I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me.
I wanna feel what love is. I know you can show me.
Booth knocked on her office door, despite being warned.
"I'm working" a frenzied voice answered through the door.
"Let me in." He softly commanded. The door opened only slightly enough for her to stand in the gap. He immediately took notice of puffy dark circles under eyes and a tired appearance.
"What do you want?"
"I brought you a coffee." He handed her the cup of java.
"Thank you." She took the cup and sipped out of it slowly.
"Can I come in, or are we discussing last night like this?" He gestured between them and arched his eyebrows.
"There's nothing to discuss." She whispered, looking down.
"Hey, hey, Bones…there is" he said as he lifted her chin to look in her eyes. He, then, uncomfortably and unwillingly dropped his hand. "I'm sorry. I-I wasn't thinking earlier. Will you tell me now?"
"Come in" she opened the door more to allow him inside her office. When he took comfort on her couch, she closed the door and joined him. "Its okay" she started. "I don't know what I was thinking…calling you at that time. I knew you must've been sleeping. I was just really disturbed. It was illogical. I'm sorry." She scolded herself and refrained from wrapping her arms around him and sobbing. She knew that was far too irrational for her.
"Hey," he spoke softly and reached his hand to comfort her back. "Don't worry about it. I would've called you too. You can call me anytime, you know that." He ran his hand up and down from her shoulders to the middle of her back.
"I feel asinine. I know it's just a dream. It's just events from my day compiled with what's in my mind…it didn't mean anything. I'm just—I can't stop thinking about it!"
His heart swelled as the beautiful woman in front of him, the one he loved, tried to explain and rationalize her fears. She feared losing him. She feared being without him. Had she said that her dream was made from what was on her mind? Was his wedding on her mind a lot? Their wedding?
"It's okay to be scared. Fear isn't rational, Bones, but it is human." He paused. "Why does me getting married—in your dream—scare you?" He asked. He groaned internally, feeling a little bit too much like Sweets.
"It's not you getting married that bothers me. It's that it was with someone else." She swallowed against her words, she didn't like to admit that, but Temperance Brennan was not a liar. And it was very obvious when she tried to lie. "It's how happy you looked when you said 'I do' or when you kissed her. All of our friends were there…and I thought it was me. I thought it was me. I thought I was getting married" She shook her head and looked up at him with lost, moist blue eyes.
"You don't believe in marriage"
"I know! That's what perturbs me. I don't believe in such a contrived and archaic notion but strangely, foolishly, I wanted to be the one marrying you and putting that smile on your face and kissing you, not her. I was so jealous and confused." She babbled, not being able to silence herself.
He tried to abstain from pulling her into his arms and kissing her senseless.
"You were jealous?"
"It's irrational, I know. Despite my highly evolved sense of rationality, I am still frequently jealous."
"Over me?"
"Yes…sometimes when there's an attractive female suspect I wish I could incriminate her somehow just to…" She shook her head again; she couldn't believe she was admitting this.
"Get rid of her?" He fished, a smirk tugged at his lips.
"I suppose. Anthropologically speaking, it's perfectly normal for mates to be envious of each other and get defensive, because males had to fight for their women." She would normally get very irritated at the idea of a woman being fought over and considered property. But if she did get irritated, it didn't show. This time. "I don't think that excludes women, though. Of course we're not mates..." She rambled and then blushed. Could you sound any more inane?
"I don't think you're irrational for being jealous. I get jealous too Bones."
"Over me?" She laughed sardonically as she gestured to herself.
"Don't act like it's so hard to believe!" He chuckled. "Yes, over you, Bones."
"Why?" She couldn't help but wonder what could possibly make him jealous. Couldn't he see what he did to her? Biologically, speaking? Not to mention all the unspoken desires her dreams expressed.
"Because it seems like everyone, every suspect we encounter, all my coworkers, all my friends, my family, your coworkers, everyone wants to bed my partner. It's extremely annoying watching so many sleazy guys trying to get some with my partner." And knowing I never could.
"Well, objectively, I would say I'm a very desirable woman"
"Modesty really isn't your forte…" He laughed. Better to make a joke than come off like a pervert. She wasn't wrong about being desirable; he knew that better than anyone. "You said you wanted to be the one…?" He couldn't finish that sentence.
"The one in the dream?"
"Yes. The one in the dream that I uh, marry"
"Yes; I follow you." She nodded and motioned for him to continue.
"You really feel that way, Bones? You want to kiss me?" He asked, he meant for it to come out teasingly, instead it sounded strangled: like he couldn't wrap his head around it.
"At times—yes" She admitted. His mouth opened slightly for a second, but then he remembered the next question he'd wondered.
"You wanted to 'put that smile on my face'?" He smirked, chickening out.
"Yes."
"You already do that" He smiled as he stroked her face. Well things were all damned to hell already, since they were being honest…
"You wanted to marry me?"
"I don't know. I've never believed in marriage and we're not in a relationship, but I wanted to be the bride. I wanted it to be my wedding with Angela as my maid of honor and you as the groom. I wanted to say 'I do.' I don't know why. This is so uncharacteristic of me, but yes, I wanted to marry you."
"In your dream? What do you think that means?" He ignored the pang of irritation that reminded him he was going a little too Freud with this.
"Dreams don't….I don't know Booth. I know that I woke up sweating and I wanted to call you. I felt like I should tell you something." She bit her lip.
"Felt?" He didn't miss the past tense.
"Feel." She corrected and awkwardly smiled at him "I don't know how to do this. I'm inexperienced in this." She warned him. He smiled and reached his hand out toward her. She grasped it. "I get nervous around you sometimes and I don't know what to say." She laughed nervously. "I'm not very good at this" she apologized, but he waved her off and she unsteadily continued. The twinkle in his eyes was motivating her to continue.
"You've changed my mind about nearly everything and that dream…it 'woke me up', if you will, and I know that it means something. I don't believe in psychology but I know that being upset about your wedding is meaningful. And I'm not sure exactly what to say. I don't know if I'm doing this right. I don't want to ruin this again. My fight or flight is taking over and something is telling me that I should fight. I think it's because I-I I love you."
"Bones…" He saw a tear barely escaping her eyes and let go of her hand to wipe it away.
"Is it too late? I mean, I know you used to love me but am I too late?" She asked with an embarrassing glimmer in her eye.
"You could never be too late, Bones" He whispered as his eyes took the same misty glint.
