A/N: So! Here's the next installment in my drabble series! I'm pretty darn excited to share it with you all! This one was probably the most fun to write, and the song it was based off of is a country song! (Please don't bail on this chapter though, it's quite funny) You don't have to listen to the song though, haha. Ahhh, so here we go!

Listen to (if desired): Welcome To The Family by Little Big Town

Welcome To The Family

A Letter From Hugo To Scorpius

Dear Scorpius,

Welcome to the family! It's nice to have you around! I really hope things work out between you and my sister. Forget those petty school-time rows that our families have shared over the years, I'm ready to call you a brother. But you better treat my sister right, or you'll have a lot of people to answer to.

Because my dad is a hot-head. He's not too willing to accept a Malfoy into the home his father built yet, let alone add your name to his family tree. Watch what you say around him, your father didn't leave a clean trail for you, I'm sorry to say.

Mum, she's not one to hold grudges, but this is her baby girl you're planning on dating, so watch your back. They didn't call her the smartest witch of her age for nothing. If you make one sly move in her presence, she'll be all over you like flies on honey. If my mother approves, you're in. If she doesn't, say goodbye to ever having a future with her little flower.

Now my Uncle Charlie, you've heard of him. Trains dragons in Romania and the like? Well, he's got quite the soft spot for Rose. See, he doesn't have a wife or any kids, and Rose is the one neice who has never been afraid of him. He was always the rebellious one, and it shows in his appearance. Dragons are the least of your worries however, when he digs the ten foot grave that my father will throw you into if you break her heart. Still not scared then? Let's continue.

Cousin James, well, don't get me started on him. You should know at least a little bit about him from our times at Hogwarts together. He isn't the friendliest to Slytherins, even if you've graduated. He always was his father's son, and I'm sure he won't take too kindly to hearing that you're planning on dating a Weasley. He'd fight you just for fun, so you better watch your back at all times when he's around. He always scared me with surprise attacks before I gained the muscles required to fight him off. You're lucky you played Quidditch, at least you'll stand a fighting chance against him.

Grand-dad Weasley is harmless really, you don't have to worry about much when he's around. But don't get on Grandma's bad side, the rumors are true. Bellatrix Lestrange died because of her. People say that they never thought Molly's face could show such hatred before that moment in time. She's not one to be quarrelled with.

It may seem like the women of the family don't present much of a threat, but believe me, Scorpius, when I tell you that if you make this assumption, you have greatly underestimated our clan.

Aunt Fleur? She may seem like all frills and smiles, and her daughters as well, but she was raised in a home that was no stranger to hatred, violence, and war. She went into the Triwizard Tournament knowing full well what she was doing. Though she came in last place, that cup didn't pick her for no reason. She and her husband Bill didn't raise fools. Their eldest daughter has always doted on Rose, teaching her all there was to ever learn about make-up and hair and nails. But she's dating Teddy Lupin, and neither one of them are the innocents they appear to be.

You see, I like you just fine. But I'm telling you now that if you break my sister's heart, there's no coming back. We don't give second chances to leeches. Not saying you are a leech, but that's what you'll end up being viewed as if you rip her heart out and stomp on it. Uncle Harry is an auror you know, and he's very good at his job. You've heard of him, Harry Potter, everyone has. He defeated the darkest wizard of all time. I'm sure he would have no problem tracking you down if you tried to hide. He sure taught your father a few lessons in school.

I'm leaving out a few people, I understand, but I'm sure you've gotten the picture by now. But if you've still not gotten the message, I'll copy down some names for you as well.

Uncle George - he was a beater on his house team at Hogwarts, his wife Angelina was a chaser. His kids are pretty mild, but Fred pulls the slyest pranks when he wants to. Don't accept any drink, food, or present he decides to grace you with. It's bugged, I guarantee it.

Aunt Ginny - she's got the meanest Bat Bogey Hex seen on this side of Europe, I'm not even kidding. I'm sure you don't want your own bogies attacking you for some sarcastic remark you may have made to one of us.

Cousin Albus - he's all jokes and laughs when you meet, but if he's got a problem with you he'll fix you with his death stare. If looks could kill is an understatement when it comes to this. He's as smart as Albus Dumbledore himself and he's as good a liar as Severus Snape had been during his time. It's alright to trust him at first, but don't get too comfortable, because as soon as you offend him, you're done for.

So that's us, the Weasley clan. Percy and Penelope aren't much to be bothered with. They're all practicality and listening to both sides of the story before jumping into action. I don't know how Percy came to be a Weasley, but somehow he is. He's probably your best bet at fitting in. Make friends with him first, he won't judge you based on family. He'll want to know all about your grades, but you won't have to worry about the reputation you had in school, or your father's for that matter, he won't be bothered by it.

I hope you have a real good time with us. My sister would make a wonderful wife someday. You better get a good job to support her and all of the red-headed babies she may produce. I genuinely think this is going to work out, and I'll be glad if it does.

But don't underestimate me either Scorpius. I like you as of right now, but if you mess with her emotions, I'll be right beside any other member of my family ready to give you what you deserve, or maybe even a bit more than what you deserve. But that's for us to decide and you to fear. That's my big sister you're setting your eyes on, and she's always been a great sibling to me.

Watch your back, sides, and front. Oh, and it wouldn't hurt to watch the sky and ground as well.

Sincerely,

Hugo Weasley

A/N: Okay, so to me this chapter sounded more like a southerner from the United States wrote it instead of the Brit that Hugo is supposed to be. Is that just me or do you guys see it too? Oh well. I think it might have to do with the song! (: Hopefully this drabble earned a laugh from you readers out there! I know I chuckled while writing it!
I'm pretty sure this is the last chapter I'll be uploading this afternoon. Wow, I already uploaded six! This is crazy. I've never updated so many times in one day before! So please, don't get used to it (: It might be a month before the next drabble is posted (though I really, really hope that I get another surge of inspiration before then!) Fall break is this week and I'm pretty excited, maybe I'll write a drabble based on a fall theme? We'll see!
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- Tweedlebugqueen