I own nothing you recognize. Only original characters are my own
Chapter Seventeen
"So Juice has been acting weird?" Mom asked as we got food and decorations for Abel's homecoming.
"Yeah, he had to do some things for the club and ever since then he flinches whenever I mention spending time with Donna. I vouched for her Ma, she'd never rat. Also I got a new tat and he barely even acknowledged it" I placed random bags of chips in my cart, not even paying attention to them.
"I don't know what to tell you babe. Your Dad's being tightlipped too. Be sure to get some tortilla chips, I'm buying the good salsa." I nodded and grabbed the bags while we continued shopping.
After we got back to the house we began unloading and were almost done when Wendy came out of the house. She looked at the last, tiny bag in the car and gave me a smile.
"Need my help?" I grabbed the bag and juggled the case of beer I had and gave her a sickly sweet smile.
"I'm good, wouldn't want you to stress yourself out, you're not in the sober house yet. Don't need you having a relapse." She looked at me like I slapped her in the face and I pushed roughly by her and found a disapproving mother in the kitchen.
"Be nice she's going through serious shit and needs support."She had her hands on her hips and I just scoffed at her and put the beer on the counter.
"She lost my support the moment I saw track marks on her hands. I'm gonna call Tara, I need to discuss her bridesmaid dress with her. She's family, not some junkie whore." I walked out of the kitchen and saw Wendy standing just outside the doorway with tears in her eyes and felt no regret, no remorse. She really was nothing to me.
I got outside and heard my Mom comforting Wendy. I was so angry that I decided to bypass the call to Tara and call Donna instead, I hoped against hope that she had decided to stay with Opie.
"Hey Mills." She sounded so happy and content that relief washed over me in comforting waves.
"Hey babe, please tell me something good is happening?" I bit my lip as I awaited her response.
"I hope it's good. I'm staying in Charming. I won't be like Mary and abandon a good man who loves me and is a good father to our children. I have to make this work and if that means learning to live with SAMCRO, then I'll live with SAMCRO. I should have been listening to you all this time." I could hear the hope in her voice and couldn't stop myself from getting choked up.
"Doesn't matter; need my help with the unpacking?" I asked after I coughed to loosen the constriction in my throat.
"That would be great, listen I'm coming to the house to help with the decorating. See you in a few." She hung up before I could reply and I went back into the house to continue the Wendy baiting I was so fond of.
When I got in the house I noticed there was one less junkie on the premises and looked expectantly at my mother. She rolled her eyes and threw me a roll of crepe paper. I grabbed it and started draping it from corners and wrapping it around anything that looked nice. Mom nodded her approval and her tension leaked out.
"I'm sorry for pissing you off Ma, but I'm not sorry for hurting Wendy. The bitch burned every fucking bridge with me and I don't believe for a second that she can stay sober. If you ask me to choose between her and Tara, Tara wins every fucking time." She looked at me and I saw the wheels turning in her head, she had no idea how to work this.
"She hurt Jax-" I cut her off with a laugh.
"Oh yeah, baby boy is soooo sensitive. He got over it and you should too. She loves him, really loves him and loves Abel too. She's a thousand times the mother Wendy could ever hope to be and a million times the woman. She ran once and I don't see her doing it again. She's made of stronger stuff now." She looked at me, seemingly ill.
"You done with your Tara fanclub speech? The bitch hurt family and you should know that we don't stand for that shit," I stared impassively at her and her eyes softened, "I don't wanna fight baby, you're my little girl and no matter how horrible your taste in friends is I love you. We still need some party music so go back to your place and get the sound system Juice rigged up, he said it was ready."
I nodded curtly and walked out the door. The fight was far from over but it had left both of us. As I drove to the house I got a text from Donna, she said she had to take care of some stuff and couldn't help with the decorating but we'd see her that night and I felt better. It meant she was bringing her family into the fold again and I felt genuine relief for the first time in months. Our family would be whole again.
A few hours later I was sitting on Juice's lap while the music was floating through the speakers. The party had started and we were all waiting for the guest of honor. After my brief discussion with my mother I was slightly tenser than I wanted to be, but seeing Donna and the kids happily chatting and laughing with everyone made me smile.
"You ok baby?" Juice asked as he pulled me closer.
"Better than I was." I leaned my head on his shoulder and he held me.
"Aunt Milla, Uncle Juice can I ask you a question." I moved out of Juice's arms and put an arm out for Ellie who gladly entered my hug radius. I tightened my arm around her and Juice looked conspiratorially at her.
"Whaddya wanna know babygirl?" He asked as she smiled at him, she had a crush on her Uncle Juice and only her Mom and I were privy to that fact.
"Are you two gonna have a baby?" I gave her a smile and Juice looked at me before quickly looking back to Ellie.
"We want to babygirl, we're trying really hard. The stork isn't answering his emails." She rolled her eyes and looked at him seriously.
"There is no stork, that's just something you tell little kids. I know how babies are made, Tommy Jacobs told me all about it, you two have to have sex." Juice and I stared at her in shock and she leaned in closer, "If you don't know what that is I can tell you."
"No baby, no. You don't need to tell us but that's something you should talk to your Mom about. How about this, if Uncle Juice and I are having a baby, you'll know all about it. You can be Auntie Ellie." This made her grin and she gave me a hug before she leaned over to kiss Juice's cheek, then she ran back to sit by her brother. I shook my head in shock and Juice pulled me into his arms again.
"Kids." He smiled and I brought my lips to his. He started kissing me deeply and suddenly the energy of the party changed. They were here with the baby. I reluctantly pulled out of Juice's grip and got up. I stood by the door as they came in and oohed and ahhed over my nephew. They made the rounds and everyone got a kiss and congratulations in before Jax handed Abel to me.
"You pay attention to your Auntie Milla little man, she's the smartest person you'll ever know and she loves you a lot." I grinned at him and stared down at Abel. Juice came up and put an arm around my shoulders.
"You look so good with him babe, I can't wait until your holding ours." Juice kissed the top of my head while I held Abel close. I looked up and made eye contact with Mom, she smiled and all was forgiven.
I gave Abel back to Jax and sat with Juice again. He held me tight and pressed his forehead with mine. I knew we'd be trying for our own baby that night. I moved my forehead from his and gave Tara a smile as she moved from her position by the wall and sat on the arm of Jax's couch. I could tell she was up to something and was interested to see what she did. She leaned down and gave Jax a passionate kiss. I grinned evilly, but the grin left my face as Jax got up and pulled her to Abel's room. I got off of Juice's lap and started to follow but he grabbed me and pulled me into the present room.
"Let them work this out." He hugged me to him and I sighed, utterly content. "I want us to have this; I want a family with you."
"We're trying baby, there's not much more we can do, but I agree. I want your babies." He hugged me tighter before he let me go. I heard an exclamation and went into the living room to resume my vantage point. Tara rushed out and Jax sent Juice to follow her home. I stood by Jax and put my hand on his shoulder, he brought his own up and gave me a gentle pat as Donna and the kids came up for goodbyes, I knelt down and both kids ran into my arms.
"I love you little monsters." I gave them each a kiss on the cheek, then got up and gave Donna a tight hug and kiss, "I love you too."
She hugged me back and Opie kissed my cheek as they made their way out the door. Tig went out the door shortly after them and I felt something in my stomach clench violently. I didn't know what it was but I had a feeling something bad was going to happen, with SAMCRO those feelings were seldom wrong.
About twenty minutes later I felt like the breath had been knocked from me and I clutched the counter I was wiping down. The party had ended abruptly when my Dad left and I was stuck in the house with Mom, Wendy and Abel. Mom saw me clutch the counter and she went to me.
"Baby, are you ok?" She grabbed me and made me follow her to the couch.
"Something's wrong Mom, really wrong." I was having a panic attack, for the life of me I didn't know why. After Wendy got me a glass of water I started to calm down.
"Donna should be back by now Ma, can you call her. I'm still shaking." I set the water down and just as she was going to call her phone rang. She answered and moved to the outer hall. I heard her gasp and sob and felt my heart drop to my chest she came out and stood by me.
"Juice should tell her, this should come from him." She put the phone on speaker and set it on the arm of my chair.
"Milla baby, you there?' His voice didn't sound right but I answered in the affirmative.
"Baby, Donna's...Donna's dead. It was a driveby." I didn't hear him after that my blood was rushing to my ears and my heart was beating so fast I couldn't breathe. Eventually the breath came out in a keening scream that shocked everyone in the room and Mom grabbed the phone and hung up before she pulled me into her arms.
"Baby, baby, calm down, your heart can't handle this baby. Shhh, shhhh.' She rocked me on the floor as the keening wail turned into sobs. I didn't even have the luxury of denial; Juice's tone had proved it to be all too real. My best friend, my sister, a woman I loved more than almost anyone else in the world was dead. Suddenly my stomach clenched and I unloaded the contents on the floor. Mom held my hair and didn't say a word. Eventually I started dry heaving but the tears wouldn't stop. I had to get out of there, I had to run. I started to rise and Mom helped me, not knowing what I was about to do. As soon as I was on my feet I started for the door but stopped short when it opened and Juice grabbed me. I fought but he wouldn't let go, he just let me fight him. He held me and didn't flinch as I started kicking at him.
"Take her home Juice." A soon as I heard my Mom say "home" I stopped fighting and dropped to my knees. I couldn't go home, home was where the dresses were, the wedding stuff, Donna's shoes, all the Maid of Honor stuff that was for Donna. Pictures taken at the girls' outing on the table. The house was full of Donna and I shook my head violently. I wasn't going there, maybe never again.
"Ok baby, we won't go home. I'll take you to the clubhouse. Can I borrow your car Wendy?" I couldn't be on a bike, I'd jump off and run at the first stop sign, he knew it.
"Yeah, keys are on the dish by the coat rack." He nodded and reached up to grab them before he picked me up and half-carried me out of the house. I looked around, not seeing a thing, my eyes refused to focus so I shut them and once I did images of Donna flashed and I forced them open again. He went to the side of the car and set me down, I could finally stand on my own and he opened the door.
"Baby, get in, please." It was the please that did it and I got in the car and sat. He shut the door and before I knew it we were pulling into the clubhouse parking lot. He reached over and squeezed my hand before he got out and helped me out of the passenger's side. I followed him like a zombie and he had me sit on the couch while he joined Chibs at the bar.
I watched them drink and the tears stopped, everything stopped, I was numb, well and truly numb. There was only one thing I knew that would make me feel again and I needed to feel. I got up and walked behind Juice. I stood, unsure of how to get his attention, eventually a small, involuntary gasp escaped my lips and he turned around. I knew there was a raw desperation in my eyes and he knew what I needed. He got off the stool and followed me to the nearest dorm room. The door was barely closed before I was on him, kissing, biting, and clutching him to me. He let me do what I needed to do before he picked me up and brought me to the bed. The sex was purely visceral and the numb that had invaded my soul broke down with each thrust, each moan and I felt human again. As he held me afterward I cried, but I would rather feel the soul shattering pain than be numb. Eventually exhaustion took over and I slept but it was far from dreamless, every dream was filled with Donna, and I learned that even when you dream you can feel pain.