A/N: Sorry guys, this chapter is really dark, especially at the end. Well I don't know maybe you all like dark, but personally I'm a fan of happy endings. Except that this episode did not have a happy ending. When is Wilson gonna grow a brain? I guess it doesn't matter, I've already decided how the season's gonna end. Now if only I had a mind control device that could force David Shore to use my brilliant season finale idea…

Open and Shut

It didn't work.

Or he's just doing it on purpose.

No, it was her. She came back. She's doing it on purpose. That manipulative bitch. No wonder he likes her.

But he knew it was me. I knew that would happen. He didn't hate me for it. But he said no to dinner. It doesn't matter. Nothing would have happened anyway. He wouldn't get drunk enough.

I was wrong. It's not karma; it's no good deed goes unpunished.

They've changed, except that people don't change.

Maybe it's better this way.

Why did she come back? Maybe she realized what she was giving up.

Is this really what he wants?

He can't have me anyway, I'd just end up hurting him. So he should be with her. So I was testing her. And she passed.

But it's not enough. I moved the milk. Either it's gonna happen again and she'll deal with it, it's gonna happen again and she'll leave, he'll fall back into his pattern of ignoring it and eventually she'll leave, or he'll just know it was me.

He figured out it was me the first time, but not right away. But now he's on to me. Will he know why I do it? I don't even know why I did it. I don't know what I want. That bugs me.

I don't want him to be with her, that I know. But I want him to be happy, and what if she actually can make him happy?

She came back. It didn't work.

Maybe she will make him happy.

But I don't want him to be happy with her. I want him to be happy with me.

Yes, I am that selfish.

But he can't be happy with me. We'd just end up hurting each other. So if he can't be happy with me, then he should at least be happy with her.

Amber shouldn't have died. He would have been happy with her. I would have been all right with that. Eventually. If I had come to the realization that he couldn't be happy with me, which I would eventually, then I would be okay with it. Why can't he be happy with someone I don't hate?

Why does he have to forgive her when I haven't forgiven her?

Why does life have to suck?

What if it works out? What if he wants to move in with her?

How can he leave me after all this time? He bought a condo with me. Usually people don't do that unless they're committed to someone.

Maybe he was settling. He resigned himself to being alone, and now he's changing his mind.

I can't ask him not to do that. If I asked him to stay, he'd stay. He loves me. He'd stay. If he thought leaving me would hurt, he'd stay.

But he already knows leaving me would hurt. He knows I don't want him to leave.

He wasn't in his right mind when we moved here. He'd just recovered from a surgery, and he was still all happy about me being there with him in the end. We moved too quickly.

That's just stupid, we've known each other for years, and it's taken us this long, and we're still not even sleeping together. We're not moving quickly enough.

What does the man want?

I know what this is. It isn't about me, it's about her. She friended him and it got him thinking about them. It has nothing to do with me. He knew her before he even met me. Their whole history happened before he even met me.

He hasn't had a life outside of me for years, and she is a reminder of what life without me is like.

And he likes that?

I'm too clingy. Sometimes he needs a break from me. And she provides that for him. When he's with her, he doesn't need to think about me.

Why can't I find someone to get me to stop thinking about him?

Even if I did find someone, I'd still want to think about him. It's not possible to have a life outside him. Even when he left, he was all I could think about. It was probably even worse when he was gone because he was so inconspicuously not there.

What if he leaves again?

No, he won't leave like he did last time, he won't leave Princeton or the hospital. He'll still see me every day.

But if he leaves, where does that leave me?

What if I go back to Vicodin?

He can't leave. I need him.

That's selfish. But I am selfish.

Doesn't he deserve a chance to be happy?

But he is happy with me.

But he could be happier…maybe even with her.

Why do I have to be so broken? Why can't I be healthy and happy like other people? Well, other people aren't happy. But they think they are. Why can't I be ignorant like them and think I'm happy?

If I had Wilson I'd think I was happy. Except for the fact that I'd be in constant fear of him leaving me. I'd stay up at night worrying about how I'd end up fucking it up.

At least then I'd have him while he lasts.

If he does leave, I could always just kill myself.

But only if the pain becomes unbearable. I'll go back to Vicodin first, or maybe morphine. If the pain becomes unbearable. If he leaves.