A/N: Looks like we've reached chapter 20 - my, this is getting long. And it only gets longer from here on out.

There are a few warnings for this chapter, I'm afraid. It's especially dark. Implied rape, swearing, violence and Demeter being sickly sweet (which is a warning in itself!)

As always, enjoy!

Forever Until Now

Chapter 20;; Surrender To The Fire

She glanced over at him, and he smiled a bitter, intense smile. Her breath caught. Under the fading light of the sun, he was made beautiful.

When Plato and Etcetera came across Bombalurina, she was already with Demeter.

"What are Misto and Jemima supposed to do? Weren't they meant to speak to Demeter?" Etcetera hissed in his ear.

Plato shrugged indifferently. "They can wander around looking for Demeter. Maybe Jemima can help Misto cheer up."

Etcetera just sniffed and trotted after Plato as he approached the two queens.

"Hello, Demeter, Bombalurina," Plato greeted the two queens courteously. They smiled at him, eyes unwaveringly scanning his handsome face.

"Hello, Plato," Bombalurina purred in her low, lustrous tones. Etcetera made a face. Just 'cause he's handsome doesn't mean you need to flirt! He's mine! But on the outside, she hastily pasted on a huge smile.

"What are you two doing here?" Demeter asked quietly. Etcetera had never really liked either of the sisters; one was too close to Tugger and one detested him. Both of those qualities really ticked Etcetera off.

"Ah, actually…" Plato sent Etcetera a sideways look, for once looking uncomfortable.

"Victoria," Etcetera said without thinking.

Demeter frowned, her eyes going flat. "What… what about her?"

"Macavity," Etcetera added, a desperate tone to her voice. Bast, Plato, I'm no good at this!

Demeter simply turned away then, her face stony. Bombalurina, for once, lost her flirtatious attitude and stared at Plato seriously.

"You don't need to know anything about that monster," she snapped.

"Yes we do," Plato stated softly, his voice assertive. Bombalurina hesitated, but shook her head at him.

"Leave. I'm sorry."

Etcetera tugged at Plato's arm, and he glanced at her, a worried frown turning down his lips. When he saw the fraught look on her face, he sighed. As he turned back to look at Bombalurina, a certain determination flashed across his face.

"Bombalurina…" The sound of her name caught the red queen's attention. As she glanced towards the green-eyed tom, a glazed look came into her eyes.

Etcetera's breath caught.

"Demeter…" There was fear and uncertainty in Plato's voice as he called the name of the other sister. Demeter, her shoulders shaking, sent a single, fleeting look at him over her shoulder. That was all it took. Within moments, both sisters were standing meekly before Plato, their eyes devoid of emotion.

"Oh, Plato…" Etcetera whispered, staring down at her feet.

"Misto… Misto… oh, this is useless." Jemima scowled and stomped into her den, tired of searching for the tuxedo tom.

"Looking for someone?"

Jemima almost leapt halfway across the den. Misto was sitting right on her bed, coolly examining the area. He glanced over towards her and winked, though it contained none of his usual lightheartedness.

"Bast, Misto," Jemima grumbled. "Have you been here all this time?"

Misto looked shocked. "Of course not! I wouldn't just… I wouldn't come into your den without permission!" He began to blush, at which Jemima smiled sweetly.

"I suppose that's true," she giggled. "You're far too… prim and proper." She poked out her tongue teasingly. Misto smiled very slightly at this, and Jemima thought she was doing okay at cheering him up.

"Oh, I am not," he sniffed, assuming a stiff-backed pose, his hands folded into his lap. He really did look prim. Jemima burst into laughter, her sweet face lighting up. Misto stared at her curiously for a long time. He looked at her closely; her lips, the color of ripe red apples, her cherry blossom cheeks, eyes that had captured the essence of moonlight from too much star-gazing. As he stared, her laughter died down and she stared back at him, her lips quirking in a smile.

"You are Misto, you are," Jemima sighed contentedly, playfully pushing the tuxedo tom. He blushed again, and he wasn't all too sure why. "So, um, what was wrong before?"

"Oh… well…" Misto hesitated, a crease forming between his eyes.

"If you'd rather not share, that's okay," Jemima said gently, taking Misto's paw and squeezing it. He blushed further.

"N-no, I can. I will. It's just… I had an argument of sorts with Electra." Misto bit his lip so hard that Jemima was sure he'd drawn blood. She winced.

"Electra…?" She stated the name a little doubtfully. Electra wasn't one for arguments. Then again, none of the Jellicles had been acting normal lately.

"Yeah." Misto shifted uncomfortably and his eyes took on a distant look.

"What did you argue about?" Jemima prompted. There was a long, tight silence.

"Nothing," Misto said finally.

Electra had found herself a perfectly lonely spot, and she didn't intend on leaving anytime soon. She sighed and glanced down at her paws. Before she could stop herself, she sent a couple of tiny purple sparks flying through the air. Then, she just put her hands into her paws and made a few choking noises that faintly resembled sobs.

She remembered how Misto had looked at her with sympathy. How he had told her that he didn't mind if she stole his magic. He had such a pure, good heart… but Electra wasn't prepared to take advantage of it. She just couldn't do something like that.

Electra did feel a little bad for taking off and leaving the other cats to question the Jellicles about Macavity. There was just a tiny tug at her conscience, reminding her that they were her friends, that she was meant to be helping. But she figured that she would end up doing a lot more when they actually confronted Macavity – if they even made it that far. She had to keep reminding herself that she wasn't quite yet a queen, that none of them had passed adulthood yet. They were a foolish lot, to be sure.

Misto's face flashed back into her mind. He was a fool too. Was he really prepared to give away some of his precious magic to her? Somehow, she couldn't fathom it. What was she but an annoying kitten to mighty, magical toms like him? All of a sudden, Electra found herself feeling very bitter.

She was nothing to look at.

She had no talents.

She was plain, useless and boring. Rather like stale bread. She didn't even have an interesting topping to somewhat add to her taste.

So why on earth would the great Mistoffelees even care about her? Because he does care… right? Electra growled to herself, trying to shut out her blabbering thoughts. Why would she care if he cared? She knew that no one cared about her, not truly. Not in the way she wanted…

Did she want Misto to care about her… in that way?

"Shut up, you idiot," she mumbled to herself, clutching at her head. She was a fool, just like the rest.

"Etcetera, trust me. This was the only way." Plato's eyes were almost wild with emotion, but he spoke so calmly to Etcetera that she believed him easily. Almost too easily.

"Are you… are you hypnotizing me?" she mumbled, turning her eyes away from his in shame.

His eyes darkened and somewhere within them, a shadow reared its ugly head.

And he'd been trying so hard to contain it all, too… he wasn't like Misto, who displayed his every emotion in his eyes like banners.

"I would never do such a thing to you, Etcetera," he growled, turning away from her. The look on his face made it plain that he had taken offense.

"I'm sorry," Etcetera apologized quietly.

Bombalurina and Demeter watched the whole thing without a twitch of a single eyelid.

"Etcetera, you can go now if you'd like…" Plato's voice was harsh, and he didn't turn to face her when he spoke.

"No, it's okay," she replied, trying to keep the shakiness out of her voice. Plato simply made a sound of annoyance and stepped closer to Demeter and Bombalurina.

"Alright, ladies," he said softly. "I'd like you to show me… show me Macavity. Show me everything you know." Breathing slowly and deeply, he rested his forehead first against Demeter's, and then against Bombalurina's. Occasionally he would flinch or gasp out. Etcetera fiddled with her paws, her eyes wide as she watched the magic before her eyes.

Finally, Plato pulled away, breathing hard. The expression on his face constantly shifted with the pained twitch of an eye or a scrunch of the nose. It was impossible to get a read on him.

"Thank you," he gasped out. "I'm… finished now." He nodded towards the two sisters, who immediately blinked and gazed at each other in bewilderment. To Etcetera, he said, "C'mon." Together, they slipped silently away like shadows blending into the night.

"What did you do?" Etcetera hissed once they were out of earshot of Demeter and Bombalurina.

"I… touched their minds. I asked them for their memories." Plato's voice was strained, but Etcetera was glad that he trusted her enough to tell her. Or maybe he knew it was too late to hide.

"Did you… see their memories?" Etcetera's nose screwed up a little as she thought about it.

"Yes. I did." Plato shuddered. "I see why they hate Macavity so…"

Etcetera swallowed weakly. "Wh-what did he do?"

Plato turned on her, his eyes grave. "Why don't I show you?" He stepped close to her so that their faces were almost pressed together. Etcetera reveled in the beauty of his eyes close-up, but warned herself to be careful not to be mesmerized. Sighing slightly, Plato closed his eyes and touched her cheek, tracing patterns in her soft fur.

"Plato?"

"I'm sorry," he murmured, removing his paw from her face. He brought her into an embrace and whispered into her ear, "Don't be frightened, Etcetera. Remember that I'm here, that your name is Etcetera and that what is happening is not real. You are not Demeter. Keep those thoughts close to you and you won't drown in her memories…alright?"

"Just how scary are her memories?" Etcetera asked, her voice tinged with fear.

Plato sighed heavily. "Scary enough to terrify me," he admitted. And then he let her plunge into a memory that was not hers.

She was pacing through the Junkyard, anxious about what was about to happen. Her paws were flecked with gold, her arms black. Whenever she looked up, she saw Bombalurina's dark, worried eyes gazing back at her.

"I'll be okay," she murmured to reassure herself more than her sister.

"Good evening, Demeter." She looked up and gasped at the golden eyes burning right before her. The red tom smiled charmingly at her, and reached out to grasp her clammy paw.

"H-hello, Macavity," she mumbled chokingly.

"Don't be nervous," he crooned into her ear. "I'm not going to hurt you…" His eyes flared. "This time, I promised," he assured her. She nodded, her eyes flitting back to her sister, who waved her hands about encouragingly.

"O-okay."

Macavity, holding her paw lightly, led her out of the Junkyard. She was well aware of the curious eyes following them as they left. Macavity was not known for being a social cat, not anymore. She remembered him when he was good, when he was to become the Jellicle Protector. Deuteronomy insisted that he was still to take the job, but after the red tom's brief bout of madness, many cats whispered that they couldn't trust him with a great responsibility like that. She agreed with them secretly, yet, she still agreed to going for a walk with him that night. It was just a walk, after all… what could go wrong?

She was still afraid, though. Macavity was not a normal cat.

"You're afraid of me, aren't you?"

She glanced over at him, and he smiled a bitter, intense smile. Her breath caught. Under the fading light of the sun, he was made beautiful.

"Yes," she admitted quietly, shamefully. Something about his golden eyes compelled her to love him. She felt as if she could follow him halfway across the earth.

"Don't be," he said assertively. "There's nothing to be afraid of."

She almost believed him.

One hour was all it took; he had her, hook, line and sinker. She gazed at him with doe eyes, and he smirked back at her, holding her delicate body in his arms.

"I'm glad I asked you to come," he said softly. "I've been waiting for a while."

"Oh, I'm glad too, Macavity," she simpered, pulling him in hungrily for a kiss. He chuckled lightly.

"It's been a while since my dad allowed me to be close to others," he sighed once they'd broken apart.

"You're such a wonderful cat, though!" She wrung her golden paws. "I'll help you, Macavity! I'm on your side."

He smiled, and she failed to see the malevolent edge in his eyes. "Thank you," he said quietly. "Thank you."

"He's a good cat really," she giggled, eyes trained on her sister. "I really like him."

"That's good," the red queen replied airily, examining her claws.

"I'm going out tomorrow to see him as well, just to let you know." She bounced from foot to foot in her excitement, but her sister didn't even look up.

"Oh, that's nice…"

The golden queen remembered how she had actually gotten to meet Macavity in the first place. Deuteronomy had asked for a friend for his son, and Bombalurina had immediately volunteered her younger sister for the job, saying that the golden queen was the strongest cat she knew. She hadn't been willing at first, but now her blood thrilled at the very thought of the blazing red tom.

She knew that her life was now perfect.

When she returned to Bombalurina after her second date with Macavity, she was positively glowing. "Oh, Bombalurina, I think I love him!"

The red queen raised a questioning eyebrow. "Gee, Demeter, this isn't like you. What happened to tough as nails Demeter?"

She ignored her sister's attitude. "He's so perfect," she said dreamily. "His fur reminds me of the sunset-"

"It's just as red as mine," Bombalurina said with a roll of her eyes.

"His eyes are liquid gold-"

"Stop with the metaphors, you're beginning to frighten me. 'Sides, your fur is a prettier gold than his eyes." Bombalurina scowled, resting her chin in her hands. "He's not THAT great, Deme. All you're meant to be to him is a friend, not a lover."

"Deuteronomy won't mind," she shrugged. "We can't just be friends…how can we ignore the static between us? The desire, the way our eyes lock-"

"Oh, shut up, Deme," Bombalurina said harshly, standing up and leaving the golden queen alone to her fantasies.

"What's wrong, Macavity?" She peered over his shoulder. She'd seen him standing alone, shaking with some sort of emotion. She'd simply wanted to cheer him up.

She hadn't been expecting his reaction.

"Piss off, bitch," he snapped, turning on her. She quavered and pulled away from him, her eyes wide.

"Wh-what?"

"You heard me. Fuck off." His eyes were pulsing with darkness, and blood oozed from his mouth. He'd obviously bitten the inside of it so hard that it was bleedin.

"Macavity…" She reached out to him pleadingly, but he snapped away, eyes blazing with anger.

"Do you want to provoke me?" he questioned darkly. "Do you want to die?"

Gasping out, she backed away from him. As soon as his eyes flitted away from her, she ran.

The next day, things didn't return to normal.

She couldn't even find Macavity. He had simply disappeared. She'd tried to ask Bombalurina for help, but the red queen had just rolled her eyes and bounded after Tugger.

Some sister she was.

She was still afraid of the way that Macavity was acting, but she wanted to see him nonetheless. She'd convinced herself that she loved him. What was it that made her love him? Perhaps it was the scorching power of his glittering eyes.

"Demeter…"

It was him. He stood behind her, his eyes still riddled with darkness and oozing shadows.

"Demeter…"

"What happened yesterday, Macavity?" She turned on him, her eyes flashing with worry. "Why did you speak to me like that?"

"I'd better leave you alone from now on, Demeter." He stood a far distance away from her, stiff, statuesque. "I knew it wasn't going to work out from the start."

"Wh-what?" She clenched her paws tightly, her claws digging into her own skin and drawing blood. "How can you even say that? I love you!" Eyes hardening in determination, she ran towards him. He didn't move.

"I'm saying it for your own good. You'd better run, Demeter. Run before I can touch you. Run before I can destroy you." As he spoke, though, a terrible, sadistic smile played across his lips. He knew that she wouldn't run away. He knew that she would run towards him.

She just couldn't resist him.

As she reached him, she thrust herself into his arms, burying her face into his chest. "This is where I'm meant to be," she told him quietly.

"You won't be saying that tomorrow," he smirked, stroking her fur. "And that's my last warning…" He was tempted to snake his arms around her pitiful frame, to squeeze the life out of her. But he was allowing her one last chance.

"You and I, we're meant to be," she smiled contentedly.

Macavity let out a terrible laugh.

In Plato's arms, Etcetera whimpered slightly.

The world around her exploded.

She had the distinct impression that agony was cutting into her, ripping and tearing hungrily at her body. But she was awed by the lights. She was mesmerized by the fire running its cold fingers down her body. The fire was burning her, digging its claws in, but she was frozen, and the pain couldn't quite register in her mind.

She was drowning in the gold. It promised her pleasure, it held her to the spot. It assured her that she wasn't in pain. It winked at her, and a thousand different meanings were contained in that simple gesture.

Etcetera began to breathe harder, and she wrenched out of Plato's grip. He held on to her tightly, pulling her back into his arms.

"Etcy, Etcy, it's not real…"

"Demeter, Demeter," the fire sighed.

"Macavity," she said numbly.

And then she really did feel the pain. She screamed, the sound pulled from her lips. But the pain didn't release its vice-like grip on her. If anything, it gripped her harder, and another scream resonated through the Junkyard-

-and Etcetera too was screaming, crying out as the agony hit her-

"You see what you got yourself into?" the fire smiled as it blazed into her. She was the fuel to the fire. She would be devoured by it eventually.

The lightning in his paws ran through her veins and her fur stood on end. Every touch made the experience all the more painful. Yet, at the same time, it was strangely enthralling. His power thrilled through her, and she was flying. But it hurt so much-

-and Etcetera was writhing in Plato's arms-

Eventually, it ended. Lightning still crackled from his paws as he left her, sending one last, indifferent glance back towards her. She lay listlessly on the cold earth, her body twitching as the lightning coursed through her. Even after the fire grew bored, the lightning was relentless.

It would never let up.

She lay, useless, broken, emotionally ripped apart. The fire had devoured her.

Etcetera was limp. Plato shook her, called out her name, but she didn't respond. She was one with the memory.

She found herself in Bombalurina's arms. Everything around her blurred into a mess of colors. She moaned and rested her head in the crook of her sister's elbow.

"I'm sorry, Deme," the red queen was sobbing. "So sorry…"

And Deuteronomy was there too, his eyes solemn.

"Where's Macavity?" she rasped.

"Gone," Deuteronomy said shortly. "Gone for a while. I thought maybe a good queen like you could fix him… but I see now that it really has overcome him. It drove him insane."

She closed her eyes, accepting it. She still wanted him back, but it wasn't the insane Macavity she wanted. She wanted the sweet, gentle Macavity she'd first met. Obviously, that wasn't the real him. The real him was…

She cried out, unable to come to terms with her own suffering.

Would she ever recover? Probably not. The scars of her trauma were fresh then, but they would never fade, no matter how much time passed.

Even now, she felt his power tingling in her blood.

When he returned, he seemed calm. But he didn't look at her, speak to her, think of her. How did she know? His mind was an open book to her. She could sense his every movement when he was close to her. She hated it.

She just wanted to forget him and his cruel fire.

"Etcetera, Etcetera!" Plato's voice was frantic. He shook the pale tabby queen in his arms, trying to awaken her. But she lay ever still, her breathing faint.

"You are not Demeter!" He yelled.

Her eyes flickered open. She gazed at him for a long time, no recognition in her eyes. Her face was utterly blank – she was adjusting back to being Etcetera, not Demeter. He stared back at her, pain in his eyes. She didn't know how much it had hurt him to see her scream as if Macavity was torturing her, not Demeter. He should never have showed her the memories.

They were far too terrible for a poor kitten like Etcetera.

Then, a light flickered in her eyes. She blinked at him, her mouth slowly forming an 'o' shape. And then she was twisting away from him, crying out in fear, slamming straight into a wall in her desperation to just run. As her head cracked against the hard brick wall, she whimpered and clutched at her throbbing temples.

"Etcy, what's wrong?" Plato asked her, eyes wide.

"Y-y-you," she stammered, still pawing at her aching head. "Y-y-you-"

"…Etcy…?" He'd never seen her so scared in his life.

She pointed at him, her paw shaky. "Macavity," she gasped out. "You… Macavity…"

"I'm not Macavity…" His paws clenched. Why was she doing this? Why was she so scared of him?

"You're just like him," she mumbled, staring at the ground. "You and him… you're both… terrible… with your eyes… you hypnotized me…" Her voice faded as tears began to roll down her cheeks.

"No, Etcy! I'm not like him! I have control!" Plato reached out to her, terrified to lose her. But she turned her cheek, unwilling to look into his eyes.

"You're gonna dazzle me," she choked, wiping at the tears. "I-I'm scared…"

"I'm not! I'm not like Macavity! I never hypnotized you or anything like that!" Plato's voice was tinged with desperation. "And I never will! I could never hurt you!"

"You'll lose control…one day…" Etcetera swayed unsteadily. "I have to leave… before then. Before you… hurt me…"

"Dammit, Etcetera! I won't hurt you!" He ran towards her, trying to catch her before she fell. But she saw him coming. One glimpse of the green of his eyes and she was gone.

"I'm not going to let you!" she cried as she ran.

Plato stared after her, unable to come to terms with what had just happened. Why…why, Etcy? Why can't you see that no matter how my magic hurts me, I would never lay a paw on you?

Feeling as if a hollow space was yawning within him, Plato fell to his knees and surrendered himself to the shadows.