It had been about two weeks since the incident at the Manor and your heart still felt like it had shattered into a million pieces. Despite feeling the overwhelming sense of despair there was something nagging at the back of your mind that you couldn't quite place; like something wasn't right, like maybe there was more to the story of what had happened that horrible day. Lucius had ran after you, had called out to you, had tried to come see you that night to explain what had happened. However, despite that nagging feeling, you still couldn't face him.
Perhaps you had some lingering trauma from what had happened those years ago back at Hogwarts, when he had abandoned you. Despite you knowing the truth of why he really had left you, you still couldn't shake that feeling you had held with you for seven years of abandonment and of thinking he hated you and had no love for you. And whenever you thought about maybe going to see him at his London Mansion to hear him out, your brain flashed to seeing his hands on that woman's hips as she straddled him. He had been touching her back, and the feeling of hurt and betrayal would creep back in and make you decide not to ever go see him again.
At this point, you were so riddled with sadness that you hadn't really taken care of yourself over the past two weeks. You had lost a bit of weight from not eating much, and if it wasn't for your cat Emily needing someone to take care of her, you probably wouldn't have taken a step out of bed for anything.
However it was beginning to be getting towards the end of November, and you knew that the city was getting ready for Christmas time. All of the gorgeous lights of the city would be strung about everywhere, decorations would bask the city in a whimsical glow and it was something that you looked forward to every year. And so you decided that you would drag yourself out of your bed and your home, put on some actual decent clothes and walk around the city. Perhaps you would do some holiday retail therapy to try and distract yourself from the hurt that was constantly wreaking havoc on your mind from your pain of losing Lucius again, in such a horrible way.
So later in the day, you put on one of your winter coats paired with some stylish boots, and you stepped out into the crisp air of the city. Sure enough, London was absolutely enchanting as it was decorated with so much holiday cheer. It was almost enough to warm your broken heart, but still not quite enough to do so. You immediately headed to Harrods, which you lived rather close to, and spent an obscene amount of money on some Christian Louboutin shoes; it made you feel better for precisely five minutes, until you saw some other designer clothes for men that you could immediately imagine Lucius wearing and looking divine in, before your crushing sadness came back and you had to leave Harrods all together.
You purchased a few more things, such as some high-end tea and some gorgeous gold rings with little diamond stars, and you began to forget your pain again. You even felt a bit hungry for once, which you hadn't felt in the two week since the incident, and you immediately craved a scone from your favorite tea shop in Diagon Alley.
You weren't too far from the secret entrance to Diagon Alley itself and so you made your way over to the brick wall and tapped your wand in the correct pattern on the wall to have it magically open to reveal one of the entry ways into the famous Wizarding street with all of its fantastical shops, apothecaries and eateries. Almost as if being lead by a magnet, you made your way down the few cobblestoned alleyways until you saw your favorite tea shop with it's cute pink umbrellas set out on the patio with several witches and wizards enjoying a cup of their favorite tea and pastries.
You made your way into the shop and ordered two scones, one blueberry and one chocolate chip, along with a cup of herbal tea, and made your way back out onto the cozy patio to enjoy your treats. You hadn't eaten in weeks barely, so you felt no shame in enjoying two scones.
For a while you forgot all of your problems again as you enjoyed the delicious scones and tea, but you were broken out of that bubble when you heard a familiar voice to your side quietly speak your name.
You swallowed the bite of scone you were eating, and slowly turned with an awkward feeling to your left.
It was Amalie.
She was holding many shopping bags, clearly doing some holiday shopping as well, and she was the last person you expected to see again; although lately she seemed to be popping up at the weirdest of times.
"Oh hello," you said, with a monotone voice that conveyed zero emotion. You honestly didn't know how to react around her.
"How are you?" She said with a cheery voice, clearly trying to break through the awkwardness. You didn't immediately respond, genuinely not knowing how to even answer that question and so she changed the subject, trying to get you to say something. "How's Lucius?"
She couldn't have asked a more painful question, and tears immediately sprung into your eyes and you looked down at your lap, seeming to retreat into yourself.
"Oh!" She said clearly seeing the pain written all over your face and in your body language.
"I….I…I don't know'" you began to say, feeling so awkward and on the verge of tears. You didn't want to show emotions in public, especially not to Amalie. She was barely more than a stranger to you now.
"Oh!" Amalie said again, as if she was slowly realizing that something serious had happened between you and Lucius. "May I?" She motioned to the empty chair across from you, and before you could even say yes or no, she took a seat, setting her many bags down next to her and leaning forward a bit so that she could stare intently at you, as if trying to analyze you and your emotions.
You looked at her with wide eyes. You had barely said two words to her for seven years, and you only recently saw her for the first time again back at Lucius' house warming party. When Lucius had left you all of those years ago, she essentially had abandoned you too. You had been best friends, but the relationship you shared with Lucius had made her view you differently, caused jealously somehow within her, and she had never treated you the same again. You realized just then that you still resented her. You knew she could see it now in your eyes too.
"When I saw you at Lucius' house warming party, I was so surprised," she began to speak. "All of the memories of our years at Hogwarts came flooding back…I missed you," she said.
You didn't say anything but raised one of your eyebrows up at her; ironically in a very Lucius type of way.
She noticed the look you gave her, and looked down at her hands that were folded in her lap, almost as if she was ashamed, a look you had never seen on her before. "I know I wasn't the best friend that I could have been…especially after what happened between you and Lucius back at Hogwarts…"
Again you said nothing, but nodded your head in agreement with her. That was definitely something you weren't going to dispute. You were glad she realized that of herself.
"And I know I don't know what is going on now with you both.." She continued. "But what I do know, is that Lucius loves you more than anything, anyone, and even life itself."
You scoffed at her, not able to look her in the eye, as your hand came up to your scone and began playing with the crumbs on your plate, as you began to feel even more awkward at having this conversation with Amalie of all people.
"It's true. After that day at Hogwarts…" she began as she referenced the day Lucius had left you, "…he was never the same. It was like he had died and his body was just walking around going through the motions, but his soul wasn't alive…he was dead inside without you."
Your eyes started to water. You didn't want to hear about this…it was only causing you more pain. But as usual, Amalie continued to speak her mind; it was always what she did best.
"All of the seventh year Slytherins knew what had happened. That Voldemort had taken over his home…had been torturing him to join the Death Eaters. We knew he had been devastated to leave you!"
This was beginning to make you mad. You had gone all of those years thinking he hated you, and yet there Amalie was…she had known the truth even back then, and hadn't said anything to you. You could have avoided years of misery if you only had known the truth back then.
"You should have told me then!" You finally spoke, an angry flush rising in your cheeks as you looked into her eyes, as hot tears of anger flowed out of yours. "Do you know how miserable I was for seven years thinking that the one person I had loved more than anything had hated me. You could have saved me so much pain Amalie!"
Amalie looked down again, not able to meet your eyes. "I know, I know." She said as she slowly looked back at you. "You were my best friend and I should have said something…I suppose my loyalties remained with my fellow Slytherins…we all didn't want to openly speak about anything relating to Voldemort back then…I…I should have though…I should have spoken to you. I was a horrible friend wasn't I…" she said miserably.
You so wanted to scream at her and tell her that yes indeed, she was a bad friend; had treated you poorly ever since she had found out about you and Lucius. She should never have abandoned you. But all you could say was a soft and simple "yes," as you looked at her with hurt.
"I'm so so sorry Little Kitten," she said, using your old nickname she had for you.
Hearing her call you that was like a knife into the heart. You couldn't bear to hear her call you that, especially since Kitten was what Lucius called you.
"Please don't…" you said as you began to pick up your bags off the ground next to you so that you could leave. You couldn't speak to her anymore.
"Wait!" She said as she put her hand out, as if to grab your arm to sit you back down. "Please wait," she said with pleading eyes.
You remained seated, however on the edge of your seat, wanting to still get up and leave as quickly as possible after she said what she wanted to say.
"I just wanted to say that seeing you back with Lucius all these years later actually was something that was quite beautiful. That after all of the heartache, you had finally found your way back to each other. I saw a life in Lucius that I hadn't seen in him since the day he left you. It was like the old Lucius we both loved had come back to life. It was amazing…" she said.
You couldn't help it as a few tears fell down your face, finally breaking through the hard exterior you had tried to put up around Amalie just now.
She continued, "All I know that if something is going on right now, Lucius would never do anything to lose you again. It would truly destroy him. Whatever happened…there has to be an explanation."
Your heart began to beat a bit fast, somehow knowing deep down in your soul that what Amalie said was true…but you still weren't sure what to believe.
"You didn't see what I saw…" you said darkly, as more tears fell.
Amalie seemed to look at you with empathy, but stuck to what she had said before. "Then there must be an explanation. I know Lucius would never do anything to lose you. He loves you more than life itself…that is a rare thing…something I can admit now that I was always jealous of."
You looked up into her eyes then, hearing her finally admit she had been jealous of your love with Lucius.
"I know I wasn't a good friend then…but let me make up for it now. I am telling you the truth when I say Lucius loves you more than life. You should talk to him," she said softly.
As your heart still fluttered in your chest, the feeling you had deep down that you should go see Lucius came back like a burning flame and you knew then and there that Amalie was right.
After a brief silence you nodded your head, "I will. I…I'm going to go see him now," you said as you stood up abruptly, grabbed your bags, and began to walk away briskly from Amalie and forgetting she was even there.
However you stopped in your tracks and turned back around to see Amalie looking at you with a small smile on her face, her dark eyes hopeful. "Thank you," you mouthed at her, meaning it sincerely, which made her smile more warmly in your direction.
And with that, you turned back around and quickly walked out of Diagon Alley and towards the direction of Lucius' London mansion.
You arrived quickly to the mansion and ran up to the grand front doors and knocked rapidly. Your palms were sweating and your heart was beating quickly but you were determined to see Lucius. You didn't know why it took you this long to talk to him and you were now anxious to see him. You stood there on the front steps outside for a bit with no answer from anyone inside.
Taking your wand out of your coat pocket, you tapped it on the door handle to see if your access charms were still in place, allowing you to get inside without knocking, and sure enough the door opened for you. Your heart hurt a bit in guilt, knowing Lucius had left your access to his home open, as if he was expecting you to come at any moment.
You stepped inside and immediately knew that Lucius had been living in despair for two weeks. All of the curtains had been drawn shut, letting in no sunlight, and the air in the mansion felt stuffy and suffocating, yet at the same time it was rather cold inside as none of the fireplaces had been lit for warmth. You could feel that the lower level of the mansion had been unused for the past few weeks and yet you called out in a somewhat quiet voice, "Lucius?" Wondering where he was in the Manor. Perhaps he wasn't even there at all; maybe he had gone somewhere else after the whole incident.
You made your way upstairs and the air was even more stuffy up there. You were becoming more and more anxious the more you looked for Lucius. You called his name a few more times as you made your way from room to room. However, as soon as you approached his study, you knew you would find him in there.
It smelled strongly of FireWhisky the moment you stepped into the room, and your eyes saw Lucius sitting hunched over on one of the velvet green couches; his back turned to you. You could tell his hair was disheveled and you saw on the table in front of him various empty whisky glasses scattered about with a few empty bottles as well.
Lucius must have heard you calling out to him and also must have heard you walking into the room, however he hadn't turned around to meet your gaze. Slowly you stepped forward, making your way around the couch so that you could kneel down in front of him and look into his eyes.
Poor Lucius looked rather awful. It seemed as if he hadn't shaved in the two weeks since the incident, and his dark blond scruff on his face made him look unlike the elegant aristocrat that you knew him as. His eyes had dark circles under them, causing the silver of his pupils to seem even more intense and his lips were etched into a thin line on his face, as his jaw clenched with stress and agony.
"Lucius," you said softly once more, as you still knelt down in front of him, as you then slowly put your small hand on his knee, immediately forgetting you had been ever mad at him, and now only thinking about how depressed he looked and how you could possibly make it better.
Just your small touch upon his knee seemed to cause a small spark of hope to appear in his eyes as he looked at your hand upon him and then moved his gaze to stare into your concerned eyes.
"You came back," he said in a very husky voice, clearly not having spoken to anyone in weeks, just now using it again for the first time.
"Yes," you said, not immediately knowing what else to say.
For a while you two just stared at each other. Many unspoken words and questions passing between you both. You both seemed to be taking each other in, relieved at seeing each other again, yet at the same time both wondering what was between you both now…although you already knew the answer just by looking at him…it was always love between you both. True love.
"I…I want to hear what happened…" you said looking down at your hand upon his knee, not able to meet his eyes out of nervousness. "I think I ran away too quickly…before I knew what was really going on…I was so scared….so scared of being hurt again…of losing you," you admitted to him, and also yourself.
Lucius' jaw clenched and his eyes looked down in sadness. "I would never do anything to hurt you ever again…I…I love you more than my own life…" he said, his voice darkening, as if he had been in an extremely dark place these past two weeks. Probably not even caring if he lived or died without you.
Your eyes began to water with tears. Amalie had been right. He had loved you always more than life itself. You had known it as well…but you had been too afraid of ever losing him again and so you let your past trauma take control and had left before you knew the full picture of what happened.
"I know," you said to him finally. "Tell me what happened." You said as you sat down next to him on the sofa, your hand now going from his knee to hold his left hand.
Lucius looked at your hand holding his and put the whisky glass he was holding in the other hand on the table in front of him; no longer needing it now that he was holding you. Looking into your eyes with sincerity, Lucius told you the entire story of what had happened.
By the end of his recounting of the story, you had tears falling down your face. Tears of anger but mostly tears of deep sadness for Lucius. Not only had he been taken advantage of again, but had been practically raped by someone.
You felt ashamed that you had left him alone for two weeks, thinking that you hated him for something that he couldn't have controlled. Your heart broke for Lucius from all the abuse he had suffered in his life. His parents had abused him, Voldemort, and now some desperate woman. Lucius had never deserved any of the abuse he had endured through his young life, and for the rest of your life starting right then and there, you would make sure he would never suffer again.
You practically flung yourself onto him as you cried, apologizing for what seemed like a million times. "I am so sorry Lucius…I should have listened to you…should have been there for you," you said through heavy tears.
"Don't apologize my love," Lucius said emotionally as he held you tightly in his arms, burying his face into your hair as he breathed you in. "You thought I had betrayed you…I felt disgusted with myself…"
"No Lucius, you did nothing wrong. Everything you have done in your life you have done because you loved me…wanted to protect me…and all you have gotten in return has been abuse…it makes me sick," you said as you continued to cry, however you pulled away so that you could look him in the eyes once more.
"I will always protect you…I love you," he said as he moved one of his hands up to wipe the tears from your cheeks.
"I love you Lucius. So much," you said as your heart finally felt full again after feeling so empty these past weeks. You could tell his heart was finally full again too.
"I promise, nothing will ever come between us again," he said seriously as he still caressed your cheek.
"I promise too," you replied.
And so the two of you spent the rest of the day in each others' arms, just holding each other, both afraid to let go from the fear of losing the other's embrace and touch. Nothing could come between you now. Finally.