Title: Love Accidentally - Chapter 43
Author: kreia03
Rating: M
Warnings: Swear words.
Disclaimer: I own nothing and I hate that fact. Seriously.
Summary: When realization hit her, it hit her hard;
A/N: Big thanks to my beta Nat (Naomilyox) and TDTC. Terribly sorry for the delay, I had to deal with some RL stuff. Hope you all like this one though!
When realization hit her, it hit her hard; hit her squarely in the chest that her heart constricted tight on the spot. It felt like a physical blow in some way, and it almost knocked her off her seat, because it was so fucking distinct now, the huge difference of what she was feeling that was, so fucking distinct that she couldn't help but feel stupid for not being able to realize it before, not as early as she should have.
She watched closely, with half squinted, wary eyes peering just above her clasped hands, never missing one movement at all, may it be a flick of the hand, a blink of an eye or a flirtatious wink, she could see it all ever so clearly.
The longer she watched, the stronger the tugging feeling felt.
But it was that particular touch in the cheek, the offending hand lingering too long, fingers practically brushing and caressing the soft skin that had quickly tainted red, the shy blush fast spreading; and they started playing with locks of stray, fallen hair, twirling here and there, which was enough to send her to the edge of her seat, the last thing she actually needed to finally admit things and sort them out into their right places.
Suddenly, it all became too much.
The next thing she knew, she was up on her feet, making her way through the unsuspecting crowd, her strides wide yet fast.
"Naomi!"
She didn't bother to turn around at the sound of her name being called, hissed actually, even if it was repeated a few more times, the lisps she could hear growing fainter and fainter with each heavy step she took away from their table, her eyes trained on one particular spot which she had been looking at for countless of minutes already. "Where the fuck are you going?"
She knew she was already catching enough attention by the way she was trampling across the floor, her heels clattering loudly as they made contact with the wooden floorboards, but it was the least of all her concerns now, the mantra in her mind going on endless loops, over and over, louder and louder, as if it was screaming in some way, the words 'get your hands off her' swirling inside her head aimlessly. She had no idea how it even began, but it kept getting louder as she drew close.
By the end of her walk, stopping at a considerable distance away from her purpose, she knew she had been seen, considering the look that had dawned on their faces, one curious and rather a bit smug, the other equally torn between horrified and just plain thankful. "Naomi." Her name had been said again, though much softer this time, but was drowned by the pounding beats of her heart, along with the rest of the noises surrounding her, drowned through the frantic thud thuds she could hear reverberating loudly inside her ears.
Her greeting came out so strained, voice so dangerously low that it sunk somewhere deep within her stomach when she sucked in a lungful of air. "Hey." She nodded her head to the random girl, well, tried at least, merely out of having been raised with manners, since her body had suddenly become too stiff to move, her muscles tensing tight by each second that passed. "Who's your new friend?" She asked, though in a satiric sense of things, and the words rolled out of her tongue with too much venom in it, that she was practically spitting them out. "Would you mind introducing her to me, Emily?"
***
Emily was far too occupied with the way Naomi was strangely acting, that it took her quite a while before she could respond, her first reaction actually being a "huh?", followed by an "oh, right" into which Naomi had answered with a plain raise of her brow. "Yeah, uhm, Naomi this is--"
"The name's Addie." The random girl broke off, offering a sweet and noticeably flirty smile to Emily first before stretching her hand out for Naomi to shake. "Naomi Campbell right?"
Naomi stared at the held out hand ridiculously too long, that Addie felt the need to just pull it back, having been sent the message that Naomi wasn't there to make acquaintances, let alone, friends, specially not with her.
"Nai--" Emily called out with a little warning in her tone, though there was much more pleading in it, as if she was asking Naomi to rather play nice.
Unfortunately, Naomi was in no mood for it.
"You done talking to my girlfriend?" She blurted out of nowhere, that it took Emily and Addie by surprise, the acid in her tone undeniable. "Because if you are, I'd like to take her home now."
"Naomi." Emily tried again; took a step towards her to put a hand on her arm.
"If you don't mind." Naomi continued with such weight, brushing off Emily's entreaty completely.
"No." Addie answered; feigned a wide smile, her teeth bare and all. "Not at all."
"Thank you."
"See you around Emily. You have my number, call me yeah?" She raised a hand and threw a small wave at Emily's direction; flipped her hair off her shoulders as she turned around, and it seemed more like a 'fuck you' directed to Naomi for some reason.
"Right." Naomi scoffed, eyes following Addie's retreating form until she was completely out of her sight. When she turned her head back, she was faced with a scowling Emily, obviously miffed, Emily's eyes turning into half slits. "You have her number?"
"No, I don't." Emily replied forcefully, though with a low voice, fully aware that they were still in a public place. "I don't just get numbers from people I just met, you know." She shook her head. "And that was rather un-called for Naomi. Did you really have to be rude?"
"What?" Naomi exclaimed in disbelief. "Me? Rude?"
"She's just being friendly." Emily gestured her hand; pointed it towards Addie's general direction.
"I'm pretty sure that that wasn't just being friendly." Naomi snapped back, mimicking the way Emily had delivered the last few words.
"Jesus Christ, you're fucking unbelievable." Emily sighed through gritted teeth as she pushed past Naomi, heading outside of the hall straightaway, feeling a dire need of fresh air in her hopes that it would help calm her down and clear her mind.
"Oh so now this is all my fault?" She heard a voice echoing sharply behind her; nearly jumped at the sound of it because she had no idea that she was being followed.
Emily whipped around in such a startling speed that it caught Naomi off guard completely, halting as quickly as she could in response, her movements nearly causing her to lose her balance. "I never said anything like that." Emily turned again, continuing her brisk steps until she reached the parking lot, just about the right place she needed to be.
"Sounds the same thing to me."
Emily ran her fingers through her hair, slightly pulling them out in the process, because the whole situation was just frustrating the hell out of her. "Naomi, will you just--"
"Why are you even defending her?" Naomi snapped back, taking a little step forwards that she was almost towering over Emily.
"I'm not." Emily answered firmly, and despite the height difference, she faced Naomi with equal amounts of temper. "Why are you even so wound up?"
Naomi's grumble reverberated out through gritted teeth, her nostrils growing wide as it flared, and before she knew it, she was spilling out things she hadn't even had a chance to think about. "Because I'm fucking jealous okay? She's flinging herself at you for fuck's sake! And you look like you don't even notice it!"
Emily knew she should be feeling overly surprised, or celebratory at the least, but all she felt was more frustration and anger, the thoughts spinning fast inside her head, such as how unfair the circumstances were to her. "Oh now, so you can get jealous and I can't?"
It was Naomi's turn to be surprised. "What?"
"Apparently, your best friend's almost near to snogging your face off."
"Why do people keep saying that?" Naomi snapped back, and the force in her tone made Emily flinch a tad bit.
"Because it's what's happening!" Emily retorted soon after recovering, her fingers balling into fists, an attempt to stop her hands from flailing around like mad. "Everybody could see Naomi! Open your fucking eyes!"
Nimble fingers started to run along both temples of Naomi's head. "How many times do I have to tell you that--"
A loud snort coming from Emily broke Naomi's rant off. "You know what? This is fucking ridiculous." She held her hands up in surrender, gesturing for them to just stop fighting, because, well, they had just gone into one a few days before and Emily definitely didn't want a repeat.
"Yes, it is." Naomi replied matter-of-factly; took another tentative step towards Emily, that they were no more than an inch apart. "So will you just please forget about the idea of Effy flirting with me or even having feelings for me?"
"Ugh." Emily rolled her eyes. "Leave it okay?"
"Drop the ridiculous thought then."
Emily merely shook her head in answer, more of disbelief rather than protest.
"Oi! Where are you going?" Naomi shouted frantically upon seeing Emily turn around and head out of the edifice straightaway.
"I'm going home." Emily called out without even bothering to look back, her feet continuously treading towards the exit gates in a rather furious manner.
An exasperated breath passed through Naomi's lips, her chest rising up in an alarming height in the process. "Don't be stupid Em. There are no buses passing by here!"
"Cab home" was the last thing she heard before Emily completely disappeared from her sight, and she couldn't quite help but to grow more and more frustrated by their constant fighting over things they shouldn't really be bothering with. She turned around, kicked the first tire she ever saw in one of the vehicles and cursed loudly, because, well, she knew she should be following Emily, yet she couldn't just leave without at least telling anybody. Apparently, being a famous person had prices to pay. "Emily!" She called out one last time, though she wasn't even sure if Emily was still able to hear it.
"Fucking hell." She murmured under her breath, and she was almost turning around towards the direction of the exit gates, so near to running after Emily because she felt heavy inside, regarding how things had ended up that night between them. It felt so wrong to just leave it like that, so uncomfortable that she couldn't even find the will to go back inside and fake a fucking smile in front of the people she knew she'd meet and have a conversation or two.
She shook her head, propped her hands against both her hips as she lifted one foot to take a step towards the entrance of the main hall, yet it felt like her heels suddenly weighed tons and tons, and it was such a struggle to take the first step towards inside the hall that she ended up turning around again, facing the exit gates' general direction. Her deep breaths mingled with the thick, damp air while she tried to close her eyes and calm herself down, because at her state, she couldn't really think of anything to do about the situation.
"Hey." She jumped at the sound, quickly twisting around, and exhaled a breath of relief upon finding that it was just Effy.
"Jesus, you scared me there." She chuckled nervously. "Why aren't you inside?"
"Why aren't you?" Effy asked instead.
Naomi watched as Effy took another step towards her, so that their distance were almost just an inch apart, and Naomi had to resist the urge of stepping back as Effy progressed, even though it sort of felt like invading her personal space, because she still found the idea ridiculous, in all of its sense. "I, uhm--" She stuttered for a bit and cleared her throat, pushing her frantic beating heart back alongside the shakiness of her voice. "It's nothing Eff. I really don't want to talk about it."
Effy's lips twitched into what looked like a half smirk and a half smile. "Had another fight with Emily eh?"
"Seriously Eff." Naomi started, dropping off a blatant hint with the tone of her voice. "I don't want to talk about it."
Effy stayed in silence for a good while, her stares getting heavier by the second, that it somehow made Naomi feel a bit queasy, when, before, it didn't if truth be told. "Fine. Don't just stand there then." She smirked, an idea suddenly clicking in her mind. "Wanna go somewhere else?"
Naomi found herself already nodding her head in answer before she could even ponder on the idea or think things out. "Fuck this stupid party."
The smile on Effy's face was a little apprehensive, which gave Naomi a sudden inkling that they were headed off to something she might regret later on.
***
"Where do you wanna go Em?" Naomi called out casually, eyes fixed on the road.
Effy's brows lined up in one straight line. "What did you say?"
Naomi turned her head briefly to look at Effy. "I said, where do you want to go?" She watched in quick, consecutive glances as Effy stilled in her seat, looking so surprised about something. "Eff?"
A small, shaky laugh escaped from Effy's lips. "You just called me Em."
The car skidded to a stop, in accordance with the red traffic light, and Naomi slowly shifted on her seat, taking the opportunity to clear it up. "I did?"
Effy's eyes were already glued past the window on the passenger's side. "Yeah, you did."
In a matter of seconds, the car was moving again, and the roar of its engine was the only sound that could be heard for a good while. "I'm sorry." Naomi swallowed hard, shaking her head in disbelief in the process. "I was just worried. Emily took off alone and there are no buses at this time of the night anymore. I don't know if she's able to go home safely."
Effy didn't utter another word, nor even give any hint which could at least tell that she understood things, and it was all the sign that Naomi needed to shut her mouth, pretending not to care about Emily anymore, although the look in her eyes were saying otherwise.
***
The first question that Effy asked (later on that night when they were in the safety of the most secluded part of the club they frequently went into) caught Naomi entirely off guard, because it was so straightforward that she actually stuttered in answer.
"Did you know that I like you?"
Droplets of vodka splattered all over the table as Naomi choked on the liquor she was drinking, swallowing all too quickly that the liquid created a burning trail at the back of her tongue and straight to her throat as it worked its way down. "The fuck Effy?" She spat out, wiping the remnants of vodka in her lips with the back of her hand. "What are you talking about?"
"Well, did you?" Effy asked again, ignoring Naomi's remarks altogether, this time, voice more forceful.
"No." Naomi replied stiffly as her fingers wrapped around the moist shot glass, and oddly, she was finding some sort of comfort from the coldness that was seeping through the glass. "Seriously Effy, I--"
"I did." Effy broke off; tilted her head to the side while blowing out a stream of smoke which clouded Naomi's eyes for a second, since she was sat next to her in the booth they chose to stay at. "I do."
A strangled groan reverberated deep within Naomi's throat, which she actually meant to be a scream but couldn't do so for known and unknown reasons, because people had been right all along, Katie, Cook, Emily; had been right about things which she chose to blatantly ignore, when in fact, it was screaming in front of her already. "Effy, why are you telling me this now?"
Effy let her shot glass slide to the center of the table; grabbed the bottle of vodka instead and took a long swig from it, because if she was going to spill everything out now, she'd take any form of boost the liquor could offer. "I made things hard for you Nai."
"I don't understand." Naomi replied in a soft tone and a slight shake of the head. "I don't get it."
"I know about the contract." Effy said matter-of-factly, stubbing the cigarette out as she blew out the last stream of smoke. "I knew about the contract and I told Emily that I know all about it."
"Oh." It should have been a surprise, but Naomi had enough information already swimming in her head, too much to process to be exact, that the newly added ones didn't sink in at once, her reactions to things not of those that Effy had expected them to be, not even near. "Emily never told me anything."
Effy snorted another shaky laugh. "That's because she's so fucking in love with you that she hates the idea of making you choose." Another swig from the bottle. "And it makes me feel more ridiculous about myself."
"What did you exactly tell her?" Naomi grabbed the bottle from Effy's hand and took a mouthful herself, suddenly feeling her throat run dry and a dire need to quench it.
"I might have told her to fuck off." Effy let out another laugh, like everything was a fucking joke to her, and Naomi admired it and hated it at the same time, because Effy was so good at this, at hiding her real emotions, as if nothing could ever break her apart. "And that I'm planning to get you back."
"Eff--" Naomi called out hesitatingly, though Effy ignored it altogether.
"But I think I was too late." Effy's head slowly turned around, eyes fixing immediately at Naomi's somewhat surprised face, and she watched for a moment as Naomi's brow quirked repeatedly, her teeth catching her bottom lip in between; and it was all that Effy could take before deciding to push her luck through, because, well, it could be her last chance. She leaned in without hesitation and pressed her lips against Naomi's own, closing her eyes in the process because she was letting herself feel, even if the pang of regrets were hitting her consecutively, she didn't let go nor pull back, even if Naomi's lips were perfectly still, unmoving.
"Effy, what the hell are you doing?" Naomi asked, pushing Effy away by her shoulders.
"I need something to remind me Nai." Effy swallowed hard, clinging into Naomi's arms like she was keeping herself up, holding for her dear life. "I need to at least take something with me before I let you go."
"What?"
"Please." It came out so breathless, the faint sound mixing with the stale air lingering around the club, but it was all that Naomi needed to nod her head and allow it to happen, for reasons she knew and some that she didn't.
When Effy bridged the gap, Naomi closed her eyes; tried to think back to the time when this kiss was one of the things she used to wish to come true, but it seemed so fucking distant right now, the memory of the wanting itself, that she could barely remember when exactly did she start wishing for it to happen.
***
Naomi did not head straight home, but went to some other bar instead, drowning herself to consecutive vodka shots and bottles and bottles of beer, just because she couldn't exactly tell which was hurting her more, the fact that she was wrong the whole time, defending Effy to everyone else she knew, or the pang of guilt kicking her hard in the chest for kissing Effy without any form of hesitation or protest.
'Too much information' had never been truer to her.
It was all so confusing, too much for her to handle, and there was just so very little that she could grasp amongst all the information divulged to her, and it was only in her inebriated state that she could think things through, see things clearly, as odd as it would seem.
Emily stood out among everything else.
***
She stumbled at their front door, tripping on the last doorstep because she was that fucking uncoordinated already, that it was actually a miracle that she had managed to drive home unscathed. She pushed the door open, giggling at the soft creak it made, as ridiculous as it would seem because she wasn't even high on anything, and she had a sudden inkling to call out Emily's name loudly and announce that she was home, like what husbands do to stupid, clichéd sitcoms she had seen before. Although she decided not to do so, in the better judgment of things, since Emily might probably be asleep already at this point of the night.
She wondered for a moment as she made her way, swaying side to side past the hallway and down to the living room, why Zeus wasn't barking or anything, when he usually did every time she'd come home, though it was answered in an instant when she found him and Emily sleeping by the couch, Zeus' head lying at Emily's lap.
It was such a struggle to tread towards Emily without tumbling down; had to stop a few times to steady herself and smooth her skirt and her hair, (how she suddenly became so conscious of what she looked like, she didn't know, let alone, the reason for it), and she couldn't help but giggle once again, just because.
She caused Emily to stir from her sleepy state when she plopped down the couch callously, almost like jumping to her seat, the impact making the couch seat bounce up and down.
Emily blinked a few times, shaking the remnants of her sleep away. "Nai." She softly called out, grimacing a little at the sight of Naomi's drunken state, her hair disheveled in so many ways that Emily could almost tell that Naomi drove with the windows rolled down. "Jesus, you're drunk." She worriedly mouthed, freeing her hands from holding the puppy to attend to a half sleepy, half grinning Naomi, although she really didn't know where to start. "Did you drive home?"
She was supposed to be mad at her, but Naomi looked so fucking lost that every ounce of anger just dissolved into nothingness in just one simple look.
Naomi bobbed her head in a rather smug way, pounding her chest in the process. "'Course. I'm a Class A driver yeah?"
"Christ." Emily blew out an exasperated breath. "Don't do that again alright?"
"Do what?"
"Driving when you're proper drunk." Emily hissed, rolled her eyes even. "You might end up in an accident or something worse."
Naomi squinted her eyes and opened them wide afterwards, doing the same in an alternating manner for a few more times because her vision had started to get hazy and a little clouded, though Emily's hair had never seemed this bright under the pale light of their living room, almost as bright as what she often saw in her vivid dreams. She reached forth and touched it, letting her fingers run through the strands of Emily's hair, her hand sliding down to cup Emily's cheek while the pad of her thumb continuously stroked the soft, blushing skin under it. "Are you still mad at me?"
Emily shook her head helplessly. "I don't know. Probably a bit, but--I don't know."
"I'm not mad at you, just so you know." Naomi grinned widely as she squeezed Emily's nose lightly in between her fingers. "I'm probably more angry at myself, because, because--"
"We can talk about it tomorrow." She heard Emily speak; could feel a finger pressed against her lips to shush her, but she knew she was shaking her head in massive protest. "Come on Nai-Nai, I'll take you upstairs yeah?"
"I need to tell you something first." She spoke in between small, squeaky hiccups that made Emily giggle a tad bit, although she could see that Emily was fighting hard to keep a straight face. "We can have sex later yeah? You can like, make me your slave and tie me to the bed with furry handcuffs, but I need to say something first before anything else." The look on her face probably had been so serious because she could see that Emily was so genuinely surprised, Emily's jaw slacking so low that it nearly dropped and scraped the floor.
"I'm not planning to make you my slave, or tie you to bed or anything." Emily murmured as soon as she recovered, her cheeks turning into a deep shade of red out of chagrin. "I'm--"
"You turning me down now Fitch?"
"What? No." Emily replied in an amused tone, taking Naomi's hand in hers. "But you need to sleep, because the hangover's gonna kill you tomorrow."
"Oh, right." Naomi stilled for a beat, as if pondering on Emily's words, because oddly, the concern evident in them were making her heart turn over beneath her chest. "I thought you're turning me down."
"You twat." Emily fell into a light chuckle, leaning in for a kiss when Naomi's hand stopped her midway.
"Em, wait." Naomi whispered, sliding her hand from Emily's shoulder down to her waist.
"What?"
"I told you I need to tell you something." She insisted, blinking a few more times because the haze clouding her eyes was getting heavier by the second. "And I need to say it before you kiss me because when you kiss me, I won't be able to stop and I won't be able to tell you what I want to tell you, understand?"
"Okay." Emily nodded hesitantly, pressing her lips together as she waited for the next thing that Naomi had to say.
Naomi swallowed hard, taking huge deep breaths in the process, because this was it, she was about to spill every fucking thing out, and it was making her nervous more than ever, that walking down the runway with little clothes on was nothing compared to this, to how much she was feeling this exact moment. "Okay, so." She started, pausing to take another huge swallow, and there were beads of sweat starting to form in her forehead and the back of her neck, her palms getting clammy. Their intertwined hands were the only source of comfort she could find assurance and courage from, though it felt enough, at least for the meantime. "I should've told you this sooner, but you know I'm a big twat and really, really stupid that's why it took me ages to tell you."
"What is it Nai?"
Another long swallow. "Emily, I, uhm, I--" Her heart was practically racing, the frantic beats loudly ringing in her ears, and it felt like she was carrying it in her throat, lodged in the middle that the words she was supposed to say were blocked from getting out. And it all became too much for her to bear from then on, the expectant and warm glint evident in Emily's eyes, the way she was looking at her lovingly, that look that was just so Emily, would always be Emily, too much that it was almost hurting her in some way; how Emily's lips were quivering and curling to the side, her button nose crinkling in the process. "I, I--" The next two words were at the tip of her tongue, hanging stiffly in there, just waiting to be verbalized. "I l--"
But it was all too fucking much, her head and her vision spinning constantly though it had less to do with the alcohol, and the next thing she knew, she was heaving all the contents of her stomach at the carpeted floor before everything went pitch black.
***
When she stirred from her sleep the next morning, the space next to hers was already empty, save for a note lying under the covers with two tablets of Ibuprofen on top. She rolled to her side and picked the note up, holding it above her head while obstructing the light coming from out of the window in some way, because it was making the throbbing in her head worse.
Off with Katie for her monthly check up. Breakfast is ready. It's in the nightstand in case you get hungry. Sorry for just leaving a note, I didn't want to wake you up.
I'll be back as soon as I can.
Em xx
She smiled despite the head splitting ache; popped the Ibuprofen in her mouth and chewed it like it was some form of sweet candy because she was too lazy to actually sit properly and swallow the tablet wholly, before grimacing at the bitter taste of it that she nearly dived for the bottle of water standing by her nightstand, along with what seemed to be a sandwich which Emily made and perhaps strong brewed coffee enclosed in a small thermos flask.
When she closed her eyes again, she tried hard not to remember anything she did the past night, since she was pretty much sure that it was something stupid anyways, and the last thing she saw before she drifted off to sleep were strands of bright red hair and a silver flask full of coffee.
***
The first thought that came to her mind when she woke up again, midday, was 'it's about fucking time.'
It was probably a part of a dream she could not remember anymore or something, the idea of changing how things usually work that was, and it surprised her a lot, how she was looking forward to these changes, how she was willing to let someone aside from herself take over the control of things. It was supposed to be somewhat daunting, at least for her, but something bigger was eating up all the fear and the remnants of it, replacing it with something heartwarming, something she could only associate with one particular thing: love.
It wasn't actually as hard as she thought, admitting things to herself, and she had never felt lighter than ever, like every single burden had been lifted off her shoulders just because.
She jumped out of bed, the pain in her head now tolerable unlike earlier, and hurried downstairs, planning to phone JJ for some help she knew she would need since it was the very first time she ever thought of confessing to somebody, the very first time it ever crossed her mind; and she was so new to these kinds of things that she couldn't help but be scared somehow, of how things would turn out in the end, although it felt amazing at the same time.
She picked up Zeus or rather Nemo on her way down, making a mental note to herself to call the puppy Nemo from then on since it was what Emily wanted, plus the fact that she gave the puppy to Emily as a present, so Emily pretty much had bigger rights than her, to name him according to what she wanted.
It was all a whirlwind of emotions from the moment JJ had picked up the phone and agreed to come over, because his presence somehow made things more real to her, and it was then when the fretfulness started to kick in.
***
JJ arrived on time, unsurprisingly.
"What time will Emily go home?" Was the first thing he asked, even before he had managed to step inside the house and made himself comfortable, and his obviously giddy state was making Naomi more nervous, as odd as it would seem.
"Probably late in the afternoon." She answered anyways. "She texted me earlier and told me that there were lots of people in the hospital today. They might be running late."
JJ nodded his head in comprehension, turning quickly at the corner leading to the kitchen while continuing to mumble things unremittingly. "We have plenty of time to prepare, since basing on my calculations," he paused, chanced a glance at his wristwatch, "Emily and Katie would be here around five or six, thus, giving us more than enough time actually." He stopped by the kitchen counter, throwing his rucksack over, and something clinked softly against the tiled surface. He raised his head and smiled widely at Naomi. "I brought some stuff just in case."
"Right." Naomi pressed her lips together as she leaned by the sink. "I think I have everything we need though, but it's good that you also brought some stuff."
JJ answered with another friendly smile. "Shall we start?"
***
She insisted on doing things herself, no matter how much apprehensive JJ was.
"Jesus Christ! Ow!" She shouted for the umpteenth time that afternoon, amidst the chopping of onions, cursing and grumbling under her breath as her grip on the chopping knife tightened, because she was so near to throwing it across the room, having been cut for several times already, while JJ stood and watched in a considerable, safe distance, because unlike Naomi, he actually feared for his own safety.
"Naomi, are you alright?"
Naomi brought her hand up and examined the offended finger, blowing some air into it to alleviate the stinging somehow. "Just another scratch. It's nothing." She wiped her hands on her apron and went back to chopping at once, hissing a little as the small cuts she had managed to inflict on herself made contact with the onion's juice.
JJ took a tentative step forwards, hovering beside Naomi. "You sure you don't want any help? Emily will surely kill me if she finds out that you actually hurt yourself while doing this."
"I want to do this on my own J." Naomi replied, tipping her head up to catch some fresh air and blink the tears that had started to fill her eyes away.
"Can--" JJ paused hesitatingly, clasping his hands together and rubbing his palms from time to time, as he watched Naomi sheepishly from under his lids. "Can I ask why?"
Naomi dragged her eyes down, turning her head to catch JJ's own. "For a change." She answered with a small smile, chuckling more to herself as she reverted her attention back to the chopping board.
***
An hour and a half later, she was covered with flour, large smudges of chocolate all over her face, and a few cuts and burns, mainly on her fingers, from cooking the spaghetti (which JJ specifically pointed out as the perfect dish since it was Emily's favorite).
She waited impatiently for the oven's familiar 'ding', her fingers tapping against her arms as she folded them above her chest, while JJ settled comfortably into one of the seats at the dining table, waiting as well. His eyes roamed around the whole place, and he had to stifle the laughter quickly bubbling up inside him at the sight of the entire kitchen in a giant mess, the flour spread all over the counters, droplets of chocolate everywhere, in which he could easily conclude that the entire cooking struggle left the kitchen in a disaster.
The sound echoed a few minutes after and Naomi nearly jumped towards the oven, fumbling with the pot holders and the tray a little that the cupcakes jiggled in place. The smell of them filled her nose at once when she carried them out of the oven, and she couldn't help but give herself a pat in the back for a job well done.
"They smell delicious." JJ said, in praise, as Naomi set the tray down the table. "Although, they kind of look a little bit funny to me."
Naomi took in the appearance of the chocolate cupcakes as she tossed the pot holders aside, and slapped her forehead in the end, grimacing at what the cupcakes ended up to look like. The red icing which she meant to look as straight hair turned curly for some reason, the button nose and the lips she drew grew wider than they should have been, and there were some parts of the cupcake that were slightly darker than the others. Worse, the beauty mark she patiently dotted on each piece grew larger that it almost looked like it was some sort of a lump or something.
"They look like a bunch of cute clowns."
Naomi's head snapped up, shooting JJ with sharp, dagger-like stares that made him shiver with fright. "What?"
"I--I mean, they don't look like Emily." JJ's lips started to quiver frantically. "Shit! No! I mean, they quite look like Emily when she's smiling wide, yes, grinning."
Naomi's eyes squinted to half-slits. "Are you saying that my girlfriend looks like a clown?"
JJ's shoulders were now shaking while he shook his head exceedingly. "No, no, no, no." He raised his hand, gesturing alongside his head, and if Naomi just wasn't feeling disappointed with her cupcakes, she might have laughed at him already. "Your girlfriend's a really lovely, gorgeous, beautiful lady. It's just--" He paused, swallowed hard and closed his eyes, because he could feel a fit of word vomit fast coming out. "It's just that the cupcakes really look like clowns and I know that you didn't mean it to be that way, but they really do look like clowns, it's rather hilarious."
Naomi was quiet for a moment, jaw slacked down.
"Oh bugger." JJ blurted out, his hand rising up to cover his mouth. "Fucking new pills! Shit, shit, shit!"
"JJ."
"I'm terribly sorry, I have this new prescription that has certain side effects and I can't control them, so I end up saying things I never want to say, or to think at the least. I'm--"
Naomi lifted her hand and placed it firmly on JJ's shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze, although it was tighter than what she had meant it to be. "Chill out. Breathe yeah? I'm not going to kill you, even though I want to."
JJ froze immediately, his mouth opening and closing like that of a fish's, and he watched as Naomi turned around with a wide, devilish grin.
It worked though, since he stopped talking completely.
***
Another hour later, they were moving stuff out to the garden, and she was already beginning to lose her nerves.
She accidentally snapped at JJ (who was busily re-positioning a round table which she had rented in a rush, religiously checking its alignment along with the metal chairs that came with it) because her arms were growing tired of carrying the candelabra and the candles while she watched him work from a short distance, wondering what was taking him so long to set up a fucking table and two chairs. "Jesus JJ! Would you like me to hand you some pen and paper and a meter stick?"
JJ quickly turned around; rubbed his palms along his denim trousers. "I'm a bit of a perfectionist." He mumbled sheepishly before taking the ornaments from Naomi's hands, placing it on top of the table. "Sorry."
Naomi rolled her eyes and stormed back to the kitchen, leaving JJ outside scratching his head.
***
"Are you nervous?" JJ asked when everything was all set, and they were comfortably sitting around the dining table while waiting for Emily and Katie to arrive, well, just him sitting comfortably actually, because Naomi kept on fidgeting in her own seat.
She snorted smugly; rolled her eyes before heaving a deep sigh, which pretty much made JJ settle on the idea of her never being nervous at all, well, not until she actually answered, in a hissing manner to be exact. "I am, obviously."
"Well," JJ paused, nodding, "it's normal, I think, to get a little nervous when you're about to tell the person you love that you love her and--"
The rest of JJ's words were suddenly drowned and blocked out, growing fainter and fainter as her eyes caught sight of the bottle of vodka lying by the bar counter, and the urge to take a sip was so strong that she almost made a run for it, if not for her notion of wanting to do this with all sobriety, since this time she was fucking serious about everything.
A few minutes of staring and she was losing it.
"Ah, fuck it!"
JJ jumped in utter surprise when Naomi pushed her chair instantaneously, the metal feet scraping against the kitchen floor as she sprang up to her feet, making her way towards the counter as quickly as she could, but JJ stopped her along the way, grabbing her by the wrist. "Naomi, don't." He tried to warn, shaking his head in the process.
Naomi, in turn, just shoot him a sharp glare. "I'm not going to get myself drunk."
"But--"
"Seriously JJ, do you honestly think I'm gonna fuck this up by getting drunk?"
JJ begrudgingly relinquished his hold, albeit the strong objection, since he couldn't really do anything about it anyways.
***
One sip, as Naomi had promised to JJ became two, and two turned three.
Finally, when she had managed to sit back and lift some pressure off her shoulders (most probably, the vodka shots starting to kick in), JJ suggested that she should somehow rehearse what she would want to say. "It helps a lot because it will at least set your train of thoughts flowing."
"What?" Naomi blurted out in disbelief. "Rehearse?"
JJ nodded his head and snatched the bottle from her hands even before she could make a protest. "And you definitely don't need this. I'm gonna put this away."
"Are you kidding me?"
She made a weird sound that was meant to be an objection, when JJ shook his head rather sternly, but released her grip on the bottle anyways seeing the firm determination on JJ's face. "Fine. But there's no way I'm going to recite any lines."
"Why not?"
Naomi's forehead folded into deep creases, a perfectly sculpted brow arching up. "It's not like I'm going to deliver a fucking speech in front of a whole bunch of people JJ. It's just Emily."
"If it's just Emily, why can't you tell me then?" JJ asked, tone a little bit goading, the corner of his lips curling up to the side, leading to a smirk. "Why can't you tell me what you'd want to say?"
Naomi opened her mouth to voice out another retort, but ceased it in the end, slouching down on her seat in defeat. "Alright, fine. It's a bit hard for me okay?"
"What is?"
"Admitting things." Naomi shrugged lightly; raised her hand to pick on a leaf protruding from the vase full of fresh flowers, which was placed at the center of the table (apparently, Emily had developed a certain habit of fixing up a bunch weekly). "Especially when I know for a fact that I've fucked up a lot of times and this could be my last chance to make things right."
JJ remained in silence for a few beats, watching Naomi's fidgety movements intently, and he exhaled a breath of relief since he could tell that Naomi was serious about everything this time, erasing the last remnants of doubt in his mind. "Look." He spoke afterwards, offering a comforting smile. "It's not that hard okay? Just tell her what you feel."
"That's exactly the hard part JJ." Naomi replied, tone heavy. "I don't normally tell people about what I feel. I hardly open up."
"But you did open up to Emily right?"
She heaved a deep sigh. "Well, yeah, a few times."
"Which would probably make things easier since you've done it before." JJ murmured consolingly, his hand hovering above Naomi's because he wasn't really sure how Naomi would react if he tried putting his hand on top of hers, in a comforting way, since he sort of had an idea that Naomi wasn't particularly a touchy feely type of person. "Just tell her what you really feel, alright?"
Naomi took one last deep breath, more like encouraging herself, and bobbed her head in answer with closed eyes.
"I'll make you a cup of tea to help you calm down. Mum says I make the best tea in the world and Emily agrees with her."
JJ's smile was so nice and heartwarming that for a moment, Naomi could see how he and Emily became the best of friends in the first place.
***
She lost her nerves altogether when she heard the front door creaking open.
She heard JJ's soft 'good luck' as she made her way out to the garden, straight to the candle lit table for two she and JJ had arranged, her clammy hands clasped together to somehow help calm herself down while taking deep breaths to get her breathing even. She rolled her neck from side to side, shook her shoulders in the process along with all her limbs just to get rid of that nervous, fretted feeling, the pressure earlier eased by the vodka now back on her shoulders once more, heavier if it was even possible.
When she glanced up, she thanked the heavens for giving them a starry sky that night; whistled for Nemo when she heard hushed voices coming from the hallway near the kitchen, and she stooped down to tie a collar around him with 'Nemo' engraved in its pendant (something she had ordered in a rush, again), instructing him to not wander far from her with the best way that she could.
When Katie and Emily emerged from the threshold, her heart ceased beating on the spot. "Hey." She called out breathlessly, a shaky laugh coming alongside it, and she spread her arms wide, gesturing at the whole setting. "So yeah, uhm," She started to stammer, the words she had managed to sew together earlier now disappearing in an alarming state, and she was left with uhms and yeahs and other gibberish sounds that meant totally nothing, while scratching the back of her head and neck with her hand. "I, uhm--"
One brief glance and the look on Emily's face stopped her completely from trying to form at least one coherent sentence, because Emily's expression was equally torn between surprise and something she could only compare to pain, looking so bewildered with something she really had no idea about. And when she shifted her gaze, Katie's glare was so sharp and unnerving that she nearly took a step back.
It was JJ's shocked expression that made her realize that something had gone wrong.
"Em?" She called out carefully, taking tentative steps towards the twins' direction, because the look on Katie's face terrified her somehow, as if she was ready to bite and pounce on anybody who drew near. "Is something wrong?" She tilted her head, stretching out her hand to cup Emily's cheek but pulled it back quickly once she eyed Emily's clenched fists. "What happened?"
Katie snorted disbelief. "You're asking?" She spat out in disgust, retrieving a newspaper from the paper bag she was holding, and shoved it forcefully into Naomi's chest that Naomi stumbled a little, but both of Emily and Katie's faces remained stern. "I can't fucking believe you."
"I don't know what you're talking about Katie." Naomi shook her head helplessly, wondering when and where things had gone wrong that day, because as far as she knew, everything was flowing smoothly until then. She chanced a glance to JJ for help, but he was just as bewildered as she was.
Katie was on the verge of charging, her foot already moving forward but an outstretched hand stopped her altogether, keeping her standing on the same spot. "Katie, don't."
"But Ems--"
Emily shuffled, standing in front of her. "I'll deal with this."
"Emily?" Naomi called out hesitatingly. "What's wrong?"
Emily turned her head around, eyes almost squinting. "Read the fucking paper Naomi." She spoke through gritted teeth, and it made Naomi flinch for some reason, the way Emily had said her name that was, with a tone so heavy and so grave that it sunk somewhere in the pit of her stomach, causing a quite nauseating feeling to rise up, and she had to swallow hard just to push it back.
"Why?" Naomi asked, with a certain shakiness in her voice that was far too noticeable.
"Just read it."
She was still as confused as ever but followed Emily anyways, opening the morning paper that was folded in half as carefully as she could.
When the front page greeted her, her hands began to shake uncontrollably.
The headline was screaming at her in fucking black, bold letters, and she nearly dropped the paper or probably threw it somewhere, suddenly feeling like she wanted to swoon over or even pass out, the colors in her face running out in a matter of seconds, turning her into a paler shade, paler than ever while her lips quivered badly.
Up and printed in the front page was a picture of her and Effy taken the previous night in the exact same place they stayed at, kissing, of all fucking things.
"Jesus Christ."