A/N: This is kind of a reflection on the whole year I guess. It's different from the others because something actually happens but it's still all in House's head, unfortunately. It's kind of a what-might-have-been thing. I originally wrote it as an actual scene (that I think should be the series finale of the show if they never get together before then) but I couldn't think of an adequate enough beginning to make it into its own story, so I decided to put it in House's brain. And now it's here for you. Enjoy.

He should have figured it out. It's as simple as that. The idiot should have figured it out. All these years, all the signs have pointed to one thing: I'm fucking in love with him. The man's a doctor. Presumably, to be a doctor, you need some brains. How has he not figured it out by now?

He'd want me too. He has to. Somewhere deep down, he has to love me. He always comes back. I'm the only real friend he has. He doesn't hate me. So he has to love me. If he figured it out, he'd want me back. He wouldn't have bought the condo if he didn't care about me. He wouldn't have bought the organ if he didn't care about me. He wouldn't have come back after Amber if he didn't care about me. Hell, he wouldn't have left in the first place if he didn't care about me. Deep down, he loves me. Once he knew how I felt, he'd want me.

I guess it doesn't matter. I wouldn't have let him. I'd just end up hurting him, anyway. I can see it. He'd walk into my office, some smug grin on his face, and I'd know he knows. He'd walk up to me, stare at me with those love struck eyes, and say: "We've been wasting all our time. We should have just done this years ago." He'd step forward, put his hand on my arm, and kiss me.

And I wouldn't freeze, I wouldn't push him away, and I'd let him give me tongue, but I wouldn't kiss back. I know it can't happen. When he pulls away, I won't open my eyes right away. I'll be thinking frantically, wishing there was a way I could say yes, tell him that this is what I've always wanted and how happy I'd be for it to finally be real, but there isn't. I'll avoid his eye, and I'll say one word. "No." And then I will look up, I'll look at him, right in the eye so he knows I mean it.

He'll be shocked. He'll say, "What?"

And I'll repeat. "You heard me. I said no."

"You're…" he'll look at me, still shocked, "…rejecting me?"

I'll look away, ashamed, probably sit back down at my desk. "Yes."

He'll be frustrated, he'll pace around my office, running his fingers through his hair. He might get mad. "After all this time, after all the shit I went through coming to terms with my own feelings and then having to figure out how you felt, and then working up the courage to finally show you, you just say no?"

I'll be hurting inside, I'll answer him acidly, "Sorry I inconvenienced you."

He'll sigh, he'll sit down. "Of all the things I expected, this wasn't it."

"What do you want from me?"

He'll look at me. Of course he'll want to know… "Can you at least tell me why?"

I'll evade. "I don't want to."

"You don't want a relationship, or you don't want to tell me why you don't want a relationship?"

"We have a relationship. Let's keep it the way it is." Of course, that's not what I really want. It's just the only safe thing.

He won't get that right away, he'll be confused. "Why though? I wasn't…wrong…about the way you feel about me, was I?" The doubt will creep up on him. He'll remember having this argument with himself so many times before deciding once and for all that he's right, I love him. And he wouldn't have worked up the courage to kiss me until he was one hundred percent positive how I felt. But then he'd worry he'd been wrong all along.

I can't lie to him, I have to correct him. "You weren't wrong." I'll say it slowly. It's hard.

He'll be relieved, then confused. "Why then?" He'll say it softly, gently. A request, not a demand.

"I can't." Honesty.

"Will you…at least think about it?"

"Trust me, Wilson, I've spent plenty of time thinking about it. I've spent more time thinking about it than you have. And I've made up my mind." The hardest decision I've ever had to make.

"But…" he'll stammer. "I'm here. And I love you." He'll say it, then. But it will make the next part that much easier.

"I know. And I want it to stay that way." It's the truth.

"You're scared," he'll deduce. "Greg, tell me, what are you scared of?"

Yeah, he might use the first name. He never uses the first name. But here he might. He'll think it might make me more comfortable, more likely to tell him.

"Why'd you leave?" I'll ask.

He won't know what I mean at first, until I explain.

"After Amber died. You left."

He'll feel awful I brought that up. He'll try to apologize his way out of it. "House, that was a long time ago. I'm sorry. It was the worst decision I ever made, I've regretted it-"

"-You're not answering my question," I'll interrupt. "Tell me why you left."

"I've told you." Of course he'll want to spend as little time as possible on that particular memory. But I won't let him.

"Tell me again."

He'll hesitate. He'll feel ashamed to admit it, because he'll think it's counter-productive.

"I'd just lost one of the most important people in my life. I was in pain like I'd never felt before. I didn't think I'd be able to handle going through that again. If I'd lost you, House, it would have been too much for me. I had to prevent that from happening. But I couldn't. It was out of my control. So I made it under my control. I left. You can't lose what you don't have."

"And you have your reason."

I can just imagine the light bulb going off in his brain. It'll be like an epiphany. It's not that I don't want a relationship; I just don't want a break up. It'll be too much for me. I'll lose my lover and my best friend all at once. He'll realize that he means too much to me to risk losing him.

But of course it won't be enough. He'll keep trying. "House," he'll say slowly. He'll get up off his chair and kneel down next to me. "I love you-"

"-You also loved Samantha and Bonnie and Julie."

"But I never-" loved them as much as me. I know. But I'll just interrupt again.

"-Couples don't enter relationships expecting breakups. How many of them end up divorced? You're living proof. So am I. The one relationship I've had-"

He'll probably interrupt me at this point. "-That was her fault, not yours!" he'll insist, getting up and storming around my office again. "I wouldn't do that to you. And I've told you, my ex-wives-"

"-You wouldn't have married them if you didn't think, each time, 'it's different with her.' You don't know that it will be any different with me. Sure, it'll start out great. We'll be together, we'll fuck like rabbits, we'll be more crazy in love than any of the pathetic couples that cry on each other in this hospital. And then something will happen. I'll go back to Vicodin, or Lucas will break up with Cuddy and I'll cheat on you with her. Someone will start investigating me and you'll do the right thing and I'll hate you for it. We'll fight, you'll leave, you'll have a one night stand, you'll hate yourself, I'll forgive you but you won't forgive you. I'll find a way to hurt you."

He won't give up. "I'm not saying it will be easy," he'll plead. "But we've made it through so much already and look at us. We're still here. I've forgiven you for the stupid stuff you've done, and even more often you've forgiven me for the awful stuff I've done. We've…we've proven that we can get through anything."

"Not as much as at stake then. It sucks when a friend hurts you, but when a lover hurts you, the one person you trust and care about and depend on more than anyone else-"

He'll see through that. "-Bullshit. We're already that person for each other."

I'll pause. I'll scan him. It will take me a minute to explain. "Right now, you don't think it's possible to love me more than you already do. You're wrong. If we start this, you'll feel things that you didn't even know you could. It'll just get more and more intense with every passing day, every passing minute. You think you'd be in unimaginable pain if I left you now; you can't comprehend the pain you'd be in if I left you after being in a relationship for a year."

"Whatever problems we have we can find a way to work out."

"If you couldn't work things out with any of the others, you won't be able to work them out with me."

"You don't trust me?"

"I don't trust me."

Then I'll get up. I'll limp past him. I'll leave my office.

But no. That won't be enough for him. He'll let me go for a minute, but then he'll follow me.

"Is that why you never got together with Cuddy?"

I'll be mad about that, I'll glare at him. "Why are you bringing her into this?"

"Just answer the question, House," he'll respond, catching up to me. "You've always loved her and she has a soft spot for you. I've been expecting the two of you to get together for a long time. I know you both want to, but I never thought it was my place to ask."

"And now it is?"

"Is that the reason? You're afraid that you'll hurt each other?"

I'll avoid his gaze, but just because he's right. "Yes," I'll say finally. "It would never work out. One of us would end up hurting the other." I know, that's not stopping me now. But I already know it won't last. I'm prepared for it not to last. But if this hadn't happened...if he had broken up with Sam again, if he would just figure it out...

He'll turn my reasoning around, use it to his advantage. He'll step closer to me. "It doesn't have to be like that with us," he'll murmur. He'll start playing with my collar, and I won't stop him. "I know you're scared of getting hurt, but for me…" He'll lean up and kiss me again. Softly, gently, he'll press against my mouth, opening my lips with his tongue, and I'll hesitate at first but after a minute I'll respond. I won't press back, but my tongue will slip into his mouth. He'll let me taste him and then pull back from the kiss, but not from me. I could get off thinking about this if it weren't so damn depressing. He'll hold onto my arms for a moment, his face inches from mine. "We could have this," he'll breathe. "Every day, forever. We could have this."

"Until we fuck it up and I lose you," I'll point out. "Forever."

"You won't lose me. I promise."

"It's not worth it." It's not.

That'll upset him. He'll step back again, gaping at me. "That wasn't…I'm not worth it?"

I'll look at him before turning away. "Nothing's worth it."

Losing him? How can he seriously think that anything could be worth that?

He won't give up, though. He'll let me walk away, but he'll keep thinking. He won't want to manipulate me into something I don't want, but he'll be convinced that this is something I do want, and he'll need to show me this. He'll think it's stupid. I don't want a relationship just because I'm afraid we'll break up someday? I know, if people lived like that, the human race would die out.

And he'll think it's a moot point because he won't think he'll ever leave me. The only reason he left last time was because he was afraid of losing me. He'll think I'm doing the same thing he did, which I guess in a way I am. But he'll wonder why I didn't learn from his mistake.

He'll question whether I believe he won't hurt me.

Then he'll shout my name down the hall, running to catch up with me.

I'll look at him. "You're not getting break-up sex."

"That's not why I'm here. Listen to me, House, it would have worked out with Amber."

I'll stare at him. I'll wonder where he's going with this.

"It would have. We joked that she was you, and yes, you have a lot in common, but I loved her for her. I never thought of you when I looked at her, never cried out your name during sex, or any other time for that matter. I never forgot that it was Amber I was with. I loved her. And we would have worked out. If…we'd had a chance." It would have worked out with her, and she's me. Ergo, it will work out with me. He'll look into my eyes, pleading.

"But you didn't," I'll point out. "She died. You lost her anyway. And it hurt you."

"I know."

Have I won? Have I proven that we can't be together because it's just too dangerous? I'll start walking away again, but no, he'll think of something else to say.

"Maybe we should just kill ourselves now so that we don't have to go through any more pain."

I'll look at him. This time I'll know where he's going with it, and this time…what if he's right?

"That's what your logic is suggesting, House," he'll continue. "House, we're doctors. We take risks all the time. Every surgery we perform has a risk of the patient dying, but we perform them anyway. Sometimes the patient dies, and it's tragic, but sometimes the patient lives, and ends up living a longer and better life than if they hadn't had the surgery. And that's why we do it."

He'll stop to take a breath. He'll look at me, but I still won't say anything because I can't think of an argument. He'll use that against me and keep going.

"If we break up, it will be awful. If one of us dies, it will be awful. The odds of either of us dying anytime soon aren't that great, but it could happen and the pain would be unimaginable. But if you say no and I die, be it tomorrow, in ten years, or in forty, you'll spend the rest of your life wondering what might have been. And you'll regret never having the chance to know."

He'll have moved close to me again, he'll be breathing fast from talking so quickly and fervently, but I won't be moving and my expression will be unreadable. I'll be trying so hard to think of a rebuttal, but for the life of me I can't. The man's right. He's right. If we have the chance and I say no…

So then I'll move. It will be almost nothing, just a slight inclination of the head. An inclination, down, forward, toward Wilson. I won't move more than two inches, but it will be enough for him. He'll slowly and deliberately wrap his arms around my neck, pressing our lips together.

And this time will be different. I won't just stand there letting Wilson kiss me. He'll feel me put his arms around him. He'll hear the clatter as I toss my cane to the floor and use both of my hands to grip his sides. I'll pull him closer.

And I'll kiss back. I'll press my mouth to Wilson's, I'll push my tongue all around his mouth, exploring every corner. My hands will be at the back of Wilson's neck, tugging at his hair. He'll start to pull back, just as a reflex, but I'll press myself closer, not letting him get away.

I won't know how long it'll last. I'll start to feel dizzy before I realize I've forgotten to breathe. Wilson will need to breathe too, and he'll start to pull back but we'd be apart for less than a second before my lips will be on his again. I'll be pressing, I'll be nibbling, I'll be everywhere at once. Maybe it won't be the breathlessness making us dizzy.

But by then we won't be in my office anymore. We'll be in the hallway. Cuddy will see us. I can just imagine her, her mouth slightly open. She'll cross her arms in front of her chest and smile and shake her head. My team will be coming back toward the office from the patient's room and they'll simultaneously stop in their tracks, staring. Then Thirteen will reach her arm back over her shoulder and Chase Taub and Foreman will each put a twenty in her hand.

And if it were a movie there'd be a sappy panoramic view of us just kissing.

"House," he'll whisper, finally pulling away and restraining me for a moment with his hand. I'll let him pull away from the kiss but I'll press my forehead to his. We'll both be panting from lack of oxygen.

"What?"

His hand will be on my chest from holding me back. He'll move his head back to look at me properly. I'll scan him with my eyes. Then he'll smile and shake his head. "Nothing," he'll say, leaning in to kiss me again.

Now I'm really pissed that he didn't figure it out and that didn't actually happen. Come on! He would have won. I wasn't going to let him win, I was going to refuse point-blank to start a relationship. But he won the argument. I couldn't think of anything else to say. He was right. Come on, Wilson, figure it out already. We could have all that. We could have it.

Just...figure it out. I'll dump Cuddy for you. I want you, Wilson. Figure out how in love with you I am. Figure it out. We could have it.

A/N: I'm going to leave the story as in-progress and I might return with more musings when season seven starts, but no guarantees. So at least for the next few months, this is it. A huge thank you to all my faithful readers and reviewers. You guys brighten my days.