, chagrinned.

"But... how?" Edward said, the word sounding more like a gasp.

A fleeting look of confusion, then incredulity, and finally embarrassment washed across Rolle's expressive face. "I... you know. What, do you want the mechanics?" he whispered in shock.

Edward rubbed his hand hard over his face. "No! No, but how did... Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to... physically... be with Bella?"

Rolle opened his mouth, but had no idea what to say. He simply shook his head and shrugged helplessly. "I don't... think about... you know, you guys, doing... stuff."

"What?" Edward gasped, stunned. He never meant to imply any such thing and gaped at the thought that anyone would spend time thinking of Bella and himself being intimate. He shook his head to get the conversation back on track. "No! No, Rolle, how did you have sex with a human without hurting her?"

"I-I don't know. I just did it," Rolle stammered.

"Edward," Esme said softly, resting her hand on Edward's tense arm. As Edward looked at her, she smiled knowingly at him. "How do you think he knew how not to hurt her?" she said, glancing at Bella before she added, "He learned it from you."

Although Bella appreciated Edward's dismay about the possibility that Rolle could do such a thing, she knew Rolle needed to talk about the fact that he felt he cheated on the woman he loved. She rubbed her hand across his shoulders. "She's been gone for a long time, Rolle. She would understand."

Rolle gasped and looked at her. "Would she?"

He needed to know. Bella understood now why Rolle needed to tell her. Rolle viewed her opinion as if it were coming from Gillian herself, and she knew without a shadow of doubt that Gillian would have wanted Rolle to find a way to be happy.

It was so easy to picture their roles reversed. Bella knew there would never be a love for her like Edward, and knew in her heart that the same was true for Rolle. Even if they tried, nothing could equate to what they shared with their heart's mates.

What she had always believed as a human—that the world would simply be a desolate place without Edward—was even truer now after ten years of marriage; their life together had only strengthened her conviction. If she were to die, she would want Edward to carry on and try to find happiness, even if it would be impossible in many ways.

She understood so much better now, what Rolle had done all these years, even if he couldn't face the truth of it. No matter how impossible it had been for him, no matter that the truth was masked in a lie he created for his own sanity, Rolle was trying to live without Gillian. She felt her heart swell as she remembered Edward discouraging her from trying to convince Rolle of the truth.

Rolle had lived, but had never been happy. He didn't want Bella to justify what he'd done. Right now, Rolle needed her to reaffirm what Gillian, herself, would have said if she could: try, no matter how hard, to be happy.

"Of course she would! She loved you!" Bella said earnestly, despite never having known the woman. "She wouldn't want to see you so sad and alone."

Rolle's eyes closed as he shook his head. "I betrayed her memory; everything we were together."

Bella heard his words and understood completely: finding comfort in the arms of anyone else would feel like infidelity. She would have felt the same if she were trying to exist without Edward. Seeing it from the other side, though, she knew she couldn't bear to see Edward living with this kind of sorrow for eternity. If there were any possibility that he could find something that could hold the pain at bay, even for a while, she would want that for him.

"I know it feels that way," she whispered, "but you didn't." She shook his shoulders when he groaned in argument. "It would tear her apart to see you like this, Rolle! Do you know how I know that?" She knew she had his attention. "Because it would tear my heart out to see Edward like this."

Her breath shuddered and she pushed past it. "She's alone, too. She's somewhere without you right now," Bella gently pointed out. "Would you want her to be hurting like this?"

Rolle crumpled even more into her arms, as his hands ran into his hair so hard he was in danger of pulling out fistfuls. Gillian was alone. She was alone and it was his fault. He was a murderer. She had been the color in the sky, the music in the wind. She had been his, and he had let his pain and rage turn him into a monster. He dropped his forehead onto her knee as a sob caught deep in his chest.

Bella wrapped her fingers around his, silently urging him to break his grip. Before she could hurt herself trying to stop him, Rolle let his hands go slack. She stroked his head, resting her cheek on the back of his shoulder, and told him the one thing she knew he needed to hear more than anything else.

"You will never stop loving her just like she will never stop loving you. Nothing you've done and nothing you will ever do can change that. Ever. You said it yourself; that kind of love is what makes the stars burn."

She held him quietly, soothing him with her touch and nuzzled her cheek against his shoulder as she comforted him. Deep in the bowels of the castle a cello began to play, its gentle vibrato resonated through the cool stone halls. Chopin's sonata curled through the air as Bella let Rolle rest there with her. The notes themselves sounded old, layered in dust and wisdom. As the last lingering note slowly evaporated, Rolle's fingers slid gently over hers and with his breath, a final word.

"Thank you."

~•~

Aro regarded Carlisle with an amused smile, secretly glad of the proof that Carlisle enjoyed their talks as much as he did, but they had put off the harder discussion long enough. As the recent events crept around in the growing shadows in the corners of the room, the weight of Aro's responsibilities pulled the smile from his face.

Carlisle understood the reason. He had been glad for the reminder of the reasons he liked Aro, but there was an elephant in the room and they needed to discuss it. "I'm sorry about Caius," he began. "I feel responsible."

Aro was shaking his head as soon as Carlisle started speaking and held up his hand to stop him. "You did nothing."

"But Rolle-" Carlisle tried again.

"Was acting defensively in response to Caius' threat against your family," Aro finished, but there was no malice in his voice. "I'm partly to blame for letting it go on for so long and for lending credence to his postulations by sending Marcus."

Carlisle stayed quiet out of respect. He still felt guilty about their part in all of this, but he couldn't bring himself to speak ill of a man that Aro had know for millennia.

"Familiarity after so long breeds acceptance, I've found," Aro mused as if speaking to himself. "To hear another's voice year after year, you sometimes find yourself mixing your thoughts and theirs." Aro looked up to find Carlisle looking uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, my friend. I'm making you feel awkward."

"I expected you to be more..." Carlisle floundered for a word that wouldn't sound insulting or demeaning.

"Outraged?" Aro supplied and sighed heavily, looking across the room over his shoulder. "Caius was the son of an archon; a brilliant man in his own right, but outshone by Caius nonetheless. He was truly a case of the son surpassing the father. Where his father was known for strength and cruelty, Caius also applied wisdom and strategy to the mix. I'm convinced he would have changed the course of human history if left to his own devices when he was mortal. It was actually he who first conceived the notion of the Guard, you know," Aro admitted.

Carlisle listened in silence, not really surprised by Aro's revelations, but still in awe of them. The world was so very different and so very large—and mostly undiscovered—three thousand years ago.

"We discovered each other shortly after we were turned, but he had no idea that there were those of us with special powers. I think, at first, the prospect frightened him, but he had an advantage that few had then, and that was education. He could read. He understood war and government and politics. I admired him greatly, but I think he began to long for those days, needing conflict and chaos to feel challenged in his immortality.

"It's actually Jane who I will mourn," Aro said.

"Jane?" Carlisle was surprised to hear this.

Aro nodded. "She looked on me as a dutiful daughter would look upon her father. She was extremely efficient and immensely loyal. Oh, don't give me that sanctimonious look, Carlisle," he said, seeing the disbelieving look on Carlisle's face. "As a doctor, surely you can appreciate the difference between pain and death."

"Yes, but she may have had a little too much enjoyment in her duties," Carlisle said carefully.

Aro waved this off. "I don't fault anyone for taking pride in that which they do well."

Carlisle tactfully decided to drop this line of conversation.

"I'd much rather teach someone a lesson than destroy them. She and Rolle would have made a delightful team, but alas..." Aro's words trailed off along with his dreams of what could have been.

Carlisle was quiet, knowing what he wanted to say, but hesitant to broach the subject even as he was eager to be done with it and back with his family again. "How will you teach Rolle a lesson?" he asked quietly, not surprised to see Aro's eyes tighten.

"I'll admit that I'm torn with how to deal with him. I find it hard to condemn him for what happened today when it's obvious he has no idea how to control what he does." Aro's face hardened. "He lied to me, and that I will not tolerate, regardless of his reasons."

Carlisle wanted to interject, but had spent enough time around Aro to know he wasn't finished talking.

Aro reflected on how his own hands were partly at fault for Rolle's condition. He closed his eyes and steepled his fingers remembering the day he destroyed his sister, Didyme—Marcus' mate. It happened only a few hours after Marcus made Rolle. If he had only waited a few more days to kill her, perhaps Rolle would have been safely ensconced within the Guard before Marcus learned of her death. The last sixty-six years could have been spent honing the boy into the tracker and enforcer he was born to be.

Aro sighed and clasped his fingers. First, wronged by himself, then Marcus, then the Romanians—he made a mental note to deal with that situation soon—and left untrained, wandering the oceans in madness... perhaps the boy had already paid for his lie. It was, after all, a lie made necessary because he had not quelled Caius' paranoia.

Aro opened his eyes and looked at Carlisle, thinking of the ultimatum he had delivered: Carlisle's life, if the boy killed again without permission. He was sorry he demanded it now, but he would not rescind it.

"You should let me destroy him," Aro offered in a kind voice.

Carlisle knew Aro meant his words to be a validation of their friendship, but he could only hear the coldness in them. "I have faith in him," he said.

Aro smiled. "Of course, you do. Your faith makes you believe that a leopard can change his spots."

"Or that a vampire can change his diet," Carlisle replied.

Aro laughed, shaking his head. "This is why I don't worry about you, my dear friend. You may have come face to face with some harsh realities recently, and your faith may have wavered but it has never left you. You're simply too stubborn."

"Speaking of stubborn," Carlisle said, rising from his chair as he sensed their conversation coming to an end.

"Ah, yes. Young Edward and his Bella."

"They have concerns."

"I'm sure they do." Aro looked annoyed a moment before resignation washed it away. "You know the position I must occupy here, and the appearance of control and command with the Guard. My hands are tied... for now."

Carlisle frowned at the qualifier to Aro's words.

"If they bring Rolle to me when he's needed, we will leave it at that," Aro said with a nod.

"For now," Carlisle repeated, not hiding the sneer in his voice this time, but it only made Aro smile.

"For now." Aro's brown creased into a frown. "Do you understand the responsibility you are burdening yourself with?" When Carlisle did not answer, Aro felt obligated to enlighten him. "You will be his keeper, as much as his teacher, and there is no time-constraint on how long this might be necessary. If the boy cannot learn to control his abilities..." He shook his head.

"Family ties don't have an expiration date, Aro," Carlisle said.

Aro nodded. "But he isn't yours. He may not struggle against the leash I have placed in your hand, but unlike Alice and Jasper, it isn't his choice. With his inability to discern his own intentions from others..." Aro suddenly felt uneasy about his decision and the risk he was demanding Carlisle to take.

He tapped his finger against his lips as he considered ways to safeguard his friend. "I want the boy bonded to me."

It took all of Carlisle's control not to gape. "What?"

Bonding between vampires was rare and punishable by death except between sires or mated pairs. Vampires were bonded to those they made; their venom creating the link between childe and sire. Mates would sometimes bond themselves to one another in a mutual exchange of venom through bites in the throes of passion. But to ingest the venom of another vampire outside of these exceptions was to forfeit your will to another. The act was so deeply frowned upon by vampires that it was not only the Volturi who punished transgressors. The bond could only be forged voluntarily and without sense or sign of coercion, for only in death would the bond be broken, freeing the otherwise enslaved vampire. These bonds were so deeply scrutinized by their society that not even the Volturi had ever employed them. Aro preferred Chelsea's gift instead, which allowed him to produce the same effects without the stigma of the actual act.

"If he asks to bond himself to me, then I will know he cannot go against my wishes."

Carlisle carefully considered his words, not wanting to give Aro the wrong impression, but if truth be told, his first reaction was worry what Edward would do if he knew Aro suggested this. It made no sense as Marcus was Rolle's sire and there was already a bond, of sorts. He furrowed his brow thoughtfully, masking his own feelings.

"You have an opinion?" Aro asked, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"I... have... concerns," Carlisle was able to say without sounding judgmental.

"And they are...?"

"Well," he began slowly, making his way around his chair, "as you've said, what has happened here today can hardly go unnoticed, and if you allow Rolle to go with me to help him learn to control his gifts, it could be called into question why he would voluntarily bind himself to anyone, since he already bears a prestigious lineage as Marcus' childe."

Aro's lips were tight, both annoyed and amused. "Are you trying to... how do they say, handle me, Carlisle?"

Shaking his head, Carlisle knew even Aro had his boundaries. "Not at all. I'm only trying to shine a light on how others may interpret such an action. You're the one that's always saying it's all about perceptions, not facts."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with Edward's reaction to such a request, would it?" Aro asked boldly.

Now Carlisle smiled, knowing Aro was testing his honesty. "Yes. Edward's head might literally explode if he knew you made this request."

Aro burst into laughter. "Now there's an image," he was able to say after a moment. As his humor calmed, he grew serious again. "It's you I'm worried about," he confessed. "I don't trust his ability to control himself. Do you think he would agree to bind himself to you?"

Carlisle's eyes went wide in surprise.

"Surely, even Edward can see the merits of such a bond," Aro pointed out.

"Me?" Carlisle whispered.

"As his teacher, I think it would be prudent, don't you?"

After experiencing the devastation that Rolle's powers could unleash, the trust and faith Aro was showing in him left Carlisle speechless.

"I've already commanded him that he's not to harm you, but I don't have his loyalty. I doubt he would ever consider hurting you or your family, regardless. He holds you in high esteem, but Edward was correct in his description that a beaten dog can still bite a loving hand without intending malice. In Rolle's case, however, his attack would be more than a bite, no matter how guilty he felt about it afterwards."

Carlisle took his seat again and just stared at Aro.

"Do you think he will agree?" Aro asked again. He watched Carlisle for an answer a moment more before taking matters into his own hand. "Let's ask him, shall we?"

§∞•••∞§

A/N: Love and thanks to my beloved and loving peanut gallery: Irishgirl, Songster and Emmanuelle Nathan. Thanks to Nikki Pattinson over at Twilighted for her super-fast validating of my chapters.

In the pain, there is healing. In your name, I find meaning.
"Broken" by Lighthouse
http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=RFGyqHEkfN8
(this is Rolle's song, and worth listening to all the lyrics bcuz it's SOO him)

Gregor Piatigorsky plays Chopin Sonata
http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=OqipjgPDYxk

By the Boab tree - Angela Little, Australia soundtrack
http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=1ycPgshuhLw
http:/www(dot)australiamovie(dot)net/soundtrack-lyrics/#boab