White Collar is not owned by me... :'(

Today was the day Kate died. Exactly a year ago, the girl he had been in love with had died. Neal didn't realize it when he woke up with Jamie next to him. He didn't realize it when she rushed out, apologizing and kissing him lightly saying she was meeting Elizabeth for lunch and had to get a drawing in by tonight. He didn't realize it when Jamie had left, calling after him that she would see him at dinner. He didn't realize it until he came out of the bedroom, and looked at the calendar. Neal felt his knees give out, and his breath came in pants. He wanted nothing more than for Jamie to come back through the door and comfort him, just like she had the night they met. Neal had to get himself together, he was going undercover for the third day in a row, and was getting close to cracking the Johns case. Neal shakily stood up and grabbed his hat, heading for the door. Today was going to be a long day.

When Neal got in the car, Peter noticed Neal was off again. "Did you and Jamie...?"

Neal looked at Peter with wide eyes, "You think I'd be here right now if we'd broken up? No, we're fine, its just...Peter do you know what today is?"

Peter thought for a second, his eyes widening when he remembered, "I'm sorry Neal..."

"Its not as bad as I thought it would be...I can't believe its been a year."

"Neal, are you going to be able to do this today?

"Yeah, yeah, Peter, I think I'll be fine."

Peter looked at Neal for a moment, and the nodded,

The day hadn't gone horribly, Neal had managed to stay in character for the entire time and it seemed like he made it look believable. It was when Neal was walking to the restaurant that it got worse. The flashbacks came in waves and more than once had had to stop and calm himself down. When he was close to the restaurant he stopped to calm himself, but it only made it worse. Neal's breathing became uneven and all he could see was the plane exploding, over and over again. He ran a shaking hand through his hair, trying to pull himself together.

Jamie came out of the restaurant to look for Neal when she saw him leaning against the wall, "Neal!" Jaime rushed over to him, "Neal...look at me."

Neal opened his eyes and found himself swimming in green. "Neal you're having a panic attack, I need you to concentrate on your breathing okay? In...out..."

Neal nodded and soon his breathing had slowed.

Jamie looked at Neal carefully, "Why don't we go back to your place? I'll get a pizza."

He rubbed his face with his still-shaking hands, and nodded. Jamie smiled and took his hand.

After they had finished eating, their meal filled with small talk and Jamie's description of her day, Jamie sat down with Neal on the couch. "So are you going to tell me about what happened before?"

Neal smiled at Jamie, "It was nothing, Jamie, really. I'm fine."

"Neal, you had a panic attack, you were worse than you were the night we met. What. Happened."

Neal stood up with his back to Jamie, "I told you I'm fine, Jamie."

"Neal, why are you doing this? You went through tons of trouble just so you didn't have to lie to me about your job and now...now you're shutting me out."

When Neal didn't answer, Jamie stood up and got her bag, "I can't believe I'm leaving, because normally I'm not this rash, but Neal, you've been so open, and now you're putting up this...this wall. Obviously you have more demons to work through than I thought. Call me when you've done just that."

Jamie was just about to walk out the door when Neal turned around, "Jamie..."

Jamie waited for Neal to say something, but he didn't. "There, Neal, you had your chance to open up, you lost it."

Before shutting the door Jamie added, "For a ex-con artist, you're a horrible liar," and she left.

AN: OH NO They had a fight! -sigh- I hope it turns out okay ;) Well anyway, sorry this is so short, I had to get this part out of the way... OH! And there happens to be the perfect song that goes along with this chapter and the next... (well I think its perfect) Its called On a Lonely Night By Rocket to the Moon. As always, thanks for reading and please review! :)