Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its characters and plot all belong to the amazing Stephanie Meyer nothing belongs to me but my plot (except the parts were I burrow SM Plot) and the original characters that will be introduced in the future.

P.s. Guys I edited the last two chapters , so if you would like to reread them please go ahead.

Please enjoy: D

Time no longer held meaning for my devastated heart.

Every one of life's aspects no longer mattered to me.

A month had passed.

I think.

My memory no longer served me in any way except in torturing me with unwanted yet most prized memories.

That night…..I was told later that I passed out.

I was found by some guy from the reservation he came with Billy's search party. I was also told I had a nervous breakdown. I was also told that it would be easier if I started taking medications I may recover faster, I refused.

My dad told me that the first week was the worst .I was in a comatose state I didn't speak or cry, only numbness that never ceased to exist and in a way it still resides in me.

Where my heart used to be.

Now all that is left behind is an empty gaping hole with rough bloody edges.

Nobody in town knew what was wrong with me. I thank my dad for that. He figured out from the screams I let out in my sleep every night - the only time my subconscious let out my grief -but he told no one. He told everyone I was sick in bed. With God knows what disease he made up.

He couldn't handle me after the second week of remaining in the same state of unresponsive mind state, he feared for my sanity I suppose .I didn't speak or eat or act as a human should, whatever that maybe.

The third week on a windy Sunday I found my mother shaking me awake.

I remember just seeing her face shocked me out of my self-inflicted coma. I remember screaming.

Then wailing then sobbing continuously for another week in my mother's ever so warm shoulder. She had to get back but before leaving she took me to a physcitrist in Port Angelis.

He gave me anti-depressant drugs. I didn't want take them but the look in my mother's broken eyes made my resolve dissolves. He advised consoling; at that point I put my foot down and refused. My mother was happy that I took the drugs that she didn't push the matter any further fearing my relapse.

She talked to me that night. I remember not understanding a lot from what she said but mainly that I have to get my act together for my father.

For the first time in my life I saw how old Renee is.

I realized how much she knew me. She knew that I won't recover for myself but I would for my father.

The forth week I started moving around the house. I ate a little more only enough to keep me alive no more no less.

I took my medications on time; I spoke only when direct questions were fired at me by Charlie or my mother's daily phone calls.

I started existing again, but never really living. My mind was on an auto pilot.

It is now the end of the forth week.

I am more aware now, thanks to the cursed medication.

What happened had settled in my brain. I do get it.

I didn't blame him nor could I bring myself to hate him.

Dad said I have fallen behind too much in school already I had to get back.

I had no problem with school itself I will probably shuffle through it with the same attitude I have at home. Enough to make everyone happy but at an arm's length. Nobody getting too close for an actual conversation.

What terrified me the most. What made me want to disappear or die before tomorrow morning came.

Was the fact that tomorrow I will see all the Cullens at school. What made my body for the first time in a month feel something but grief and numbness.

I actually felt fear.

Fear in seeing him and not running to him and throwing myself at his feet begging him to take me back.

It occurred to me that they knew that I didn't go to school for that entire month because of him.

They knew yet no body visited me, nobody called.

I started feeling pain remembering his parting words. I took a shaky breath then repressed the memory and let the numbness I now prefer and love so much, flood through me.

It is my technique of surviving. A few times a day I would recall a certain memory , a few times a day I would barely hold myself together by hugging myself with me weak arms. A few times a day I take a breath then let the numbness flood me.

I hope by time pain will cease to touch upon me in those most painful moments of my life. I hope numbness will take place of everything and I just exist.

I started to master it, but that was what happened in the day.

The night however I had no control over. Every night I screamed, Every night I cried, Every night I relived every painful memory with every painful detail.

I relived the best moments of my life that now only serve as a terrible reminder of what I used to have and I no longer do.

I sobbed in my pillow every night, I woke up dehydrated in the middle on the night from the tears I let flow.

Now however I learned to put a piece of tape over my mouth every night as not to wake Charlie letting him believes that I have gotten better.

By now I felt thoroughly cried out, I didn't cry in the day anymore save the occasional tear here and there.

I didn't and I still couldn't believe how naive of him to think I might actually forget.

Naive, a word I never thought I will ever use in the same sentence as the name Edward.

But times change, oh how they do.

Author's note:

Hey guys what's up? Here is the third chapter. I apologize for the long delay. They are killing me at uni. I can barely keep up at it is. Thanks to all of you guys who reviewed so far. Also all of you who reviewed my last note. This chapter is dedicated to you guys.

Lots of Reviews=Faster updates

Lots of love.

A.E.