CHAPTER TWO

Sarah walked quickly outside as the Doctor made his way across the yard towards the TARDIS. She took a deep breath as he reached out to unlock the door. She could just imagine him flying off to who knew where and getting into any sort of trouble before he'd had a chance to fully recover from his regeneration.

She knew from experience that she couldn't forbid him to leave, so she tried quickly to think of an excuse, but nothing was forthcoming. She watched as he rattled the TARDIS door before whirling around to face her.

'What did you do to my TARDIS?' The glare in his eyes was frightening, and not what she was used to seeing from him.

Determined not to let him rattle her, she answered sharply. 'I didn't do anything to her.'

He stalked over to her, 'You had to, she won't let me in.'

'Have you asked her why?' Sarah walked around him and put her hands on the doorframe of the TARDIS. Closing her eyes, she waited a moment before turning and facing the Doctor. 'She's rebuilding. She was badly damaged and used all her reserves to get you here. She just needs time.'

The Doctor crossed his arms. 'Come on, Sarah, you can't tell me she just told you all of that.'

Sarah crossed her arms just as defiantly. 'Ask her yourself and see if you get a different answer.'

He shot the TARDIS a lingering look then sighed dramatically. 'Great, so I'm stuck here on a planet with all you primitive apes until my TARDIS decides she's finished with her interior decorating.'

Sarah approached him slowly. She lowered her voice. 'It's not that simple, Doctor, is it?' She waited for him to respond, but he only looked at her, an emptiness haunting his eyes. 'Do you want to tell me what prompted your regeneration?'

'Which one?' he asked softly.

She reached up and touched his arm. 'The one that dumped you and a smoking TARDIS in the nearby alley.' He looked around and hesitated to answer her. 'Inside?' she offered. 'Over tea?'

His eyes finally locked with hers. 'Yea, all right,' he relented.

~!~!~!~

They sat in silence and drank their tea. After what seemed like an eternity, the Doctor looked up at her, 'So, Felicity Barnes, how do you know who I am?'

Confusion crossed her face. 'Why do you keep jumping back between calling me Felicity and Sarah?'

He stared intently at her. 'Sarah Jane Smith? Impossible.' He ran his fingers along "Felicity's" passport before spinning it and pushing it across the table towards her. 'Says here you're Felicity.'

'It's an alias. Same way you use John Smith.' She could tell he still didn't quite believe her. 'Back when you were with UNIT, you used it all the time. It was the only name you ever used, actually. When we met at the research centre, you were introduced as Doctor John Smith.'

He closed his eyes as if remembering. 'And you posed as your aunt,' he said slowly before opening his eyes again.

'That's right, as Aunt Lavinia.'

'The virologist.' He instantly smiled, a face splitting smile that ran from ear to ear as full recognition finally hit him. 'My Sarah Jane! You're alive!' He stood up and pulled her out of her chair to him, picking her up off the floor as he held her in a bone-crushing hug.

He sat her gently back on the ground, but continued to hold her close. She couldn't help but smile. 'Another new face to get used to,' she said softly.

He pulled back enough to look her in the eyes, but he kept his arms looped around her waist. 'No wonder the TARDIS was talking to you.'

'And she brought you here. Do you want to tell me what happened to bring this on?'

He shook his head. 'No, not now.' He tightened his grip around her and buried his head in her neck. 'I know I watched you die, Sarah. But you're here. Alive. I need to hold you, just feel your being alive.'

Sarah wrapped her arms around him and as she put her hands along his back, she could feel him began to shake with silent, mournful sobs. Her eyes filled with tears as raw emotions poured from him.

~!~!~!~

Sarah sat at her desk in the attic and stared at the computer screen in front of her. Barely suppressing a yawn, she took off her reading glasses and ran a hand over her eyes. As much as she normally enjoyed the Doctor's company, the feelings that radiated from him were wearing on her. Like any species she'd encountered, grief was a complicated emotion at best.

The door to the attic flew open, causing Sarah to jump. She turned and looked over as the Doctor rushed into the room. 'The imprint!' he exclaimed. He walked over and knelt in front of her to stare into her eyes. 'But I broke it, how is this possible?'

Sarah's heart practically stopped. 'I thought you died. You didn't come back and I thought you must've died.' Her own words echoed in her mind. For the longest time after he dropped her in Aberdeen, she held onto hope that he would return, and then one day, she felt his loss as palpable as if she'd been struck. Now she knew why. She finally found her voice. 'You broke it?' she asked softly.

He jumped up and began to pace around the room. 'I had to.' He glanced at her but offered no explanation. 'Yet, the TARDIS found you. And you still communicate with her. But I don't feel the connection with you.' His thoughts came in bursts as he tried to work his way through the logic. 'Unless. I never knew when it happened. Relative time streams. It's broken for me.' He dropped roughly onto the small sofa, a frown etching his features. 'Oh, Sarah. It must not have happened for you yet.'

She stood up, walked across the room to sit next to him and waited for him to speak.

He reached out and took her hand, gently massaging his thumb across the back of her hand as he thought. 'The imprint being intact for you is the only thing that makes sense. The TARDIS homed in on you because of it. When I broke it, I had no way of knowing when that would be for you, relatively speaking. So if it was broken for you here and now, there'd be nothing there for the TARDIS to find.'

'The TARDIS is smart, I'm sure she could figure something out, no matter what.' Sarah knew what happened but she also realised she had timelines to maintain as much as possible. She decided to focus on something else, so she squeezed his hand reassuringly. 'If the imprint is what brought you here, then certainly there must be other Time Lords…'

He shook his head, cutting her off. 'Nope, I'm the only one.' He sat back and crossed his arms, thinking. He then reached up and tapped his temple. 'I know, in here. They're gone.'

'It can't be outside of the realm of possibility that somewhere, sometime…'

'No Time Lord ever imprinted on another species before. Unheard of. Not even thought to be possible until they found out that we were able to.' He closed his eyes, memories washing over him. 'The ridicule never stopped, even during the war.' He looked over at her, sadness pouring from his eyes. 'Wasn't separating us enough?'

Sarah reached out and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. 'I'm sorry.'

He turned and wrapped his arms around her. 'I'm the one that's sorry, Sarah. When we made the decision, well, I never meant for it to turn out like this.'

She could hear the sincerity and pain in his voice. 'Like what? Like the ability to always know you, no matter what face you wear?'

'It stopped you from having a normal human life.'

She pulled back to look at him. 'In what way? Because I'm more familiar with aliens and their thought processes than humans despite being stuck on a planet full of them?' The words spilled out with a bitterness she never intended. She hugged him again. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I've never gone for a normal human life, Doctor. Nothing could have changed my mind about our imprint back when we were travelling together, and I still don't regret it now.'

The Doctor pulled away from her as he sighed and sat back, staring straight ahead. 'I tried to replace you, you know.' His head dropped. 'I failed, miserably, because no one can replace you. Even after I was forced to break the imprint, I was lost.' He looked up at her, hope in his eyes. 'Maybe it's a side effect of being imprinted on a non-Time Lord. Maybe it's permanent?'

This time it was Sarah who turned away from him. She stood up and walked over to her desk, leaning on the chair, head bent. She took a deep breath as she came to a decision then turned and looked at him. 'No, it's not.' At his horrified look, she approached the sofa, but didn't sit down. 'I don't know most of the details, but I do know it already broke, for me that is. It was when we were in Hong Kong.' She stared at the floor and when she spoke it was barely above a whisper. 'I thought I'd really lost you for good after that.'

He stood up and wrapped his arms around her. 'You could never lose me, Sarah.'

She held on to him tightly and buried her face in his chest, knowing this was more about him than her at this point. They stood there in silence, holding each other, yet lost in their own thoughts for several minutes, both afraid to move or speak.

Finally, after what seemed like hours for both of them, he spoke softly. 'I don't understand how the TARDIS…'

She cut him off. 'I can't give you the details. All I can say is that our timelines are out of sync again. Although, I'm glad they are, if that's what brought you here, now.'

He pulled back and reached out to take her face in his hands, stroking her cheeks gently with the pads of his thumbs. He stared intently into her eyes. 'The imprint has been re-established for you, hasn't it? I can't feel it fully, but I know there's something there.' He paused as he reached up and tucked a lock of hair behind one of her ears. 'I have trouble believing you'd do that, especially knowing what it cost all these years later.'

'It was the one thing that tied us together. I needed that. I needed you.' She took a deep breath. 'Call it being selfish, I guess.'

He shook his head, but his eyes remained locked with hers. 'It's not selfish, Sarah. If anything, I'm the selfish one. An imprint, with a human, not once but twice?'

She reached up and covered his lips with her finger, silencing his argument. 'We made the choice together. We both knew the consequences. I know what it feels like for you right now, to look in the eyes of the person you care for the most and not have that connection, and I didn't want to go through the rest of my life like that.'

~!~!~!~

Sarah sat on the edge of the bed and shook him gently, trying to get him to wake up. A ritual she'd had repeated several times in each of the previous three nights. 'Doctor, you're having another nightmare.'

He woke up, gasping for air. Realising his surroundings instantly, he relaxed. 'Sorry, Sarah.'

'Don't be sorry. I just wish there was something I could do.'

He reached out and took her hand. 'Being here. That helps.'

She gave him a small smile. 'I'm not going anywhere.' She yawned. 'Except back to bed. I'll be right in the next room if you need me.'

As she stood up and started to head out of the room, the Doctor sat up. 'Sarah, wait.' They exchanged a long look, neither one of them saying anything with mere words, but everything with their expressions.

Sarah silently walked back towards the bed and sat down. The Doctor folded his arms and lay back down. Sarah reached out and rested a hand on his arm. She sat there quietly and waited for him to go back to sleep. Once she was sure he was asleep, she lifted her hand and moved to leave.

Unlike the previous nights, the Doctor surprised her by reaching out for her hand, even though he seemed to not wake up. 'Sarah?' he mumbled.

'It's all right. I'm here.' Sarah yawned again and knew she wouldn't be able to sit up all night. She adjusted her robe, shifted position and lay down on her side, facing him, her hand still holding his. He moved her hand, placing it against the centre of his chest. Feeling the echoes of the double beat of his hearts against her hand, exhaustion overtook her and she quickly fell asleep.

Sometime in the night, the Doctor roused, but was comforted by the familiar feeling of Sarah's touch, even in something as simple as her hand against his chest. She calmed him, there was no way he could deny that now. Her mere presence seemed to chase away the demons of the war. He knew he would need to tell her at least some of what disturbed him. She was the only one he felt he could tell.

He covered her hand with his own and felt the unusual coolness of her skin. He turned his head and realised that she was lying on top of the covers. Trying to disturb her as little as possible, he manoeuvred her enough to pull the duvet out from underneath her and cover her. As she stirred, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him and guiding her head to pillow against his chest. 'Shhh, Sarah, sleep.' Instinctively, she draped her arm across his chest and curled against him, quickly settling back into sleep. Having her beside him again brought a smile to his face. He stroked her hair gently before succumbing to the restful sleep that had seemed to elude him for so long.

~!~!~!~

As the dawn began to break with rays of sunshine streaming through the window, Sarah woke up. 'This is not the way I remember falling asleep,' she said sleepily, but with a smile.

He gave a slight shake of his head as he readjusted his arms around her. 'No, but this is preferable to the alternative.'

'Which is?'

'Being alone or dead. Either way, this is better.' He leaned down and kissed her forehead gently before resting his chin on the top of her head. 'All these years.' He sighed, 'Never imagined we could be here again like this. Thank you.'

She ran her hand absently along his chest. 'For what?'

'For still being my Sarah Jane.'

'Possessive much?' she asked with a smile.

'I've lost everything else. You're all I have left.'

She sobered instantly as she propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at him, concern etching her features. 'What happened?' she asked softly.

'A war, Sarah.' He looked up into her eyes, her silent expression encouraging him to continue. 'The last great time war between the Time Lords and the Daleks.' He paused again, taking a slow, deep breath. 'We lost.'

The emotions echoed what Sarah had seen from him at Deffry Vale. Her earlier suspicions were now confirmed. This was his previous regeneration. The one he regenerated into because of the final battle of the war. She put her head down against his chest and wrapped her arms around him. 'I'm sorry,' she whispered, feeling his grief and guilt emanating from his entire being.

'It's my fault,' he said sadly. Sarah pulled back, looked into his eyes and waited for him to continue. 'I pulled the trigger Sarah, erased them from time. The Time Lords and the Daleks, lost forever.' He paused again as tears filled the corners of his eyes, but didn't fall. 'I killed them.'

She touched his face, her own tears forming as even more pieces fell into place. 'I know you, Doctor. You're not a killer.' She took a deep breath. 'War requires us to do things, things we would never do under other circumstances. It doesn't change who we are inside.'

He shook his head slowly. 'I changed, Sarah.' They lay there in silence for a long time as the Doctor reached up and mirrored Sarah's movements, touching her cheek as she touched his. His Sarah Jane. Her skin felt so soft compared to his weathered features. The years had been much kinder to her than to him. 'And now, I'm here. With you.' He sniffed again, 'I should be dead. Who am I to walk away from all that?'

Her eyes conveyed her emotions. 'You're my Doctor. And you're right here, alive and with me, where you should be.'

~!~!~!~