Diary of a Fag-hag:

Dear Diary,

Sorry I had to run, you wouldn't believe what happened. I'll put it this way: Hidan was involved, and there was a lot of blood.

But anyway, that isn't important now. I didn't get to finish my amazing story last time. The one about the hot springs and Hidan and Kakuzu. And the reason why my last update took so damn long, but that'll come at the end. First, where was I...

Ah, I remember now, hiding in the paper wall in perfect view of Hidan and Kakuzu's spa. If you remember, Hidan hadn't been feeling well because he'd stayed too long in the hot spring the night before, so he was just resting quietly because his voice had gone. It was boring for a few minutes but then Kakuzu came back to the room and things took a turn for the yaoi.

"Still sleeping, Idiot?" Kakuzu said as he closed the sliding door with a snap.

"Hnnn..." Hidan moaned. "Kakuzuuuu, I don't feel good."

There was a loud 'smack' and then Kakuzu said,

"Don't be a drama queen. You aren't feeling that bad."

"Ouch!" Hidan croaked. It seemed his voice really was gone. I could barely hear him from outside. "I am feeling ba-"

"Don't talk too much, Stupid, it'll just make you worse. I know that's almost impossible for you to do, but just try, hn?"

I didn't hear anything for a while but the water from the spring flowing. I sure wished I could see into the room. I thought it was weird. From the way the two of them acted around the others they seemed like they fought all the time, but now Kakuzu was acting pretty nice, even caring, and Hidan wasn't even cursing at him. The fact that they could sit quietly in a room together was a strange indicator of the lack of knowledge I really had about the two of them or their relationship.

Finally, after what seemed like forever hiding with my paper jutsu in the wall, Hidan decided to put me out of my misery.

"Kakuzu," he muttered feebly. His voice still hadn't come back completely. "I wanna take a bath."

"Haven't you had enough baths, Moron?" Kakuzu replied.

"No I mean I wanna take a bath... with you, Jerk..." His voice as so soft I barely heard it. Kakuzu snorted right afterwards even though Hidan had sounded strangely... sincere? This whole situation was really weirding me out. Where was my hot and sexy Hidan screaming vulgarities as he got pounded into? Where was my angry, violent Kakuzu raping the hell outta Hidan just because he'd started getting too annoying?

I had pictured all these scenarios in my head before, but now that it had come down it, they were nothing like I'd thought. They were... sweet. No wonder Hidan hadn't wanted me to see! He'd be so embarrassed for acting all girly!

I heard Hidan humph inside the room and then say loudly(though still hoarsely because of his throat),

"Fine then, Kakuzu. I'll just take one by myself. See if I give a damn!"

From the awkward angle I could view into the room I saw Hidan throw the covers from the mat he'd been resting on and slowly get on his knees. From there he tried to stand up straight and walk outside into the now cool dusk air, but he wobbled at the doorway and almost fell if it hadn't been for Kakuzu coming up silently behind him to catch him and promptly sweet him off his feet and up into his strong arms.

Hidan looked surprised at first, but then he just smiled as Kakuzu carried him out to the large bath right outside their room. Luckily for me, now they were in perfect view and I could hear and see everything that happened.

Kakuzu was staring down into Hidan's eyes as he held him above the water. For a second I thought he would lean down and kiss him in a really romantic kind of way...

Then he just dropped Hidan without warning into the water.

There was a big splash, the paper I was part of even got wet too, and of course Hidan yelped before hitting the water. When he came back up he was glaring playfully at Kakuzu. I would have thought he would be madder, but that was when I noticed that Kakuzu had removed his loose clothing and was stepping into the water after Hidan.

As soon as he was waist deep, Hidan moved over to him and while smiling sadistically, let one of his pale hands move slowly up Kakuzu's side. It didn't get very far though, because Kakuzu grabbed his wrist and yanked it up into the air, above Hidan's head. Then, he pulled the back of Hidan's dripping wet hair and pressed his scarred lips against the younger mans with a quiet moan.

"Kakuzu..." Hidan croaked. I could barely hear him and I was so close!

Something about that pissed Kakuzu off. He tossed Hidan backwards into the water and glared down at him for a minute while Hidan just rubbed the back of his head that he'd hit on the rock wall around the spring. This seemed more familiar. Kakuzu wasn't being all sweet and caring, he was rough and didn't look like he gave a damn about hurting Hidan. Not that that really surprised me. I mean, nothing would even happen if Hidan got hurt. Not like he could die or anything. Finally Kakuzu growled angrily and said,

"Your pissing me off, Hidan..."

"What'd I even do, Asshole?" Hidan yelled(at least tried to yell) back. All that came out was a hoarse whisper. Kakuzu got even angrier.

He lowered himself into the water and bent over Hidan, grabbing the religious nut's neck in one hand and obviously squeezing it tightly. Hidan started gasping and splashing water everywhere. Kakuzu didn't seem fazed though, like he was used to it, or even like he didn't care. Then, he moved his mouth closer to brush over Hidan's. He did this again and again until Hidan settled down a little bit and started kissing him back. He was acting like he couldn't even feel the hand on his neck anymore. Finally Kakuzu released him and placed both of his hands on either side of Hidan's shoulders on the edge of the pool they were in. He kept kissing Hidan over and over, soon their kisses were getting longer and deeper, so when they broke apart Hidan was panting madly because he was out of breath.

After a particularly heated kiss where Hidan had been doing something I couldn't really see all that well with his legs underwater, they parted and his tongue was left outside his mouth, a string of saliva connecting them until Kakuzu pulled even farther away and it broke. I didn't really have time to wonder about how kissing those creepy black strings of Kakuzu's would feel before I was distracted again. Hidan closed his eyes and moaned softly, bringing his hands up to pry open the silk robe that he was still wearing because Kakuzu'd thrown him in without letting him take it off first.

He looked blistering hot as he frantically pulled the sopping cloth away from his skin. He looked like he was having a hard time at it too, because the cloth was so heavy after soaking up so much water. It stuck to his shining, wet skin the more he tried to remove it.

After watching him amusedly for a few minutes, Kakuzu finally showed some mercy, slipping his hand beneath the silk clothes and sliding them off one of Hidan's shoulders. The air became thick with gentle sweetness again as Kakuzu slowly took the rest of the clothes off Hidan's body. Every time he removed a piece, he would lean down and kiss the skin softly. Hidan silently threw his head back as Kakuzu started leaving marks all along his neck and chest. Hidan started to wrap his arms around Kakuzu's(strange looking) back but then he pulled away and growled,

"You're so damn quiet tonight. It's. pissing. me. off."

It wasn't just Hidan who was confused at this statement. If my mouth had been showing it would have dropped. How much energy does this guy use daily complaining about his partners loud, non-stop talking? He never shuts up! He's almost as annoying as Hidan after a while. How could he have he nerve to get angry about the obnoxious idiot being quiet for once? Then I remembered, this was the strange, sweet, romantic Hidan and Kakuzu that I was seeing before me, and nothing I knew about the real Hidan and Kakuzu was necessarily true about these two.

Green eyes flashed as the rest of Hidan's clothes were torn from his body by the sudden barrage of black strings from Kakuzu's stitches. The surprised Jashinist was flipped over, holding himself up on the side of the water. Kakuzu grabbed a hold of the pale waist with both hands and thrust forward so hard it looked like he had absolutely no resistance.

Hidan's pink eyes shot open wide and he opened his mouth in a silent scream. After a few more thrusts he let his head drop, panting, onto the cool stones around the pool. Kakuzu leaned over his body and clasped both of his large hands over Hidan's, whispering in his ear just loud enough for me to hear,

"I'm going to do whatever it takes to get your voice back tonight, Hidan. You're going to scream."

There was a huge splash all of a sudden and I closed my eyes involuntarily against the water. When I reopened them I saw that Kakuzu and Hidan had switched positions somewhat. Kakuzu was sitting, leaning back on the edge of the pool, and Hidan sat facing him in his lap. The jashinist looked pained, his face was bright pink with blush and he was biting his lip, one hand gripping Kakuzu's shoulder. He looked like he might fall for a moment, then Kakuzu slid a hand around and up his back, steadying him in his lap. Then, he pulled Hidan closer, so their chests were touching, and kissed him again.

Hidan looked kind of confused, actually. I couldn't figure out why though. As their kiss broke apart, Kakuzu lifted both of Hidan's wrists and placed them around his neck, as if commanding Hidan how to hold him. Hidan kept sucking in little spurts of air like he was trying to keep himself from crying.

"Always so passionate, Hidan." He leaned in to whisper in his lovers(were they lovers? They sure acted that way...) ear, "Relax."

He thrust and Hidan threw his head back in a silent scream. He thrust a few more times and each had the same result, but now Hidan was beginning to enjoy it. His eyes were shut and his jaw was clenched in a discernible smile. But Kakuzu didn't like that. Like he said, he wanted Hidan to scream.

He thrust really hard, and Hidan let out a strangled yelp- his voice was still gone from earlier. Kakuzu kept pounding in though, not cruelly though, like I would have assumed, carefully, like he was really trying to make Hidan feel good. Since when did Kakuzu care about making that idiot feel good?

The only thing that kept me from drooling and nosebleeding all over the place was my confusion. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. In fact, if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes, no way in hell I'd believe it! They weren't just having sex because they could, or because they wanted the sexual gratification. They were having sex because they actually liked each other. Dare I say... loved... each other?

I kept waiting for one of them to do or say something to prove me wrong. Like maybe, Hidan complaining about something Kakuzu was doing, like it being painful or annoying. But instead if that I just got Hidan screaming as loud as he voice would permit over and over again,

"Oh, Kakuzu! So fuckin' good. Don't stop! Harder! Fuck!"

And I would have at least guess that Kakuzu wouldn't say anything at all, just silently fuck his partner until he was done, then go back inside the room and count his money like nothing had even happened. Instead, I got to see an oddly creepy, but somehow happy, smile stretching his scarred face, and his repeated command,

"Not loud enough, Hidan. I want to hear all of you tonight."

They did go long into the night too, the moon was already high in the sky when finally Hidan's voice started to come back in full. He was clawing at Kakuzu's back, begging to come for what should have been at least the fourth time. Kakuzu smirked and stopped thrusting at once. Hidan opened his bright pink eyes in surprise, then he grew nervous.

"Not until you say it." Kakuzu said in a bored voice.

"Say what?" Hidan yelled. Yep, his voice was definitely back.

"You know what I mean."

Hidan gulped then wouldn't catch Kakuzu's gaze. He bit his lip then cringed when Kakuzu did something with his hand under the water(you can probably guess what). He leaned forward, placing kisses on Hidan throat, only making Hidan squirm even more. It was actually kind of funny. I could see why Kakuzu liked to tease him. Finally, Hidan bent his forehead over Kakuzu's left shoulder, the one closest to me. He sat there for a few minutes, then opened his mouth and bit down on Kakuzu's tanned skin. If it hurt, Kakuzu didn't care. He didn't say anything, at least. Just smirked and waited for Hidan to release his skin and mutter softly in his ear,

"It slipped out one goddamn time and now you make me- you make me fucking say it every single time we fuck! Old bastard... Why don't you say it?"

"Fine." Kakuzu answered, and I was just as surprised as Hidan was. But then Kakuzu just smiled and said, "After you say it."

Cursing, Hidan bit his lip and rubbed his head against Kakuzu's collarbone, apparently thinking it all over. He was still thinking for a whole minute when Kakuzu grew impatient.

"There's no one else here, what does it even matter?" I swear to God, to Kami, to Jashin, to whatever, I saw his green eye twinkle in my direction when he said that, but he would never admit it.

Then, he thrust again. It surprised Hidan and he made a very embarrassing, girly sound. I wanted to snicker under my breath, but I was sure that'd give me away. He picked up his thrusting speed again and muttered into Hidan's ear so quietly I could barely hear(especially over Hidan's... sounds),

"You won't come until you say it."

"I hate you, asshole!"

"Wrong answer!" Kakuzu seemed... I don't know how to put it. Playful? He was having fun tormenting Hidan, but not like sadistic fun, genuine lover fun. Like when you like someone, so you tease them. That innocent, young child mentality. Kakuzu had it, and so did Hidan it seemed. They kept smiling and kissing and I just didn't understand one bit!

Where was my pain loving, overly-religious nutcase? Where was my money-hungry miser who spent every breath he could going on about how much he hated his partner? This had to be some sort of jutsu, no way these were my fellow Akatsuki members! There was just no way!

But I couldn't pull myself away from the show in front of me. It was way too hot. I needed a camera so badly it wasn't even fair! My words cannot describe their sex well enough. Not even the most descriptive writer could capture what I was seeing. It had to be some sort of trick!

Hidan and Kakuzu do not know how to love. It's an impossibility!

Yet, when it finally came to a, um... climax, Hidan screamed as loud as his returned voice would let him,

"KAKUZU! I FUCKING LOVE YOU!"

Hidan didn't say another word for the rest of the trip.

Until he found my diary, where I had written a much more detailed account of that night. He screamed and blushed and instantly burnt the entire thing.

That was the reason I hadn't written for so long, diary! It's all Hidan's fault!

On the plus side, I can now make Hidan blush whenever I want to. I just wink and him and giggle a bit.

Kakuzu doesn't really care, I still wonder why he told me all that stuff anyway. I can never really tell, because he's wearing his mask, but whenever I tease Hidan, I think he smiles...

There was one moment at the hotsprings, after I had spied on Hidan and Kakuzu, where Nagato seemed like he was going to say something to me... but then he just turned around and muttered that it was nothing... strange, but oh well.

I've also decided that Tobi and Zetsu are NOT a couple like I thought. I asked the others about it and they assured me that Zetsu didn't believe humans were good for anything but eating. I guess I believe them.

Mostly I'm just a bit tired of all this fangirl stuff. Watching these guys act all happy and lovey-dovey all the time was fun before... but now it's just tiring. It reminds me of how lonely I am sometimes.

The guys try to cheer me up every now and then, but it still hurts.

Well, until next time, Diary.

-Konan

Probably only one more chapter, guys. To clear up the Konan and Nagato thing. I have no desire to write Konan/Nagato anymore though... not after the manga chapter where she had a legit thing with Yahiko... but whatever.

ALSO, i'm working on a really great akatsuki fanfic where each pairing is a different disney fairy tale story. It's a lot more complicated than that, but anyway, it's gonna be GOOD. XD

KeikoPanda102