A vocal recount of the events in Akatsuki headquarters, by Zetsu:
Black Zetsu: Honestly, why is it always so damn dramatic in this place? These criminals are nothing more than horny children.
White Zetsu: Ahhh, we just don't understand the complexities of a human heart, we only understand the pleasantries of the human heart. Tastes like sweetened caramel.
Black Zetsu: Don't get me hungry right now! We're supposed to be explaining what happened in the headquarters today!
White Zetsu: Yeah, yeah... Well it all started when Konan left for the day to run some errands. The others were quite bored and without direction as Leader-sama stayed in his secret room, leaving the rest of us with nothing to do. Hidan and Deidara, being the immature children that they are, decided to cause some havoc. That pious idiot snuck into Konan's room and found her diary. He became obsessed with it since he found out what was in the first one.
Black Zetsu: After reading it out loud and annoying all of us with his bad grammar and stupidity, the other started going on about how Konan was obviously in love with Leader-sama. Like it matters! So what if she is, it's not our job to go around playing matchmakers.
White Zetsu: Yeah but Itachi thought it would be nice to help Miss Angel out.
Black Zetsu: That's not like him, usually he stays out of silly, time-wasting things like this. Anyway, the others agreed to help, so after a lot of bickering about how to do it, Sasori came up with a decent plan. At least he thought it was decent.
White Zetsu: It was decent! Itachi would use genjustsu to knock Leader-sama out for a little bit- his Gods realm body at least. They locked him in Konan's room and waited for her to get back.
Black Zetsu: When she did finally return and went to her room, she found him laying on his bed, all passed out. Being a weak-minded female she got all worried about him and everything, but he woke up right after and everything was fine. I think those idiot were trying to set a mood or something, because next thing they knew, there were candles all around them and music playing. It was cheasy and dumb but it worked for Leader-sama and Konan.
White Zetsu: It was sweet and they got together, Leader-sama even said he loved Konan! Of course with all that love going on, the other's decided to get it on too.
Black Zetsu: It was gross so we took Tobi and left for a little while until they were done. Who would wanna see all that anyway?
White Zetsu: When we got back the mood was really sweet and everything, like there were flowers in the air. Haha, those sentimental morons! Oh well, end of recording...
Black and White Zetsu: All of Akatsuki lived happily ever after!
Black Zetsu: (Until they were each individually murdered only to be brought back to life by a creepy half-snake man with nerdy glasses).
The end.