The plot thickens...a little...but really this is just an excuse to use Spanish words.
Review replies!
TweenisodeOrange: Glad you like it. Incidentally, I think that song is awesome! :D Thanks for reading.
Zim'sMostLoyalServant: Meh, there's nothing wrong with making it up as you go. :) Anyway, you'll see what they were speaking of quite soon...X) Thanks for reviewing.
Episode Three: El Privateer
Captain Wandissimo was not a pirate; he was a privateer, thank you very much.
Privateer was, in layman's terms, a posh way of saying 'Pirate-in-the-service-of-his-majesty-the-king'. In Wandissimo's case, his majesty was the King of Spain. He was the richer in money for this position, but not in heart. For you see, Wandissimo was tracking an old love of his, and was willing to cross all the great seas of the earth to find her.
Sadly for him, Wanda was already happily married.
Like all good borderline sta...err...privateers, however, Wandissimo wasn't going to let a little thing like that stop him. He used his ability to attack any ship that didn't carry the flag of Spain to attack every ship that he crossed, with the exception of the biggest, and demand information on Wanda. To show his quest, he'd even named his galleon after his crush.
To him, it was romantic. To everybody else, it was rather creepy.
It was a clear day, and the crew of the Wanda were in high spirits. They had just left one of their main ports, Santiago, and were now looking for prizes in the form of merchant vessels carrying goods between Port Royal and Nassau.
Wandissimo's first mate, Remy Buxaplenty, looked out to the horizon. His eyebrow raised as he saw a vessel in the distance.
"Hmm," he mused, "That looks like a pirate sloop, shall we attack?"
Wandissimo grinned.
"It is a ship, and it is not ours," he replied.
The Wanda turned in the direction of the other ship…the Krusty Krab.
"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with S," said Spongebob.
"Sea," sighed Tommy.
"Great, your turn!" beamed Spongebob.
"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with S," said Tommy.
"Sea," sighed Jenny.
"Yep," nodded Tommy, boredly.
"I spy…" began Jenny.
"Sea?" guessed Arnold.
"Yep," nodded Jenny.
"This game doesn't really work in the ocean, does it?" mused Tommy.
Sandy walked up to the four pirates, pointing over the side of the ship.
"Spanish galleon," she noted, "Seems mighty interested in our ship."
Spongebob glanced at the large vessel and chuckled.
"Oh, I'm sure they're just passing," he reassured.
BOOM!
A volley of chain shot passed over their heads and hit the sails spectacularly, ripping them apart and splitting the mast.
"Yeah, nice guess captain," quipped Jenny, "Now we're stuck."
The galleon drew up alongside, and the planks came down. The Spanish crew boarded just as Timmy, Danny and Jimmy emerged from under the decks (nobody actually knew who was supposed to be working the ship.)
"What the heck is…" began Timmy.
He gasped as he saw the ship's captain.
"You," he snarled.
Wandissimo looked at Timmy, taken aback, before grinning and looking around at the pirates.
"Ah, you must be friends of Senior Timmy over here, si?" he greeted, "There's been a misunderstanding, of course. Allow me, Wandissimo, the sexiest captain in the Caribbean…"
His jacket ripped off inexplicitly, then reappeared equally inexplicitly.
"…to make it up to you," he finished.
The pirates glanced at one another.
"OK, weirdest pirate hunter ever," said Danny at last.
Wandissimo's ship was richly furnished, making the Krusty Krab look sloppy in comparison (to be fair, this was not much of an accomplishment). Everything fixed to the ground looked like it had been bought from some exotic and very expensive markets, and there seemed to be an obscene amount of portraits of the ship's officers at every corner.
Wandissimo's cabin was the grandest of the lot. It had gold curtains, a very fancy desk and an extremely large mirror on one of the walls. Wandissimo really seemed to like himself.
What disturbed Timmy, however, was the abundance of portraits of a certain pink haired lady.
"So," Wandissimo began, taking a seat as Spongebob and Timmy entered the room, "How is Wanda lately?"
"Well, it's a funny story…" began Timmy.
"Oh, I remember," snarled Wandissimo, "You lost her and that idiota Cosmo to Captain Plankton, didn't you?"
"Well, technically it was Crocker's fault, but…yeah," nodded Timmy.
"I see you're still hanging around with this simplón," continued Wandissimo, "The one Jorgen allowed to know…certain things about us."
"What's a simplón?" asked Spongebob.
"Simpleton," translated Wandissimo, "Anyway, despite all this, I'm willing to allow you to help me locate my preciosamente Wanda."
"Why?" demanded Timmy, "So you can fail to get her back again?"
"No, no, muchacho," corrected Wandissimo, "I want to you to help me so I can succeed in getting her back. I mean, if we accidentally leave Cosmo behind, who else can she turn to?"
Wandissimo grinned. His jacket ripped off again, then reappeared again.
"What makes me think I'm gonna help you?" demanded Timmy, "I'm not just gonna abandon Cosmo!"
"Well, what might happen if I accidentally let it slide that Wanda and Cosmo are your fairy godparents?" mused Wandissimo.
Timmy's eyes bulged.
"You wouldn't," he gasped.
"Sometimes honor must be bypassed," sighed Wandissimo.
Despite the sad look on his face, Timmy could tell Wandissimo was inwardly grinning.
Outside, Remy was inspecting the officers of the Wanda.
"All right, gentlemen," he began.
"Ahem!"
"…And ladies, thank you Ms. Sanchez," nodded Remy, "Let's go over it again. We'll start with you, Mr. Fancyson."
"I'll show off the display of wealth and culture this ship possesses, making the pirate rabble become jealous," Squilliam informed.
"Then I'll review their own ship," continued Paulina, "Proving to them that it's a dirty old bucket. Which it is!"
"Then we rub it in their faces!" finished Eliot.
Remy stared for a few seconds.
"What was that?" he screamed at last, "That's not a plan! That's just you stroking your egos again!"
"It would help if you'd actually informed us of a 'plan'," growled Eliot.
"I did inform you!" snapped Remy, "You three are to stay out of my way and let me enact my plan!"
"Well, sorry if we want to exercise our right to demonstrate our natural superiority," replied Squilliam.
The officers left, disgruntled.
"Be gone, plebeians," whispered Remy, "Once Wandissimo and I enact my plan, Turner will be out of our way for good…"
"…and that's when me and Pat found this weird thing in the gutter, and we wrapped it up and gave it to Squidward for his birthday," Spongebob reminisced, "He didn't like it for some reason."
"That…was a little more then I needed to know, senior," said Wandissimo, disgusted.
He, Timmy and Spongebob was still in the captain's cabin, eating dinner. Timmy hadn't even touched his, still glaring at Wandissimo like he'd invented smallpox.
"I'm leaving as soon as he's done," he growled.
"Not fazed by my threat, Timmy?" mused Wandissimo.
"My friends are still on the ship," replied Timmy, "You're here. You can't tell them anything."
"Are you sure about that?" asked Wandissimo, grinning knowingly.
Timmy looked confused.
"The fairy godparent thing?" interrupted Spongebob, "I thought Timmy wasn't allowed to talk about them, otherwise that big scary Austrian guy would wipe his memory."
"Si, Timmy would never tell anyone, Spongebob, my amigo," nodded Wandissimo, "But I know someone who would…"
Timmy's eyes widened.
"Remy."
Danny sat up the crow's nest, looking at the stars through a telescope.
"Nothing like stargazing in the middle of the ocean," he sighed to himself.
He felt someone nudge his shoulder. Putting down the telescope, he looked around, and found Remy standing on the mast.
"Evening, boy," he greeted, casually as possible.
"Yeah, hi," said Danny, nonchalantly picking up his telescope and going back to his stargazing.
"Want some dirt on the first mate?"
Danny lowered his telescope again and glared at Remy.
"What the heck're you talking ab-"
"NOOOOOOOOOO!"
Remy and Danny watched as Timmy swung on a rope from the Wanda's main mast towards Remy. Timmy tackled the richer boy, and they tumbled down the sails.
Danny looked down, confused.
"OK, whatever he wanted to tell me, I really don't think I wanna know."
Timmy felt himself fall into the fabric of the sails, curling around his as he rolled to their bottom. Mercifully, he stopped at the bottom. Untangling himself, he jumped onto the deck, where he was surprised to be Remy waiting.
"Give it up, Turner," snarled Remy, "All I have to do is yell out and you're finished."
Timmy pulled his cutlass from his belt. Remy grinned, and drew his own sword.
"Temper," snarled Remy, "I've trained, plebeian."
The two locked swords as Remy attempted to jab.
"Yeah," nodded Timmy, "You forget it works both ways."
They clashed swords again.
"If you yell, I yell. You'd go down with me," snarled Timmy, "And I think you have a lot more to lose."
Remy tried to hit Timmy's legs, but he blocked the blow and brought it upwards, attempting to break his sword free.
"What makes you say that, Turner?" asked Remy, scowling.
"Come on, Remy, he's the captain," chuckled Timmy, "How're you gonna drive your ship without a captain?"
"I'm qualified," snarled Remy.
"Wanna bet?"
Remy froze. After a few seconds, he backed off, grinning the grin of a Cheshire Cat.
"Very well, you win, Turner," growled Remy, "Just don't think you're safe, boy."
"Sure," nodded Timmy, "Just remember if Jorgen comes to wipe my memory, I'm loosing my tongue, got it?"
Remy scowled, and walked towards the planks.
Unfortunately for Remy, Spongebob ran down the plank just as he stepped onto it. The sponge knocked the rich one off the plank and into the ocean as he rushed back on the ship.
"…" exclaimed Spongebob.
"Relax, Spongebob," Timmy grinned, "He won't be saying anything. The rest of the crew still don't know I have fairy godparents."
"That's a relief," sighed Spongebob, "But couldn't Remy just tell someone on Wandissimo's ship…"
"I got it covered," nodded Timmy, "If Jorgen comes to wipe my memory, I'll tell the crew about Wandissimo."
"Isn't that blackmail?"
"No, no, it's…um…yeah, it's blackmail," replied Timmy.
"What just happened?"
Danny had climbed down the mast, and was now looking very bewildered.
"Why were you fighting Remy?" asked Danny, "What were you talking about?"
Timmy and Spongebob glanced at each other.
"Nuuuuthing," they finally chorused.
Danny looked confused, but decided not to press the issue as the captain and first mate walked away without a word.
"Whatever he wanted to tell me, I really don't think I wanna know," he decided, shaking his head.
Wandissimo yawned as the sun filled his eyes. He smiled as he got out of bed.
"Another day, another step closer to finding you, Wanda," he grinned, picking up a portrait.
Remy walked inside, muttering to himself.
"Ah, Remy, did the plan work?" asked Wandissimo.
"No," growled Remy.
"No?" demanded Wandissimo, "What do you mean, no?"
"Turner blackmailed me," snarled Remy, "If I tell anyone about his fairies, he tells his crew about mine. They left in the night."
"I never knew the muchacho could be so cunning," mused Wandissimo, "It seems I'll have to sink him the old fashioned way."
He walked out onto the deck and looked at the cannons, grinning unpleasantly.
"All for you, mi narciso," he said to the Wanda portrait he was still holding.
Once again, his jacket ripped off inexplicitly.
¡El Extremo!