Disclaimer: I do not own the Sonic charaters

Chapter 4: Issues

Sonic was the first to respond to the screams. He sped to the room where it was coming from and found-

"Shadow! What did you do?"

"Nothing he didn't deserve!"

Shadow was standing on the desk with his quills bristled even more than usual. His former therapist was a quivering heap on the floor, sporting multiple broken bones and a bloody nose. Bill, who had been close at hand, was the second person to reach the door and he gaped at the sight of his colleague.

"I-I'll c-call an ambulance." He said before running off.

Sonic glared at Shadow who returned it in kind. They stared each other down for a moment.

"It was self-defense." Shadow said at last.

Sonic arced a brow at the sobbing man before him.

"Do you really think I'd believe that?"

"Believe what you want." Shadow said before jumping down and heading toward the door. Sonic stood in place for a couple seconds, but then stepped aside and allowed his angry counter-part to pass through. With a sigh, Sonic followed him back into the lobby. Everyone else had been waiting for the two hedgehogs to finish. They stood about the room in varying levels of impatience. No one dared sit on the couch. Shadow left immediately with Rouge and Omega following. Rouge, notably had a bag of broccoli with her.

"What happened?" Amy asked.

"I really don't know," Sonic said with a shrug, "Let's just get out of this mad house."

"Fine by me," Knuckles said, although he didn't seem as frustrated as before, maybe because they were finally getting out of this place. He strode through the door with Amy following, babbling on about something or other. Tails, who had been silent the entire time, tried to leave as well, but something blue and spiky stopped him.

"Tails are you okay?"

The kit's eyes drifted to the left as he tried not to make eye contact with his hero.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. You've been crying."

Tails started at that. How was it that the hedgehog could always tell?

"It's nothing. Really."

Sonic of course didn't believe this. He was staring at the door to the hallway with a look that said there might be another broken body added to the count.

"Okay, there is something wrong," Tails said quickly, "But I can fix it. I just…I just have to think of something."

For a moment the fox thought it hadn't worked, that the hedgehog was going to rush past him and take matters into his own hands.

"Alright Tails if you say you can handle it then you can handle it," Sonic grinned. Tails grinned as well; glad the crisis had been averted.

The door flew open at that point as two men dressed in stark white burst in with the sound of ambulance sirens behind them. They marched past with a giant éclair held between them all the while yelling "Hup hup hup. Hup hup hup."

Sonic and Tails didn't even blink.

Session Two

Rouge was at a loss. She was getting more and more frustrated and it was getting hard not to show it. Her therapist was as unreactive as a rock. In fact if he were in a room full of the most boring rocks in the world they would most likely shun him for being so dull. The man was unremarkable both in looks and personality with a pair of glasses as his only defining feature. Rouge had tried everything from charm to open flirtation, but he hadn't responded to any of it. It seemed that getting the sign off from this guy would be harder than she'd thought.

"Shall we begin," Doctor Jones said.

"Depends on what you want to start." Rouge winked.

The guy didn't even flinch. Granted it was a weak jab but Rouge was at the end of her rope. She had better things to do than get treated for kleptomania. She could be stealing a new set of jewelry right about now.

"As I looked over my notes," Doctor Jones continued, "it came to my attention that you have been misdiagnosed. You do not have kleptomania."

The thieving bat liked the sound of that.

"Does that mean I'm done? I can go?"

"Not quite. Kleptomania implies that you steal without digression. If you had it then it wouldn't matter if it was a thumbtack or a wallet, you would take it on an impulse. That however is not the case. Your taste is more refined."

"Flattery will get you everywhere Doctor."

The man started writing something without even acknowledging the comment. Was he even human? Whatever his problem was it was annoying. Rouge wasn't used to being ignored.

"Now what you have may be a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but I'm not sure. I have here something that can test my theory."

All thoughts of failed manipulation fled when the bat saw the necklace. Rouge knew at once that it was a rare and expensive piece, but couldn't quite put a price to the little darling. The chain was black gold and was thicker than usual to support the wait of the three segments that hung from it. The central segment had a line of interconnected, deep blue sapphires that gradually went from smallest to largest with the bottom one being about the width of a golf ball. Around the sapphire line was a silver mesh with small glittering diamonds interspersed throughout it. Two segments that hung to the side to the central had the same design with the only difference being that the sapphires were light blue. Rouge didn't quite start drooling but it was a close thing.

"I believe this gives credence to my theory."

Rouge didn't realize what he meant until she noticed that her hands had unconsciously moved to caress the gems. She snatched them back, but it was too late. The Doctor was writing again and the bat inwardly berated herself for being so careless. Then again, it was a well baited trap. In fact-

"Where'd you get that from?"

"A museum was kind enough to let us borrow it for our purposes." He said quickly, perhaps a little too quickly.

Rouge didn't bother to think about it, entranced as she was by the stunning necklace in front of her.

"Now try to answer honestly. What is it about a jewel that attracts you so much?"

It wasn't the first time someone had asked her that. Why prey exclusively on gems when money could buy the same results? And then there was the inverse. Why stash them away like a magpie when they could be fenced for millions? For Rouge it wasn't the money that cast the allure but the gems themselves along with the trouble of filching them. Why this was so was the harder question and it took a while before Rouge could answer.

"I guess it's because they're mysterious. Why does a mixture of heat and pressure create something so beautiful? How do they catch the light and seem to make it their own? Why are some people willing to kill for them? How come no matter who you are, a gem always manages to catch your eye? I guess I'm attracted to jewels because I don't know why I'm attracted to jewels."

Doctor Jones was writing again but Rouge didn't care. She had all she needed in the shine of a facet.

"Alright Omega, we're going to do the exposure therapy again."

Doctor Cumming just couldn't understand it. How was it that an entity like Omega could have leporiphobia? It just didn't make sense. Firstly, Omega was a robot and thus should have been immune to irrational fears. Secondly, he was a freaking big robot with who knows how many forms of weaponry. And yet he was scared of a bunny. Usually a patient would be given time to adjust to the idea of exposing themselves to their fear, but Cumming had gone ahead and brought in a real rabbit yesterday. Omega hadn't done anything and Cumming had thought that he'd disproven the ludicrous notion. That was before he ended the session and Omega ran out with more speed than the doctor would have credited to one of his bulk.

"Now I'm going to take the rabbit out again. If at any time you feel uncomfortable, just tell me and I'll put it back in its cage."

The robot didn't say anything which Cumming took for assent. He lifted up the cat cage that had been behind his desk and opened the door. Carefully he lifted out the rabbit inside and set it on the desk. It was as cute as they came, with snow white fur and pink eyes. Omega watched it, perfectly still with his optics trained on the furry creature. Cumming wondered if he was going to have to sit through another session of complete silence.

Then the rabbit moved. It was just a little hop, most likely in the effort to stretch its legs, but the results were…somewhat more eventful.

Omega stood with both arms raised. With a churning of gears, machine guns replaced his hands and his chest plate slid away to reveal multiple missile launchers. As if that weren't enough, a nozzle of sorts appeared at each shoulder and started spurting small gouts of flame.

"EVIL DEMON! UNHOLY SPAWN OF DEATH! DESIST AGGRESSIVE ACTION OR FACE DECIMATION!"

"Omega! Calm down! It's just a bunny!"

Cumming scooped up the bunny and put it behind his back. It probably wasn't the wisest thing to do. Putting the target of a walking arsenal behind you was usually a stupid idea but he felt that getting the rabbit out of the robot's sight he let his arms fall to his sides, although none of his weapons disappeared.

"Doctor?"

"Yes?" Cumming answered nervously.

"I feel uncomfortable."

"Oh great. What are you doing here?"

Shadow glared at the echidna as he took the seat next to him.

"I was…reassigned."

Given what happened to Shadow's therapist, Doctor Rutabaga had (hopefully) given up the whole cranial dissection idea. However, since the black hedgehog still had to be treated for something they had thrown him into anger management.

"That's super good news. The more the merrier. One plus one always equals fun," the loss of his desk apparently couldn't dampen the Weird Smiley Guy's bubbly good mood for long.

"Today we're going to do Happiness exercises. Yay!"

Failing to get an enthusiastic response, Smiley Guy continued.

"I want both of you to think of the times you've been happiest. Shout them to the world! Your soul will brighten like a thousand rainbow beams!"

"…Is this guy for real?" Shadow asked, wondering if all the humans in this building were in some way disturbed.

Knuckles just shrugged. He didn't know what was wrong with the man. Weird Smiley Guy didn't seem to notice any of this.

"Knuckles, what was the happiest time in your life?"

"It was probably before Eggman showed up, when all I had to do was protect the Master Emerald. Ever since then it's been disaster after disaster and one weirdo after another. Then the "Incident" happened and it was just one big mess and then-,"

"Nope, nope, nope. You've got it all wrong," Smiley Guy interrupted, "I said happiest memory. You're talking about the angry ones which is a no-no. Stop being such a grumpy wumpy pants and perk up."

The echidna glowered as the man turned to Shadow and asked him the same question. The black hedgehog's eyes narrowed.

"I was happiest when I was on the ARK with Maria before a fear ridden military destroyed everything I held dear in a moment of continued human failing that will probably be repeated in the future."

"…That's not very happy either."

This time two sets of eyes glowered at the man.

"So you think I have Bulimia now?"

"Sonic it is very apparent that you have an eating disorder. That we at first took it to be anorexia was an error on our part and I'm afraid that it may have only strengthened your denial."

"Alright, alright so bulimia. Isn't one of the symptoms bad teeth? My teeth are great. Look." He opened his mouth as wide as he could to show off his pearly whites but the doctor was unmoved.

"That's not the only symptom. There's-,"

"Oh come on doc. You know I don't have it. I'll prove it. I can um…"

He wasn't sure what he could do to change the obstinate man's mind. It was just so obvious! Couldn't he-

"That's it!"

"Sonic, I advise you to please-,"

"Just give me a minute. Can a half starved person do this?"

He started running around the room at speeds that surely no nutrient deprived body could manage. He stopped after a minute, confident that he'd made his point.

"How about that." He said only to find that his therapist had been buried in a pile of broken would after the mini-tornado that had blown threw.

"Oops."

A single hand made its way out of the wreckage, offering up a note. Sonic already knowing what was coming took it.

"Anger management. Oh joy."

"Psycho!"

"Fool!"

"What kind of person goes on a killing spree over a fifty year old vendetta?"

"I didn't kill any one!"

"You tried to!"

Weird Smiley Guy wasn't sure how it happened but one minute everything was fine and cheery and the next minute his two patients were at each other's throats.

"Now, now. Let's all calm down and have a nice peaceful breath."

"Well what kind of person let's himself get tricked and/or used by every third person he comes across?"

"At least I'm smart enough to remember my own name for more than two seconds!"

"Easy for you to say when you've got those giant can openers in front of your face!"

"Why you-," Knuckles would have continued but then an idea crossed his mind.

"Hey Shadow, I just learned about this thing called catharsis," Knuckles said in a disarmingly level voice.

"What's that?" the hedgehog asked warily, cocking an eyebrow.

"It's all about releasing your anger in constructive ways."

The black and red hedgehog grinned.

"Sounds interesting."

Weird Smiley Guy's eyes widened in alarm, although he still managed to keep his smile.

"No, no, no. No need for that. Catharsis isn't real. It's a psychological myth. Don't-,"

But it was too late. The two patients had jumped to the side and pulled their chairs up to use as makeshift bludgeons. They went at it and the doctor tried to intervene, but one whack to the face and he was down for the count. His last thought was that he couldn't take much more of this.