CHAPTER FOUR
The Doctor leaned against the doorway of Sarah's bedroom, arms crossed, just watching as she slept. Part of him ached for the closeness they once shared. He knew at some point in his future she'd chosen him yet again, and while that did his hearts a world of good, he was almost jealous of himself.
He smiled as he felt the slightest echo of her dream against his mind, memories of a time long past when their imprint held them strongly together.
..
Sarah walked down the TARDIS corridors and saw the trail of a scarf going around the corner ahead of her. As she turned the corner, she saw the Doctor pacing back and forth. He glanced up at her, but said nothing as he continued to pace.
She watched silently for a long time, before finally taking a deep breath. 'What's wrong, Doctor?' she asked softly.
The Doctor walked up to her and turned her shoulders to point in the direction opposite him, but said nothing. Even though he gave her a gentle shove, she whirled back around to face him.
'Don't think you can get rid of me that easily. Obviously, the TARDIS let me know where you were.'
He looked intently at her, his eyes boring into her. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft, yet firm. 'You shouldn't be here, Sarah.'
'I've heard that before, but never in regards to the TARDIS or to you. Obviously this is partly about your encounter with Sutekh. You've not been yourself since we left the priory, but really if I had to be honest, you've been out of sorts since right before all this started.'
'I'm a Time Lord, Sarah.' He stepped away from her, walking to the far side of the corridor.
She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. 'Don't start with that again, please.'
He looked around staring at the walls, then glanced back to her. 'When you stand on Earth, you feel safe, secure, yes?' He waited for a response from her, but she just returned his gaze, waiting. 'When I stand there, I feel it spin. The entire world turning, spinning beneath our feet, your planet hurtling around its sun, and all of it, falling through space. That's who I am Sarah.'
Sarah walked over and reached out to touch him as she came around to stand facing him. 'I know that, Doctor. I've always known.' She tapped her temple lightly. 'Especially now.'
He rested his hands on her shoulders, giving her a gentle smile. 'I suppose you do, don't you?'
She placed her hand against his chest, in between his hearts. 'I won't ever sense it like you do, but there is a difference, an expansion of knowledge and perception if you will.'
He gave her a toothy smile. 'You're quite an extraordinary human.'
She returned his smile, but never removed her hand from his chest. 'Now, are you going to tell me what's wrong?' She closed her eyes briefly, pulling on their connection. 'You were scared. Sutekh scared you.'
The Doctor moved his hands from Sarah's shoulders up to her neck and began to caress her face with the pads of his thumbs. She looked up at him, but neither of them said anything. He moved his hands up into the back of her hair and began to gently massage her scalp. She closed her eyes and relaxed into his touch.
She conjured up enough coherent thought to speak, but still didn't open her eyes as he continued to wind his fingers through her hair and along the sensitive skin on the back of her neck. 'You didn't answer my question.'
He stepped closer to her and wrapped one arm around her waist. He leaned in and spoke softly in her ear. 'You know what's going through my mind right now?' He pulled back just enough to watch the blush creep up her cheeks. With a smile, he leaned back close to her ear. 'Do you want to put that into mere human words?'
She opened her eyes and looked up into his. 'You're trying to distract me,' she rationalised, her voice very soft.
'Is it working?' he whispered.
She smiled. 'Oh yes.' The Doctor smiled and wrapped both arms around her, burying his head in Sarah's shoulder.
..
Sarah stirred as she felt a pair of eyes watching her. 'How long have you been standing there?' she asked sleepily.
'Long enough.' He gave her a small smile, 'I could sense some of what you were dreaming.'
She sat up at that. 'How's that work if the imprint hasn't been re-established for you yet?'
'Let's just say I'm sensitive to it, even if it's not as strong as it would be.' He walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. 'I actually wanted to talk to you about that.' He took a deep breath, and she couldn't help but notice his serious expression. 'I want to know what it was like for you. When the imprint broke, I mean.'
She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. 'I'm not the one with the nightmares.'
'I feel the echoes at the edges of your subconscious. As much as you've been trying, you can't block those from me. Rather than have me imagine the worst, I'd rather just hear it from you.' He watched the expression on her face and could feel the pain buried just underneath the surface.
She put her head down on her arms, unable to look him in the eyes. 'I'm not sure that's such a good idea,' she mumbled.
'Sarah, please,' he asked softly.
She just shook her head as he reached out and put a hand on her arm. She looked up at him, but said nothing.
He took his finger and pushed her nightgown away from her left shoulder, exposing the scar just above her heart. 'How many times have you been shot?' he asked and watched as guilt visibly washed over her expression in waves. He took her chin in one hand, guiding her head so their gazes locked. He continued to firmly hold her chin. Instantly, her look changed from guilt to defiance. He'd seen that from her several times before. 'I could make you tell me, you know.'
She grabbed him by the wrist and moved his hand away from her jaw. 'You wouldn't dare,' her voice was almost a hiss as she readjusted her gown to cover the scar.
'No?' he said harshly. He looked into her eyes and relented, hanging his head. 'No, I wouldn't,' he admitted just above a whisper.
She leaned back against the headboard and crossed her arms. 'Telling you doesn't accomplish anything, Doctor.'
He moved to mirror her posture, sitting back against the headboard, arms crossed. Neither of them looked at each other, instead just staring straight ahead. 'Actually, it does. Although it's extremely rare for it to happen, if Time Lords break an imprint, both individuals know and are able to agree on it. We didn't have that luxury. Our imprint was essentially stolen from us.'
Sarah took a deep breath. 'It was painful, very painful. Do you really need to know more than that?' She glanced over to see him looking at her. His eyes told her all she needed to know. 'Fine,' she said softly. Sarah took a deep breath. 'I was in Hong Kong,' she started slowly. 'I'd sent Tom Ryder on his way and was getting ready for bed, when I started having severe pain in my chest, but I ignored it at the time.'
She leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling. 'At some point in the night, I woke up, and the pain was still there, except this time, I just knew you were gone. It was so intense both physically and emotionally, it felt like someone had cut out my heart.'
His hearts broke again as he saw the tears in her eyes. His own memories betrayed what came next. He knew what he'd done to her, but had he known the imprint would have been broken at the same time, it would have caused him to rethink his actions that day.
'That morning, I got up and was greeted by my face in the newspapers. My cover had been completely blown. By you.' The tears flowed freely down her cheeks. 'I couldn't figure out what I'd done that would've caused you to turn on me like that.'
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her towards him. 'You have to know that it wasn't you, I never turned on you. I only did what had to be done. I was trying to protect you.'
'You explained that to me, and I know it now, but at the time I couldn't process it.' She took yet another deep breath. 'Later on, when I saw you, I tried to make sense of what happened, but I couldn't. Then Tom tried to use me to stop you from doing what needed to be done, I knew what I had to do. When I grabbed the gun and pulled the trigger, a part of me was all right with the thought of my own death. I knew it would at least finally ease the pain.'
He turned and wrapped his other arm around her. 'I am so stupid. I never should've sent for you in the first place, but that version of me still felt our imprint and thought once I was able to speak with you, I could make it all right.' He sighed. 'I knew something was wrong as soon as I saw you, but I figured it was just because of my actions that day. I didn't have time to find out further. I never expected you to do go as far as you did.'
She allowed her head to finally rest against his chest. 'You did what you had to do, and so did I. It was painful, yes, but I understand, I really do. You can't blame yourself anymore.'
'If I were here right now, I'd tell myself off for being an idiot.'
Sarah glanced up at him, a small smile just beginning to form. 'I must confess, that wasn't my most favourite version of you.' She tucked her head back under his chin as they sat there quietly for several moments.
He kissed the top of her head. 'I'm going to ask you a question, but I don't know if you can answer it.' He waited a moment. 'When we re-established the imprint, was it already in place for me?'
This time when she looked up at him, her smile made it to her eyes. 'You told me at the time that I wasn't allowed to ask questions, but that my timeline needed to play itself out.'
'I'll take that as a yes.' He looked at her, hopefulness in his eyes. 'I want to have that connection with you again, Sarah, as I am now. Would you, I mean, could we...'
She turned, reaching up and cupping his cheek with her hand, her thumb resting across his lips to silence him. 'You don't even need to ask,' she whispered. She then reached up and placed her index fingers against his temples. He mirrored her and in unison, their eyes closed as they allowed the imprint to flow between them, reconnecting and re-solidifying.
'There you are,' she said softly as she tuned into her side of their bond and began to feel him mentally reaching out for her. It would take time for it to re-establish on his side, much like it had for her after Deffry Vale, and as it was for both of them the first time. Her mind briefly went to the other version of him that had re-established the bond for her. She moved her head slightly as she mentally locked it tightly away.
She couldn't stop from remembering her conversation with Liz. He would leave her, he had before and he would again. Something would happen and he would change again, and she wouldn't be there when it happened. Someone else would. Her hands dropped from his temples.
Feeling the absence of her touch both mentally and physically, the Doctor opened his eyes and watched Sarah's expression. It was obvious she was struggling with something. Only at the edges of his mind through their reconnected imprint could he begin to sense what it might be. He took his hands away from her temples, instead reaching out to hold both her hands. He rubbed gentle strokes back and forth along the back of her hands with his thumbs. 'Do you trust me?' he finally asked.
She opened her eyes narrow to study his. With a smile, she slowly nodded.
He leaned in and kissed her, their kiss quickly deepening as his hands moved down around her waist and he guided her to a recumbent position. As they continued to kiss passionately, he felt the energy of their imprint overtake him in ways he hadn't felt in a very long time. He held her close, his hands caressing every part of her body, the intensity and proximity of the moment washing over them both.
She held him tightly as they continued to connect in ways they hadn't in many years. Their eyes locked as they communicated through touch, expressions and the solidification of their bond.
Some time later, he shifted to his side, pulling Sarah to him. She looked up at him through heavy eyelids and smiled as he kissed her forehead. He finally relaxed in her embrace, a lazy smile drifting across his features.
~!~!~!~