Chapter Fifteen
When Alice woke the next morning, Hatter was stretched out on the bed beside her. He was still asleep and she was glad for it; he'd clearly been exhausted and too worried about her to take care of himself. Her own head was feeling much clearer, for which she was thankful. She needed to come up with some way of keeping Hatter and Dodo apart.
Hatter muttered in his sleep, and Alice put her hand on his cheek; he immediately quieted. It was only then, looking at her hand, that Alice noticed her engagement ring – her beautiful sapphire engagement ring – was gone. She couldn't think of any reason for Hatter to have removed it, unless it was for her own safety when they had to restrain her.
But what if Dodo took it? That made more sense to Alice, and she burned with anger. Hadn't he done enough to her, without taking away her ring? What had he done with it? She didn't know she'd started to cry until Hatter reached over and wiped the tears from her face.
"What's wrong, love?"
Alice didn't want to tell him. She had the irrational, yet persistent, feeling that it was somehow an omen. Dodo was pulling them apart, literally and figuratively, and the loss of her engagement ring was a visible sign of it. But it was also incredibly foolish to think that Hatter hadn't already noticed that it was gone; he missed nothing. Alice held up her left hand.
Hatter took her hand and kissed her fingers. "I know. I'll replace it."
"It won't be the same," Alice said. She felt like nothing was ever going to be the same.
"Alice…" Hatter started to say, but he was interrupted when the door to Alice's room swung open with a crash. Alice cringed back, but Hatter immediately rolled over her and landed on his feet in front of the bed, fists raised.
Charlie strode into the room, his face red and his sword drawn. Toby followed behind him, looking pained and muttering to himself.
"Where is the villain?" Charlie asked, his voice booming. "I shall have a go at him myself for his evil deeds against the Alice of Legend!"
Hatter relaxed his pose, reaching his hand back to take Alice's. For her part, Alice couldn't believe what she was seeing. Never had the White Knight looked so commanding, or fierce. He was nothing short of impressive.
"Relax, Charlie," Hatter said. "There's no-one for you to fight in here."
"The King has him then? In shackles, presumably. I shall be off to the Palace at once to deal with this miscreant!"
"Charlie! We haven't caught him yet." Hatter gripped Alice's hand tighter. She felt guilty, but reminded herself that she was saving Hatter. It wasn't up to her to provide sport for Charlie.
The White Knight visibly deflated. "What do you mean, you haven't caught him? I would have thought you'd see the need for swift justice, Harbinger."
Hatter tensed, dropping Alice's hand. "If you want swift justice you'll have to talk to Alice. She won't tell us who took her."
Hatter stepped away from the bed, leaving Alice exposed to Charlie's incredulous gaze. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and scowled at the both of them.
"We have to bring this evil-doer to justice, Alice," Charlie said. He sheathed his sword.
"No."
"No? Lady Alice…"
"No, Charlie. I don't want anyone getting hurt because of me."
"I am a Knight! I have stared down the Jabberwock! Surely I can handle one cowardly man who chooses to prey on women."
Alice sighed. "Charlie, please."
"Perhaps you shouldn't upset Lady Alice," Toby suggested. "She is in a fragile state."
Normally Alice would have bristled at the mere suggestion that she was anything but strong and capable, but she took Toby's lead and tried to look tired and weak. Charlie was instantly contrite.
"Oh…of course…my apologies. I'll just…Toby, why are you just standing there?" Charlie gave his young knight a nudge towards the door. "We mustn't tire the Lady out now."
Any humor Alice might have found in the whole episode was held in check by self-doubt and shame. She had no business treating Charlie that way when he only wanted to help. She knew he was right. Sandro and Hatter as well. Someone needed to stop Dodo; if he was working with the Doctors he'd clearly gone around the bend. Still, the fear of harm befalling Hatter – or any of her friends – made her hold her tongue.
"Hatter…"
"I'll check with Dr. Bee, see about getting you out of here." Hatter swept out of the room, leaving her alone. He was clearly still upset with her.
Alice sat in the bed, staring down at her hands. She had to find some way to make things right. Some way to keep Hatter safe. And she thought of Jack. There was no love lost between the King of Hearts and her headstrong fiancé; if she went to Jack and told him what she knew, surely his army of Suits could take care of Dodo. And Hatter wouldn't have to be involved at all, because Jack surely wouldn't confide in him.
Now if she could just keep Hatter from getting too angry with her before she could get to Jack.
*o*o*o*
It was with great relief that Alice was able to get back into regular clothes and leave the Hospital of Dreams. Dr. Bee had warned that she could still have some flashback episodes, and that Hatter was to keep a close eye on her. Alice would have agreed to anything if it meant getting back to their apartment.
She immediately sank down on the couch and wiggled her bare toes in the grass. The walk had been exhausting, even though it hadn't been very long. Hatter had been kind enough to take a route that required very little ladder climbing, though he was still a bit short with her. Alice wondered how she could get a message to Jack, or Sandro, without Hatter knowing. It would mean more lies, but she figured her cause was worthy. Hopefully Hatter would agree with her when he found out what she'd done.
"Some tea?" Hatter called from the kitchen.
"No," Alice called back. She rested her head on the arm of the couch and closed her eyes. She couldn't wait for this exhaustion to leave her system; she had absolutely no energy for anything. She hated feeling that way, hated feeling so weak.
Hatter came in and sat beside her, his porkpie hat pushed way back on his head. He gave Alice a kiss on her forehead.
"Tired, love?"
"Yes. It's getting annoying, actually."
Hatter chuckled. "Yeah, well, your body's been through a lot. It needs time to heal, yeah?"
"I know. Doesn't make me any less impatient." Alice shifted so she could rest her head on Hatter's shoulder. "I'm just happy to be home. I want to put this whole thing behind me."
"I want that, too. Alice." Hatter sighed. "You'll be always looking over your shoulder unless you let me help you."
"I'm just…I'm not ready, Hatter."
"Alice, love, stop being unreasonable." Hatter rubbed her back, kept his tone soft and soothing. Alice pulled away from him, wishing he could just let her be. She knew it was hard for him, when all he wanted to do was rush to her rescue, but he didn't have to keep hammering at her with it.
"I know you're afraid…"
"I am not!" Alice snapped. Another lie. "It's too dangerous, I've told you that a hundred times."
"Stop treating me like I'm helpless," Hatter said. That knife's edge was back in his voice and Alice knew she shouldn't push him, but she was scared and angry herself.
"Don't you understand he'll kill you?"
"Who?" Hatter shouted, his fists clenched.
"Stop it, Hatter!" Alice shouted back. Her heart was racing, making her feel flushed. She hated fighting with him.
"I'll find him with or without your help, Alice. I know people here."
"Hatter…"
"If you were in my place, Alice, what would you do? Would you sit back and forget there was someone out there that had hurt me, someone that had tried to kill me?"
Alice knew he was right. She wouldn't sit there doing nothing – she'd hunt the person down and make them pay. But this wasn't about her. It was about Hatter, and her fear of what Dodo and the Doctors would do to him. No amount of rage was going to help him in a fight; in hand to hand combat he was just about useless.
"Why can't you do this one thing for me? Why?" She pleaded.
"You stubborn, pigheaded Oyster," Hatter growled. "What's to stop him coming after you again?"
"He won't." Alice felt her anger bleed away. "You'll protect me."
"I won't always be here, Alice!"
Alice just stared at him. All of a sudden it was getting harder for her to breathe.
I won't be here.
This time she could feel it coming, the heaviness that laid over her like a sodden blanket. Not now, she thought frantically. Not now!
"Alice?"
There you go, pushing him away. The voice was in her head, but it was frighteningly familiar to her. I know what you're thinking, but it isn't so – you're going to lose him anyway.
"Hatter," she choked out.
He gathered her into his arms and rocked her gently. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Alice. Stay with me, love."
I won't be here.
The world around Alice started to waver, making her nauseous. She fought against it, fought not to lose the feeling of Hatter's arms around her.
"Alice. Talk to me, sweetheart. Please."
"Don't go," Alice gasped. "Don't…"
"I'm not going anywhere, Alice." Hatter pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, I didn't mean it."
I won't be here.
Alice squeezed her eyes shut. She was losing her tenuous grasp on reality; she could almost feel it slipping out of her hands. Hatter would leave her if she didn't tell him about Dodo. But he'd leave her if she did tell, too. She couldn't win; there was no way to keep Hatter from leaving no matter what she did.
"Forward, backward, inward, outward," Alice mumbled. "Never a beginning…never a stop."
Round and round you go. When you stop he'll be gone.
"Alice, please." Hatter's voice, pleading but sounding so very far away. Because he was leaving. He couldn't be with her anymore, not poor, Mad Alice. She was keeping secrets. Telling lies. She was a hateful girl.
Alice started to cry. She couldn't feel Hatter's arms around her anymore, or hear the words he was saying to her. She was alone, just as she always knew she would be. She had finally done the one thing that Hatter couldn't abide, and now she was alone. Sorrow filled her until she was wracked with sobs that shook her entire body.
She was still crying when she came back to herself. Hatter had carried her to the bedroom, and was curled around her on the bed. He stroked her hair and kissed her face, murmuring nonsense words to her. And Alice hated this, hated the madness that made her feel less and less like herself. Where was the Alice of Legend now?
"I'm sorry Hatter," Alice cried. She couldn't seem to stop.
"Shhh. It's alright, love. I'm the one who's sorry. No more fighting, yeah?" Hatter wiped her tears away. "I won't let anything happen to you, Alice."
"I'd tell you if I could," Alice sniffled. "I'm scared, Hatter."
"None of that now. You're safe with me, love."
Alice burrowed against him, and prayed that what he said was true.
*o*o*o*
It was late in the day when Alice woke. It was ridiculous how much time she spent sleeping, but each time she did she felt stronger and more like herself when she finally woke up. She decided a cup of tea was in order; she needed the caffeine. Maybe she'd be lucky and Hatter would already be in the kitchen putting the kettle on. Only it wasn't Hatter that Alice found when she left the bedroom.
Toby was sitting in a straight-backed chair outside the bedroom door, chin on his chest and snoring softly. Alice smiled at him fondly. Was he Hatter's idea of security? Still, if Toby was here that meant Hatter wasn't. He'd probably gotten restless, or bored with nothing much to do but watch her sleep. She hated to do it, but she had to wake her sleeping body guard.
"Toby. Wake up, Toby."
The Knight in Training came awake with a snort. He looked blearily at Alice, then jumped to his feet to stand at attention. His face flushed as red as his armor.
"Lady Alice! I apologize…just resting my eyes…"
"It's okay, Toby. Where's Hatter?"
"He went downstairs to check on things in the club," Toby reported sharply. "I'm to keep an eye on you until he returns."
Alice had the urge to give the boy a salute, but she restrained herself.
"Give me a minute to freshen up and we'll go down ourselves," she said. "The kitchen probably has some tea ready and I need a cup."
"Yes, m'am."
"At ease, Toby," Alice said with a chuckle.
Alice felt worlds better after washing her face and brushing her teeth. She slipped into a fresh dress, this one pink with sprays of little blue flowers all over it. She made a note to find a place to get some pants while she was here.
"Let's go!" Alice said to Toby. Together they headed down to the club, Toby taking the point position and keeping one hand on the hilt of his sword. Alice bit back a laugh. She was starting to think of the young knight as the little brother she never had.
Downstairs the club was already starting to fill up for the night. Alice knew Dormie must be beside himself at all the money they were making. She grinned when she heard music playing, something classical and a bit tinny sounding; she wondered what Dormie had turned up to provide the music.
Hatter wasn't in the main room of the club, which didn't particularly worry Alice. He might be doing inventory in the storage room, or checking things over in the kitchen. Alice sidled up to the bar and leaned against it, waiting for Stork to finish dealing with a customer further down the bar.
"What can I get you?" Stork asked.
"Just tea tonight, thanks," Alice said. "Have you seen Hatter?"
"He was here a little while ago," Stork replied. "He left."
Alice felt a trickle of fear, but tamped it down. "Left? Where did he go?"
"Don't know." Stork shrugged. "We were talking, and then he just up and left."
Alice gripped the bar tightly, her knuckles turning white. "What were you talking about?"
"I'd remembered more about that woman."
No. No, no, no.
"What did you tell him?" Alice tried to keep her tone even, but from the looks she was getting from Stork and Toby she wasn't succeeding.
"Big, pointy glasses, funny rag on her head."
Alice put a hand over her mouth and closed her eyes. He'd found out. Despite everything she'd gone through not to tell him, he'd found out anyway. And now he was gone, presumably to find Dodo. Guilt swamped her and she hastily sat on one of the barstools before she fell down.
"Lady Alice? Are you well?" Toby asked anxiously. Alice just shook her head.
"He's gone, Toby. Gone to find Dodo. I should've told him. Why didn't I tell him?" She could hear the hysteria creeping into her voice, and forced herself to take deep breaths. She couldn't afford another episode, not right now.
"Dodo?" Toby asked.
"He's gone alone. And he doesn't know about the Doctors, because I didn't tell him. Damn it!" Alice pounded her fist on the bar, drawing several curious glances from the patrons.
Alice had been trying to protect him, but she'd just ended up putting him in even more danger. Maybe, if she'd told him when he'd asked, they could have gotten some help, or at least gone after Dodo together. He'd have known what he was up against. Instead, he was out there walking headlong into a situation he knew nothing about. He was going to get himself killed.
"We need to get to the Palace," Alice told Toby. "Now!"
AN: Whew! This chapter was a struggle to be sure. You'll be glad to know that the angst is mostly done with and now we can get back into the action. Boy, Dodo sure did a good job messing with our heroes, didn't he? My faithful reviewers are certainly not thinking fond thoughts of him – if you all were in this story he'd have been torn limb from limb by now! LOL!
So, I hope this chapter wasn't too lame. We're getting closer to the finish now. Boy, I sure hope everything works out! ::wink, wink::