I own nothing you recognize. Only original characters are my own.

Chapter Nineteen

"What are you wearing?" I asked Juice as I came out of the shower and dried my hair as I walked to the closet.

"Black t-shirt, jeans, cut. We're heading a procession it wouldn't be logical to put on a suit."He pulled on his boxers and walked over to where I was standing in front of the closet. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his fingers against the bruise that was forming on my hip. Just one of several he'd given me that morning. I gasped and he bit into my shoulder.

"What you did was so smart baby." I whispered as I snaked my arm around the back of his head and cradled him against me.

What he'd done was simple. While he'd made love to me that morning he'd bitten me hard enough to bruise different spots on my body. The bruises were tied to the sex and the second I felt numb or hopeless he'd press one of the bruises or have me press it. So far the technique was working perfectly. I just hoped it would work during the funeral. I didn't put it past myself to jump into the grave with Donna.

"'Bout time I did something right." He kissed my shoulder and I smiled. He didn't know how to fix me and he'd found a good start.

"How am I getting to the cemetery?" I hadn't even thought about it. I was too engrossed in my own suffering for it to register.

"You'll be riding with Mary and the kids, they're insisting on it and I'll take you anywhere you wanna go afterwards. I mean it, if you wanna come home, we'll come home. If you wanna go to Ope's to help with the kids we'll go to Ope's. If you wanna go cross country, we'll head east. I don't care; I'll do whatever you wanna do." I turned around and hugged him as tightly as I could; there were no words I could use to tell him how much he meant to me at that moment. I held him for a few minutes before I pulled away and went in my closet again. As I stared, unable to find anything suitable Juice reached over me and drew out one of my dresses that I never even considered. It was knee length with a linen A-line skirt and a lace top with cap sleeves and a very modest bodice. I'd never worn it before, there never seemed to be the right time.

"I think Donna would've loved you in this." He kissed my temple and moved across the room to his closet. I went to my dresser and got out all the needed undergarments and got dressed. As I tried to get my dress zipped up Juice came behind me and did it for me, brushing my hair out of the way and kissing the back of my neck.

"You found the right dress; want to look for the right shoes?" He chuckled and went to my closet where he took out a black cardigan and reached below; grabbing a pair of Mary Jane's that I seldom wore. "You should be a stylist baby."

He smiled and went to the bathroom where he finished shaving his head and face. While he was in the bathroom I picked up his cut and ran my hand over the patches. They meant everything to him and used to mean everything to me. Now they were tainted, I wasn't sure I could ever trust them again. I shook myself and clutched his cut to my chest, the smell of leather and Juice brought the comfort back, as long as I concentrated on the man in the cut I could pretend, pretend that the club that I had loved more than anything didn't have anything to do with the death of my best friend. When he came out of the bathroom and put on his shirt I got up and helped him into his cut and helped smooth the front. He held my hands to his chest and gave me a look that said more than any words could. He was there and nothing could separate us. He helped me into the cardigan as a horn honked below, I gave him a final kiss and went downstairs and out the front door. The limo driver opened the back for me and I slid inside. Immediately Ellie and Kenny came to me and I held them while we rode to the cemetery.

Once we arrived I didn't know what to do. A knot of people had formed around Mary and the kids and I wanted them to have that comfort so I went to stand by a tree to wait for everyone else. As I stood with my head bowed a hand came into view and took mine. I looked up to see Tara as she gave me a sad look and squeezed my hand. She was the last friend I had left and I gripped her.

"Will you sit with me, please?" I needed her and she nodded.

"I'll help you in any way I can Milla." She put her free arm over my shoulders and walked me to the seats just as the sound of motorcycles could be heard pulling up.

I stood with Tara and watched as the honor guard took the lead of the hearse and brought up the rear. I saw Juice's Dyna and felt relief. As much as I needed Tara and the comfort she provided I needed Juice more. I felt a presence behind me and glance over to see my mom, she gave Tara a look but backed down, she leaned over and kissed me lightly on the lips before she walked over to where my father was leading the procession. I couldn't look my father in the eye, I knew and it proved to be too much of a burden. I wasn't sure my relationship with my father would survive, no matter what we did. Shaking those thoughts out of my head I watched as the pallbearers carried the casket, Juice and Chibs took the front corners while Kip, Happy and two other Sons, from the Tacoma Charter, brought up the rear. As they placed the coffin on the rack Tara moved from me and let Juice cradle me in his arms. He held me as we placed blue carnations, Donna's favorite, on her coffin. After that we sat and I held Tara's hand while Juice placed a hand on my shoulder and refused to budge. Once he'd said he'd be strong so I didn't have to be, he kept that promise.

As the funeral progressed I kept my fingers pressed to my thigh, where Juice had given me the biggest, most painful bruise. It kept me sharp and alert. Pain and pleasure working in tandem were what I needed to remain sane. I stared at the coffin, willing Donna to get up, say it was a horrible joke. I'd kick her ass and we'd be done with it, but I knew it wouldn't happen. Suddenly Tara's hand left mine and she moved from her chair. My gaze left the coffin and I turned my head to see her grab the cut from Juice and walk to where my brother was walking up with a split lip and bruises. He shouldn't have come, not if he was going to interrupt the ceremony. Tara gave him his cut and kissed him. At any other time I would have approved of this show of ownership and acceptance, but not now. Jax held her hand before he walked to the casket and took a carnation kissing it before placing it back on the coffin. The gesture touched me and I cried for the first time that day, even pressing the bruise until my fingers were white couldn't stop the tears and Juice placed both hands on my shoulders as I continued to sob.

Soon after the ceremony everyone went their separate ways while I sat and continued to sob. Juice took the empty seat next to me and held me in his arms while I cried. Eventually there were no tears left and Juice kissed my forehead before he pressed his against mine.

"Wanna get out of here doll?" He asked as he placed a kiss to my temple.

"Yeah, how do you feel about heading North for a little while?" I wiped my eyes and gave him a pleading look.

"Wherever you wanna go baby?" He held my gaze and I took a deep breath.

"Haven't been to Portland in a long time and Looney owes you a favor." He smiled before he kissed me.

"We'll go home and pack. Be out of Charming by nightfall." He kissed me again and helped me out of my seat. Before we walked away I kissed my hand and placed it on Donna's coffin. When we got back home she'd be in the ground, I needed to say my goodbyes. Juice stood off to the side and watched me providing a solid presence for me to cling to.

"Well girl, this is it. You don't have to worry about Ope or the kids. I'll be there to help them and provide them with anything they need. I love you and I'll miss you forever. Goodbye Donna." I whispered the last and kissed my hand again, drifting it over the casket as I went to Juice. He placed an arm around my waist and walked me to his bike. I found the appropriate way to sit in my dress and soon enough we were on our way home.

As I packed for both of us, a small bag for each just something we could have on the bike. He called Dad and Looney to get permission for the trip. I was nervous, there was a very good chance Dad would make him stay but he came up as I finished with my bag and brought up the saddlebags. I looked from them to his bag and he swept the bag on the floor and packed his stuff in the saddlebags.

"They both gave their OK, but the trip's not gonna be long baby. They need us back next week." I nodded and checked the bathroom to make sure I had everything. I did, so I took off my dress and put on jeans and a t-shirt with my SAMCRO hoodie over and my boots before I slung my duffle across my back and Juice nodded at me. "Go down and wait by the bike baby. I need to make sure the house won't burn down while we're away."

I did as he asked and he came out twenty minutes later. After locking the door he fixed the saddlebag to the bike and got on. I sat behind him and moved in close. As we pulled out of the driveway and made our way toward Main Street I realized I was running again but this time I wasn't alone, as long as I had Juice I wouldn't be alone again.

Author's Note: All I have left is the Epilogue dear readers. Feel free to offer any suggestions for the further adventures of Milla and Juice. The way I have it set up is that each season will be a story with a one shot or two in between. Thank you all for reading, it means a lot.