Chapter Three
Hatter had been extremely anxious about going to the doctor – bad memories, Alice knew – but he'd been given a clean bill of health. Alice thought that would make her feel better, but it had the opposite effect. She'd wanted them to find something, because if they did than they could fix it. In her mind, Hatter was a kind of ticking bomb and she didn't know when he'd go off again. She prayed the episode in the market had been a one-shot deal, but part of her kept waiting for something else to happen.
For a whole week, nothing did.
On Friday evening, Hatter and Alice were supposed to go to her mother's place for dinner. Alice was dressed and ready to go, just checking herself over in the Looking Glass. She and Hatter had rescued it from the warehouse and moved it to their living room in order to keep anyone from stumbling through it. Not that it had mattered, because the Glass had been shut down by Jack months ago. Still, on the off chance someone on the other side could see through it, Alice kept it artfully draped.
"Hatter! We're going to be late!" Alice took one more look, then adjusted the drapery back over the Glass. Hatter always took his time getting dressed, and finding the right hat, but she'd been waiting for him for over twenty minutes now. She stomped off to the bedroom, irritated.
"Hatter, are you…" Alice couldn't finish her question. Hatter was sitting on the bed, shirt in his hands instead of on his back, and that horribly empty look was back on his face.
"Hatter?" Alice hated that her voice sounded small and scared. For a moment she couldn't take even a single step towards him.
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" Hatter asked, his voice a flat monotone.
"Hatter! Look at me. It's Alice." She went to him, finally, and sat next to him on the bed. She put a hand on his arm, but he grabbed her wrist. In his right hand.
"Why. Is a raven. Like a writing desk."
"I don't know! Hatter, let go of me!" For the first time since she'd known him, Alice was afraid of Hatter. She tried to remember that he wasn't himself. He didn't know what he was doing. "Hatter!"
"Tell me! I have to know! Please!" Hatter cried, and his hand clenched around her wrist. Alice could feel her bones grinding together and she let out a little scream of pain.
"Alice?" Hatter blinked his eyes, blinked himself back into them, and looked down at his hand in horror. "No. No, no, no."
Hatter dropped her arm and jumped off the bed. Alice held her bruised wrist to her chest, trying desperately not to cry. The look on Hatter's face hurt more than anything else he'd done; self-disgust, despair and fear made a horrible mask, twisting his handsome features into something fearful.
"It wasn't your fault, Hatter. It wasn't you."
"Then who the hell was it?" Hatter asked, desperately. "I hurt you."
"Hatter…"
But Alice didn't have a chance to say anything more before he'd run out of the room. She heard the front door slam and knew she wouldn't be able to catch him. She let the tears fall now. What was happening to them? To Hatter? Still cradling her wrist, Alice went to the living room to get out her cell phone and tell her mother they wouldn't be coming to dinner.
Then she sat on the couch, a bag of frozen peas wrapped around her wrist, and waited for Hatter to come home.
*o*o*o*
Alice woke with a start. She'd fallen asleep on the couch, all the lights in the apartment blazing. The frozen peas weren't frozen anymore. She blinked the sleep out of her eyes and looked at the clock. It was half past two in the morning.
"Hatter? Are you here?" Alice got off the couch and tossed the bag of peas in the refrigerator. Her wrist was sore and mottled with bruises, but nothing was broken. "Hatter?"
He wasn't in the kitchen, or the bathroom. Alice wandered into the bedroom, but it was likewise empty. She felt a bit empty herself. What if he didn't come back? What if he had another episode out in the city and forgot to check for cars before he crossed the street or something?
It was then that she noticed the bedroom window was wide open, the curtains blowing just a bit. She poked her head out and saw Hatter sitting on the fire escape, all hunched in on himself in the corner. Alice laboriously climbed out the window and caught her breath when she looked down through the grating. She never came out here, it was too high, but these were desperate times.
Alice sat next to Hatter, and he flinched away from her. She determinedly pressed up against him. They sat like that for a while, neither one talking. Alice looked up at the sky, but there was too much ambient light to see any stars. There was the occasional car noise, and somewhere far off was a siren of some kind, but otherwise the night was quiet.
"I love you," Alice said when the silence had gone on too long.
Hatter looked at her then, and she saw the stark fear in his eyes. He practically threw himself on her, wrapping her tightly in his arms and sobbing into her shoulder. Alice hugged him back. He still didn't have a shirt on and his skin was cool. When he'd cried himself out, he lay with his head in her lap. Alice ran her fingers through his hair.
"I never wanted to hurt you," Hatter said, his voice still thick with emotion.
"I know that," Alice said softly. "It wasn't you, Hatter. It was like you were gone; your eyes were so empty."
"What are we going to do? I can't…I don't want to hurt you again."
Alice hated the desolate tone in his voice. He clearly thought there was nothing to be done. He must've forgotten he was dealing with Alice Hamilton; there was no problem she couldn't solve.
"I'm going to make some appointments for you, Hatter. With other doctors. There are lots of tests they can run, until we find out what's wrong." He stiffened a bit under her hands. "It's okay. I promise it's okay. I'll be with you all the time, and they won't do anything to hurt you."
"What if…what if they can't find anything wrong with me? What if I'm just going mad?"
"I'm the Alice of Legend, remember? Whatever is wrong, it's no match for me!" Alice kissed Hatter's forehead. "Once you've brought down the Queen of Hearts, everything else is easy."
*o*o*o*
Alice was disheartened. Two CT scans, one MRI, and countless blood tests later and the doctors still couldn't find anything wrong with Hatter. It had been suggested several times that he go for a psychiatric evaluation, but Alice had refused. She wasn't going to let anyone else poke into his head, not ever. There'd been several more episodes – none that had done harm to her person, thankfully – and a couple of occasions of mystery pains.
Things were desperate enough that Alice had gone to see her mother and ask her advice. Carol had suggested lunch out, but Alice had wanted to stay in. So they'd shared some Chinese take-out at Carol's, and talked.
"I was wondering about all the cancellations," Carol said, when Alice was done explaining about Hatter's condition. "You could have told me sooner, you know."
"I know." Alice pushed the remains of her sesame chicken away. "I guess I was hoping I wouldn't need to tell you because he'd get better. But he's not, Mom, and I don't know why."
"Have you considered the fact that the doctors can't find anything wrong because whatever it is comes from…the other place?"
Alice and Hatter had talked to Carol about Wonderland. She hadn't wanted to lie to her mother about something that was so important to her, and she'd also wanted to let her know what had happened to her father. Carol had been resistant, but eventually came to accept the story. She never called Wonderland by name, though.
"Hatter and I talked about that, but he said he'd never heard of anything like it." Alice sighed, and ran a hand through her hair. "It's getting so I'm afraid to leave him home alone. We're both missing a lot of work."
"Can't he go…back, and see if he can get some help there?"
"Jack shut down the Looking Glass. It's the only way I know to get to Wonderland. If there was another way to contact him, I'd do it. Believe me." Alice didn't mention that one night that week she'd appealed to the Glass, begging and pleading for help from whoever might be watching from the other side. She felt foolish about it now. There was no help coming from Wonderland.
"So what are you going to do?" Carol asked. "You know I love David. I do. But I don't want him hurting you, either."
"I'm more worried about him hurting himself, Mom." Alice put her head in her hands. "I just don't know what else to do. I don't want to lose him, not like this."
"Have you tried looking online? You found all those resources when you were looking for Daddy, maybe you can find someone who can help with this."
Alice looked at her mother, then got up from the table and went to give her a kiss. "You're a genius, Mom! Why didn't I think of that sooner?"
"Keep me posted!" Carol called as Alice ran out the door. "And be careful!"
*o*o*o*
When Alice walked into the apartment, she wanted to get right to her laptop and start doing some research. Instead, she was distracted by mumbling from the kitchen. She closed her eyes for a moment, her stomach dropping. Not again. Please not again.
The kitchen table was covered with plates and tea cups. Hatter had amassed quite a lot of them over the last couple of months, and they were all there. Some of the plates had cookies on them, others had butter. Hatter sat at the end of the table, head down and rocking himself.
"Oh, Hatter…"
"Tea time. It's been tea time all day today." Hatter raised his head just a bit, looking up at Alice with a distinctly angry expression on his face. "Where have you been? You're missing tea time!"
Hatter picked up a tea cup and threw it at her. Alice ducked and the cup smashed against the wall.
"Hatter!"
"Alice!" And oh, God, was he mocking her? This was new. And hurtful.
"Stop this, Hatter, please." She made no attempt to get near him. He looked dangerous, though he made no more attempts to throw tea cups at her.
"We're all out of treacle," he said. And then all the emotion seemed to drain out of him and he slumped in his chair. "I'm so tired."
Alice knew it was safe now, and went to help him out of his chair. "You should go lie down."
"A lie down, yeah. That's what I need." Hatter looked at the mess in the kitchen.
"I'll clean it up," Alice said, weary. "You go ahead."
Hatter shuffled out of the kitchen and Alice dropped into his chair. The sight of all those half-full cups of tea made her stomach churn. She wasn't sure how much more of this she could take. She loved Hatter, God knew she did, but she was afraid she'd start hating him soon if they didn't figure something out. She couldn't keep living this way.
Alice put her head in her hands and let the tears roll down her face. Hatter was slipping away from her and she didn't know how to stop it.
AN: Well, things are going from bad to worse for our heroes. What the heck is wrong with Hatter and how will Alice help him? I guess you'll just have to keep reading!