Thanks to all those who review or put the story on their lert or favorite list. It's nice to know my first real NCIS story doesn't totally suck.
And I don't own NCIS. If I did Jenny would still be alive and kicking. Is it crazy missing a character on a TV show when you watch the new episodes without her? I just know I do.
Chapter 7: Semper fidelis- Always faithful
That night he fell asleep underneath his boat in the basement. There had been nothing left to do at the agency for him, and for once he had sent everyone home, hoping they would come up with new ideas how to find Livvy, once they had a full night's sleep.
He was far from resting peacefully though, his slumber haunted by memories of past conversations.
"Once upon a time I would have asked you to stay and I wouldn't have taken no for an answer."
"No."
"What happened, Jethro?"
"You made a choice."
" I had to do what was right for me. I still do."
In his dream he felt her body so close to his and could see in her eyes that there was far more meaning behind her words than she let on. He should have seen it back then. He had seen it, if he was being honest to himself, but he hadn't cared, hadn't asked and hadn't dug deeper. His own pride had prevented it.
"What are you thinking about?"
" Paris."
"Get your mind out of the bedroom, Jethro."
Had she really thought that their affair had just been that for him- an affair? And lots of sex. Great sex, even, but that hadn't been all. He hadn't told her back then what he felt for her nor had he done it later. It had been just one more secret between them.
"You lost your protection detail in Paris. You went missing for 21 hours, where were you?"
"You sound like a jealous husband."
" How would you know?"
" Don't touch that! It's scotch, you drink bourbon"
" So do you"
" I had another visitor, before you arrived unannounced."
"Did he duck out the back?"
" Now you do sound like a jealous husband."
"What were you doing for 21 hours Jenny? "
"What we used to do, ever so well."
"When you lie your right eye twitches. It always has."
She had tried to distract him and hadn't answered his question. He still had no idea where she had gone. Had she seen her daughter in Paris? Had she chased the people who threatened her?
"You think my personal feelings about la Grenouille are clouding my judgement? You don't know what my personal feelings are!"
"Right, I have no need to know."
He did he see the sadness and pain in her eyes upon hearing those words from him. Had she wanted to tell him and he had ruined it? She had tried to protect her child and he had lashed out at her.
"This was careless! How many more lives are gonna be ruined before we bring in that monster?"
"How many have been ruined so far?" he asked her, but she didn't answer. The pain in her eyes was there again.
Four lives at least. Jasper Sheppard's. Joelle's. Jenny's. His. He was sure everything would have been different if she would have had her daughter with her. He would have known her, would have known if she was his child.
"You don't need a degree in psychology to see that there's a history between those two. Something is consuming her, her every action, every thought."
Ducky appeared in his sleep, his words having a totally different meaning now. The M.E. surely hadn't known back then how spot on his analysis had been.
"How far are you willing to go to get this guy, Jen?"
"As far as you went to get Ari, Jethro."
As far as to get killed while chasing him. In the end she had done exactly that- given her life for the safety of her daughter. And his.
"There will be no off the job, Agent Gibbs ."
"That's a shame. I missed you, Jen'."
It had been the truth. He had missed her and even more wife's and women in his life hadn't changed that. Since she was dead he had one more person to grieve for. The difference only was that he had regrets about the way he had treated her in life, something he never had about Shannon and Kelly.
And god, did her miss her sometimes. When it got too much he got drunk in the safety of his basement, hoping that it would be gone by the time he woke up with a hangover.
What must Joelle feel? She had heard the death of her mother, was left in the care of Eli David. He couldn't possibly imagine how much she must miss her mother.
She missed her mother.
Suddenly he was awake and bolted up on the floor, forgetting there was a boat above him. He hit his head hard on the wood, but that didn't stop him. Joelle was missing her mother - that was the key. No matter how scared she was, or who was chasing her, she would try and find a connection to Jenny. That's why she had stayed at the burned house. She couldn't go there anymore, because the house was now under surveillance.
If they wanted to find her they needed to find the places that had held meaning for Jenny. Then they would find her daughter.
It wasn't the first time he was at a cemetery at night. After Shannon and Kelly had died he had always come to cemetery after night fell. Fewer people to run into, fewer to see your tears, fewer to hear you spill your secrets to your dead wife and child.
It was however the first time he went to Jenny's grave at night. He had stopped by occasionally, especially shortly after she had died and the guilt and anger had eaten him alive. Sometimes he wasn't sure he could ever fully forgive Tony and Ziva for not following Jenny. He knew how stubborn that damn woman had been, but they had been her protection details and they had failed at doing their job.
He was also still angry with himself for so many reasons. If he had done one thing differently, had acted differently just one time then she could still be alive. No matter what Ducky had said, he would rather be fighting some deadly disease together with her than have her lying on the cemetery.
"Hey Jen'," he said when he reached the small stone on the ground. The simple grey marble surely didn't do her any justice. For a moment he stood in the dark and looked around, as if Joelle would just walk out of the shadows and appear at her mother's grave.
"We found out about your secret. And I think Joelle wanted us to find out, otherwise she wouldn't have planted the bodies right on our territory. She must be one smart kid," he started talking. As quiet as he usually was, as much did he talk with the dead.
"Why didn't you tell me, Jen? I would have kept you save, the both of you," he asked into the dark. "Even if she's not my daughter- you should have told me, especially after you found out about Kelly. I would have understood," he went on. He crouched down in front of the stone, knowing he would stay for a while. With his right hand he softly touched the cold marble and let his fingers glide over her name. He felt something when he wanted to pull his hand back and looked closer. Hidden underneath the last golden letter on the stone was a small note of which just one edge stuck out and had touched his fingertip.
He picked it up and was glad that it was a full moon night, so he could at least see a bit in the dark. In curvy letters someone had left a message, and he knew who that someone was.
Semper fi.
Jenny managed to surprise him again. It seemed like she had not only taught her daughter his rules, but also the motto of the Marine Corps. Or their daughter?
Always faithful.
He heard someone approaching and quickly hid the note in his pocket. He didn't get up, but simply remained in the same position, gliding his fingers over the stone one last time.
"I see we think alike, Agent Gibbs," a male voice said and it took him a second to realize that Eli David was standing in front of him.
"Director David," he nodded and stood up so he would have the height advantage. He had never trusted this guy one bit and knowing what he had done to his own children and to Jenny's made him furious. However, killing the Deputy director of Mossad wasn't a good idea .
"Seeing you here tells me that you don't know yet where to find her," David said, eying him carefully.
"Seeing you here makes me believe neither do you," he replied and didn't even try to hide how disgusted he was by his presence.
"She's good. Could have been the best we ever had -in a few years." He wished he could slap that cynical smile of his face.
"Her mother told you not to train her," he hissed instead.
"Her mother didn't see the potential she had. If she had looked at her with the eyes of an agent and not with the eyes of a mother for a second, she would have seen it, too." Eli David replied with his usual arrogance.
"That's what you did with your own kids? Looked at them with the eye of an agent? Maybe you should have taken a closer look as a father and they would all still be alive," he replied and walked closer to the smaller man, stared down at him.
"You took my only living daughter away from me," the Israeli said through gritted teeth. "Not so much fun anymore now that you know that I had your only living child all along, isn't it?" he suddenly grinned, like the thought had just occurred to him.
"Is she my child?" he asked calmly and raised his eyebrows. This was not about finding out the truth- Eli David was the last person one should ask for the truth-, but about taunting him.
"Who knows? Jenny Sheppard always had some strange rules about secrets." David still grinned and still held his ground against him. He didn't step back and neither did he break eye contact.
"Rule number #4," he nodded knowingly. "The best way to keep a secret? Keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person - if you must. There is no third best."
"The only person she told was her daughter. And Joelle is smarter than her mother: She kept the secret to herself." Finally Eli David stepped back, then looked around. "And it looks like she won't tell us tonight."
"Maybe she'll tell me once you're gone." He had enough. If this guy wouldn't get out of his sight he would kill him, consequences be damned.
"If I were you, Agent Gibbs, I wouldn't try to find her. I would hide. Joelle is taking out everyone who failed her mother. I imagine your name and the names of your team are somewhere on that list as well," David warned him with a devious smile and then walked off into the direction he had come from.
"I just hope your name's on that list, too," he muttered and angrily stuck his hands in his jacket pockets. When the paper touched his fingers for the second time that night, a small, real smile appeared on his face. She was living by his rules; she was living by Marine rules- not by Eli David's rules. She wouldn't hurt the people her mother had loved. And more importantly: People who still loved her mother.
"I'll find her, Jenny," he promised. "And then I'll keep her save. For you. Semper fi, Jen'."
TBC