The Importance Of Trust

Chapter 3

"Have you seen Owen?"

Cristina asked everyone she could, all giving her the same answer: 'No, but I'm sure he's okay.'

After giving up on Owen for the time being, she checked in with Meredith, and then went home.

Owen was peacefully lying on Cristina's couch when Cristina finally entered her apartment. His eyes were half closed, his shoes flung on the opposite side of the couch, and his jacket was on the floor, his arm still in a sling.

Cristina was torn as she breathed the image of his figure in. After a day like today, all she needed was to curl up to him and hold him for as long as she possibly could. The regret that they never physically slept completely together with every single inch of their bodies touching each other crept up on her unexpectedly. And yet…

And yet…She could not slide in next to him. The thought that he used the key she gave him months ago while they were together when they were not together now sent mixed emotions through Cristina. She came home to take a shower, to take a short nap, and then to pick up the items that Meredith and Derek asked her to pick up from their house. She needed to do the things she came home for and she needed Owen to leave. And yet…

And yet…All she could do was stand there on her tired feet, staring at him.

"Hey," Owen said softly once she realized she was there.

"Hi," She said, putting her bag down. Owen moved to sit on the couch in order to make room for her. The pair starred at each other for what seemed like forever. "I have to go," Cristina said regrettably.

"What? You just came home," Owen said in protest.

"I came home to gather some things up for Meredith." Cristina said, looking down at her feet and then back at Owen, still feeling torn.

"Cristina." Owen said in his yearning voice again. "Please. I am so sorry. I need you. I love you. I'm sorry."

"Is this the part where I am supposed to go into your welcoming arms, kiss you and congratulate you for finally figuring out your feelings?" Cristina said sternly.

Owen did not expect her to be so cold. "Given that we almost lost each other today, do you think you could be more forgiving?"

"I have had long day. I almost lost everyone I cared about today. I lost a Godchild today. I just went through the hardest, most stressful surgeries in my life, and that is saying something if you knew the list of hard, stressful surgeries. I have to go back to the hospital in an hour. Dealing with you or us isn't high on my list right now."

When Cristina put together the list what happened today, she couldn't stop the tears from running down her face again. She quickly brushed them away before Owen could get to them.

"What can I do, Cristina?" Owen said desperately. "Is there anything…"

"Owen…"

Silence.

Cristina's eyes finally met Owen's. "I love you and I want you," Cristina started. Owen exhaled a breath he did not even know he was holding. The smile on his face widened as his lips got closer to hers.

Cristina pushed him away and started again. "I love you and I want you, but now I don't trust you."

Owen pulled back, shocked. "What?"

"I don't trust you anymore," Cristina said quietly.

"Cristina, I am so-"

"I know that you're sorry. I don't know if that's enough anymore," Cristina said.

"After everything that's happened today…" Owen started.

"Why is it that you have to be on the edge of losing me to realize that you love me?" Cristina's sharpness and abruptness stung Owen.

"How can you even say that?"

"The way you are looking at me right now…actually the way you have been looking at me all day is a expression that I haven't seen on your face since we got back together after you were finally able to sleep through the night. When you look at me that way I know that you love me, and…" Cristina trailed off.

"I do love you. I always love you, even if I'm not looking at you in a certain way. You know that, Cristina."

"To be honest, I began to think of it as a good thing, a healthy thing, that you didn't look at me like I was the center of you universe. I told myself you were getting better if you weren't looking at me that way," Cristina met Owen's longing eyes. "But God, I missed that look on your face."

Cristina finally brought her hands to Owen face. He leaned into her and closed his eyes. He brought her arm to his lips and kissed the inside of it.

"I need to trust you before I can...Before we can…But right now, I don't know how to do that." Cristina said.

Again, silence.

Owen sat on her couch, a pain going through his arm, wondering how she couldn't trust after he just a bullet for her and her friend.

"And now," Cristina started to rise from the couch. "I have to go."

Owen stood from couch as quick as he could. He caught her arm before she could grab her bag.

"Don't go. I need to be with you tonight," He begged of her.

Cristina sighed, picked up her bag, and said rather harshly, "And I need you to stop having rendezvous with Teddy."

"I came back for you, Cristina! I got shot for you! How can you-"

"How could you not know how you feel? After everything-" She yelled.

"I know how I feel!" Owen yelled back at her. Both out of breath, they stared at each other.

"Look, I'm sorry. I get mean when I'm tired." Cristina looked at him once more before opening the door. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Cristina."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Owen said. With those last words spoken between them, Cristina was gone. Owen stared at her door for a minute more before angrily picking up his jacket and shoes from the floor, went into her room and slammed the door behind him.

Once there, he stripped down to his underwear. He got into her bed, and wrapped Cristina's scent around him as he drifted off to sleep.