Forever Until Now
Chapter 30;; The Meaning of Forever
You're lucky, kitten. There is an angel in your life – his green eyes are windows to bliss. Don't make mistakes, like I did.
Victoria was alone. She decided that maybe – no, probably – she would have to stay that way. She didn't know if she could ever learn to trust again.
There was no point in having emotional ties to other cats. They only betrayed her, whether from the very beginning or at the end of their relationship. The Jellicles had lied to her. The Chardirs had sold her away. Plato had broken her heart. Macavity had gone against her wishes and killed Etcetera. No, other cats… they only caused pain.
Victoria wondered, would it have been better if she'd stayed dead?
"Love, where're you going?" Griddlebone caught up to Victoria and touched her on the shoulder.
"Mother…" Victoria shook her head. "I have to go. I have to be alone."
Griddlebone sighed. "Don't leave me to rot in this place," she mumbled.
"Huh?" Victoria stared. "Aren't you, like… the Queen? What do you mean, 'rot'?"
Griddlebone smiled wryly. "Alyana and I, we're more similar than you'd think. Only difference is, the King thought me lovely and decided to keep me." She sighed. "I rebelled secretly, but I had to stop… it was fun, though. No doubt… I'll do it again. Look, Victoria, I'm not going to hold you back, but… be careful. I love you." She planted a kiss on Victoria's head and turned away.
"Wait! What do you mean?"
Griddlebone sighed. "Macavity," she said simply. And then she walked away.
"What do you mean…?" Victoria repeated in a whisper.
Wake up, kitten. It's not your time… not quite yet, sweetie. You gotta work hard to achieve your eternal bliss. Until then, you're only allowed snatches of heaven. You're lucky, kitten. There is an angel in your life – his green eyes are windows to bliss. Don't make mistakes, like I did. Dying for yourself is a mistake. Only in dying for another's sake can you find forever.
Ha…
Don't do what my little sister did. She mistook forever for something that existed in life. But she was wrong, wasn't she? There is only one thing that lasts forever: death. Nothing else, certainly not love.
So go home, kitten. Remember that everything has a price. Death, the greatest thing of all, has the highest price. Its price is life. If your life isn't worthy, kitten, you are not allowed to die.
And to be honest? Right now, you can't afford death.
Etcetera woke up to a pair of very green eyes, which disappeared immediately.
"I'll remember that, Alyana," she rasped. Her eyes widened – her throat, it was on fire! She grimaced and touched it tentatively. Her paw came away red with blood. So Macavity had slit her throat, but evidently he hadn't cut deep enough to kill her. Had he done that on purpose…? Whatever the red tom's intent had been, Etcetera was lucky to have escaped with her life. That way, she could work hard to make it worthy for death and for forever.
She stood up, checking that the rest of her body was in order. Her back was sore from lying in an uncomfortable position, but otherwise she seemed okay. Keeping a paw on her neck, she decided to explore the area she was in.
The only really noticeable feature was the patch of flowers Victoria had been looking at. Victoria… What had she meant when she'd said that she wasn't a Jellicle? It made no sense. But Etcetera now knew that she couldn't let her cluelessness wash over her and destroy her. She knew that she needed to work to gain the truth.
In truth, Etcetera had been making mistakes all her life. Those mistakes had had their repercussions – the Jellicles thought of her as immature and incompetent. All because she'd been willing to stay in the dark and let others work for her… no wonder her life wasn't worth death. It had been a mistake to think that she could die. Now she'd paid the price for her mistake – her sweet, kittenish voice. She wondered miserably if she'd ever be able to speak without pain again.
Without really thinking, she brushed a petal with her paw.
"Wh-who're you?"
Etcetera whirled around. There stood two cats, both pure white. Etcetera goggled at them – so there were white cats other than Alyana and Victoria?
"Outsider, prepare to die!" one of them spat, though she hung back, looking unsure of what to do.
"D-die?" Etcetera cried, wincing at the pain in her throat. No! If she died now, she wouldn't achieve eternal bliss. She needed to make her life worthy… she had to fight! Eyes wild, she unsheathed her claws and ran at the two cats, who promptly dodged aside.
"Don't be stupid, Meiyina!" one of the cats yelled. "We're not going to kill you!" she added, looking to Etcetera.
Etcetera fell back, breathing hard.
"Tell us your name, then, outsider," the one called Meiyina ordered. "And why are you here?"
"Etcetera," Etcetera whispered. Her throat still hurt, even when she lowered her voice. "I'm here for… for… Victoria and Macavity."
"What? Do you know where Victoria is?" Meiyina said quickly. "We are looking for her right now!"
Etcetera just shook her head sadly.
"You are a Jellicle, aren't you?" the one Etcetera didn't know the name of said.
"Obviously, Chantelle," Meiyina yawned with a roll of her eyes. "Leave her here – someone will find her and send her away."
"But…her neck." Chantelle hovered indecisively, eyes on the blood drying at Etcetera's neck. "What happened, little kitten?"
This reminded Etcetera distinctly of Alyana – like, a sweeter Alyana. "Macavity," she rasped.
"I think we should help her," Chantelle said. "I've just got a feeling."
Meiyina snorted. "Chantelle, let go of your soft side. I need you to help me find Victoria – she is of more importance, remember?"
"You'll be fine by yourself," Chantelle said absentmindedly, shifting closer to the nervous Etcetera.
Meiyina made a face and stomped off, eyes scoring the path in front of her. Chantelle paused in front of Etcetera, extending her hand. It was shaking.
"Um, Etcetera… please don't tell anyone I touched you," she pleaded. Etcetera nodded, bewildered. Chantelle bent round and unwrapped a white cloth from her tail. "All scouts carry one," she explained as she proceeded to wrap it around Etcetera's neck, careful to make as little contact as possible.
"Why?" Etcetera whispered. Why would Chantelle want to help her?
"Alyana would've done it," Chantelle said, smiling sadly. "She saved me once, too… I really owe her. I helped her precious 'children' – by that I mean her flowers – spread. I spoke to her sister. I helped an outsider and tainted my fur… still, I feel there's something more she wants from me."
"You know Alyana?"
"Huh? Do you?"
Etcetera nodded. Chantelle gave a small smile. "I daresay she's helped you in some secret way, though she would've done it sneakily…"
Again, Etcetera nodded.
"Well, I think you'll be just fine, little kitten. I'd better catch up to Meiyina…" Chantelle sighed. "Look after yourself, okay?"
For a third time, Etcetera nodded. She watched as Chantelle took off after her companion and smiled. If Chantelle kept working to help others like she was doing, she would certainly achieve eternal bliss.
Victoria tipped her head upwards and gazed up at the sky. The clouds above were heavy with rain. Usually when she noticed rain coming, she would run inside to protect her fur, but that day, she had nowhere to go. So as the rain came, first as a drizzle, then as a downpour, she just stood there, shivering and staring at nothing in particular. The rain stung her face, dripped off her fur, but she had nowhere to go.
She had to leave. She had to get away from Macavity. Evidently, magic cats were dangerous. Nothing would fix them, not even a white cat's presence. It cut her deep inside, but she ignored the pain and walked.
She hated being alone, but she was afraid of other cats. She couldn't trust them. They all lied and betrayed and broke hearts and destroyed. It was better to be by herself – that way, she would survive and never be broken again.
I know I promised you an eternity of my love. That was stupid of me. I don't usually make promises that I cannot keep, and I've betrayed you. But I don't want you to hurt. Doing this… is all for the best.
No matter what Plato had said, his betrayal had hurt. He was just one cat that had broken her. One of the first.
"Hey!" Victoria protested. "You promised… before you died…" She narrowed her eyes, trying to recall Alyana's exact words. "You said, 'I'll explain everything to you later'. You promised me!"
A bitter smile twisted Alyana's lips, and she closed her eyes. "I think now that I'm dead, I'm not bound to anything anymore," she smirked.
Alyana, too, had betrayed her. She'd held all the knowledge of who Victoria truly was and then she'd let Macavity kill her. Victoria couldn't decide whether she understood her sister or not.
"We'll go together," Jemima said seriously. The moonlight made her pretty green eyes glow solemnly. "We'll head off into the unknown, holding hands. You help me and I help you. We're best friends… and best friends should do anything for each other."
Victoria's amazing ice-blue eyes lit up. "Of course I promise!" she breathed. "Because we're best friends, after all…"
But Jemima had left Victoria all alone. And those who were alone couldn't have best friends.
"You know, Etcetera," Plato whispered, leaning in so she could hear him. His beautiful green eyes were glittering with adoration. "I'll tell you why I gave up Victoria. It was… for you, Etcetera." He took a deep breath to inhale her scent, and smiled with pleasure.
"Really?" Etcetera gasped, her eyes shining. "Oh god, Plato… you don't know how much I've wanted this…all my life, I've wanted you," she finished, beaming.
Etcetera, her so-called 'sister' had stolen Victoria's happiness. Ultimately, it had led to her leaving the Junkyard and getting stuck in her current situation.
"Forever is silly," Macavity laughed. "Forever is for sissies."
"Then promise me that this will last." Victoria removed her face from his fur and tightened her grip on his neck so that it was almost choking. "Go on," she cooed.
"It'll last until it ends, I swear," Macavity smirked. "Now, can I go back to kissing you?"
Macavity… in a way, he'd been the only one to tell her the truth. He had warned her that he couldn't promise her forever. What did it mean? Could she trust him or not? She wanted to, but she was afraid.
Where was she going, anyway? She walked, but she had nowhere to walk to. If she was still with Macavity, she would have a place… but no. She had to stay by herself. That was the only way she could be safe.
By now, she was completely soaked through. Her fur looked more of a soggy grey than the usual white. But she had nowhere to go.
"Hey, love," called a tom from somewhere behind her. "Looks like you need a little company, babe!"
Victoria shivered and wrapped her arms around herself.
"You're one of those prissy white cats! Just what I've been looking for! I need… relief."
Victoria turned around. There stood a grinning, swaying black tom. Pure black. Deuteronomy had once said that black fur was usually the mark of magic, though many magic cats didn't have it.
"Go away," Victoria said shakily.
The black cat's smile broadened. "They'll love me again," he said, eyes frenzied. "They'll cheer for me and my beautiful magic. They won't scream… never again…"
Victoria swallowed. The black cat… he was on the verge of tears.
"They drove me out," he whispered. "But they'll want me again if I can control myself…"
Victoria shook her head at him. Her mind was screaming at her to run, her heart was throbbing in pity-
She ran. Magic cats were dangerous.
But they need my help.
Jemima, Electra, Misto and Plato were subdued as they walked together, still following Misto. He was heading towards where he could still faintly feel Etcetera. They were very far away from home.
They didn't even notice when they passed by Victoria, but she noticed them.
What… what are they doing here? She ducked her head behind a wall and watched as they passed by, completely oblivious to her. Unfortunately for her, Misto halted and turned to face the other three cats.
"I… I just realized something," he said, voice choked.
"What?" Electra asked, her voice harsh.
"Didn't Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer say that Macavity was with the Chardirs?" Misto whispered.
Plato let out a string of curses. Electra bit down on her lip – a trickle of blood ran downwards. Jemima just stared listlessly at the ground as she'd been doing ever since the incident with Alonzo.
"That's where we're headed right now, isn't it?" Electra said flatly.
"If he's done anything to Etcetera," Plato said menacingly.
Victoria, somewhere deep down in her heart, felt an ache.
Misto frowned. "I guess we'd better prepare for something else other than Etcetera's rescue," he said.
"The time has come," Electra said, a small smile creeping onto her lips. "Macavity will die."
A chill ran down Victoria's spine. They were going to kill Macavity? Why would they do such a thing? And how did they even plan to do it? Suddenly, she was all-too-interested in their conversation.
"He stole Victoria's life," Plato said coldly. "He can't have Etcetera's too." He lowered his eyes. "I feel…I feel like he's targeting me or something. Everyone I love… he's taking them away from me."
Victoria's breath caught. Did that mean that… he loved me?
Jemima was staring at the ground and her face was masked by a shadow, but there were tears quite visibly falling to the ground. "For my best friend," she said, her voice merely a breath on the wind. But Victoria caught it.
She had been wrong. Plato, Jemima, Alyana, Macavity… they were her friends. She had been wrong to say she couldn't trust them. She had to be strong for them.
"Let's go," Misto said. He bounded off towards the home of the Chardirs and the other three followed him, new purpose in the way they moved. Victoria gulped. What was she going to do?
"Right, Macavity. Why does Victoria suddenly want to leave?"
Macavity stood in the den where Victoria had stayed, his back to Griddlebone who was staring expectantly at him.
"Wouldn't have a clue," he said, chuckling.
"Oh, come now… tell an old friend." Griddlebone slunk closer, reaching out to massage his stiff shoulders. He sighed and rolled them into a more relaxed position.
"Seriously, has the King not been able to tame you yet?" Macavity shot over his shoulder.
"He never will," Griddlebone replied. "I may seem different on the outside, but he'll never change me. I'll always be Griddlebone…"
"Once a criminal, always a criminal." Macavity stared at the wall, eyes hazing over. "I miss those days. I felt free. These days, I always feel sorta trapped."
"Life does that. Now, where's Victoria off to?"
"Huh, like I said, I would have no clue. She has nowhere to go." Macavity's lips twisted into a sort of pained grin.
"Silly girl." Griddlebone continued massaging, though she gave a deep sigh. "I miss her. She's the only one who ever had a hope of taming me into something soft and sweet."
"Could tell, actually," Macavity laughed.
"Oh, come on… don't tell me she didn't have an effect on you," Griddlebone said slyly. Macavity tensed up, causing Griddlebone to chuckle and flick him with her tail. "She had a natural aura that made Cats just want to like her."
"Whatever," Macavity sniffed, eyes dark.
"Anyway, I suppose the King is expecting me back," Griddlebone sighed. "I'll see you again… partner. Oh, and if you ever find Growltiger-"
"I have no doubt he's dead," Macavity interrupted. "Give it up."
Griddlebone shrugged. "I'm allowed to dream," she said with an eerie sort of smile. She left the den, lustrous tail flowing out behind her.
Macavity had a plan. The first thing he would do was bring the Jellicles down. With that done, he would gather a tribe of his own and rise up to dominate the entire city. And then, who knew? Perhaps he would dominate the entire land of the living.
And when he went completely mad due to his magic? He would bring the world of the living down and take the land of the dead for his own.
He gave a long, loud laugh and praised his own brilliance.
Misto, Jemima, Electra and Plato moved in tense silence. They knew they couldn't plan out what they were about to do. As Electra had said, they would have to improvise.
When they entered an area filled with flowers and cobblestone paths, Jemima noticed a definite change in Misto and Plato. The shadows in their eyes seemed to retreat and fade. Their ears perked, even the way they walked changed. The two exchanged secret smiles and Jemima shook her head, unsure of what was happening.
As they walked, they heard whispers – 'What, more outsiders?' 'What are THEY doing here?' 'Someone warn the king…' 'More of Macavity's lot?'
But they never saw any cats other than themselves.
Etcetera fumbled with the white cloth around her neck, adjusting the tie so that it stayed on when she moved. Then, she got up and decided to do a little exploring. As she left the place with the patch of flowers, she almost stepped on a shard of glass. She picked it up, thinking it might be useful, since she wasn't so good at using her own claws.
There really were white cats all over the place. They watched Etcetera warily.
"What's going on?" one whispered to a companion. "Why are there suddenly so many outsiders?"
"Macavity," the other replied with certainty. "And Victoria."
You got that right, Etcetera thought grimly, fingering the glass. Where is Macavity anyway?
She kept on walking, and white cats kept on watching. Just as Etcetera was passing an open entrance, she heard a low chuckle.
"Nothing can stop us. Nothing." And then there was another terrible, prolonged laugh. Etcetera shivered.
Well? That's your cue, kitten. In you go.
Green eyes and a ghostly smile.
The Macavity we knew is gone. The Macavity who I loved …I wonder, can he exist again? Kitten, can what's gone return? Tell me the answer…
"How can I? I'm only a kitten, like you say."
…Etcetera. I believe in you, Etcetera. It's time for you to grow up. Lure Victoria to her true home.
Etcetera closed her eyes. If she went into the den, would Macavity kill her? There was only one way to find out. She felt a strange sensation – Alyana's presence had just walked through her. Shivering Etcetera stepped forward.
"Are you coming, Alyana?"
Course I am.
Etcetera went inside.
Misto's pace sped up the closer he got to Etcetera. When Plato asked why, he told them that he could feel Macavity as well. It was as they'd suspected; the two of them were together. Plato's face hardened and he began to quicken his pace as well. Jemima and Electra could barely keep up.
Before long, they found themselves outside a den. Inside, there was only silence. Misto nodded his head and the four cats stood outside, shivering in anticipation.
"This is it," Electra said. She would get her magic back.
"This is it," Jemima said. She would avenge her best friend.
"This is it," Plato said. He would rescue Etcetera.
"This is it," Misto said. He would destroy Macavity.
And they went inside.
There is only one thing that lasts forever: death.
"Plato… will you help me… to kill Macavity?"
The tom glanced at her, emotion suddenly flickering in the eyes that had only moments ago been listless. Shock. Doubt.
"What? Are you crazy?" he hissed, looking like he wanted to shove her aside. Etcetera flinched.
"Don't you want to do it? For Victoria?" she whispered desperately to him. He regarded her coldly, jerking his head as an indication for Etcetera to continue. The words came out in a rush – she was just saying whatever came to her head. "Macavity killed her, Plato. He doesn't deserve to live! We can't just let it go unpunished…not this…not her death."
"And you can't do it alone." He stated it as a fact, his voice flat.
"No…of course I can't." Etcetera's voice was bitter. "What am I but a kitten? A baby? A stupid, ugly, useless, bad-"
"Shut up. Just shut up." Plato's voice was harsh, and his eyes were burning as he gazed at her.
You gotta work hard to achieve your eternal bliss. Until then, you're only allowed snatches of heaven.
"Forever is silly," Macavity laughed. "Forever is for sissies."
"Then promise me that this will last." Victoria removed her face from his fur and tightened her grip on his neck so that it was almost choking. "Go on," she cooed.
"It'll last until it ends, I swear," Macavity smirked. "Now, can I go back to kissing you?"
As a response, Victoria pressed her lips to his. Tongues intertwined and explored, body heats rose. When they stopped to breathe, Victoria was dizzy.
"Do you love me?" she pressed.
"Stop with the talking," Macavity growled, bringing his lips back to hers.
She shrugged her shoulders – she would get her answer one day, plain and simple and pulled right from his lips.
Death, the greatest thing of all, has the highest price. Its price is life.
"So, tell me again why you're alive." Macavity sat down on the edge of Victoria's bed and absentmindedly tore pillows open with a single, deadly claw. In his other hand was the knife that had killed Alyana and ripped open Etcetera's neck.
"You failed to kill me," Etcetera answered boldly. She felt a squeeze on her paw – Alyana?
"Well, then, maybe I'll finish the job here and now." Macavity tossed the knife from hand to hand. Etcetera watched it carefully.
"I don't think so," she said.
"Ah, but…my plan is to destroy the Jellicles. By destroying my family, I show the world I am not afraid to do anything." Macavity grinned. "You just happen to be a Jellicle, sweetheart."
"I know," Etcetera said, inwardly quivering.
"So…" Macavity's arm snapped out so that the tip of the knife touched Etcetera's chin. She didn't move, though her every fiber was screaming at her to. "Shall I kill you?"
"Go ahead," Etcetera answered softly. It was risky to do this, but she was relying on the fact that Macavity wanted her to scream before she died. And she was right.
Macavity sighed. "You've changed," he said. "Not a kitten anymore."
"Yeah," Etcetera whispered, letting tears flow freely from her eyes. From here on out, everything got harder. The life of a full-grown cat was so much more complicated than a kitten's. "And…you've changed too," she added.
Macavity stared at her with his unfathomable golden eyes. "Not my fault," he said levelly.
"You can be saved, I think," Etcetera said imploringly. "I-"
Macavity shook his head and narrowed his eyes. They fell into silence.
And then four Jellicles burst into the den.
"Your time's up, Macavity," Plato said coldly.
Macavity removed the knife from Etcetera's neck and glanced towards Plato. His lips pulled up in a smirk. "Oh, now…four more Jellicles for me to destroy?"
"That isn't going to happen," Misto said. "You're the one who's going to die – here and now."
"Why do you wish to take my life?" Macavity asked, raising an eyebrow lazily.
"For many reasons." Plato ticked them off on his fingers. "You're a nasty piece of work, you stole Electra's magic, you stole Etcetera, you killed Victoria…"
Macavity let out a crude laugh. "Oh, but I'm only guilty of two of those crimes," he said softly, eyes glinting menacingly. He ran his paw down the knife. "Guess?"
"Being a nasty piece of work," Etcetera said promptly, offering a tiny smile.
"Correct," Macavity nodded. "Smart girl."
The four other cats looked at each other. What Macavity was saying seemed impossible – he wasn't guilty of two of the remaining 'crimes'?
"But you did steal Etcetera…" Jemima said doubtfully.
"No, you've got it backwards," Etcetera said before Macavity could even open his mouth. "I came of my own will." She didn't mention Alyana.
Plato's eyes widened. "Why?" he whispered, hands clenching. Etcetera turned away from him.
"I know one thing for sure," Electra said suddenly. "You've got my magic, you bastard. I want it back."
She launched herself at the red cat, fire in her eyes. All too slow, he turned towards her, the knife falling from his hands. His eyes widened – there was nothing he could do. He closed his eyes as she ripped her claws across his face.
"Don't," he said softly, feeling blood seeping from his wounds. "Don't."
"You can't stop me," she whispered furiously. "You can't use my own magic against me."
And she was right. It was all over.
I…I can't let the world go on!
The world…
It's meant to die with me!
"STOP!"
At that moment, a number of things happened.
Plato stepped towards Etcetera, arms outstretched pleadingly.
Etcetera, eyes squeezed shut, threw the shard of glass at Electra.
Electra fell away from Macavity, clutching at where the glass had embedded in her side.
Macavity shivered, blood still dripping down his face.
Jemima fell to the ground, crying and wishing it would all stop.
And Mistoffelees…Magical Mister Mistoffelees was the only one who heard a voice he'd never thought he'd hear again. He spoke a name that tasted sweet on his tongue.
"Victoria…"
A/N: So it's 4 in the morning. I've stayed up all night – and guess what? FUN is DONE. Well, the writing and editing process anyway. I still haven't posted three chapters. ;) Heheheh.
Anyway, my grandma wanted to read it, and seeing as it's her birthday, I made it as a gift. There are 256 Word pages to print – and what's more, it's in quite a small font. I made a title page, but I'm not proud. At all.
Once I've posted the last three chapters, I'll replace every chapter with the shiny new (they're only slightly edited, but… yeah…) ones. They'll have a different layout. I felt like it. And I'll get rid of most of my blabby notes. They're so pathetically blabby…