More Mary Sue action in this one guys! Don't you just love to hate them? XD
"Class, today we have a new student joining us." Miss Brand told the class. There was hatred oozing out of every syllable she spoke like some sort of super-catching toxic liquid rash. Alex soon found out why as their new classmate stepped into the room. Her very presence led to an array of violent reactions. Many students threw up, others stared until their eyes popped out, most of the girls gave her a look so deadly and evil that it should have killed anyone who received it, but such was her amazing amazingness that the death glares rebounded on their owners, killing them instead. Alex couldn't tear his eyes away from the new girl (it would have been far too painful for him, though just looking at her felt like gazing directly into the sun), if he had been able to, he would have seen some of his other classmates simply spontaneously combust, some suddenly snap and go insane, babbling in tongues, and a few others drowning in their own drool.
The beautiful girl who had stepped into the room didn't seem to notice the effect she was having on everyone, and instead gave a beautiful, dazzling, beautiful smile like a rose with diamonds for teeth, if roses had teeth. This immediately led to several more deaths.
"Hello everyone." There was another beautiful smile which caused over half of the classes remaining population to kick the bucket.
"My name is Mary Sue Elizabeth Raven Hunter Amaranth Moonbeam Diamond Obsidian Rock Ruby Crystal [insert name of gem here] Opal Quartz Emerald Thysaliance Imerlia Shiaza Teyatma Celery Clementine Esmeralda Pigmy Alexandra Kevin Imelda Azure Bucket Nightingale Rae Francis Tatalaniya Zimbabwe Chick Banana Bacon Sandwich Face." Several people's heads imploded, including the teacher's, the thought of trying to fit all that into the register had been the final cause of death.
There was blood and gore all over the room, and the surviving members of the class were either hiding under their desks, whimpering and rocking backwards and forwards or else squished into the stationary cupboard at the back of the room more closely then sardines in a tin are allowed to be, cos sardines have rights you know. All accept Alex Rider that is, who was still glued to his desk, watching her like a fly stuck to that yucky sticky fly paper stuff you put up. All the glass in the room has also shattered. It's a little known fact, because I just made it up, that glass has a heart just like wheat and walls have ears. Upon realizing that they could never stand a chance of winning this beautiful, pretty, bedazzling, stunning, good-looking, gorgeous, striking, attractive, fine-looking, magnificent, superb, exquisite, charming, delightful, picturesque, lovely, cute, sweet, appealing, nice, unattractive (antonym), girl, they all committed suicide by exploding.
Among all this chaos stood the-girl-who-was-all-of the-things-listed-above, the slight speckling of blood only enhanced her beauty, making the sharp but soft angles of her beautiful face look war-like but sweet and innocent at the same time. The bit of slimy brain on her top only drew the eyes more to the beautiful, expensive garment, which had been her great, great grandmothers and of cause had the most fashionable and modern label possible. Her hair was left untouched though, (never touch the hair), and fell in beautiful, perfect wave of naturally blond hair, with naturally red and black streaks in it of course.
And of course, nothing could retract beauty from her beautiful, soulful, haunting, bewitching naturally violet eyes.
Suddenly these dazzling gem eyes alighted on the stricken teenage spy.
"Are you Alex Rider?" Asked…Lets just stick with her last name, ay? It's simpler that way. Right, asked Miss. Banana Bacon Sandwhich Face.
"Elulurghslurplea." Alex replied, before getting enough control of himself to utter hoarsely, "Yeah."
Tears immediately filled her radiant violet eyes like a radioactive substance welling up behind the glass on a mercifully water-tight door. Except more messily.
"Oh Alex! I was sent here to kill you by SCORPIA! But it was my adopted fathers wish, Yassen, after he rescued me from the American government because they wanted to send me on a super dangerous mission even though I was only three months old, that I never harm you! But I was going to do it anyway because they told me you killed him! But looking into your muddy brown eyes and fugly, spotty face, I just can't do it!"
Alex frowned slightly at the totally inaccurate description of him, cos, come on, whoever could imagine a spotty Alex Rider? That's just like a freakin weird idea, though he is a teenager you know? And everyone know that many teenagers spend their time lovingly cultivating acne, why else would so many of them have it?
Aaaaanyyyyway, that was when Alex finally came back to his senses. Without looking at her (too dangerous) he plunged his hand into his schoolbag and pulled out his anti-Mary Sue gun, before quickly turning it on Miss. Banana Bacon Sandwich Face. He fired it, hitting the Mary Sue repeatedly despite all her amazing martial arts skills.
Finally after about 7 shots, he dared open his eyes. All that remained of the beautiful girl was a shimmering violet haze in the air and a faint smell of banana, bacon and bread in the air.
With a sigh he put the gun away, complaining out loud, "I really wish Yassen would stop adopting all these Mary Sue's. I know he does it just to annoy me. Oh, guys, you can come out now! She's gone! Guys?"
There was only silence.
"Not again! That was the seventh consignment of class mates that I had ordered from MI6 this week!"
Perhaps Banana Bacon Sandwich face is actually a rather common name? How else would it somehow manage to turn up in not one of my Fanfictions, but two? (If you want to know what on earth I'm talking about, check out my fic, Spy Spoof!
This might be the last time I update this for a while. Next up I'm going to write the next chapter of Once Bitten, Twice the Spy. And then after that there's a one shot I want to finish, then another chapter of OBTS, and then another really sad type One-shot I've been meaning to write for months, and then another OBTS most likely, and then perhaps another one of this. Well, at least, that's the plan, it might change! But I do have to spend a lot of time on school work these days as well…sadly.