A/N: Okay, I got the writing bug today, and I'm still trying to work with Jace and Clary. This is just going to be Clary's POV on her relationship with Jace. I really need feedback! I'm not sure that I've even got this couple right!
He's my brother. And I love him. Not like I should love my brother; not like I love my mom or Luke or Simon. No, I love Jace in a completely different way. My heart skips a beat when he walks in the door, and I can barely think straight when he's talking to me. He's gorgeous. I want him in the most carnal way possible.
Jace goes on hunts all the time, and, more often than not, he comes back injured. I've seen his shoulder dislocated, arm broken, and arms covered in gashes. He's covered in scars, from his Marks and his cuts. When he leaves the Institute on any given day, there's no guarantee that he'll come back alive. And I have no power over that.
I could go out with him and Isabelle the next time they go for a fight. But I'm not trained. I'd just be dead weight. I've been out with them before, and I've hurt the mission more than I've ever helped. Jace has been hurt trying to protect me. No, it's just not a viable option for me to fight.
The last few times, I've found a reason to stay behind. I've used the excuse of feeling ill and needing to get back to Luke's store. He and Isabelle leave without me. It takes all the strength I can summon not to run out the door with them. I tell myself that it's for the best that I don't go. So I force myself to sit and wait at the Institute. I doodle to pass the time, to take my mind away from the multitude of horrid possible fates for Jace. I end up drawing golden angels, with amber eyes and blonde curls. My sketchbook is full of them.
Luke tries to keep me busy. He'll give me little jobs around his shop and show me all of his books on Downworlders. Maia and Simon come around pretty often; Maia because of Luke and Simon because of Maia. They do their best. Simon used to be able to make me laugh, but he's too busy showering Maia with all of his attention. I guess I'm just doomed not to have any guys in my life. My best friend is preoccupied with his girlfriend, my dad- Luke will always be more of a father to me than my birth father- is busy with my pregnant mother and his store to give me more than a few moments, and my brother is simply off limits.
I know it's wrong to think about my brother like that, because, well, he's my brother. But it's not like I can help it. Nobody can. Alec can't help who he loves. And he loves a "sparkly gay Sonic the Hedgehog." It's not like Jace is another girl, because, honestly, I think people would respond better to that than they have to us. Isabelle can't help that she's falling for another girl's boyfriend- and she's admitted as much to me. Jace isn't taken. He's just related to me.
We have the same DNA. We have the same parents. I want to cry every time I think that way. Being with him the way I want to be is gross, in everyone's eyes. Even mine. I know it's wrong and disgusting, but I just can't help it.
I love him. Just not in the way society wants me to love him. I can't love him the way I want to love him- to have him, to be held by him, to draw on his iratze and help him when he comes back hurt. Because he's my brother.
A/N: Well, looking back on this, I have no idea if I've got the timeline right. Is there a time when Jace and Clary still think they're related and Simon's dating Maia? And I did take the poetic (literary?) license to make Jocelyn pregnant, but it's just a tiny detail and you could ignore it if non-cannon things like that make you mad. I really had trouble getting into Clary's head, so I need feedback to know if I got her right. This story is my first het, and I'm not so sure I love it. And sorry it's so short! Like I said, it's hard for me to write for Clary. Alec comes so much easier!