Rachel doesn't go home for Spring Break. She throws herself into her classes and auditions for the spring musical. She gets a better part this time. She is focused. Focused on school, focused on rehearsing. Focused on anything to keep herself from falling apart. She's barely holding it together. Her roommates hear her cry at night, but she won't talk about it. She goes out with them sometimes, but she isn't there, really. They don't know what to make of her. She does well in the play and her professor tells her she should try some auditions for things outside of school. Her dads are thrilled when she tells them, but she wishes she had someone else to tell. She hasn't talked to him since that night.
She still checks Facebook. She tells herself if she can see he's moved on and happy, she'll know she's made the right decision. He doesn't post much and when he does, it doesn't reveal anything. But she can see him in pictures on Quinn and Tina's page and he looks ok, so he must be happy. One of the pictures show him at a party, smiling at a pretty brunette. She knows she doesn't have the right to feel the stab of pain, but she feels it anyway. She tells herself she's not going to do this anymore and hides his profile on her page.
She auditions for a role in an off off Broadway play and she gets a minor part. Her dads are thrilled, even though it means she won't be home for the summer. They ask her if Finn will be visiting, and though she's skirted the issue before, she finally admits they are no longer together. They ask if she is happy and of course she says yes. But she isn't. And they can hear it in her voice. They ask her what happened and she says they grew apart. She says she has to go and she can't wait to see them when they come in for opening night. She hangs up, so they won't hear her cry.
They come to see her play and they meet her backstage with pride in their eyes and a huge bouquet of flowers. She can't believe she really just opened a play, just like she always dreamed. But even the cheers from the crowd and the excitement from her fathers can't fill the spot that's missing. The spot that's always empty. She closes her eyes and imagines, just for a minute that it's him she's hugging, and she thinks she could feel happy, but the moment passes and she puts on her show face for dinner with her dads. They ask if she'll be home at all for the summer, her show wraps soon and there will be time for a quick visit. She says she doesn't know. But they win her over and she promises she'll see them in a few weeks.
This time when she steps off the plane, all she can think about is last time she was in this airport and even the summer heat can't warm her up.
She's only home for a week, and that's more than enough, because she feels his presence everywhere. Every inch of her house holds memories of him. She remembers him kissing her good night on the front porch, neither of them wanting to break the kiss. She remembers the hours they spent on her couch, pretending to watch movies, but sneaking kisses whenever her dads would stop paying attention. She remembers dinners in the dining room, cooking their first meal together and being so proud of him for eating tofu. She almost asks to sleep in the guest room, because the memories in her room are even more painful, but her dads wouldn't understand and so she drops her bag and avoids going there for now. They ask if she'll see any of her Glee friends while she's in and she says she doesn't know. She didn't even tell them she was coming in, because she doesn't know what to say to them. But first Tina and then Mercedes text her and ask her to come to their end of summer party and she wants to see them so badly, she says yes before she thinks it through.
She gets ready nervously, hoping he's there and hoping he's not at the same time. The party is at the city pool and a lot of the college kids are home for the summer, so it's very crowded. She finds the Glee kids and is relieved he isn't there. She chats with Tina, Mercedes, and Kurt and tells them about the play she just wrapped and about the play she'll be auditioning for in the fall. She hopes she's being convincing about how happy she is, and she must be, because when he first sees her, he thinks she is sparkling. The fairy lights someone has decorated the pool with are winking in the dark and her eyes are laughing and she looks like home.
She can tell he is there, by the sudden silence from her friends and as she looks over her shoulder, her eyes collide with his and all she can think is that she's finally whole. She's missed him so much and she is standing and walking towards him, before she realizes she shouldn't.
"Hi." she says, shyly and there are a million things running through her head, but all she can see is his smile.
"Hi." he takes her hand and they walk toward a table that's been shoved out of the way in the corner of the grass. He doesn't know what to say, and she doesn't either. But finally he asks the one question he's been asking for months. "Why?" She looks down at her feet and twists the hem of her polka dotted dress in her hands.
"I loved you, love you, too much. My whole life we've sacrificed for this dream, it's all I've ever wanted. And you make me want you more."
"But I don't understand. I said I would wait for you, I can be your biggest fan, I love you so much, we can make it work. But you won't fight for us."
"I can't explain it. I can't make you understand. I barely understand. I just know that I can't focus when I'm with you. All I want is to be in your arms. I miss you so much, I lose sight of everything that's me. I don't want to wake up one day still living in a small town, with a husband and two kids and a dog and realize I lost my dream. And then I'd resent you. And I guess, I'd just rather you resented me."
"I could never resent you. I wish you could see how much I want you to succeed, I just want to be a part of your life. If I can't be your boyfriend, can we at least be friends?" He doesn't realize he's holding his breath until she says yes. He hugs her, a friendly hug, but it feels so good, she holds on just a little too long. They head back to the group, not touching but everyone can feel the tension between them and send them curious glances. They all reminisce about Glee Club and talk about the new school year. When the night ends and she finally has to leave, he walks her to her car and makes sure he still has the right phone number for her. He says he'll text her when school starts back up and leans in for a kiss before he remembers and awkwardly hugs her instead.
Her dads drop her off at the airport and when she sleeps on the plane, she dreams about him and hopes she's made the right choice this time.