Headhunters

zTiamaTz

=H=H=

ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR FIRST

=H=H=

Cordelia glared at me. "I know you Harris, you are just dying to see me naked!"

I shook my head, the day had started out so nicely. We had both actually found something we liked to eat for breakfast, and had done so without a fight. As we searched for a store that hadn't been picked clean, we discovered a park several blocks from the house.

Inside, we had found a small pond. The water looked surprisingly clear, considering the condition of the rest of the city. All I'd done, was suggest it would be a good idea for us to get cleaned up.

"I hate to break it to you Cor, but it wasn't me that was always falling all over myself to get in your pants, that was Jesse. You remember him don't you? My now dead, best friend who I had to stake to save you?" I asked accusingly.

"You are such an asshole!"

I felt a headache coming on, this had gone downhill real fast. "Just stop, okay Cor? I'm sorry for snapping at you. Now please, tell me what this is really about?"

She was silent for a moment, probably trying to decide if she wanted to talk, or to continue our argument. "I was looking at their pictures."

"Why were you looking at-"

"Not those pictures you idiot!" She screeched. "The people that owned the house we're squatting in. We're living in their house, sleeping in their beds, wearing their clothes..."

"We gotta live somewhere Cor, if not there, then it'd be someone else's house."

"I'm just sick of it." She tossed her axe to the ground. "I should be going to Paris next week!" She screamed out at the city.

I stood there, not sure what to do. Willow had always been the problem solver, the one with the answers. Now, I was in the middle of an abandoned city trying to keep a cheerleader from having a nervous breakdown.

"I'm sure Giles and the girls are doing everything they can to get us back." I said, in what I hoped was a comforting voice.

"Do you really believe that?"

"I told you that the first night we were here, I know they are doing everything they can. But we should still plan for the fact that it might take some time."

"Yeah, you seemed to make plenty of time for that magazine last night, didn't you?" She sniped.

"C'mon Cordy, shouldn't we be looking for a store instead of arguing about stupid stuff?"

"We probably would have found one by now if you weren't such a perv!"

"I cannot believe we are having an argument about this."

She narrowed her eyes. "Let me put it to you this way buster. If we don't find something decent today, you're going to be wearing one of those mu-mu's tonight." She jabbed her finger into my chest. "Got it?"

I just stood there and nodded. I needed to find something fast, pastels and flowers were not my thing.

=H=H=

All I could think was that this city was crazy. Where we were staying, had nothing but old stone and wood buildings. Here, it was like we'd crossed a different city entirely.

While there was still the occasional stone and wood buildings, most in this area were made with concrete and steel. It also looked like it had been hit a lot harder too.

There were sand bag walls everywhere, including some on the lower roofs. There were huge holes blown into the sides of walls, and craters in the streets. There were even several blocks in a row, where every building had smoke and flame damage, as if someone had gone to each place and set it on fire.

I had felt spooked by the area where we had found that 'Gears' building. Here, I just felt dread. I wanted to get what we needed and get the hell out.

"Xander, look!"

I followed the direction she had pointed to, and saw some kind of vehicle had rammed into a storefront. I stepped up to get a closer look, the rear end was heavily damaged. Like something had shot it point blank with one of those wheeled guns, a howzer or something. I also marveled at the size of the wheel that was visible.

"What the hell is a monster truck doing here?"

"Check this out!" Cordy called from the side of the building.

I went to meet her, and see what she had found. She was standing at the mouth of an alley, staring at what I could only guess was the front end of the thing.

"What is this thing doofus?"

I took a look, and saw that the front of the vehicle had burst through the side here as well. What looked to be maybe a snowplow, a metallic tube, and another big-ass tire. I had to step back several feet to get a better look at it.

"It's a goddamn tank." I stared in disbelief.

"What?" Cordelia asked, confused.

"Some idiot had the bright idea of putting monster truck wheels on a freaking tank Cor." I shook my head. Who were these people?

I walked back to the front of the building, and took another look at it. The tank had come in at an angle, taking out almost the entire front of the store. The wall that was left, had windows that were mostly blocked off by debris. The top of tank had sheared off most of the sign, and I could see cracks where the second floor of the building had started to buckle over time.

Turning my attention back to the body of the tank, I could see what seemed to be a ladder in-between the two large wheels on the right side. I didn't want to climb through a window in a wall that looked like it could collapse at any time. Thinking it over, I decided I'd have to squeeze between the broken wall and the back wheel to get to it.

"What are you going to do?"

I grabbed one of the torches we'd made from her wagon. They were table legs, wrapped with rags soaked in a siphoned, gasoline-like liquid. Simple, but totally worth it.

"I want to see if I can get inside that tank, there might be some stuff in there we can use." I replied, and took off my backpack, jacket, and shoulder holster, hanging them over a fire hydrant.

"Are you sure? That building doesn't look very safe?"

"Aw Cor, it's good to know you care." I turned toward my target and tried to find the best way to get in there.

"Of course I care you goof..." She replied indignantly.

I started to squeeze myself between the tire and wall. "I care about you too, I'm glad-"

"If you get hurt, who's going to do all the manual labor?"

I choked off the rest of my reply, I couldn't believe I had just walked into that one. Looking back, I almost missed the smile she had. It disappeared once she saw me eying her, and I decided I'd wonder about that later.

I pulled my left foot through the gap and I stood there, a wall to my back, and a tank to my front. It was a good thing I wasn't claustrophobic. I got a better look at the tank, and saw the same symbol as what was on the 'Gears' building. The difference was, it was white, and had a skull in the middle of it. How cute.

I climbed the ladder, and found a hatch at the top of the body, next to the turret. Looking up, I could see it had torn through the ceiling into the second floor, I could actually see the ceiling above it. No wonder the building was buckling the way it was.

Turning my attention back to the hatch, I gave it a tug, but it wouldn't move. I laid the torch down next to me, and grabbed the wheel. After the third turn there was a releasing noise. Opening it, I was hit in the face with the most awful stench imaginable.

My stomach heaved as I pulled back, and I accidentally fell off the side of the tank, taking the torch with me. I hit the front tire on the way down, and then landed on my side, before I finally slammed onto the floor.

Immediately, I threw up, spewing creamed corn on the floor between the tires. Before the next wave hit, I managed to get to my hands and knees. The rest of my breakfast soon followed.

"Xander! Xander answer me!"

I coughed and spit, trying to clear my throat, and get the film off my tongue.

"Xan-der are you okay!" She sounded desperate.

I finally felt like I could speak, I felt bad for worrying her. "Yeah Cordy I'm fine! Just fell is all!"

"You jerk! If you ever make me think you are dead again, you had better be!"

I decided I'd have to think that one over. As I wiped my mouth clean with my sleeve, I looked up under the chassis, and saw a pair of legs standing just on the other side.

=H=H=

"Fuck!" I threw myself backwards, crawling until my back was against the wall.

"You wish buddy!"

"Not now Cor!" I watched the person, but they just stood there. I reached for the torch slowly, inching my right hand across the floor, never taking my eyes off of him. My left hand was reaching into my pocket for the lighter at the same time.

As my right gripped the torch I yanked it back. Immediately, I lit the torch, and realized the son of a bitch hadn't even moved. I was ready to set his pants on fire, when I noticed something. Either this guy had a pole up his ass, or he was a mannequin.

I laughed. I had faced vampires, robo-demon, a three-headed monster, and nothing had scared me like a mannequin just had.

"What is so funny about falling off a tank you moron!"

Her annoyance made it even funnier, but finally, after several threats against my manhood, I calmed down.

"Are you finished?" She asked in an icy tone.

"Yeah Cor. I want to let you know, I have good news and bad news. What do you want first?"

She sighed. "Fine, what's the bad news?"

"I pissed myself."

"Bad news for you maybe, I think it's hilarious."

"Thanks, really. I'm glad I have your support in my time of need."

"Shut up. What's the good news?"

"I don't have to worry about a change of clothes."

=H=H=

"Damn, this thing is going to kill my back." I complained, as I maneuvered the door carrying all of the stuff we had found around a wrecked car.

Cordelia looked over to me, and then back at the load I was dragging. "If you want, we can take a break."

I guessed she felt bad since all she had was a backpack, the wagon, and her axe.

Cordy's 'shopping' spree had been epic. We had so much stuff, we couldn't carry it all. I decided to improvise and took a door off it's hinges using a screwdriver I'd found. I had tied all the bags down with a rope to make sure they wouldn't budge, and then, I'd tied another to the door handle and made a loop that I put over my head and under my armpit so I could drag it along.

"It's okay, just keep an eye on it, so we don't lose anything."

I did not want to come back here for any reason. After sealing the tank-turned-tomb back up, I had let Cordy pick out whatever she wanted for me. Just so we would be out of there as quickly as possible.

"I appreciate this dork. You know I would have been okay with making two trips, right?"

"Yeah Cor, thanks. But it feels like it's getting colder, winter could be coming. If that's the case, I really want to focus on other things from now on."

"I just don't-"

"Really, it's okay. I just want to get this out of the way."

"That makes sense, but-" Cordelia suddenly stopped and grabbed my arm. "Did you see that?"

As the door scraped to a halt behind me, I scanned the area. "What did you see?"

"I don't know," She pointed to her left. "I thought I saw someone move between those two houses over there."

The houses were about fifteen feet apart. All I saw was a dead tree, and some junk. "Are you sure, I don't see anything."

"Yes I'm sure. You think I'm making this up for laughs?"

Several loud, metallic clanks, like garbage cans being knocked over, came from behind building on the left.

Cordelia gasped, and backed up, axe at the ready.

"Stay here and watch my back Cor." I told her, as I pulled the rope up over my head, and off my arm. After grabbing my pistol, I flipped the safety off and walked toward the gap between the buildings.

Looking back and forth, I still couldn't see anything. I was already a few feet in between them when I heard something above me to my left, but I couldn't see anything.

"Xander." Cordy's voice cracked. "There's something up there."

I started to back up slowly, keeping the pistol aimed up at the roof line. "What is it?"

"I don't know, but it- it's holding onto the chimney right above you."

That did it. Self-preservation kicked my ego in the balls and I took off running. I was half-way to Cordelia when a inhuman screech came from above. Cor just stood there, watching it.

"Xander hurry up!" She screamed, her voice panicked.

That's when I heard it, the thud of something hitting the ground. There was no way I was lucky enough to have it trip and break it's neck. I knew I was screwed.

Cordelia was still standing there, so I grabbed her wrist and yanked her after me. I headed to the house right across the street. The door was closed, but that wasn't going to stop me.

I put my shoulder into the door, and slammed it open hard enough that we fell on the floor in a tangle, with Cordy on top of me. I shoved her off and kicked the door closed, then I jammed my boot up against it. Just then, something heavy slammed into it.

The thing kept banging at the door, it would start to open, and I'd have to slam it shut again. Afraid to try to get up, and take a chance that it would get in, I simply put my second foot up on the door.

Cordelia sat up, rubbing her arm. "What the hell is that thing?"

"No idea Cor, I still don't know what it looks like." I lay there and tried to catch my breath. "See if you can lock the door."

She stood up, and practically tiptoed up to the door. I could hear her working on the lock, but her back blocked my view. I must have really messed it up when I busted the door in.

It suddenly let out another one of those screeches, Cordy jumped back with a yelp, and right into the grip of another one. It had jammed it's arm and head through the glass of the window.

"Help me you jackass!"

"I'm holding the fucking door!" I watched helplessly, as she desperately tried to pull her arm away from it's clawed hand. "Cordelia use your knife!"

It was like she was possessed. She pulled herself as far away from the creature as she could and grabbed the butcher knife from it's sheath. She turned, and slashed at it with a vengeance. Every time she did, it made a sound like my dad's cigarette cough.

"See how you like it!" Cordelia's eyes blazed, her fear had turned to anger.

I was caught between holding the door, and watching Cordelia. I looked on as the thing let her go and tried to pull itself back out the window.

"Where do you think you're going?" Cor actually grabbed the things arm and pulled it back towards her. It realized it was now the hunted, and flailed around desperately, trying to get away. Now that it was at her mercy, she stabbed it in the head.

Almost instantly, the thumping on the door I'd been holding stopped. I got to my feet quickly, and tried to see what I could do with the lock.

I turned back to Cordy, and saw she hadn't stopped stabbing until she saw brain. I decided I'd have to be more careful when I bugged her from now on. As I watched, she casually shoved the creature back out the window.

I stifled a laugh as she looked down in disgust at the red-orange blood splattered across her.

"There's only one more out there." She said, an angry look on her face. "Whats the plan?"

=H=H=

I picked my pistol up off the floor and considered our options. I really didn't want to waste any bullets on this thing if I could help it. I peered through the window, and saw it was hopping back and forth around the yard. I realized these things weren't very bright.

"Shoot it already." She ordered.

"Here." I held the pistol out to Cordy, grip first, and waited for her to grab it. I didn't want to take my eyes off of the thing, for fear it would start climbing roofs again. "Don't put your finger on the trigger unless you have to."

"What? You want me to shoot it?" She asked in surprise, as she took the gun.

"No, I don't want to waste ammo." It continued to scrabble back and forth in the front yard, wary after what happened to his buddy. "Give me the axe."

"Just be careful, okay?"

"Yeah."

I pulled the door open with a bang, pissed off. As I reached the lawn, the thing stopped, and screeched at me again. It was three feet tall, hunchbacked, armored, and ugly. It's head looked like someone mashed up a banana, and stuck a row of razor-sharp teeth in it.

I stepped toward it, wondering what it's move was going to be. I was a little worried, but my anger at being chased around by the ugly thing overrode those thoughts.

It suddenly started to skip towards me, using it's hands almost like an ape would. I had to step back as it took a swipe at me, but as it brought it's other arm up to take another shot, I kicked it in the stomach, causing it to lose it's balance. Taking the opportunity, I put my boot on it's chest, and brought the blade down, almost splitting it's head completely in two.

I pulled the axe back slowly, so I wouldn't splatter myself with blood as well. Crouching down, I studied my kill and noticed how far off the ground the thing sat with the armor on it's back. The front was a simple chest plate, but the back was solid. It was no wonder the things were hunched, and walked the way they did, it had to weigh thirty pounds.

I heard footsteps behind me and figured Cordelia had finished cleaning herself off as best she could. Turning, I gave her a smile. "You did good Cor, most cheerleaders would have been screaming their heads off."

"What did you expect? I am the captain." She replied with a cocky grin.

I stood up and offered her my arm. "Okay Cordy the Monster Killer, let's go eat."

"You better believe it." She took my arm and we were off.

=H=H=

We sat with our backs to the wall of a nearby building, finishing our lunch. It was still sinking in that we weren't alone in this city. I was examining her right arm where the thing she'd killed had scratched her. She had a smile of contentment on her face, even as I poked at her.

"See how you like it?" I had to ask.

Cordelia giggled. "I actually said that to a vampire too, after I bit him in the library. I thought it was appropriate."

"You bit a vampire?" I snorted at this.

"Well, he wouldn't let me go, and he messed up my hair."

"Ah, now I understand. That is an offense punishable by death in the Kingdom of C."

"You're damn right it is." She smacked my arm. "I wasn't about to let some loser vampire trying to hide his bald spot with a trucker cap get away with groping me."

We sat there laughing, it felt good to do it together for a change. Usually it was at the expense of one of us.

"Oh! I just remembered." Cordelia exclaimed, breaking the mirth as she jumped to her feet. "I got us bathing suits, we can take a bath in that pond now."

"You know that water is going to be freezing, right?"

"Yes doofus, but I'd rather be cold then dirty." She grabbed me by the wrist with both hands, and pulled me to my feet with a grunt. "Besides, we have a fireplace."

"We don't have any wood cut." I sighed. "I hadn't planned on dragging a door full of clothes and fighting hopping demons today."

She gave me a shove, as we walked back towards the door. "Don't worry, I know you can get it done because you are so manly."

I groaned. "A little heavy on the sarcasm there Queen C."

"Suck it up loser." She retorted, as she looped the rope back over my head and under my arm and gave me a pat on the head. "The sooner we get back, the sooner we can get clean. So move your butt."

We plodded down the street, wary now that we knew we weren't alone anymore. I turned to Cordy as I heard her snicker, a big smile on her face.

"What now?"

"That thing, when it was on the roof." She let out another snicker. "It sounded just like Harmony."

=H=H=

END