Once Avsuo found herself back in the courtyard of the College, she found herself unsure of where to go.
She could go find Deorne, but she suspected he wouldn't be done with whatever business he had to attend to.
Her only other option was to explore the College, but that meant interacting with people by herself.
She sighed. Even as far away as Karthwasten, the prestige of the college was known. She was here now; might as well explore a bit.
Once the dragon had been dealt with, Deorne had taken her through the big door across from the entrance of the College, so Avsuo turned to her left. Tracing that edge of the courtyard, she found one door, and a hatch leading somewhere below the College.
Avsuo easily decided on the door.
As Avsuo stepped through the door, taking in the scene.
The tower itself was circular, with rooms lining the outside. The center of the tower was a well that seemed to be emitting some mystical energy, and Avsuo could trace the energy through an opening that revealed multiple stories.
Given that the rooms lined the outside of the tower, Avsuo's ability to see what was happening was very limited, yet still very busy.
What appeared to be young mages were bustling around, carrying a wide variety of objects to and from rooms. Avsuo saw scrolls, flasks, wands, and staffs, as well as more esoteric objects, such as furs, skulls, twigs, and even some dwemer objects.
Even in a college full of mages, Avsuo stood out, so it was a surprise no one threw more than a glance her way.
She was glad. The chaos wasn't centered around her for once, so she had the opportunity to simply watch what was happening.
Taking a step forward revealed benches lining the walls between the doors, so Avsuo took a seat, content with having nothing to deal with.
She was able to simply sit and observe for much longer than she thought before someone approached her.
A young female dunmer casually walked over, taking a seat on the same bench Avsuo sat at.
"You came in with Deorne, right?" the newcomer asked.
Avsuo nodded, then replied. "You just call him Deorne? Doesn't being the archmage entail some form of respect?"
The dumner giggled at that. "Maybe. Then again, Deorne was part of our class when he joined the college."
Avsuo turned to the girl. "Sorry? Deorne seems quite experienced with magic." Realizing how that sounded, she continued. "No offense."
The dunmer girl was still smiling as she shook her head. "None taken. Even when he joined he was already leagues above the other apprentices, but the College can't just give out special treatment. So, for about the week before the Eye of Magnus happened, he was an apprentice just the same as us. Even helped each of us with our experiments," she paused, "much to his chagrin, at times."
"What happened?" Avsuo's view of Deorne had recently been greatly expanded, but she still wanted to learn about him in other ways.
"About the Eye of Magnus? Or our experimental mishaps?"
"While I'd like to know what happened with the Eye of Magnus, I'm curious about the mishaps."
The dunmer laughed. "There isn't too much to tell, but I'll cherish the memory. See, I was experimenting with transmutation magic. That was my first mistake, as I was trying to attain invisibility without illusion magic. I had some theories, but I needed someone else, so I asked Deorne for assistance. He agreed, and I cast my spell," she paused, laughing again. "I felt terrible, but the look on his face when he realized that not just his vision, but his skin had changed color is something I will cherish."
As the dunmer girl laughed at the memory, Avsuo once again had to reassess how she viewed Deorne. He seemed unshakable, but the expression he'd had in that moment was clearly evidence to the latter. Even trying to conjure up an image of what he would've looked like was out of her reach. Even so, she smiled at the idea.
The dunmer kept speaking as she recovered. "I told him the spell would wear off in a few hours, and he was still willing to help me once it did. The second part of my experiment was solely transmutation, and dealing with bestial aspects." The dunmer had to pause again in a fit of giggling. "While I still felt terrible, the look on Deorne's face when he stopped transforming into animals is another one I'll cherish. That was the end of my need for assistance, and my research along those paths."
As the dunmer finished her story, Avsuo wasn't sure what to think. She had learned fairly quickly that Deorne was a mysterious man. She now knew why, but he had still struck her as a stoic person. To have such ridiculous expressions after a failed experiment seemed unlikely. After a moment of thought, she decided to not think about it. Maybe she'd get to know these other sides of Deorne…
She gave her new companion a moment to regain herself, then spoke.
"What happened with the Eye of Magnus?"
At the mention of this "Eye," the dunmer sighed.
"Not surprised you haven't heard of it. Even with how cataclysmic it would've been, someone took great pains to keep it quiet. The shortest I can boil it down to is this: Our class went to some ruin, where Tolfdir and Deorne found this big orb called the Eye of Magnus. It was brought back to the College, where Ancano, the Thalmor 'advisor,' tried to use it for his own ends, killing the Archmage and Master Wizard in the process. Deorne found the Staff of Magnus, which he used to negate the Eye of Magnus long enough to dispatch Ancano and restore the Eye, then some shady people came and made the Eye disappear."
Avsuo wondered if the events had been oversimplified, but decided to take the dunmer's words as they were.
"How would this 'Eye' have been cataclysmic?" she asked.
Her dunmer companion shrugged. "I don't have a good idea of just how powerful it was, but I did hear that the Eye was powerful enough to affect a sizable chunk of Tamriel if used incorrectly."
Avsuo was floored by this. This "Eye of Magnus" was powerful enough to affect the world, yet her companion talked about it so casually. No, she described Deorne taking care of it so casually.
"And… Deorne was able to stop the Eye from being misused?" she ventured.
"So I've heard. The Staff could drain energy from things, and it was supposedly powerful enough to drain the Eye long enough to take care of Ancano."
Avsuo's incredulity hit a limit. "This staff was powerful enough to drain an artifact that could affect the world, yet Deorne just… took care of it?"
The dunmer looked at Avsuo, slightly confused. "I mean, yeah. He was clearly experienced when he joined the College, and I imagine being the Dragonborn gives you some power. Is it really that far-fetched?"
Put that way, Avsuo had to concede it seemed a bit more plausible. Still, she wanted to talk to Deorne and see what he thought about it. She highly doubted he regarded the event with the casualness the dunmer woman did.
"That reminds me," her new companion piped up. "I wanted to ask if your dragon parts were the result of a spell. Is that why you're here?"
Avsuo shook her head. "It wasn't exactly a spell…"
"Then what? Enchantments? Rituals?" The girl seemed unaware at Avsuo's reluctance to answer.
"Come now, Brelyna. Don't you know it's rude to pry into others' business?" A new voice interjected.
Both occupants of the bench turned to see Tolfdir standing there. Brelyna seemed to immediately recognize her error, and ducked her head in shame.
"Sorry," she said, "I got carried away."
Avsuo waved it off. "It's fine."
"Avsuo, Archmage Deorne has returned to his chambers, if you want to find him soon. And Brelyna, don't you have your studies to attend to?"
Brelyna jumped up at that. "Yes! I let myself get distracted. Bye!" She rushed off at her abrupt farewell.
Tolfdir just chuckled. "An excitable young lady, that one. I hope her questions didn't cause too much discomfort?"
"No, not too much. Thank you for stepping in, though."
"It was no issue. Deorne told me a small bit of your circumstances. I figured you wouldn't appreciate others prying, though."
Avsuo shrugged. "I never really thought about it, to be honest."
Tolfdir chuckled again. "Well, don't spend too long not thinking. Deorne asked me to inform you of where he'd be, but he wasn't looking for you, so don't feel obligated to find him immediately."
Avsuo appreciated the sentiment, but now found herself tired of unfamiliar company. She stood up.
"Thank you, but I think I'll go find him now."
Tolfdir nodded. "As you wish."
True to Tolfdir's words, Avsuo found Deorne in the Archmage's Quarters, bent over an unfamiliar table.
Approaching revealed him to be working with a small variety of materials, crushing and mixing them in some glass containers.
"Potions?" She asked.
"Yes. Handy things to have. Did you find Njadsel?" Deorne replied.
"She found me. Why didn't you just tell me who I was looking for?"
"I figured she'd find you first, especially when she had forewarning. Does that mean your armor is in the works?"
"I'd assume. She took my measurements, then began to furiously sketch plans and ideas. How much does she spend on parchment?" Avsuo took the seat next to the table, intrigued by the Deorne's work.
Deorne chuckled. "Sounds like her. Not sure what her expenses are, but she's more than talented enough to make up for them. I'm sure we'll hear from her in a few days about the armor."
"Once Njadsel was done, I explored the College a little bit. What happened with the Eye of Magnus?"
Deorne's motions paused for a moment. "Asking around?"
Avsuo shook her head. "It came up."
Deorne sighed. "You may recall the Thalmor patrol we ran into on the road?"
Avsuo doubted she'd be able to forget. "That was where you mentioned Ancano."
Deorne nodded. "Ancano was an 'advisor' here. More like a spy, if it wasn't obvious. We went on an expedition to Saarthal, some ruins nearby. It was supposed to be a simple outing, more for education than anything, but Tolfdir and I discovered the Eye of Magnus, an artifact of legend. As we didn't know what it was, we brought it back here." Deorne paused. "I assume you know the rest. Ancano tried to use it for his own gains, I went and found the Staff of Magnus, then used the Staff to stop the Eye, and Ancano."
Brelyna's story checked out. Especially with what casualness they described what was supposed to be an immensely powerful artifact.
"You just… took care of it? Couldn't the Eye have been used to affect the world?"
Deorne stopped what he was doing, turning to look at her. After a moment, he turned back to the table, resuming his work.
"Is your question 'why don't we treat the Eye with more amazement?'"
"I mean," Avsuo began, "yes. This Eye, and the Staff, sound immensely powerful, not to mention directly standing up to a Thalmor empowered by the Eye, yet both retellings I've heard have referred to the event with such normality! Isn't something like that worth more awe? Or even surprise?"
"Truthfully, yes." Deorne's reply shocked Avsuo. "But, two things. One: An order known as the Psijic Order got involved in the Eye of Magnus. They worked to keep the information about the Eye from spreading, so very few people know about it outside of the College, and Winterhold, and those who do know better than to bandy about at its existence. Two: I don't want the attention. I already told you I ran away from home because I didn't want the responsibility of running a farm. Do you think I want tales of my deeds to spread across the land? In running away from running a farm, I learned I was dragonborn, and became the Archmage of the College of Winterhold. Regardless of what else I do, if those two facts become known, people will swarm to me. People looking for blessings, people looking for advice or help, people looking to kill me. Once I became Dragonborn, peace became a luxury I was afraid of losing, and I'll be damned if I hurry along the process of losing it."
As Deorne spoke, his voice got louder, more aggravated. Avsuo did as well.
"And what's wrong with that?!" She snapped. "You're Dragonborn! You are a figure of legend! Even without that, you've already done so much for people. What's wrong with making yourself known so more people can be helped by you. Even in Karthwasten, it's known Skyrim is a hard place. People will try to kill you whether they know you're Dragonborn or not, and once they've tried, learning you're Dragonborn isn't going to stop them. What's wrong with doing more?!"
"Nothing!" Deorne stopped making potions, now stood up and shouted. "I try to help people because I like helping people. Because I can help people. But admitting I'm Dragonborn, embracing it, means taking on more responsibility than I care to!"
Avsuo stood up as well, Njadsel's words of cowardice coming back to her. "Well, maybe it's time to step up, then! You saddled yourself with me, and I'm going to garner a lot of attention once we travel. Do you really think two dragonborn would gain more attention than one?"
"I didn't want this!" Deorne shouted.
"Neither did I!" Avsuo practically screamed back.
At that, both fell silent, stewing. Avsuo had regarded Deorne as a very clear headed and confident individual, but now she wondered if she saw the situation better than him.
"Look," she started over, "neither of us wanted to be Dragonborn. From everything I know, you can't not be Dragonborn, and the chances of me being 'fixed' seem very slim. Why can't we both just accept who we are and move forward like that? Won't it be easier?"
"Finely said," a familiar voice interjected.
Deorne and Avsuo looked over to see Tolfdir standing at the door.
"Apologies," he said. "I heard the yelling, and figured I should make sure everything was alright."
At the realization of how loud they must've been, Deorne turned away.
"Tolfdir, tell me you came here with some wisdom," Avsuo practically pleaded.
Tolfdir chuckled. "I doubt I have any wisdom beyond what you just said, Avsuo. I'll admit I don't know much regarding Deorne's existence as Dragonborn, but in my experience, those most reluctant to accept power are the best suited to wield it. Looking at history, we see many examples of this. Countless kings and queens, emperors and empresses, who vie and struggle for power, only to enact the downfall of their kingdom once they have it. Then, take both Tiber Septim and Martin Septim. Tiber Septim united the entirety of Tamriel. Martin Septim began his rule, and sacrificed himself to banish Mehrunes Dagon, a known, and malevolent Daedra. Both are renowned, and respected figures of legend. And, they were Dragonborn. Tiber Septim died peacefully. Martin Spetim sacrificed himself to save countless people. Do you think such deaths are given to those who covet power? Do you think either of them truly sought the power they gained in their lives? I would think not."
Deorne just huffed, walking towards one of the far seats in the room. Avsuo watched him go, then turned to Tolfdir.
"Sorry about the commotion," she said. "Do you think he'll come around?"
"I believe he's already come around, Avsuo."
Avsuo tilted her head in confusion.
"Deorne is very practical," Tolfdir continued, "but he does have his pride. It's a tad nonsensical, I'll admit, but he won't simply admit you're right. Even if it's best for him to accept it, it's hard for him to say that out loud."
Avsuo sighed. When she had first met Deorne, he had seemed infallible.
Now, time and time again, she discovered cracks in his image.
What could she do?
A/N: Apologies for the delay. I had the first 9 chapters done when I started posting this, but I kinda dragged my feet in getting this chapter done. Still trying to post every Sunday, so here's to hoping I can keep up my work!
As an extra note, your feedback is appreciated! Love reading your comments on the chapters! I usually try to get these chapters proofread, but going forward I might not be able to do that. Fair warning!