Diary of a Fag-hag:

Dear Diary,

I haven't written in a while, but I have a damn fine excuse! It all began on the day we finally got to go to the bathhouse...

It was around noon on friday when we left the Akatsuki hideout for the hot-springs way up in the mountains. Of course, Deidara and I could have flown there in a fraction of the time, but we had a few walkers that slowed us down. At least Kakuzu and Deidara had convinced Sasori to leave behind his Hiruko puppet on this trip. Waddling along with that thing behind us, we would have still been walking to the damn resort!

Anyway, the trip there was mostly uneventful. Zetsu was a bother to all of us, even more so than Hidan or Tobi, surprisingly. Hidan was pretty quiet, only speaking up every few miles to complain about the long distance or the steep incline of the mountain road. Tobi bounced along ahead of everyone, and whenever Zetsu piped in he always replied, further spurring on the obnoxious plant-man's ridiculous conversations he was having- mostly with himself. All in all, the traveling was almost peaceful. It was a very nice day for walking, and the leaves were just starting to turn colors along the side of the road. I even thought I saw Itachi crack a smile once, but it may have just been a trick of the light. We reached the spa around ten at night, and everyone was set up with specifically assigned rooms. I'm sure you can guess who all went together.

Sasori and Deidara, neither of them seeming even the slightest bit tired, decided to trek further up the mountain, saying something about the 'beautiful art of the night sky.' Really, I just think they have a kink for doing it outside.

Kisame was the first and only person relaxing in the chilly stream out back, with Itachi sitting dutifully on the bank, awaiting the time when they could retire to their shared room.

Hidan went straight to the hot springs, and I had expected Kakuzu to follow, but that was before I realized that there was a small gambling bar in the back corner of the large resort. I did see them exchange some sort of agreement before they went their separate ways, but I hadn't been listening quite close enough.

Zetsu went to find something to eat, Tobi skipping after him humming some stupid tune.

Nagato(in his God's realm body, of course) and I were left to have a quiet meal in our private room. The bodies don't need to eat though, so he just waited patiently for me to finish my dinner, keeping a good ear trained on the rest of the resort so as to make sure none of the guests we were responsible for were causing any sort of commotion.

After I was done eating I felt very tired, and it had been a long time since I had had anything even close to a vacation. Even if Kakuzu was moaning and groaning about how much the weekend would cost, I knew(oh, how I knew!) he and everyone else would enjoy it completely.

I remember thinking that I would lay down for a nap, then maybe get up a little later and check on everyone again, but I drifted off the moment I laid down on the soft silk mattress. The last thing I remember was a cold hand gently placed on my forehead as I fell asleep. I remember it felt very nice...

I didn't wake up later like I planned. When I awoke it was already one in the afternoon on Saturday! I'd heard the small sound of a wooden door closing and it made me sit right up. I looked around to see Yahiko staring at me! I have to admit... sometimes it surprises me when I see that body, even though I know it is really Nagato. I have many memories with Yahiko that are not so easy to forget.

"Konan," he said softly, with no emotion. "You are awake. I thought I would let you sleep, I..."

"Thank you, Nagato." I said, smiling sleepily. He nodded.

He then told me that he had just gotten back from breaking up a fight between Kakuzu and one of the guys from the gambling room. He had forbade Kakuzu to go back in the room for the rest of the trip. Kakuzu was angry for a minute, but agreed that he had already won plenty that night, and quitting while he was ahead may not be such a bad idea.

This, finally, reminded me of why I was really there! THE YAOI OF COURSE!

I'd almost forgot about my plan when I saw all the nice baths and massages and meals they were offering, but this news had sparked my fangirl senses once again! If Kakuzu was forbidden from gambling again, he would have no other entertainment than to go do perverted things to(I'm sure) an all-too-willing Hidan.

Then, Nagato told me that earlier that morning a few of the kind resort workers had pulled Hidan from his private bath, totally passed out from staying too long in the boiling hot waters. He was still resting up in his and Kakuzu's room- so that's where I needed to go!

Strangely, while walking down the hallway and past all of the rooms I knew our fellow Akatsuki members were inside, I noticed they were all completely silent. Then, while passing Kisame's and Itachi's, I heard light snoring and realized that they must all still be sleeping like I was. I was sure their nights were even longer than mine were. They are all more night animals anyways, I should have expected that.

Finally I reached Hidan and Kakuzu's room. I heard some talking inside, but it was so quiet I almost didn't believe it could belong to Kakuzu- especially not to Hidan. I couldn't hear what was being said so I pressed my ear to the door to try and hear better, then suddenly the door sprang open and Kakuzu was glaring down at me with those creepy green eyes of his.

I jumped back, shocked, as he closed the door behind him lightly and rolled his eyes.

"Good morning, Konan." I should have known then that he was on to me.

"Morning- er, afternoon, I guess. Is Hidan in there?"

"He's sick. The moron-"

"Oh right!" I interjected, remembering what Nagato had told me before. "He stayed in the hot bath too long!"

Kakuzu eyes me suspiciously then started walking down the hall. I noticed that he had a wet towel and a few dirty plates in his hands. I followed after him when he said more,

"Fell asleep, actually. Plus he was doing..."

He trailed off. I realized that I could notice about twice as many emotions on his face when he wasn't wearing that dumb mask. He had left it in the room and was walking around with his long hair tied back in a loose ponytail. He looked a bit nice for once, like he was really relaxing. He shook his head then continued,

"He was doing stupid things you aren't supposed to do in a bath, and he lost his voice. It's really a shame." He said it with the kind of smile that made it perfectly clear he did not think it was a shame at all. He turned a corner so quickly I nearly lost him and started walking down a narrower hall that ended in only one room. As it turned out, it was the laundry room.

There were already a few small girls inside, and when Kakuzu walked in they cowered a bit closer together. He handed one of them the plates and she nodded and left the room, probably to go wash them. He handed the other one the towel then asked,

"Where are more dry towels?"

She turned around hastily and pulled two warm towels straight from the drying machine, thrusting them at Kakuzu without even bothering to fold them, and running out just like the other one had. Huh, I guess I never noticed before, but to most ordinary people, Kakuzu is pretty terrifying looking. I wondered if they'd seen Kisame yet.

Then, Kakuzu surprised me by turning right around to face me and saying,

"I know what you're up to."

I just gaped back, trying my hardest to look innocent. I was sure that against anyone else(with the exception of Itachi) it would have worked and they would have faltered at least, but not Kakuzu. He's been alive to long to be tricked by puppy dogs eyes(unless, maybe, those eyes were pink...).

"I don't really care but Hidan-" He gave me a smug smile. "You'll be surprised at what you see. Believe me."

He turned back around and walked out the door, but I could still hear him perfectly when he muttered,

"You know, when I got that idiot out of our private bath, I noticed that the only thing that separates our bath from Zetsu and Tobi's is one thin paper screen. I haven't seen those two all day..."

And with that, he was gone.

Now, I still don't really know what his angle was by telling me this. Did he want to be spied on? I knew Hidan didn't, and I figured Kakuzu just didn't care, but why would he purposefully tell me all that stuff unless he actually wanted me to sneak into Zetsu and Tobi's room and use my paper jutsu to mold into the paper screen and watch everything that would possibly go on in their bath?

Frankly, I couldn't have cared less why. I had finally gotten my big break! This was it. It was operation KakuHida time, and I knew with Kakuzu on my side, it was bound to be juicy.

Of course, I did wonder what he meant when he said I would be surprised, but the only way I was gonna find out was by seeing it with my own two eyes, so I wasted no time thinking about it. I told Nagato I would be gone for a little while and easily slid into Zetsu and Tobi's room, surprised at how clean it was. It was like that hadn't even been inside it once. Ignoring that weirdness, I went outside to their bath and with a few hand signs I was in full spy mode with a perfectly clear view looking right down onto the organically-shaped bath that was just outside Hidan and Kakuzu's room. Their door was open just a bit, and I could even see Hidan's feet sticking out from under the blankets where he laid just inside. After a few minutes of steady breathing I heard the door slide open quietly and footsteps move across the floor. I knew the show was about to begin.

Hidan was the first to-

Oops! I know you can't hear that, but Nagato is calling me about something. Sounds urgent, I better go.

Don't worry though, I'll finish the rest of the story in no time. Just be a little patient, Diary.

Trust me, it's well worth the wait for this story!

Later

-Konan!

There you have it, guys. Take Konan's words seriously now, it's well worth the wait! You should just be happy I updated this much! XD

KeikoPanda102