Answer time!

1. Yes, in most chemotherapy - that I researched - the patients do get sick and start to loose their hair; however, Bella has only had five so far and it just doesn't happen quite that fast. I am trying to keep this story as legit as possible. Trust me when I tell you that I have already researched a lot ^^

2. The reason Bella hasn't told her doctors about her pain is because they already know about it. Pain is actually a given when someone has pancreatic cancer. No, Bella will not be prescribed pain medication because that's what the chemotherapy is for - to help reduce the pain.

3. Blood. Yes, the Cullens do smell something slightly off with her blood, only those that have gotten close enough to smell it though. More about that will be mentioned in later chapters.

4. Bella views Leonard as her brother and nothing else. I can promise you that there will be no romantic love between the two. The reason that Charlie was angry with Leo earlier was because he initially didn't want Bella dating, but Leo was pushing it. Eventually he convinced Charlie that it would be a good experience for her and he decided to press the issue as well.

5. The reason that Alice hasn't been getting visions is because Edward has, quite frankly, screwed up their futures. Alice was beginning to "see" him and Bella but when he decided not to become involved with her in any way the future became a mess. Before that she simply did not know Bella enough to pick up "clips" of her future.

I seriously want to thank my Beta Bananas in Pyjamas for being amazing and not yelling at me for springing these on her at random times ^^ Love ya girlie!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight sadly as that may be...

Did I mention that I hate needles? Urgh!

Sadly they were a pivotal part of my life now...

Ever since I started chemo I kind of got into a routine. We go there. I do what needs to be done. We come back. I go to my room and crash out like a coma patient.

In all honesty the side effects weren't too terrible...at the moment. They could have been a lot worse, but that doesn't mean they didn't take a lot out of me.

They give patients this drug called Heprin, which is supposed to fight off nausea, but I think it was wearing off because at the moment my stomach was clenching in on itself, wanting a release, but it was empty; my head was beginning to pound against my skull, and I was getting colder by the minute as my muscles started to throb.

I didn't fight it. I tried not to think about it too much.

Blackness was trying to pull me under and I welcomed it as I usually did every time it presented itself.

˳̊

I woke to the repeated beeping of my alarm clock. I reached over to beat the thing to death as I cursed it to the fiery pits of hell.

I really didn't feel like going to school today – there was nothing I wanted more than to just go back to sleep and continue dreaming of a hot model with an English accent and gorgeous sex hair.

I smiled to myself wistfully, and knew that I should go to school.

Not feeling like dressing up in my usual attire today I just threw on my Pac-Man zip-up over a black cami – it was about two sizes two big and soft and comfy as heck – and pulled on my bright blue skinny pants. Black high tops and a ponytail went without saying.

Nothing like the classics to make the day easier.

I was just grabbing my keys off the table by the door when Charlie caught me.

"Bella, you don't have to go to school today. How many times do I have to tell you that you need to take it easy on your body and rest?" His expression was annoyed and worried, but it seemed that the annoyance was gaining majority.

"I'll be fine dad. Really. I promise to come home as soon as the end bell rings. See you later," I replied with a wave.

"Bella I'm not kidd—"

"Dad, aren't you late for work?" I asked, interrupting him before he could start his 'You're sick and you should act that way, damn it' lecture.

"Fine," he grumbled. "But I expect you home and in bed as soon as school's out. I want you to take things easy today."

Smiling I walked out to my truck, and revved Lucia to life.

After all, how could I skip school when my science partner was waiting for me?

˳̊

"Does it really require that much color?"

"The handout says that the more colorful, or artistic if you may, it is then the more points we get. So excuse me Mr. Cullen, for wanting to pass this class."

"I understand that you need all the help you can get in this class, Isabella, but 'colorful' does not mean turning our project into a mini rainbow."

"It's Bella," I fumed.

"Isabella," Edward shot back.

"Bella."

"Isabella."

"It's just Bella, dam –"

"Is there a problem here kids?" Mr. Moreno asked as he suddenly appeared by our table. The guy was a like a pop-up book from hell sometimes.

"No, sir," we both said at the same time.

"In that case please try to use your indoor voices. However, at the moment I suggest packing up. Class is over."

"Are you going to make the birth certificate tonight?" I asked trying to keep my voice friendly.

"I said I would."

"Just making sure. Didn't know if you were like me and forgot things easily."

"No Isabella, I do not forget easily..." His voice suddenly sounded sad, throwing me off. I didn't know how to reply to that. I didn't know how to comfort the man I really liked yet hated, and who I was pretty damn sure hated me in return.

"See you tomorrow," I said as he finished packing up.

As usual he left the room in silence.

As I walked out the door I saw Mike standing to the side of it. Like he was waiting for someone. Like he was waiting for me... Yummy.

"Hey Bella."

"Hey Mike. I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were waiting..."

"Its fine," he said with a huge smile. "So you and Cullen got into it again today, huh?"

"I guess... It's nothing."

"If we were partners I wouldn't fight with you."

"Um, thanks... That's sweet," I said opening the door to the gym. "But like I said, it's nothing, you know just silly stuff."

"Hey, you know you can come to me, right? If Cullen ever says anything, I'll help."

"Thanks, Mike. I'm gonna get changed now, so I'll see you in a sec."

"Sure thing."

Walking into the girl's locker room I tried not to laugh at the image of Mike trying to intimidate Edward. Mike wasn't scrawny but I had a feeling Edward could go against the Hulk and win. He just had the certain...vibe about him, confidence, self assurance maybe.

Since my excuse for not participating during gym expired a few weeks ago I had to go out and play with everyone else. Coach's sport of choice for the moment: soccer. It was hideous.

To say that I was immensely happy when the final bell rang would be an understatement. I rushed through putting my clothes on, speed walked to my car – I didn't want to have another conversation with Mike, I didn't know if I could keep from laughing...

"I'm home!"

"Living room."

Walking into the living room I wasn't surprised to see Charlie sprawled on the chair watching the hunting channel. I think it was his new hobby.

"Have a nice day off?" I asked him as I took a seat on the arm of the chair.

"Eh – It was a day. What more could you ask for. I'll be glad to head into work tomorrow, though."

"Yeah, the whole bachelor pad thing doesn't really seem your style."

"You never know – I could be the next Snoop Dog," Charlie said stroking his chin appreciatively.

"Okay, no," I said laughing. "Now way...ever. That's just...no. Switching topic, on a less creepy note, any suggestions for dinner?"

"Actually, I already ordered some pizza. There's some on the table for ya."

"Thanks, dad. I'm gonna head upstairs and work on this project I have."

"You have fun with that."

After researching for a while on my "baby" I figured it was time for bed. Luckily for me the chemo seemed to be doing what it was supposed to. The stabbing in my abdomen now felt like dull knives whenever I laid down – something I was particularly appreciative of.

˳̊

I was excited today, and it was all because of my outfit.

It was randomly fun.

Leo found this store in Seattle that had all these funny shirts, so he bought me one. It's amazingly awesome. He knew St. Patrick's Day was coming up so he picked out this black form fitting tee – Leo lives by the belief that a girl with a figure should share it with the world. Anyway, on the front is a blow-up of an angry Leprechaun flipping the bird, but his middle finger is censored – all pixels – so I couldn't get in trouble at school – or so he says.

My favorite part is that above the hem by my butt it says "Get your own bloody gold" in gold script. Yes, this shirt is by far my favorite one Leo has ever given me.

At first Leo looked like he was afraid I wouldn't like it, but when I practically jumped him he burst out laughing.

I realize some may say "it's just a shirt – and a crude shirt at that." But I loved dressing up for holidays. It was the only time that I acted like Alice does when it comes to clothes. It's just fun. However, until recently I was having a slight freak out because I couldn't figure out what to wear. I mean I knew for sure that I was going to wear my crayon green skinny pants, and my black high tops. The thing was I didn't have that something... It was just missing that something that would make it scream St. Patrick's Day.

Thanks to my wonderful brother I have it now.

For once this year I couldn't wait for school.

˳̊

Mother frickin A. This school was tiring...

I was beyondexcited about my outfit – I actually made an effort in doing my hair, putting it in two braids – but I didn't wear it so people would stare at me like I sprouted wings. Or horns.

I guess I forgot that to the people of Forks, and their Stepford Wives normalcy I do dress abnormally. Therefore I'm free game to stare at...or maybe the right word is gawk at...

I didn't know.

The point is that it was starting to bug me. I wish they would just tell me what they were thinking and get it over with.

I know I sound obnoxiously defiant, but I made an oath with myself that I wouldn't let what others think about me affect my decisions. I was tired of living to please others. This last year I wanted to live for me...

It was around this part of my self-explanation that I started to feel like Mandy Moore from A Walk to Remember. Where's my Shane West damn it?

Brooding right beside you every day in Chemistry... my mental voce chimed in uninvited.

I know it's wrong but I want a guy to fall in love with me, and me with him, but still...

Lunch finally came, giving my over-worked brain a break.

Thank you Jesus.

Entering the cafeteria I reflexively looked over at the Cullen's table. Sure enough, four of the five were seated and staring off in random places, not eating their food as usual.

Catching a glimpse of Alice going through the line for lunch I went and joined her. We hadn't been able to actually talk all day and I was starting to feel Alice deprived.

"Alicat."

"Belly-Button, how are you on this cloud filled morning?"

"As good as the Grinch can be," I said winking.

"You going to sit with us today?"

"No, sorry. I told Angela I would sit with her today."

"That's fine, but aren't you hungry? Why didn't you get anything?" Alice asked sounding seriously concerned.

"I'm not feeling very good. I think it's just a bug or something."

"Oh, well I hope you feel better. And soon. Judging by the shirt you're wearing you need more feminine clothing."

I was left laughing at Alice's retreating figure as she went to join her siblings.

At the table I took the seat next to Angela, but we didn't really get any chance to talk since Jessica kept going on about the upcoming spring dance. I liked Angela, she was really nice and a great friend. Too perceptive sometimes for my liking, but it wasn't her fault I had secrets. She also knew when I didn't want to talk, and let me zone out.

After the first doctor told me I had cancer I decided to look it up on the internet, see what I was in store for. One of the things I read was that people with pancreatic cancer tend to lose their appetite from the pain that came with it. I didn't believe it at the time but I was starting to notice how much looser my pants were getting...

"Bella. Bella." Angela was saying my name while nudging my arm.

Turning to face her she told me that the bell rang. I murmured a thanks and left to go to my locker.

Since I literally dragged my feet to Biology I barely made it before the late bell rang. This wasn't exactly what I wanted to be doing right now. When I took my seat I saw Edward stiffen again. I sighed. If the guy really didn't like me that much he didn't have to worry long. I would most likely be gone before my year was up.

Snap out of it Bella! Getting depressed won't help anything. It never does.

My inner self was right, but I couldn't shake it.

The sooner the school day ended the sooner the day ended. Then I go home and watch The O.C. online while I did my homework.

"Stop, you gotta stop this," I whispered to myself. Apparently mental Bella just wasn't cutting it anymore.

I saw Edward twitch when I said that. Maybe he heard me?

Impossible. It was really quiet. I barely heard it and I said it.

I really have to stop being paranoid around him.

Mr. Moreno was still showing us examples of baby books that others had done in the past, before he actually let us start working again.

I suddenly sat up straighter as an idea began to quickly take form.

Wait. Mr. Moreno isn't helping and Edward isn't helping, maybe all I need is a change of scenery...

It was an epiphany.

It was simple, so I acted on it.

Gathering my books quickly I shoved them into my back pack and headed for the door. Feeling better already, might I add.

"Can I help you Miss Swan? Miss Swan? Isabella Swan just where do you think you're going?" Mr. Moreno was all but yelling now.

I knew it was impolite but I ignored him – I was desperate.

I walked out of the classroom and just kept on going. I stopped at the door to the building. It was pouring outside but for once it calmed me. It made me smile on this day when on others it usually dampened my mood.

Dropping my backpack by the door I sprinted out into the freezing rain – feeling the water quickly soaking my shoes and all the way to my socks.

I started giggling like crazy and spinning in wild circles, almost falling a bunch of times. I never was graceful but I didn't care. In fact I bust out dancing – jumping up and down, shaking my head, spinning in circles, even moving my hips with my hands in the air.

My body was protesting profusely, but this rain was refreshing. It was cleansing.

Standing still. Eyes closed. Face up towards infinity. Breathing deeply. I stayed like that for a long time. That was until he broke the silence.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

I knew that amazing velvet voice. Sure enough when I turned I saw Edward Cullen looking at me like I was having a mental break down.

Poor guy was getting drenched too.

"What are you doing here Cullen?" That was the only thing I wanted right then.

I wanted at least one answer from him. It could've been about anything, but just once I wanted him to answer a question instead of ask one.

"I...Mr. Moreno sent me to find you."

"Liar."

"What?" he asked shocked.

"You're lying to me Cullen. I can see it in your eyes." Still peaceful from the rain I accused with a smile. It only caused him to look at me funny.

"Bella, you're going to get sick. Come on let's go inside."

My smile turned sad. If only he knew.

"Come here," I demanded, holding out my hand.

"Why?"

"Just do it Cullen," I laughed.

Edward looked like he was having some kind of internal battle with himself. I don't know which side won but he came over to me – slowly – and took my hand.

"If you could do anything right now, what would it be?" My voice was soft so I didn't know if he could hear me, but I didn't worry long before he answered.

"I would get you inside."

I was shaking my head before he finished.

"Nope. Choose something different. Something for you alone."

"I don't know..." There was that internal battle again. "I guess I would..." Again an unknown side won. "I guess I would dance with you."

I looked at him questioningly.

"I saw you dancing earlier. Sorry," he explained.

I let out the breath I was holding. It came out cold and turned into frost before it fanned against his face. Right now everything was cold but I was alive with the cold.

"Well you know what they say about dancing," I replied smiling.

"What's that?" He was smiling now too.

"It's all in the leading."

With that said I grabbed his waist with my free hand, he was still holding my other hand, and started waltzing. I know that wouldn't have worked usually, but I had surprise on my side.

I've never lead before, and being the natural klutz I am, I stepped on his feet in the first few seconds. We both started laughing at that. He had a beautiful laugh – it sounded rich and bell-like – he should do it more often.

I was still distracted by him, so when he grabbed my waist and changed our direction, I obliged unthinking.

Cheeky. Now he was leading. Well, there was nothing I could do but move my hand to his shoulder. His fantastic, manly, broad...

Snap out of it Bella!

Right. This was Edward Cullen. He had more mood swings than a drama queen.

I focused on the now, because tomorrow he would probably go back to being angry at everything. It stung to know that. The obsession I had with this man was definitely unhealthy, but there was something about him that just pulled me towards him.

I looked up to see him smiling down at me. No trace of anger or hate in his beautiful honey eyes.

I smiled back automatically. He was just so amazing. And a great dancer to boot – there were no more toes stepped on since he started leading.

The intensity of his gaze caused me to look down at our feet.

"So Cullen, if there's anything in world you could do right now what would it be?" I asked, bringing my eyes back to his face.

"I'm already doing it," he answered, still smiling. "You're right – it is all in the leading."

We were both laughing again.

"Shut up. Don't I at least get an A for trying?"

"Hmm, no, more like a B," he replied, looking like he was thinking so hard that he was contemplating about the vastness of the universe.

"What? That was a valiant effort on my part," I said jokingly.

"Really? Are you sure you want to admit that?" He was making a pained face now.

"Well aren't we just a smartass." He opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off. "And if anything along the lines of 'rather a smartass than a dumbass' comes out of your mouth I will hurt you. Badly."

His mouth snapped shut. Still with a smile though.

We continued to dance in silence. It was a nice comfortable silence. I sighed, leaning my head against his chest – he was tall. I worried that he wouldn't like it, but after a few seconds he rested his chin on top of my head, making all my worries vanish.

Edward slowed us from a waltz to where we were just swaying in a circle now.

I've never been happier than I was in that moment. I wished that time would stop and we could stay like that forever. Just me and the Greek god dancing in the rain.

"So Bella, if you could do anything right now what would it be?" I felt his voice reverberate through his chest when he spoke. It was heavenly.

"You mean it isn't obvious?"

"What?" He was confused.

I met his eyes again. "There's nothing I'd rather be doing right now, Edward." I felt a thrill go through me as I said his name, and I hated that I loved it.

His expression turned pained and he stopped dancing.

"What's wrong?" I asked, reaching to touch his cheek. I was surprised when he let me. It was wonderful – I was finally doing what I'd wanted to since that first day we talked. His skin was hard and smooth, like marble.

"Bella why did you come out here?"

I was confused. Is that why he looked pained? Because he wanted to know why I came outside to have fun acting like an idiot?

"Why do you think I came out here?" If he was allowed to avoid my questions then I was allowed to avoid his...right?

"I don't know. I would say to relax, but I know that isn't right – it just doesn't fit somehow..."

"How much do you care?" I demanded.

The clenching in my gut finally reached its breaking point, and I knew what I had to do now. I wanted to tell someone... No, I needed to tell someone. There was a part of me that needed someone outside of my small family to know what I had to struggle through every day, what was wrong with me.

It was only then, when I realized that I couldn't keep this to myself any longer did the truth of the matter hit me.

I didn't need to tell someone. I needed to Edward.

It was insane and stupid in every conceivable way but every time I was near him I felt like I couldn't be touched – as if no one could hurt me. Not even his own angry glares and irritated silence could harm me in the moment that I was so close to him that I could brush his hand with my fingertips if I so wanted.

"What are you talking about?"

A small laugh escaped before I could stop it. It sounded bitter even to my ears.

"How much do you care about why I came out here? Why do you care why I ran out of that stupid room?"

If his confused face was cute the expression he got when he was baffled was adorable.

"I...I guess... Maybe I just care. Did you ever think that?" He was starting to get angry – for what I will never know. I didn't allow myself to think about it long.

I let go of him and stepped back a little.

"If I tell you...you have to promise me something."

"What?" his voice was wary now.

"You can't treat me differently. I don't want you to give me special treatment because you know. Once I tell you...act like I didn't."

Edward thought it over. You could tell that he was seriously thinking through every word I'd just said. I guess curiosity won over, and he answered me.

"I promise."

"I came out here to...I just needed...I needed to breathe and I just ended up here. See..." How did a person word something like this? The words were fighting to come out but the part of my brain that formed coherent sentences was trying to keep them from escaping.

Edward opened his mouth looking like he was going to demand some logic, but I held up my hand, silently telling him to give me a moment. Once I found the words, I took a deep breath.

"I have to go to Seattle once a week to get chemotherapy – there's a special clinic there. I don't want to go, but my dad thinks it helps. However, Iknow that there's nothing you can do about what I have. There's no cure for stage three pancreatic cancer," I blurted out. "The doctors say that it'll be a miracle if I make it through the year. I know their right. The pain gets worse all the time, and I'm starting to get tired more than I used to and I'm still blacking out at times... I just came out here to breathe."

Edward's face was paler than it usually was, and he was just standing there – like he was frozen from shock. I wouldn't have been surprised if he was. Neither of us moved for a good ten minutes, and finally I couldn't take it anymore.

"Edward, please say something. Anything," I begged.

His mouth opened and closed a few times, reminding me of a fish. He finally snapped out of it to my utter relief.

"Bella, I –"

Damn it!

The bell to end class rang effectively cutting him off. Call me superstitious but I took that as a sign from whoever was up there.

I finally told someone what I'd been keeping in for so long and this is the reaction I get. I mean I wasn't expecting a 'Hey it's okay, let's just pretend it never happened' kind of thing, but I was hoping for at least something.

I looked at my shoes again as something other than rain began to make my vision blur.

"Remember, you promised." Looking into his eyes one last time I saw a distant panic mixed with what seemed to be pure torment.

More of the unexpected.

I ran to the building to get my bag, and then sprinted to my truck – almost falling twice in the process. There was no way in hell I was going to gym right now. Because if I could do anything in the world it would be to go home and sleep, and pray that what I did wasn't going to come back and bite me in the ass.

A/N: Thoughts? =] Thank you guys for all the reviews - the good the bad the confused. I actually don't mind flame, in fact I read them and then take what they say into consideration and try to better my writing - thanks. Though the good reviews are an amazing confidence boost to fuel the urge to write ;) I am jumping up and down like Alice, hoping for 25 reviews - just follow my trusty arrow.

Okay, aside from the usual request of reviews I have another thing to ask from you guys... I NEED PICK UP LINES! I'm writing some of the upcoming chapters and they are pivotal to a...game some characters will play ^^ So my question, got any good ones you want to share?

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