Scary Voice: Ryuu Squall, you have been brought to the attention of this court for gross Fanfiction neglection. This type of despicable cruelty to the Fanfiction could lead to you being banned from ever owning another one again.
Me: Owning?...
SV: Do you dare interrupt the court?
Me :Um…
SV: Do you deny the charges?
Me: I must admit I haven't updated this for ages…
SV: See, she admits it!
Me: But I've been busy! Look at my other Fanf-
SV: That is not a matter for this court! We are here to discuss the abuse 'This is K-Unit and Other Silly Stories' has suffered at your computer keyboard.
Me: What! You make me sound like some sort of pedophile!
SV: Yes, a Fanfiction pedophile!
Me: T.T Seriously? Have you ever read any M rated fanfiction before? From what I've heard of the Harry Potter stuff some of that could be counted as that, not simply, not having the time to update!
SV: Silence! Unless you have any proof of this being updated, you will go to Fanfiction Prison!
Me: *Reaches into pocket*
Random Person: OMG! She's got a gun! RUN AWAY!
Me: *Sigh*, No, look it's another chapter of this Fanfic. Now what do you say to that, Mr. Scary Voice?
SV: Oh…
Me: Exactly.
There was no way out this time. Alex knew that he had just a few more minutes to live. He was trapped in sinking sand that was rapidly rising up his chest. Though it wasn't really, it was Alex sinking since he's so amazingly obese and all.
Being a clever little teenage spy, he would usually be able to get out of this sort of situation using some ingenious gadget given to him by Smithers, a handily placed nearby vine, or perhaps even a snake that he accidentally mistook for one of the above. But that wasn't going to happen this time. 'Why not?', I hear you ask…I said, 'Why not?', I hear you ask!... That's better. Well reader, I shall tell you why…hey, what's that? Who said 'Wow, I never would have expected that?' In a tone that indicated extreme sarcasticness and even perhaps the dreaded eye-rolling? No ones going to admit to it? If I ever find out who it was, they will be tortured to death by an Eagle hug!
Eagle: Did someone say my name?
Me: No, bog off, you not even in this chapter.
Eagle: Why not?
Me: Cos you suck
Eagle: What are you implying?
Me: Only that I do not have a very high opinion of you.
Eagle: Oh, that's all?
Me: Yes.
Eagle: Yay! *skips off*
Me: And good riddance! Now, where was I? Oh yes…
He couldn't do any of those things I mentioned before, what ever they were, its too long ago for me to remember now, because he… Who was I even talking about? Either I've got Altz…what ever that thing is, I cant remember what, or…umm…what was my second point? Uh…my head…
Alex! Yes, he couldn't do that stuffy-thing he was gonna do because he was surrounded by Scorpia agents. With machine guns. Dressed in army fatigue. Wearing bad-ass sunglasses. With green base-ball caps on. And kinky tight things. And high heels. And pink sparkly tutus. And smoking cos they were so bad-ass that they ignored all the health warnings on the packets. Not that they could read… But anyway, they had bloody big machine guns aimed at Harry so he couldn't use his magical wand to Evaporate out of there. Oh, God I get so confused some times… OK, so…Alex, yes, Alex was pretty much screwed, alright? As in gonna die, nothing dodgier then that. Is dying dodgy? Guess it can't be if everyone does it…
"3…2…1…" Alex was counting down until he got to the last minute. This was when he always got rescued.
Suddenly a girl stepped into the clearing of the jungle where the sinking-sand went to try and hide from all the heroes trying to get almost drowned in it.
Despite all the brittle twigs littering the ground, and all the guards, and the heat detecting radars, and the traps and the bionic polar bears, she managed to sneak up on the Scorpia agents with their machine guns without them noticing.
When they saw her they all turned their guns towards her, but were stunned into just standing their like idiots, dribbling when they saw how amazingly beautiful she looked. While they were stuck like that (effects may last from 2-5 hours. Side effects include eyeballs falling out, lack of bladder control, spontaneous nose bleeds, babbling and saying, "I weally wuv you man…" In a really drunken way to angry superiors.), she quickly flashed into action like a graceful ninja koala bear, knocking each man out with a single super-powered round house kick,
"Yo, Alex!" She called, in a voice like a gentle waterfall singing happy birthday out of tune.
"Hey, is that you, Ryuu ?"
"Yup!"
"I hardly recognized you…"
"That's because I've turned into a Mary Sue! Now stop dribbling and concentrate on how amazingly attractive I am."
He did so, and to his surprise found himself being dragged out of the quick sand, much to both his and its relief. Though he didn't know it, Ryuu was using her unfailable boy magnet ability, available only to serious Mary Sue's, to drag him out of it.
"Well aren't you going to thank me for saving your life, Alex?"
The teenage spy, covered in mud looked round at her. "Oh, yeah. Thanks."
"Is that it? I went to all the trouble of being a Mary Sue to save you. Don't you even realize how hard that is? Every time I look in the mirror and see how amazingly perfect I am, I want to throw up!"
"Sorry Ryuu, its just that I'm so used to getting saved at the last minute that it just doesn't seem like that much of a deal anymore."
Suddenly there was a shout from nearby. "I'll save you Alex!" It sounded like Arnold Swartzanigger with a sore throat.
Then Yassen burst onto the scene, a long dagger in one hand, a bag of candy-floss in the other and a tie tied round his head like a head band.
"Alex!"
"Umm, Yassen, I'm over here."
The wild-eyed Assassin swung round to face teenage spy and the Mary Sue who wasn't a Mary Sue, no matter how beautiful she looked, how many languages she knew or how good she was at fighting, despite what the flamers say, and, of, of cause was in no way the fanfiction writers substitute for themselves cos they thought Alex was oh so smexy and wanted to go out with him but cant because he's not real so they put a perfect version of themselves in the story to live their dreams for them. Honest.
"And what's happened to your accent? And why are you holding a bag of pink candy floss? And…"
"Shhh, shhh, Alex." Yassen cooed, placing a finger on Alex's lip to quieten him. Alex then fell over backwards in shock trying to get away the scary Russian assassin who had obviously had far too much caffeine that morning.
"Oh is this turning into some sort of weird slash Fan Fiction then?" Ryuu enquired.
"Umm, what does that mean?" Asked a rather confused Alex.
Ignoring him, Ryuu Squall continued, "Well in that case I don't think you need a Mary Sue around, so I'll be seeing ya, Al…" With that she opened a magic portal to the far off lands of Scunthorpe, and stepped through it.
"Wait, Ryuu, don't leave me here with him, the evil giggling has already started to freak me out! Ryuu! Ryuu?...help?"
Yeah, so sorry its taken me so long to upload, but first I was working on A Bad Idea, and now I've moved onto my precious (must be read with Golem's voice), Once Bitten, Twice the Spy, which has just reached the first interesting part I've got planned for it. I checked my plan again its four pages long. I'm about half way down the first page… so, what I'm saying is that its going to take a lot of my limited spare time up that would otherwise be used for this… though maybe I should set up a question thing on my profile asking which people want to be updated next. Though I have no idea how to do that…
The inspiration for this came from some info I found on the internet about this very situation happening in Scorpia Rising. Ok, so perhaps this isn't exactly what's going to happen, but the bit about being stuck in sinking sand surrounded by Scorpia agents with machine guns is. If the information is true (which I think it might be…), then poor Alex! When I read it, I was like, OMG, I don't know how to handle this news! Don't worry, I'll save you Alex! So I did what I always do to deal with situations, made a joke out of it. Seriously, that's how I cope with things…lol XD