When I woke up the bed was empty and I began to think it was a dream. Until I saw a diaper laying beside my head. A boys diaper. That meant the only toddler boy in the house was running naked somewhere. I jumped up. I found his pajama top and bottom down the hallway and I groaned. What I found in the living room had me frozen to the spot. Lena was wrapping toilet paper around Luke who was bouncing with excitement. That was nothing compared to the thing that lay next to them. The empty Oreo box. The day before it hadn't even been open. These kids had devoured an entire package of sugary cookies! Lena looked back at me and grinned, black crumbs surrounded her mouth.
" Look!" She cried excitedly pointing at Luke. I just stared at them with my mouth gaped open. Then I finally got over my shock and I knelt down next to them dreading the day ahead of me.
" Luke why did you take your diaper off?" I asked trying to control myself.
" I don't like diapers." He said shrugging. I clenched my teeth and pulled him in front of me so I could begin unrolling him.
" No!" Lena cried grabbing my hands.
" Why?" I asked.
" We're not done playing!" She said rewrapping what I had unwrapped.
" You two can play with something else. And how did you get the cookies out?" I was really curios about that. I had put them where they couldn't reach them! Lena shrugged and I began unrolling Luke again. When the last piece of toilet paper came off he sprinted away. I reached and grabbed his ankle.
" Hey!" He cried. " No fair!" He whined as I sat up and grabbed him around the waist. He struggled but I was stronger.
" Lena you want to do something for me?" I asked the bouncer child. She nodded her head enthusiastically, unruly curls bouncing everywhere.
" Go into the bedroom, get in the blue bag and get a diaper." I said. She nodded again and ran out of the room.
" I don't wan' another diaper!" Luke screamed. I covered his mouth with my hand. Right then there was a knock at the door. I yelled for whoever it was to come in, I wasn't letting Luke go, and Emily came, followed by Sam carrying bags of groceries. They both froze when they saw me. Then Sam was laughing.
" What is going on?" Emily asked trying to hide her own laughter. Lena came running. Naked. Holding a clean diaper for Luke and holding her dirty one with her finger tips. I groaned as Sam laughed harder and Emily gasped.
" Lena." I sighed as she came to me and dropped the diaper in my lap. I cringed.
" Sweetheart, your not supposed to take your diaper off. Sam go put the groceries in the kitchen." Emily said kneeling down beside Lena.
" Luke don't have a diaper on!" Lena said sticking her chin out.
" I am putting on him." I muttered pushing Luke down so I could get him covered up. He pouted and I rolled my eyes. Emily stood up and reached out her hand for Lena. Emily led her down the hallway and went my room, closing the door.
" We were wondering how you three were getting along." Sam said sitting down on the couch behind me.
" I just woke up a few minutes ago and found the two of them in here. Look at this! It wasn't open yesterday and they ate it all!" I said holding up the empty Oreo box. Sam's eyes widened.
" Wow." He said.
" Lena had Luke wrapped up in toilet!" I exclaimed as Luke began struggling with me. I let him go now that I had the diaper fastened tight. He went and picked up the bundle of toilet paper and began trying to wrap himself in it. Sam chuckled and I sighed.
" Emily bought enough groceries to last you three two weeks." He said and I looked back at him with a frown.
" She didn't have to do that." I said. Sam shrugged.
" Look!" Luke shrieked. I looked over at him and groaned when I saw he had wriggled out of his diaper again. He was grinning that evil grin once more. I reached and grabbed him around the waist.
" Stop taking them off." I said warningly but he only giggled in response. I grabbed the diaper and quickly put it back on while he struggled.
" Do not touch it again." I warned. He stuck his tongue out at me and I popped him lightly on the chin. He looked at me shocked before he began screaming. He wasn't hurt or crying. He was just mad. I put my hand over his mouth and he bit me. I yelped and let go. Luke made a break for it and was caught by Sam.
" The little twerp bit me!" I yelled.
" Yep!" Luke said proudly. Sam bit back a laugh and I got up.
" You do not bite me." I said when Sam handed him to me. I popped good on the butt and carried him Jared's bedroom. I set him inside and closed the door. He was silent before I heard screaming and he began banging on the door. Sam watched me with a raised brow.
" Wow. Your doing pretty good." He said. I grunted in response as my bedroom door opened and Emily came out with a fully dressed Lena. She had on white shorts and a yellow t-shirt. Her hair was pulled back in pigtails. Emily had gotten the chocolate off her face and I had to admit she looked pretty cute and innocent for a kid that rolled an entire roll of toilet paper around her brother twenty minutes before.
" What's wrong with Luke?" Emily asked concerned.
" He took of his diaper and bit me. So I'm punishing him." I answered as Luke's pounding stopped and his wails grew louder. My anger melted and I felt bad.
" Do you think he's been in there long enough?" I asked.
" No leave him in there for at least five more minutes. He has learn he did wrong and this what happens if he does it again." Emily answered, bouncing Lena.
" Now, what's happened since yesterday?" She asked. I told her about the day before at the store, me trying to shower but not able to because of Lena, dinner, and Lena getting sick. Emily was laughing by the time I was finished and Sam leaned against the wall with a smirk.
" I still need to take a shower." I muttered.
" We have to be going. You know what you could do to take a shower is take them in the bathroom with you and give them something to play with. Let them draw or something." Emily suggested.
" I don't want them in there while I shower. And I don't have anything for them to draw on." I said crossing my arms. Emily rolled her eyes.
" It's that or you don't shower at all. And I bought a box of crayons and two notebooks." She said.
" Fine." I sighed. Then I opened the door to let Luke out. I found him laying flat on his back. His hands were covering his face and he sniffled. He peeked out from between his fingers and sat up. I knelt down beside him and he whimpered.
" Are you going to take your diaper off again?" I asked and he shook his head with a sniff.
" Are you going to bite me again?"
" N-no." He whimpered. I nodded and motioned to the door.
" Then you can come out." I said. He got up and wrapped his arms around my neck.
" I'sowwy daddy." He whimpered. I stiffened and looked at him. That was the first time he called me daddy and it sent a pang in my heart. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him close.
" It's okay buddy." I answered. Then there was a flash and I looked behind me. Sam was holding Lena and Emily had a digital camera in her hands.
" That. Was. The. CUTEST thing ever." She said turning the camera around so I could see the picture. I rolled my eyes and stood up.
" I'm hungry." Luke said.
" Of course you are." I said unsurprised kissing the top of his curly head.
" I bought pancake mix, eggs, and orange juice." Emily said.
" Thanks." I led the way to the kitchen where sat Lena down at the table.
" We'll be going now." Emily said and, after hugging the kids goodbye, left.
" You've already had sugar this morning so is it okay if I fix you eggs?" I asked. Lena nodded and clapped her hands. I smiled and sat Luke down beside her. I put the groceries up and began scrambling us eggs and toasting bread. Breakfast was a whole lot cleaner. Only a few pieces of egg landed on the table. I really wanted to shower so I decided to try Emily's idea. I put the dishes in the sink and led the two of them to the bathroom with the notepads and crayons.
" Will two stay in here while I shower and draw?" I asked. They nodded and I handed them the coloring things. I grabbed a towel and undressed in the bedroom before wrapping the towel around my waist. I grabbed some clothes and went back to the bathroom where both were drawing happily. Lena was humming a made up tune. I turned the water, got it warm enough got in before taking the towel off and putting on the sink next to the shower. My clothes were on the sink in reach for when I was finished. It seemed to be going good. Until I heard strange gargling noise and giggling.
" What're you two doing?" I asked suspiciously.
" Nothing!" They both said together. I knew that meant they were doing something. I opened the shower curtain a crack and gaped as I watched Luke pushing down the toilet handle over and over with a grin on his face. My clothes were in the toilet and Lena was stuffing my towel in it as well. They didn't just get hyper when they had too much sugar. They got evil.
" Paul! I'm back!" I hard Jared call from the living room.
" Jared! Get in here!" I yelled.
" What are you doing?" He called from the other side of the door.
" I'm showering!" I called back. " Come in here!" I yelled.
" Gross no thanks!" He called.
" Get in here before these two evil kids ruin something else!" I screamed as Lena stuffed a roll of toilet paper on top of the wet mass. The door opened and he poked his head in. his eyes landed on Lena and Luke and his mouth fell open.
" Stop them!" I yelled as Luke grabbed my toothbrush. Jared caught his hand in time and stared down at the toilet. Luke pulled himself free and ran out of the bathroom. Lena followed, skipping.
" Will you get me a towel so I can get out?" I asked clenching my teeth. Jared left and came back with a clean towel. I wrapped in around my waist and got out, stomping out of the bathroom to look for the two demons. I couldn't find them anywhere. I was about to panic, thinking they'd left the house, when I heard muffled giggles. I soon learned that when they were both giggling, it wasn't a good sign. I followed the giggles to my closed bedroom door. I turned the handle and hissed when it was locked. Their giggles grew louder and I heard a crash and knew that was the end to my bedside lamp.
" Jared go get me the chainsaw!" I yelled. Jared came out of the bathroom holding my toilet water soaked clothes with the tips of his fingers.
" Paul I'm not getting the chainsaw. Move over." He said dropping he clothes. I moved and, before I could say anything, he'd kicked my door down. The kids giggles halted and they stared at me with wide eyes. I clenched my teeth and tried to calm down before I phased in front of them. An hour later, the two of them were in two different corners, both with stinging rear ends, sniffling. Five minutes were added every time they left the corner. There were also no locks on the doors except for the front and back door locks.
" So how have you been holding up with the two angels?" Jared asked dumping the remains of my lamp in the trashcan. I growled in response and he laughed.