Finally, the Promotions are here! YAY! On with this chapter!
Chapter 17: Dark Force Rising
We were escorted down the hall by a small detachment of Deserters led by the Soldier. We walked down to the Medical/ Cafeteria area, combined into one out of necessity due to the horrible quality of the food. I wouldn't give that shit to Sora, may he be eternally damned to hell. Even school cafeteria food has a lower casualty rate than this slop.
As we were walking, I got an idea to make this trip a bit more enjoyable. I turned to the nearest Deserter.
"So… if you guys are called Deserters, then why are you in the Military?" I said in my sweetest sounding voice. It sounded like somebody had poured molten molasses down my throat. The Deserter began to nervously shift around on his feet as he marched, not sure how to respond. Vestara, who was walking in front of me, instantly picked up on what I was doing and began to pester the closest Deserter to her. Then, Vergere joined in and things got… interesting.
"So, is the name Deserter for your type of Heartless descriptive of your personality type and behavior, or is it a designation with a historical connotation? Or was it just chosen because it sounds cool?" she asked in a tone of academic curiosity, like a teacher would use when asking a student why the hell he just ate that worm, as if she didn't already know the answer.
The poor Deserter was not the brightest of fellows, and in fact was often considered to be stupid by his peers, who were no Einsteins themselves. In fact, the Deserters invented the battle tactic known as "Running Around Like All Hell and Hoping that you hit the Enemy and Kill Him before He Returns the Favor", which happened to be their proudest achievement as a group. In a recent ranking by the Undead Ten, a group of ten famous generals who had been turned into Heartless, it was rated as the second worst tactic in history, with the first being the infamous "Pointless Suicide Mission". Thus, Vergere's use of words longer that three syllables confused his brain to such an extent that his head quite literally exploded.
"They're on our side, remember?" I said as I wiped the remains of that poor saps shadowy blood from my face.
"I didn't know that someone could be so stupid that words over three syllables would cause their head to fucking explode! I mean, damn! How could that guy walk and talk at the same time if he was that stupid?" Vestara chuckled as she increased the amount of magic flowing through her body, causing her to vibrate and shake the remains of the Deserter off of her. There were some days that I would have killed for that ability. Like that time I was on the frontlines and a shipment of fertilizer got blown up about 5000 feet above my squad's position. It freakin rained Chocobo crap for three days! I smelled like a sewer in Vegas!
"Actually… he couldn't. This one time he tried to walk while talking and he passed out from the exertion on his brain. You probably did him a favor by putting him out of his misery." Said the Soldier, grimacing at the memory.
After that, we walked in silence. After about a half an hour of walking, we reached our destination. As we approached, a rather odd sound could be heard in the background.
"What the hell! That was the worst evil maniacal laugh I have ever heard. I've heard DEMYX do a better laugh than that, and he was dying from massive internal injuries to his lungs caused by my sword impaling them!" I said, shaking my head in disgust. It sounded tinny and utterly horrible, as if it was being played from a phonograph that had been carved from balsa wood and had been recorded over the sound of a thousand souls being tickled to death by a short man named Phil.
"Wait… you killed Demyx too!" exclaimed Vestara, totally shocked.
"Kind of. He was fighting this other guy and he tried to escape by jumping off of a 500 foot cliff. Unfortunately for him, my sword just happened to be there to… cushion his fall. His lungs got impaled. He didn't stop laughing for three minutes, when he died of his wounds. The whole time he was coughing up blood as he laughed." I said, shuddering at the memory. There was nothing quite like the sight of a fatally wounded man maniacally laughing out his lifeblood to mentally scar you.
"Whoa… didn't know he died in such a bloody manner… damn." Vestara said in a surprised voice.
"Yah… not many people do." I said,noticing that our honor guard was slowly moving away from us. Quickly, my eyes scanned the room around us, and I noticed for the first time that we happened to be standing in the exact center of a magic circle. Inscribed with the sigil for the spell Stop. So that's how they planned on doing the promotion. Ok.
As soon as the foot of the last Deserter left the area of the circle, the sigil flared to life, showering us in a dazzling rainbow of light like a disco ball combined with strobe lights. It was pretty psychedelic.
Then… everything Stopped. I couldn't feel a thing, though I can still see. That soon stopped when they cast blind on me. Though I could still think, I couldn't see or feel. And then my hearing disappeared too. I was all alone in the dark abyss of my mind.
A second passed, or an eternity. Stars were born and died. Or not. When your Stopped, you disappear from time. Eventually,my senses came back to me all at once, which surprised and confused me. Even more confusing was how… different my body felt.
I opened my eyes. They seemed to be working like usual. I appeared to be in a lab of some sort, strapped to a cold metal table. I glanced down at my body. Holy shit.
Well, for one thing, I was bareskinned no longer. I was completely covered from head to toe in armor as black as midnight, yet I didn't feel the weight of it in the slightest. My wings, it seem, were unfortunately gone. Crap. I felt a new sort of… energy coursing through me, as if I was filled to the brim and beyond with magic. It felt frickin awesome!
"Yo… can you guys let me off of this table? I want to see what I am capable of!" I shouted in excitement and anticipation.
"Sure thing…" said a Wizard technician. He pressed a few buttons on a keyboard and the straps were gone. I sprang up like a coiled snake leaping toward its rather unfortunate prey. I felt as light as a feather. I mentally called for my weapon, and it appeared in my hand.
Instead of my usual sword, what appeared was a long jet black knightsword made of the finest of magical steels mined on the world of Mysidia. Bright green lines ran along the blade in patterns that no human mind could comprehend without going insane. It was the legendary mageblade Destiny's Way.
"Holy shit…" me and the technician said at the same time. Apparently, they had had no idea that the Promotion would give me such a legendary weapon. Woo hoo! Take that science! Score one for the random nature of the universe!
Then… I felt a strange urge over come me. I focused my newfound magical energy pn the ground below me, and suddenly I was afloat! Hell yes!
"Ok… switching you to the Biskmatar class was quite possibly the best idea ever!" shouted the technician in glee.
"so… can I use magic now?" I asked in a hopeful voice.
"Yah… but only low level spells. Nothing above Firaga." Replied the technician.
"That's still freaking awesome. Where are my friends so I can show off?" I asked as I floated towards the door.
"Vestara is right through that door." He said.
I palmed open the door and walked through into the room beyond. When I saw Vestara, I whistled softly.
She had the body of robed woman and the wings of an Angel Star. She wore a hat that was shaped like the head of an Angel Star. In her hand was a scythe that was forged thousands of years ago in the center of a neutron star by the evil god Fluffy. It was known as Ender's Sceptre. Vestara was a Wraith. And… she was beautiful. Ok… I have feelings for her! Happy, you cretins! You try being a sexless male surrounded by other sexless males for years on end. When you meet a sexless female who likes you and has a slightly higher chance of healing you than roasting you alive and laughing as you burn, you will instantly have feelings too!
"Holy crap…" we both said at the same exact time. That was followed by both of us saying "Jinx" at exactly the same time, which led to us bursting into laughter.
"Lets go find Domovoi and Vergere." I said, wiping tears from my eyes.
We entered another room, where we found Domovoi. Imagine a Defender, except slightly more compact, completely covered in golden armor, and glowing with a magical defensive aura, and you will have what he has become, an Invincible. In his hand was clutched the Mirror Shield, legendary for its reflectivity. It is said that this shield not only slain one of Medusa's cousins, but that it also caused the death of Paris Hilton when it showed her face on a very bad hair day.
"Well… looks like you got the short end of the stick…" I chortled.
"Yah… you look almost exactly the same." Vestara laughed.
"My powers have grown tenfold. Observe." Said the Invincible as he turned towards a machine designed to absorb magical energy. He breathed deeply, and his shield disappeared from his hands. He put his hands together like somebody from Dragon Ball Z would before unleashing a Kame-Hame-Ha.
"HADOKEN!" shouted Domovoi, and a huge blinding burst of energy shot out from his hands to be absorbed by the machine, which looked like a huge Tesla Coil.
"… wow. Remind me to never piss you off." I said in a stunned voice.
"In that case, avoid me on Thursdays. Its named after Thor, which some author of some fanfic I was reading horribly abused to kill off a character named Mansex." He deadpanned.
We moved on to the next room to find Vergere, trying to think of what creature could she possibly be. When we arrived, we discovered that all of our guesses, ranging from a Hobbit to a Dragon, were as wrong as those guys that thought that the walls of Troy will never be breached and that no city is complete without a giant wooden horse built by your enemies for no reason and left outside your gates.
She was still the same size as before, that much was the same. She still had the same basic body of a heartless, except now she was able to stand on her two back legs. She was garbed in green clothing, from a green feathered cap to a green jerkin and boots. Then… her appearance changed. She was wearing a blue beret and an orange tunic. In her hand she held a rapier that changed colors along with her clothing. It was known as the Epee-Prisme. She was a Jester, or a Philosopher. The name changed depending on her appearance.
After we found Vergere, we decided to head back to our room to rest and watch Vestara's collection of Miyazaki films, starting with her favorite, which was Spirited Away, and going in random order after that. This will be lots of fun! WOO HOO!
That's the end of this chapter folks. Biskmatar means Mageknight in some language. I'm too tired to remember which one right now. While I go and sleep, can you guys please review? I will even leave out a plate of cookies for you guys! … I really must be tired. I forgot the milk. Damn it.
Oh… and I won't be around for the next three days. I'll be camping on a beach in Wildwood, New Jersey. I'll still be able to review via my phone, but writing will be kind of hard. I will bring my notebook, so expect the next chapter to be a bit better organized than most. Till then, adios.