The Diary of a Fag-hag:

Dear Diary,

Konan here, and WOW was today a super great day or WHAT! Once I got out of this boring hideout and tracked down those lousy bunch of criminals my day really got exciting.

Finding them was way easier than I thought it'd be, then again, I can always count on either Hidan or Deidara to give me a signal on where they are. It's either gonna be someone screaming or a pillar of smoke coming up from the ground. This time it was screaming.

It seemed that Hidan and Kakuzu got into some sort of argument on the way to wherever they were going, I guess it was a park, and, like most of their arguments, Hidan ended up headless. Usually when the people around see this they scream, or faint. I think it was both this time.

I got there a little bit after the screaming and fainting so I'm not sure if the poor lady fainted from the sight of headless Hidan or if Zetsu knocked her over the head while she was yelling. That guy really doesn't love loud noises. Well, I think one side of him doesn't.

All I know is that when I landed(since I was flying all through Amegakure trying to find them) Tobi was freaking out, Deidara was trying to get him to shut up, and Hidan was still headless.

"Can you please put his head back on, Kakuzu." I said as I landed.

"Yeah asshole!" Hidan added unnecessarily. "You heard her! Put my damn head back!"

Kakuzu was awfully quiet for a minute except I think I heard his teeth grind together in frustration and anger. After a little while he grabbed Hidan's head by the hair(rather hard), and as he ignored Hidan's loud screaming which went something like,

"OUCH! YOU DICK! THAT FUCKING HURTS! DON'T YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HURTING PEOPLE KAKUZU? YOU SON OF A BITCH, PUT ME DOWN!"

he brought the bodiless head up to eye level, probably smirking beneath his mask, and said quite maliciously,

"Beg."

The rest of the group started laughing at Hidan's shocked expression and his obvious helplessness. All he could do was avert his eyes and pout angrily until Sasori decided to save him by drawing everyones attention away from the loud Jashinist.

"If we keep stopping like this, we're going to be late. You all know how I-"

"Hate to keep people waiting." Kisame growled with a roll of his eyes. "We know."

Then under his breath he muttered, "We aren't even going to meet anybody... why do we gotta get there so quick?"

"Good." Sasori spat back. "Then can we please keep moving."

He started walking down the tree-lined pathway they had been stopped on. It was just on the edge of Amegakure, nearly leaving the village full of tall, metal buildings. It was only drizzling over here as opposed to the heavy downpour where headquarters is located.

"What about Konan, un?" Deidara asked, giving me a searching look.

"Ah she's cool, she can stay. S'not like Leader-sama's here all up our asses tellin' us to get back inside the motherfuckin' headquarters. Man that pisses me off!" Hidan seemed to have gotten his head reattached in the time it took Sasori to start complaining.

Hey, at least they weren't trying to kick me out. I didn't want to have to go all stalker-fangirl on them but I was 100% prepared to do that. I brought my camera. You know, just in case. I had absolutely not forgotten why I was out here following them in the first place!

As I walked after them I kept a close eye, making sure to catch them if they were doing anything drool-worthy, unfortunately, nothing seemed to be going on.

This made me kind of frustrated. Were they trying to hide it, or were my initial instincts incorrect? I definitely knew I was still right, so that just left the fact that they were hiding it. What morons!

So, I'm sure you're wondering what 8 highly skilled and dangerous criminals were on their way to do at the park. Well you probably thought what I was thinking at that time; they would cause some havoc or destruction, kill some people, eat some babies; stuff like that. But no, oh no. That would be just tooooo predictable for these guys! They came to the park in the middle of the day...

...to have a picnic.

No, really. I wish I were kidding. I swear these guys are the biggest fairies ever.

The second we reached the park Sasori asked,

"Who has the basket?"

"I dooo!" Tobi yelled and ran over to one of the tables underneath a large platform to keep out the rain which had started getting heavier the moment we got there. He set the huge, no really gigantic, basket I hadn't even noticed that he was carrying before on the table and threw it open. Just as everyone was sitting down Hidan(surprise, surprise) was the first one to speak,

"Oooh! Do I smell spare ribs? Yuuuum!!!"

"Unless they're human ribs we've got no interest..." Zetsu's back side said very seriously. "Maybe we should go through with eating Tobi then?" his white side added with a lick of his lips.

"Zetsu-chan wouldn't do that, would you?" Tobi cried over-dramatically. Man that guy is annoying sometimes. Zetsu just laughed and watched as Tobi tried explaining how bad he probably tasted. Hidan was digging into the food, Kisame pulled out some sushi for himself and Itachi, and Kakuzu began counting his money and grumbling something about how expensive spare ribs were.

And that was when I noticed that Deidara and Sasori were no where to be found.

"Where did Deidara and Sasori go?" I asked suspiciously.

Hidan laughed. "Ha! Their prolly out somewhere fu-"

He was cut off by Kakuzu gabbing him in the ribs, obviously breaking or dislocating one. He coughed and wheezed until Kakuzu had to help him set the bone back in place. Kakuzu then grabbed Hidan's hair(for the second time I had seen today) and whispered something in his ear gruffly. I could totally see Hidan glance towards me. Way to be ninja guys. Anyway, I smiled when they all stared at me, wondering if I was thinking what they were thinking.

I so was.

"Well" I announced as I got up from the table, "I need to um... find a bathroom."

"It's that way!" Shouted three men at the same time. Kisame was pointing to the left, Kakuzu was pointing to the right, and Hidan was pointing straight upwards, towards the roof. I think his was my favorite. Then of course Tobi felt left out and he pointed in the direction of a small circle of bushes covered with a canopy of trees a few meters behind where we were.

"Konan you should try that way! Deidara-senpai and Sasori-san went over there a little while ago! Maybe they had to go potty too?"

Everyone else at the table groaned while Hidan smacked the back of Tobi's head angrily. I just smiled and walked(ok maybe ran a little) in the direction Tobi had pointed.

It didn't take me long to find them as Tobi had given very helpful directions.

And there, just beyond the hedges, there they were.

That's right. My every instinct had been spot on, 100%, totally and completely correct. Sasori and Deidara are not only "together" like I thought they were, they were getting "together" behind the bushes at the park! Who the hell does that!?

I'll tell you who.

THE SEX CRAZED MANIACS I LIVE WITH!

I know it may sound like I'm complaining, but I'm really not. In fact, this discovery may be the best thing i've found out about them yet. Who cares how many people they've killed? Who gives a damn what kind of weird powers they have?

THEY WERE HAVING SEX ON THE GROUND AT THE PARK.

There is nothing better than this.

And, I am happy to say, I have not failed as a fangirl this day. No, this day was a success. Want to know why?

I captured all of this crazy love-making behind the bushes in the park... on tape. That's right, as soon as I saw Sasori's bare naked butt I knew this would be a day to remember. He was on top of Deidara, leaving the bomber bare-assed on the cold earth, though I don't think he really minded. He was a little distracted if you can imagine.

And, as he called out over and over and over again, I finally realized something:

Danna.

It means "Husband." Or, I suppose it could be translated into "My man." Although I think my favorite translation of "Danna" would have to be "Master." It kind of fits, doesn't it? In more ways than one!

I couldn't believe I never put it together before. Deidara calls Sasori "Danna" all the damn time! It's "Danna" this and "Danna" that. I think he called Kisame Danna once by accident and Sasori got pissed. Back then I didn't even put it together but now I totally get it!

Anyway, back to the park.

So as I was recording the beautiful scene in front of me, the other guys kinda wandered over too. I was worried they'd try to stop me or something since Sasori and Deidara are their friends but... nothing! Some friends they are! They just watched and laughed. Oh well, good for me, bad for the artsy couple on the ground.

Speaking of artsy, do you know they actually incorporate their taste in art into their sex life? No, really. It's fucking hilarious. You know how Deidara's always saying stuff should only last for a little while and it's beautiful because its fleeting? And how Sasori's always going on about stuff lasting forever to be true art? Well yeah.

Deidara had come about 4 times(not sure how he managed that) and Sasori was still waiting for more. I would have been a bit worried for Deidara's backside if he hadn't seemed like he liked it so much. He kept screaming,

"I'm gonna explode Danna! Unnn!"

When Sasori finally collapsed(finally!), everyone else gave them about one second of peace before breaking out into applause.

You should have seen the look on Deidara's face!

It was absolutely priceless. You know those commercials about priceless stuff? Well none of those things even come close to how priceless this was. Trust me.

After about another 2 hours of running around while Deidara chased me, trying to get the camera back, we all came home.

Now I have to go make dinner. I'll make sure to keep writing in my diary anytime something fun happens.

Later!

-Konan

So, this obviously isn't the actual video that Konan took of Sasori and Deidara, but I did just upload a super perfect SasoDei AMV on my youtube account if you wanna check it out. My account is: Harmony102 and the vid is called SasoDei - Love Goes Boom!

I'm actually going to try to add other elements to this story, like an AMV, in accordance to what Konan does. Like, if she takes a picture, I'll draw a picture and put it on my DeviantArt. Does that sound good to anyone?

KeikoPanda102