It was horrifying and fascinating; like watching two powerful jets criss-crossing through the sky, nearly colliding time and again, only to spin apart at the last possible moment, resulting in a perfect display of control and finesse that would leave the audience breathless with wonder.
Burt sat on the bleachers – actually a bench just outside the playing field – and munched his way through a box of popcorn he had picked up at the food court as he watched the game. His son Kurt and Kurt's new friend and shopping partner, Terri Schuester, flitted and danced their way through row upon row of boots and shoes.
Squeals of excitement, exclamations of disgust, and occasional flailing and cooing over a particularly great find – totally embarrassing when one of the two was your own teenaged son – allowed Burt to follow the action. He was a little iffy on the rules, but he was pretty sure he had the Stats straight. Terri had been in the lead for a half hour after she had picked out a pair of "darling" pink, peep-toed, high-heeled shoes, but then Kurt had taken the top spot with the discovery of a pair of deep green suede Flamenco boots that had nearly sent the kid into hysterics.
The selections had all started looking alike to Burt more than an hour ago, but saying so had only resulted in a pair of gazes filled with such horror that he might as well have suggested that they all strip naked and dance the hula. He had retreated to his place of safety after that, content to watch and take silent bets with himself as to which of the salespeople assisting the two shoppers would go stark, raving bonkers first.
After another twenty minutes, Burt checked his watch and smiled. "Ten minute warning, shoppers!" he called out, tapping the crystal when they both looked up with startled eyes. "We told Mercedes and Will that we'd meet them at the restaurant at 7:00. That's half an hour and we don't want to keep them waiting."
Kurt looked honestly surprised. "Really? I would have sworn we'd only been here for about an hour."
"Try three," he said wryly. "And I'm sure that whimpering sound I've been hearing for the last 90 minutes has been coming from my credit card. Wrap it up, you two."
He struggled not to laugh when two pairs of sad blue eyes met across a display rack full of "designer" sneakers and twin sighs gusted over their lips. Terri Schuester had turned out to be a pretty nice lady but somehow she seemed more like one of Kurt's other teen girl-friends than a grown woman.
Somehow, the two super-shoppers managed to narrow their selections and agree on three pairs of shoes apiece within the allotted time span. Burt's eyes bugged out a little when he saw the amount that came up on the cash register but he bit his tongue and signed the charge slip without a word of complaint.
Between the shoes and the clothing spree Kurt had talked him into funding earlier, it was gonna be awhile before he did any splurging of his own. Judging by the individual totals, Terri had won the competition by a nose.
He watched the two of them grin with excitement as they peeked inside each other's shopping bags for one more look at their treasures, so filled with delight that Burt could not bring himself to resent the large bite they had just taken out of his bank account.
"All right, let's get this stuff out to the truck," he ordered, herding the two of them out of the store.
"I thought you'd be grouchy all evening after a trip like this one," Kurt commented as they exited the mall and automatically took deep breaths of the cold winter air as the made their way to Burt's truck. Terri, who had driven herself, was chattering animatedly into her cell and paying them no attention. The grass was still snowy in patches, but the sidewalks were completely clear after a precipitation-free week, the snowstorm that had trapped Kurt at Terri Schuester's apartment building now nothing but a dim memory for everyone. Kurt's bruises and scrapes had faded, but he was still experiencing occasional dizzy spells when he stood too quickly, and as a result, Burt had been keeping a close eye on him. "What are you smiling about?"
Burt chuckled. "You won't like it."
Cocking his head, Kurt frowned suspiciously. "Tell me anyway."
"Watching you in all those stores today reminded me of taking you along on shopping trips when you were just a little guy. Your mom and I had so much trouble keeping you from wandering away to look at all the pretty, shiny things in the stores that we eventually had to buy one of those little-kid harness and leash things."
Kurt looked absolutely mortified. "You didn't!"
"Had to. I tried just picking you up and carrying you, but you screamed and made such a fuss that I had to try something else just to keep my eardrums intact."
"Oh, my God."
Burt laughed. "Relax, kid. You were two! Everybody thought it was adorable. You'd think so too if you could've seen yourself."
"There aren't any photographs of that, are there?" he asked, clearly horrified by the thought.
Burt averted his gaze, pretending interest in the shining stars overhead. "Looks like a beautiful night tonight."
The teenager groaned. "When we get home, I am going through every single album and box of photos in the house and burning those pictures."
"No, you're not," he countered calmly. "Besides, I've got worse."
A nervous expression flickered in Kurt's eyes. "How much worse?"
"Let's just say that I'm prepared in case you and your future . . . whatever you call him . . . ever decide to give me some grandchildren."
Kurt moaned dramatically. "I wonder what monks do for fun…"
A hearty peal of laughter burst from Burt's lips and he gave his wryly grinning son a one-armed hug. "Forget it, kid. You'd never survive the dress code."
Kurt laughed too. "Probably not." After a moment, he said, "Dad? Seriously, you were awesome today. Not just about buying all these things, but about everything. I know you don't like shopping and that you think Mrs. Shue is kind of weird. Oh, don't look at me that way. I see it in your face every time you look at her. But it's nice of you to give her a chance for my sake."
He smiled. "Hey, I owed her one. A big one; and a Hummel never shirks a debt. Besides, you like her and that's good enough for me."
"And Mr. Shue?" he asked curiously. "Are you sure you're ready for dinner with a recently divorced couple; neither of whom you actually like very much?"
Burt sighed deeply. Sometimes his son was entirely too perceptive for Burt's taste. "Hey, it's one dinner, and I trust you and Mercedes to mediate if things get out of hand, okay?"
Kurt smiled, nudging him with an elbow. "Deal." They reached the truck and put all of the shopping bags inside. As the back door shut, Kurt briefly gave his father's arm a squeeze. "Thanks, Dad."
"Any time, son."
THE END
I really don't like dinner scenes and I can't figure out what these five people would talk about anyway, so don't ask! Sorry that Terri just played a peripheral role in this epilogue. Burt took over unexpectedly, but he had the credit card so …
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