A/N: Theme number thirteen - Bandages. Slightly angst-like.

This one's not direct LingFan, but more like from someone else's viewpoint. In this case, it's Doctor Knox. The story is told from Lan Fan's point of view, though.

She hated it whenever Doctor Knox changed her bandages.

It was not because of the ripping, startling pain that arose once the linen strips came off. It was not because of the sudden wash of red that flew across her vision, making her want to gag on the thick iron smell. It was not because of the severed stump that was disgustingly ugly to look at, the stump that kept her life dangling precariously off the edge. It was none of them.

It was the memories. The memories that suddenly attacked her the moment the first layer of linen was peeled off. And it was the guilt too; the guilt that triggered once the memories came.

The guilt that she hadn't been able to protect her Young Master.

Memories drift past her; a burning feeling rips through her. She is seeing Bradley's sword once more, flashing silver and swifter than a running fox. Her own blood falls onto the ground like scarlet rain. For a moment she is vaguely aware that her Young Master is picking her up, and she tries to fight back. Leave me here, she wants to say. I am of no use anymore.

But he takes her and runs anyway. Her head clears after a few moments, despite the horrid feeling that channels through her veins. Her pleading to leave her behind is completely useless, and she is suddenly aware of the blood trail that her swaying arm is leaving behind. The qi of a homunculus pricks her half-dulled senses, and she realizes that she is leading both herself and her Young Master to death. If that blood didn't stop dripping soon, they would both…

Forcing her almost-dead mind to work, she lifts her kunai. It is her fault, so she must be the one to fix it. Years of training with her Grandfather had had that firmly drilled into her mind. Her shaking fingers lift the knife up to her shoulder; her teeth bite down on the thick material of her collar. Her Young Master turns his head, screams at her to stop. "LAN FAN!"

And suddenly the pain is real, her kunai slicing through flesh and muscle and bone. It burns like fire, and her teeth gnash furiously through her collar. Just let me die, let me die already—

"Mmph!"

"Oh, did you wake up?" Doctor Knox stopped pressing a disinfectant-soaked towel to her wound. He dropped the towel in a tub of water, if it could even be called water at that point. Her old bandages were already soaking in the tub, and had turned the clear liquid to a murky reddish-brown.

Lan Fan was suddenly aware of something tough and fiber-like resting on her tongue and teeth. The doctor leaned over and removed a washcloth from her mouth. "Sorry about that, kid. Didn't want your tongue bitten off."

The pain from the disinfecting was excruciating, and Lan Fan was amazed that she had been able to sleep through half of it. Despite the fact that Doctor Knox had discarded the towel, it still felt like it was touching her skin, and the antiseptic soaking into her flesh.

Knox picked up a roll of bandages and unraveled several yards of the cloth. "You're lucky you didn't get lockjaw," he said through his cigarette. He exhaled, and smoke drifted around her like clouds. The wispy gray smoke reminded her of incense, like the ones in temples in Xing. "If you did, you'd be in a much worse, condition, girl. Personally, I'm amazed that you haven't contacted it yet."

Xing. She felt an internal stab within her. It was all her fault that they weren't back in her home country with the way of immortality, and that the Yao Clan wasn't in the favor of the emperor. If she hadn't gotten injured, the homunculus would already be on its way to the east.

Lan Fan! We're getting out of here! That monster was keeping another monster inside his belly! He's swallowing up everything!

His voice drifted back to her, and she gritted her teeth. If only she hadn't been injured by Bradley…if only her arm hadn't been cut off…they wouldn't have spent so much time over her. She could have helped subdue that monster, and if she had, her Young Master wouldn't be out of her sight. It was all her fault, all her…

"It isn't your fault," Knox said. He exhaled more smoke into the room. "Don't start blaming yourself, kid."

Lan Fan looked over, surprised. How did he know…?

"Hmmph." Knox finished rewrapping her injury and sat down on the chair next to the bed. "My wife and I had a daughter, after we had our son. But the baby was stillborn. She started blaming herself immediately. Ever since then, I've been able to tell."

"I…I'm sorry," Lan Fan murmured, not knowing what else to say.

"Nah," he answered. "What's done is done. I don't know if my wife still blames herself, since I haven't seen her in six years."

"But surely Young Master still blames me," Lan Fan whispered, barely loud enough for Knox to hear. "I should have been there, to fight off that monster…"

Knox snorted. "You mean that idiotic kid with you? The one with the spiky hair and ponytail?"

"Young Master is not an idiot!" she automatically defended.

"Idiot or not, girl, he's not naïve. Nobody's blaming you. You're only blaming yourself."

"But…if I hadn't gotten injured…"

"Tch! Why am I wasting my time with you?" Knox extinguished his cigarette and ground it under his foot, leaving gray smudge marks on the tile floor. "Lan Fen or whatever your name is, stop spewing this kind of nonsense! That kid isn't going to blame you. If you want my personal look on it, your life is extremely important to him. Now go and get some sleep before I go and put you to sleep myself!" Much to Lan Fan's surprise, the doctor stood up, swung open the bedroom door and slammed it shut.

Silence. She sat there for a moment, before sliding under the sheets and pulling them tight with her good arm. "Thank you," she whispered.

Words: 1,050

Additional Notes: I swear, I made it sound like Doctor Knox supports LingFan or something. LOL. And apparently he doesn't know his patient's name either.

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