Title: Love Accidentally - Chapter 24
Author: kreia03
Rating: M
Warnings: Some swear words.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, and I hate that fact. Seriously.
Summary: When things just get so confusing and somebody tries to step up.
A/N: Hey guys, sorry for the late update. Erm, it's not so late though. Lol. Thanks for the comments and reviews! Really awesome!
She walked through the seemingly endless, empty streets, the coldness of the night sinking under her skin. She wrapped her arms around herself and kept her head low as she walked, the relentless flowing tears blurring her already clouded vision. She kept her jagged breaths short, feeling a pang of pain spread across her chest whenever she tried breathing deeply. She never knew heartaches could be felt in the flesh too, like being heartbroken in the literal sense, or maybe the pain was just all too much to bear that she could feel it taking all over her fragile, little body.
If only her heart would stop beating, then maybe it wouldn't hurt this much.
Her grip on her arms tightened as she replayed the scenes on her head, as much ironic as it would sound because she was just inflicting more wounds to her already scarred heart, wishing that somehow, somewhere in those scenes she'd find hope, hope that everything was just a lie, that Naomi didn't mean anything she said. She scoffed though at her pathetic attempts to ease her broken heart, because really, how would Naomi's words even be untrue when she looked like she meant every single thing she had just said?
"You're nothing to me Emily. You're nothing."
She hugged herself tighter, merely for the reason that she could stay standing upright and continue walking, however aimlessly it was, the sudden memory of those hateful words bringing an abrupt surge of pain in her, weakening her entirely, her knees wobbling awfully. She stopped for a short moment, taking quick, shallow huffs to somehow calm herself, to prevent herself from breaking down completely right in the middle of the well lighted street, to at least save some dignity when Naomi seemed to have taken everything away from her. She couldn't help but flinch at the mere thought of the blonde's name, the name itself bringing a brand new wave of tears along with it. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard.
She's fucked as hell and she perfectly knew it.
She fished her phone out, the poor device fumbling in her hands as she struggled to flip it open, and pressed speed dial two. She held it steadily in her ear despite her shaking hand, and waited patiently for her call to be picked up, biting on her bottom lip to muffle her sobs.
"Hello you've reached JJ. I'm liable to social dysfunction, so please be nice."
She cursed under her breath and tried calling a few more times again, only to hear the same line over and over. She used to find it funny but right now, she just can't be arsed. She pulled her phone away from her ear and dialed the last person she knew she should be calling, hesitating for a few beats before pushing her luck, because at this state, she badly needed some help, needed somebody to care and make her feel loved.
Not like how Naomi did.
She screwed her eyes shut and focused on the call she was making instead, not wanting to space out and miss the call entirely. She didn't have to wait that long though, just a ring or two and she was speaking to him already.
"Emily what's up?"
"Freddie." She replied, trying to make it sound that she was alright but was utterly failing.
"Is something wrong?" He worriedly asked. "You sound upset."
"C-Could you please come and see me?" She asked back instead, biting on her lip to stop herself from letting out a sob. "I-I just, I just-"
"Hey, hey, hey." Freddie shushed. "I'll meet you in the playground yeah?"
Emily nodded though Freddie couldn't see, and took a swallow. "Yeah, sure." She softly whispered. "Thanks Freddie."
"It's nothing." He muttered on the other line. "Wait for me okay? I won't be long."
"Okay."
She found herself stumbling on the same swing she sat upon when she first saw Freddie, the same swing she was seated when he first confessed his feelings for her. Somehow she felt a certain twinge of guilt rise in her chest, thinking that she might just be using Freddie for her own comfort, but couldn't really blame herself for that matter because right now, she just needs somebody, someone to hold onto to keep herself alive.
Because deep down, she was dying inside.
She tried convincing herself that this was not all about using Freddie as a scapegoat or any shit like that. It was more of asking a friend for help, for comfort. More of seeking refuge in Freddie's company because being alone and being told that she meant nothing by somebody she loves took all of her strength and resolve. If it wasn't for her instinct and the will to live, she'd probably be dead by now.
Nothing could hurt more than being told right in your face that you don't mean anything.
She shuffled on the swing seat and leaned her head against the chains, her fingers circling around it, her eyes fixed on the road before her, though she wasn't seeing the road, she was seeing something entirely different.
"Well thank fuck! Do whatever you fucking like. It's not like I mind because you're nothing to me Emily. You're nothing."
"I know that now. Until now I can't figure out the reason why I fell in love with you. It was probably the most stupid thing I've ever done in my entire life. Allowing myself to fall in love with somebody like you. But it's going to be different now, coz from now on, you're nothing to me too Naomi."
She scoffed as she remembered, the truth of Naomi's words, hurting her furthermore. But it was the lies that hurt her most, for she knew well that Naomi would never mean nothing to her, not when she's fallen deeply for her, too fucking deep that what's happening between them was cutting her into pieces.
If the truth hurt, it was the lies that were worst.
O+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+O
Freddie remained true to his word.
He arrived in a matter of minutes, almost running towards Emily with a spare jacket in hand, kneeling before her when he finally reached the swing. He saw the tears in her eyes and couldn't help but reach his hand out, his fingers gently wiping the fallen tears away. He smiled, though a little strained, when Emily smiled at him sadly, his jaw clenching tight with resentment as he had a fair idea whom the cause of Emily's tears was. "It's Naomi isn't it?" He watched intently as the red head nodded lightly, shaking his head in disbelief. "Fuck." He cursed under his breath, standing for a while to cover the jacket along Emily's shoulders. "What did she do this time?"
"I don't wanna talk about it Freddie." She gently shook her head. "Please."
"Okay." Freddie answered in a hushed tone. "We won't talk about it."
"I'm sorry for disturbing you this late." She said in between her sniffs.
"Don't be silly Emily." Freddie let out a small smile. "It's alright." He reached out once more, catching the few beads of tears that fell from Emily's already red and puffy eyes. He watched her for a moment, his lips pressed in a line while she silently sobbed. "Come here." He held his hand and waited for the red head to take it, before circling his slender arms around her shoulders, enveloping her into a comforting hug. He gently rubbed Emily's back when he felt her trembling against him as she buried her face and cried hard on his chest, leaning in to kiss the top of Emily's hair. It was a friendly gesture, the only way he knew how to tell the red head that he was there for her always, because he was never good with words. He could feel Emily's hands gripping his already damp shirt tight and it was enough to rip him apart, enough to send him into a decision he never ever thought of making.
Emily deserved more than this, far more than this, and he's determined to give it to her whether Naomi liked it or not.
He gently pulled back from her to look her in the eye, once again wiping the tears away with the pad of his thumb. "Let's get you home." He muttered softly. "You don't mind sleeping at my house tonight right?" He smiled when Emily shook her head. He took her hand and led her to his car, driving off to his house with almost no exchange of words, because it wasn't really needed.
They arrived at his well lighted home, in which Emily couldn't help but compare the comforting atmosphere it exuded, unlike in hers that she often found dark and empty. Freddie took her inside and it was far more soothing just as she thought, the bright yellow lights adding to that warm ambiance the whole house had conjured. They headed straightaway to the kitchen and she slipped in on one of the chairs, quietly watching Freddie as he heated up some soup for her on the stove, hearing him mumble about how the soup would make her feel better and help her get to sleep. Really, it was so easy to fancy Freddie yet she couldn't will herself to. She appreciated him as a friend, nothing more than that.
"Thanks." She softly muttered when Freddie placed down the bowl of soup in front of her. She picked up the spoon and started taking sips from the hot soup, leaving a burning trail at the back of her tongue as she swallowed. It brought a great deal of comfort though when it dropped to her stomach, basking at the warm feeling it gave once it had settled. It was pretty much scrumptious as well that it didn't take her long to finish it all up. It was such a nice feeling that someone cooked for her, and she began to wonder if Naomi felt the same every time she cooked. She heaved a deep sigh and shook her head.
No matter what, her thoughts would always lead her back to Naomi.
Freddie's chair scraped loudly on the floor when he stood up, breaking her from her musings, much to Emily's relief, and poured a glass of water for the red head, handing it over to her as he slipped back to his seat. "You'll sleep in my room tonight." He offered a smile. "And I'll sleep on the couch."
"No, Freddie." Emily protested. "I'll be fine on the couch, really."
"Nonsense." He let out a small chuckle. "You're my guest, so you get to sleep at my room."
"But Freddie-"
"C'mon, let's get you changed." He broke off before Emily could object any further. He led her into his room and rummaged through his cabinet to find the fittest shirt and sweatpants he currently had, tossing them to Emily at once. "Bathroom's there." He lifted his finger and pointed at the white door opposite his shoe rack.
"Thanks." The red head replied.
"I'll leave you now yeah?" Freddie gave a half nod. "Good night Emily."
"Good night."
"Sleep well."
"You too."
Emily waited for Freddie to step out of the room before she headed to the bathroom to change, Freddie's clothes fitting her just right. She crawled to the bed and under the covers, shutting her eyes tight though she knew well that it would take more than that to let herself drift to sleep.
O+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+O
Naomi had no idea how many fucking minutes had passed since Emily had left her standing alone in the kitchen, her blue eyes still circling wide with shock, surprise and disbelief at the many things she had just heard from the red head. She stayed almost motionless, just staring blankly at the direction where Emily had gone, her mouth hanging ajar for the longest time she could remember.
"From now on, you're nothing to me too Naomi."
She lifted her hand and pinched the bridge of her nose while she shut her eyes tight, kicking the chair beside her as hard as she could, causing the whole dining table to move, when a wave of mixed emotions coursed through her. She furiously loosened the scarf hanging around her neck and threw it with full force against the wall, huffing out loud as she stooped down and propped her arms on her knees. Suddenly it all became too much, that she felt her knees weakening, her feet giving up on her. She had to cling to the kitchen counter for support when her breath began to quicken its pace, an unexplainable twinge clenching her heart tight as she repeated the words in her head. She turned around and leaned her back against the counter, burying her face in her hands as she blew out a couple of exasperated breaths. As far as she knew she should be happy right now, celebrating in fact with the progress she and Effy were having, but she couldn't, Emily's broken voice ringing in her ears instead. She tipped her head up and slapped her forehead with her open palm, her fingers knotting against her hair. She's mad and pissed off at Emily, yet at the same time, she couldn't hide the fact that she was hurt, badly hurt by Emily's words. Call it pride or whatever the fuck it should be called, but she indeed was.
She decided to leave the kitchen and marched furiously towards her room, slamming the door shut behind her once she had stepped inside. She dropped herself wearily on the carpeted floor and leaned her back against the edge of her bed, her knees buckled up over her chest, spread a tad open with one arm dangling on top of each. She inclined her head upwards and stared blankly at the ceiling, her thoughts spinning into a huge daze as she pondered.
For some reason, Naomi felt that it all was just unfair. Emily sounded like she was making her choose between her and Effy. And really, how could she make a choice when Effy's place in her life was different from Emily's? How could she choose between two people who didn't even have the same stand? She had been with Effy for the longest time ever and she can't just throw her away like that, aside from the fact that it was all supposed to be pretending, her and Emily. Nobody was ever meant to fall for the other, though it was out of her control, Emily falling for her being the ultimate proof of it. If this was the case, she could easily choose Effy, yet a part of her ached whenever she came across the idea of letting Emily go. It was unexplainable, unidentifiable, but she knew she couldn't just let Emily go, couldn't just push her away.
And Effy, she told her she wanted her too. Was that even fucking possible? Wanting two persons at the same time? You're fucking in love with someone but you still want the other? How could that even be fucking fair? Yet this was what she wanted all along, dreamed since forever, Effy's attention, Effy herself.
She lifted her hand to massage her now throbbing temples, feeling a massive headache coming up. This was why she hated thinking too much, avoided analyzing things. And now she was being put under such pressures that she didn't even know if she deserved to go through them. Everything just turned complicated in one night, or maybe it was all complicated from the start. She should've seen this coming, should've prepared for the worst, but she didn't. She curled her fingers into tight fists, controlling the urge to scream out loud. Every single thought was just driving her mental. The more she tried to think, the more she found it hard to figure things out.
"Jesus fucking Christ." She muttered under her breath while she shuffled and shrugged out of her coat, throwing it angrily on the wall opposite her. She kicked her way out of her shoes, the pair of them suffering the same fate as the coat. She threw it so hard that one of the heels snapped. She could feel her body trembling with various emotions pulsating wildly in her veins.
Anger, confusion, pain, guilt, fucking everything.
She tipped her head up, her fingers entangled with her hair. Everything was just so fucking confusing, how one simple fit grew into a massive fight, sending the other to walk out completely, how hateful words thrown could probably scar them for life. With one last aggravated breath, she quickly sprang up to her feet and stepped outside the confinements of her room. It was so fucking quiet that she felt like she was in a mental institution rather than her room at all. She just couldn't deal with this. It was just all too much for her to grasp. She grabbed the pack of fags on top of the table near the front door, slipping into another pair of shoes as she darted outside. She leaned her back against the cold metal of her car, shuddering a little at the coolness of it, and lighted one fag, the long drag she took bringing calming effects on her body at once, though it wasn't enough. She took more drags and lit more, eventually finishing four sticks in such a short period of time.
"Fuck's sake."
She fumbled for another, the shaking of her body somehow alleviated by the nicotine that was now coursing inside her. Despite the hazy smoke that the fags created, her mind had never been clearer. She didn't want to choose, she wasn't going to choose. She'll wait for the three month contract to end. By then, everything might be clearer, everything might have fallen into place.
Her and Effy, Emily and Fr-
"Fucking hell no!" She abruptly shouted and broke her own reverie, shaking her head exceedingly to get rid of the thought. No, not that back stabbing twat Freddie. Anybody but him.
Emily and JJ.
"Jesus Christ!" She spat out vehemently, rolling her eyes.
Her and Emily.
She shut her eyes tight and tipped her head up. "Shit." She turned around, her elbows propping on the roof of her car, her free hand scrunching her face altogether. Her and Emily, it somehow felt right. It sounded right, the thought of it sending warm fuzzy feelings down the pit of her stomach. She let out a strangled groan as she pinched the bridge of her nose.
She's one fucked up mess.
She flicked the fag to the ground and stubbed it out, shutting her mind, completely giving up from thinking things through. It was enough for one day, the massive headache she feared making its way.
O+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+O
Naomi found herself pacing back and forth on the living room next morning upon finding out that Emily didn't come home the previous night. She stopped from time to time to look at the window, her neck craning as she tried to search for any signs of the red head outside, down the path towards their house. She tried convincing herself that she wasn't to blame if Emily didn't come home because she was old enough to decide for her own good. Yet, she couldn't just ignore that certain twinge of guilt in her chest. If she hadn't shouted at her last night, hadn't told her hurtful things, she wouldn't have run away. After all, Emily was her responsibility, which explained the guilt she was feeling.
Yes, that was it, the sense of responsibility getting in on her.
She slumped down onto the couch and crossed her legs, her foot tapping impatiently on the floor. She fished her phone out and considered calling Emily for a while, before all the memories from their fight last night came rushing in. She was mad at Emily, fucking furious actually, that she shouldn't care.
"She left by her own, she should come back by her own." She murmured, convincing herself not to give two fucks about it. She placed her phone back to her pocket and turned the tv on, her eyes glued on the screen, yet her mind flying somewhere else. She jumped when she heard the phone ringing, fumbling over the cordless device as she hurriedly picked it up.
"Hello Emily!" She shouted, instantaneously concluding that it was the red head on the other line. "Where the fuck have you been?"
"No, it's Freddie." She scowled upon realizing who it was. For fuck's sake, it's still early morning and she could feel her temper at boiling point already. "I figured you'd worry, so I called."
"What?" She blurted out.
"Emily's here right now at my house." Did she hear him right? He sounded fucking smug.
Naomi grimaced, her nostrils flaring with unexplainable fury. "What is she doing there?" She retorted. "Let me talk to her."
"She's still sleeping." Freddie replied casually.
"Then tell her to wait there when she wakes up. I'll pick her up." She spoke, the words barely escaping her gritting teeth.
"No need. I'll drive her home." Freddie countered. "I also need to have a word with you."
"About what?"
"I've had enough Naomi." He spoke with so much weight that it actually scared her a little, his sudden seriousness.
"What the fuck?"
"I'm done seeing you treat her like this."
"Fuck off Freddie." She warned, her voice harsh. "It's none of your fucking business."
"It is." He retorted, pausing for a moment to collect his resolve. "It is now, because I've decided to take her away from you Naomi."
She froze, her grip on the cordless phone tightening as the words slowly sank in, her heart frantically beating. She could feel her teeth gnashing together, her jaw clenching stiffly as she blew quick, jagged breaths.
And for the first time in her life, she was rendered speechless.