In my last A/N I said I probably wouldn't be updating for a while but rihgt now writing is proving to be a wonderful distraction =] In fact, the next update is almost half done.

Okay, as all of you have been waiting and requesting for, EdwardxBella times will start picking up now ^^

I want to thank my Beta Bananas in Pyjamas for being amazing! :D

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, not me... *tear

Five weeks.

It had been five weeks since my first chemotherapy treatment. Charlie went with me, he said it was for moral support, and it comforted me. I was happy knowing that there was someone waiting for me, but when we go there I kind of wished he had stayed home. I was a mess in every sense of the word and I wanted to just let it all out – instead I had to pretend that I was okay for my dad... We had only been waiting for a few minutes when a nurse came and told me to follow her.

I could go into all the gory details of the first of my many chemo treatments. I could explain how I barley registered anything the nurse said – the only thing I really remember is that she was taking me to the Infusion Room. Explain how when we got there the nurse, Mandy, smeared red cleaning liquid over the bump my port made, and then how I immediately closed my eyes when I saw her reaching for the needle specifically for port access, as she informed me. It was a small yellow square that looked like it had a large safety pin coming out of it. I was mentally screaming every swear word known to man as I felt her pinch the skin above my bump and insert the needle. But after that everything happened a lot less painfully than I thought it would... And every time I went back it was the same old routine.

It had also been five weeks since my first date with Jacob – it was only a couple of days after my chemo. Surprisingly it went really well. We ended up going to some pizza place in Seattle which did amazing crusts – it was covered with garlic and other seasonings – and at the end he tried to kiss me but I ducked and he ended up kissing my cheek. On the few dates we'd been on after that he made sure not to try that again. It wasn't that I was opposed to kissing Jake, he was nice, sweet, and really cute, but every time he did something...romantic...I would get a mental image of Edward doing the same thing.

I didn't know what it meant but I didn't like that I liked it.

Most annoyingly, and the most painful, was that it had also been five weeks since me and a certain Edward Cullen had talked. I tried a few times during AP Chemistry but he never even acknowledged that I'd said anything. It was as if one day he just decided that he hated me. It hurt more than I cared to admit. My "inner Bella" kept yelling at me to snap out of it, I mean I've only talked to the guy maybe one time, but that didn't stop the stab of rejection I felt in my chest whenever I saw him.

Somehow all of that managed to lead to now – me in the middle of March contemplating what my life would look like to a stranger, and ending up with a well used cliché.

A picture. A painting.

If someone were to view my life as a painting they would see a canvas covered in giant blurs of silver and red with black spots splattered in random places.

The pain from my port-a-cath went away quite quickly after the surgery. The only reason I continued to take the pain pills till the bottle was empty was because I was hoping it would help with the pain that was permanently resident in my abdomen. After the first few times I knew that it wasn't doing anything but I refused to admit it, so I still took them. Hoping that maybe it would magically work and at least lessen the hurt a little bit.

That was what made up the silvers and reds of my life. The damn stabbing.

It felt as if my sides were being sliced open with invisible knifes. Sometimes I would lay there just imagining how the knife would be made of the shiniest silver, glowing in the light, and how the bottom half would be coated in my blood, glistening like slick rubies. I was thankful for the reprieve though, the black spots on the canvas. They were the times over the weeks when my mind would give in for a few seconds and I would black out.

I felt as if I was living a Poe story at times.

"Miss Swan? Are you present Miss Swan?"

Snapping back to reality I realized that Mr. Moreno was standing in front of me waving his hand back in forth – trying to get my attention. I immediately felt guilty – it was as if every time I lost myself in my thoughts it was in the middle of his class. Poor guy...

"Sorry, Mr. Moreno. Accident – won't happen again," I apologized.

"Thank you Miss Swan. I appreciate it when my students pay attention during my class," he said sarcastically.

"Now, as I was saying. As all of you may know exams are in two weeks. And, as I usually do, instead of giving you one giant test I'm assigning all of you a project that will count as fifty percent of your exam grade and then you will be taking a smaller test on the actual exam day.

"That way all you of you have a fighting chance at passing this class.

"'What is the project?' you ask. Well, as some of you may have heard from previous seniors that have taken my class, you know that every year you are assigned a baby book. Yes, a baby book, Mr. Newton." Turning around to look behind me I saw Mike slowly putting his hand down. "This isn't just any baby book," Mr. Moreno continued. "This is an element baby book. You and your partner, the person sitting next to you as a matter of fact, will pick an element from the chart and create a baby book for it. I'll be handing out a syllabus here directly that will state all the guidelines, what you need in your book and what I really don't care about but will probably get you bonus points."

As the teacher passed the papers to each table I turned to look towards my partner. Edward Cullen. He looked just as thrilled as I did about this...and a little horrified if I was being honest. I literally felt my self-confidence shriveling at the sight of his expression.

I admit I was no Eva Mendes but I wasn't excruciating to look at. I was pretty damn hot, if I may be so smug. But no! Ask Edward Cullen and I made the Wicked Witch of the West look like a runway model. Jerk...

"So... What element are we going for?" I asked warily. "Maybe something easy?"

He was still facing the front of the class, refusing to acknowledge my presence, but I was still able to see him roll his eyes.

Yep, he's a jerk.

"Tell me exactly, what is an easy element?" he asked snidely.

"Okay, don't even try and pull that shit with me, because I – "

"Why Isabella, did you just swear? That's not something a lady should do."

"Yeah, well last time I checked a gentleman didn't act like an ass – especially to a lady. And if you took the time to stop thinking about yourself, and read the stinking hand out the teacher just gave us, you'd notice that any element with a low number of protons, neutrons, and electrons is an easy element. We have to use those numbers to draw a picture of it." I was so infuriated I was actually shaking. I figured I needed to calm down a bit before I added a heart attack to my current list of medical problems.

"Mr. Moreno," Edward called raising his hand in the air.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen?"

"It says here that an element is only allowed to be used by one group. No one can have the same."

"That is correct. Have you decided which one you want to do?"

"Yes, actually. Isabella and myself decided we'd like to do Mercury."

"Okay, then. I'll write you two down for that."

I watched in stunned silence as Mr. Moreno walked off to help another group. My gaze shot toward Edward to see him wearing an irritatingly smug smile.

It scared the shit out of me...

Frantically I flipped to back of the book, where the table of elements was, and searched for Mercury.

I was beginning to get angry again when I couldn't find it at first, and it must have been pretty evident on my face, because Cullen was nice enough to help me.

"You'll find it under the Transition Metal section."

Sparing him a glance I continued to look for our baby element, focusing solely on the section he told me.

That fucker...

"Eighty. You assigned us eighty? Why the hell would you do that?" I was trying not to yell but I doubted I was having much luck with it.

"Yes. Mercury happens to be an underappreciated element, I thought it'd be fun."

"You – You pri – "

"Swearing again, Isabella?"

"It's Bella," I said stonily.

"I think I prefer Isabella – it's more formal."

"And I think I prefer dickhead – it's more accurate."

Gathering my book and backpack I walked out of the class without waiting for the bell. I knew Mr. Moreno was too busy to notice me leaving anyway...

I'd had enough of Edward Cullen for one day.

˳̊

As soon as I got home I headed straight for my bed. This whole 'you have cancer and dying' thing was taking a lot out of me. I sometimes wondered if this was what a pregnant lady felt like. Always tired and always in pain – the only difference was where I was losing my appetite for food I think their appetite grew... They ate for two, right?

It must have been a couple of hours when my dad woke me up but I felt like I was only sleeping for a few minutes.

"Bella, wake up. We have to go soon," Charlie said softly as he nudged my arm.

"Okay," I grumbled from under my pillow

Once he left my room I dragged myself out of bed. Nothing in the world could make this day worse – that's my opinion at least. I tried to dress comfy yet warm, which was kind of hard with my wardrobe – you'd have to see it to understand. I heard Charlie yelling up the stairs telling me that we had to leave in ten minutes. Not much time to get ready, but then again I was just going to the doctors, not really something to dress up for.

Impending doom. Fantastic. Ever since that first time I knew that me and chemotherapy wouldn't get along. For me, all I have to do is sit there in a supposedly comfortable chair while a needle hangs out of my port-a-cath pumping chemicals in me. It wasn't really bad in terms of painful, it was actually very painless; however, it was torture to someone who freaked whenever the word 'needle' was mentioned.

I threw on my black-and-white striped thigh socks and then slipped on my dark gray dress. It was made of a sweatshirt type material and had a small row of buttons on the chest – I learned early that it was easiest to wear v-necks, easy access to the port-a-cath. .

Grabbing my black chunky boots I ran down the stairs and saw my dad was already waiting for me by the door.

"Ready?"

"Sure dad."

The drive to the clinic was a quiet one. I couldn't tell if the silence was awkward or tense – for me it was just awkward. I didn't know what to say... I blamed part of it on the cruiser though since I never knew what to do with myself when I was in it.

"You figure I'd be used to this already..." I heard my dad mutter from the driver's seat.

"What?"

"Nothing, Bells. Don't worry about it," he said throwing me a quick smile before focusing back on the road.

"It'll be fine dad," I murmured as I rubbed his shoulder. "It might not be that easy now, but I'm sure someday it will."

It was silent after that, and I didn't really expect a response to something like that, but after a while I heard Charlie mumble thanks.

I knew I didn't really deserve it, I was just trying to help him, but I accepted it anyway.

I would never say it out loud but I knew it would never get better.

Not for a long time.

A/N: Over 25 reviews last time! ^^ I can't tell you how happy reading those makes me! I'm hoping we can get another 25 again. Who knows - it may make Edward dance with Bella in the rain ;) Just follow the arrow and voice what ya think!

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